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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884681">Sentinel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/darksquall/pseuds/darksquall'>darksquall</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaceUlfson/pseuds/RaceUlfson'>RaceUlfson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wanderlust [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy VIII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:20:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>101,596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/darksquall/pseuds/darksquall, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaceUlfson/pseuds/RaceUlfson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Squall Leonhart has been ill since he left garden. He grew unsteadily worse and his boyfriend, Seifer Almasy, was forced to turn him in to Esthar in the hopes that they could help. Will Squall recover while Seifer stands sentinel over him? It remains to be seen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seifer Almasy/Squall Leonhart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wanderlust [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings and the like - while we are handwaving some medical stuff and obviously making stuff up given this is a FF8 world, this story is going to contain medical based angst. If you want to wait until it's all posted, I don't blame you in the least and I hope you will read and enjoy when you are ready. I have lost count of the number of times I have cried writing this, but it is done. It is here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>
By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/>
</p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Prologue</b>.</p><p> </p><p>When hope and love has been lost and you fall to the ground<br/>
You must find a way<br/>
When the darkness descends and you're told it's the end<br/>
You must find a way</p><p>Muse - Dig Down</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>May 23rd</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I wasn’t prepared for Esthar. Fortunately, she wasn’t prepared for me either. </p><p>They decided that I needed to be held for questioning since I was in the hotel room with Squall when they’d arrived. Apparently it looks pretty damn suspicious when someone’s sitting in the room with Esthar’s “prince” looking like a stick figure and unconscious, go figure. First they stuck me in a holding cell at the site we’d landed at in Esthar, then apparently some bright spark put two and two together - or realised Seifer Almasy really was Seifer Almasy at least, since I told them my name right from the start and wasn’t even <i>that</i> sarcastic - and moved me into a far more secure place. </p><p>I’m not sure moving <i>me</i> to the presidential palace was their greatest idea but if it got me closer to Squall, I wasn’t about to point out their theoretical fuck up. After all, I was the most well behaved prisoner they had, because I wasn’t sure who’d be able to get me a chance to see Squall again.</p><p>Maybe if I had an idea and thus, a little more free reign to be an asshole, it would have been a different story. </p><p>As soon as I’d crossed the threshold of the palace in their little high security truck, I knew it. </p><p>It was like my connection to Helios just blinked out of existence, like a bubble popping, the anti magic field there was that damn strong. They’d taken my Hyperjunction before they’d even tossed me in a cell in the first place, so I couldn’t try reaching for it but I was pretty sure even that’d be gone. No junctions, not even the faintest whisper of a voice from my Guardian force. </p><p>It was even heavier than the field in D-District.</p><p>It really made me appreciate just how much it must have hurt Squall being solo, that single moment between heartbeats felt like it had taken all of the sound out of the world. Every bit of magic, every junction, every sense that had been augmented by Helios’ presence flickered for the tiniest moment and then it was gone so hard it felt like it had never been there in the first place. I had the comfort of knowing they were still there though, and it was just a strong antimagic field layering over everything in my head like a blanket of snow. Squall had literally had his ripped out of his head from the start, no comfort of getting it back if he made it out or through. </p><p>If I made it out of here alive, I was going to kick Xu’s ass twice as hard. Squall could rate my asskicking services and everything. We’d get little score cards.</p><p>So they stuck me in a comparatively plush little palace cell, down in the depths of what passed for a dungeon since Adel had been ousted. No windows, no clock, no razor, but a nice bed, a chair, the tiniest bathroom I had ever seen and three square meals a day while wearing the prison gear they gave me. A grey jumpsuit that fit me badly and itched. There was an old radio that worked somehow plugged into the wall for some attempt at entertainment but mostly I got by by counting the ceiling tiles - forty six for the record - and pacing the floor, and worrying.</p><p>Okay, I got by almost entirely by worrying. I’d have chewed my own arm off for an update. Hell I even begged the guards that bought the food and stuff in for info but nothing. I couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, all I could do was wait, and hope. Not knowing what Squall was going through, how he was, anything - it all ate away at my soul. I couldn’t do anything about this dark, dank hollow inside me without him.</p><p>I think the worst part was the hearing nothing. At least they hadn’t had me executed yet, so that was a plus. I assumed if Squall was… well, if Squall wasn’t around, I’d be on the chopping block or worse not long after. </p><p>And then, after I’d been at the palace for four or five days, the door slammed open and a guard stood in the doorway. I hated those Estharian helmets, but I could see why they wore them. You couldn’t read the expression of who you were up against, it completely dehumanised them and all you saw when they were in front of you was weird reflections in the mask. Anonymous soldiers were scarier - you didn’t know how many you’d taken out for sure, and you couldn’t tell what they were planning to do next. Harder to read them in a fight, too. </p><p>Let’s be honest, half the reason we had SeeDs who were so young at Garden was because it’d make the enemy pause before they attacked. Training the people who’d saved the world from me was a focus, sure, but profits were always a major sideline.</p><p>“On your feet,” the soldier barked. It had an odd muffled effect with the helmet layering behind whatever tech they had built in to project their voice more outside the mask.</p><p>Now, I’ve never taken orders well. Not even from people I was supposed to take orders from, so some no name little anonymous asshole lurking in the doorway like a sex pest was going to get no joy either. Especially since for all I knew he was every asshole who had blanked me when I’d asked for details on Squall’s condition. “I’m sorry, this dance is already taken. Another time, perhaps.”</p><p>The asshole did not like my refusal and uncliped his magiaxe from his belt, gloved thumb making contact with the activation panel. It buzzed to life in his hand, and I swear for a second I smelt ozone. Reminded me of somewhere else… somewhere I didn’t like thinking about. “Feet, now,” Asshole barked at me. “You have a visitor.”</p><p>“The room is small, but I’m sure we can squeeze another chair in,” I said, rolling to my feet and standing by my bed. Not because of Asshole or his lame threat, but because I was curious. Not to mention, it’s easier to disarm someone if you’re not stretched out on your bunk. I kept my stance wide, my hands loosely by my sides, ready to grab him if I had to. </p><p>Sadly Asshole kept his distance, thus proving he had more working brain cells than I’d given him credit for in the first place and moved to the side to address someone I couldn’t see. “You can come in, Sir.”</p><p>“If I’d had warning, I could have spruced up the place,” I grumbled, mostly to myself. I’d been alone for a few days and that was never a good thing. Especially not when I was worried about someone. The hell that was not knowing whether Squall was alive or dead or where in between those two he might be hanging on. I’d have rather had answers than this inky black void of nothing. My mind ran away with all sorts of horrific ideas of what might have been happening while he was out of my sight in the meantime, and I was just so damn <i>tired</i>. “You know, baked a cake or something.”</p><p>I don’t know who I was expecting to stroll in, but it definitely wasn’t <i>Laguna Fucking Loire.</i> “Put up some decorations?” he suggested.</p><p>I hadn’t expected him to be so pretty. I mean, he was Squall’s dad and all so he was always going to be more likely to be uncomfortably hot, and I’d adored that dumb old movie of his for far longer than I probably wanted to admit to myself. Based most of my life around it, really, and then wound up fucking the star’s son, in some weird twist of fate. Somehow it hadn’t struck me how damn pretty he was until he was in the flesh in front of me, his dark chocolate brown, almost black hair pulled back into a ponytail except for a few strands that trailed down one side of his face. Just like the strands Squall could never keep out of his eyes. Yeah, I could see the Squall in him, and the him in Squall now. The little touches of grey that had edged through his hair just made him look that much hotter. Hyne, even when Squall got old and grey I was still going to have to be beating people away from him with a stick. Or a gunblade, if I got mine back. </p><p>If we made it that far.</p><p>His posture was meant to be non-threatening, his hands shoved into his pockets, a little slouch to his stance. Didn’t work on me though, I could see the outline of the handgun in the fabric of his pants, and the anger in his very green eyes. He wasn’t a man that was quick to anger by the look of the laughter lines around his eyes but that hard set of his jaw almost looked like it <i>hurt</i>. </p><p>“Sure, something retro?” I suggested, resisting adding something about a rack and thumbscrews. No need to go giving them ideas like that when I was <i>mostly</i> on their side in this one at least. Mostly. Not completely. The only one in the world who had me totally on his side was extremely conspicuous by his absence, the asshole. Damnit, I had to be good. If only to try to get something out of them about Squall. It was only because of him that I actually pulled it together a little more and stood up straighter. “Like paper lanterns?”</p><p>“Bunting maybe,” Laguna tipped his head thoughtfully then spoke up, addressing the guard. He kept his eyes on me the whole time, he knew what he was doing. Recognise the most dangerous threat in the room and keep your eye on it, then it can’t surprise you. Squall’s old man was no slouch, thank Hyne. I’d have been disappointed if he were. “Guard, I’d like to speak to the prisoner alone.”</p><p>“Bunting sounds pretty festive,” I nodded, looking up at the guard over Laguna’s shoulder. The guy was very much not moving, his hand tight on that damn axe. I must have pissed him off somehow even though I was on my very best behaviour. I mean, I was close enough to one of the most powerful men in the world to give him a mean noogie but unarmed as I was, that would be all I’d manage before the guy put a bullet in me. “If it comforts you, oh guarding person, I promise not to bite.”</p><p>I did not wish Laguna Loire might ask me. No, I have a boyfriend and having minor distant fantasies about said boyfriend’s dad would not be on the cards. Not while Squall was sick anyway. </p><p>“Sir…” the guard started, his voice sounding strained as best I could tell with the mask in the way to muffle things. I couldn’t say I blamed the guy for being a little freaked out, the president had just asked to be left alone with the guy who’d nearly taken over the world. </p><p>Laguna held up a hand to silence the guard and gestured him out. I recognised the signals - Galbadian military. Squall had mentioned something about that… maybe. Or maybe it was Ultimecia. Some things blended in my head far too well and that scared the crap out of me at times. Especially when I was tired and stressed. I needed to know more about Squall before I lost it all together. “This won’t take long,” Laguna said, his voice hard. Sounded more like Squall than himself, even. I was sure his accent had been thicker in that old movie. More Galbadian, more obvious. How long had he been in Esthar? When had Squall come to the orphanage? Was this all why he’d dumped Squall with the rest of us?</p><p>Finally, the guard stepped out, and closed the door after him. The bolt was thrown and I was locked in with Squall’s father. </p><p>This probably didn’t bode well for my immediate future, given that he was armed, I guess. On the bright side, if he was here to execute me, at least it wouldn’t be broadcast.</p><p>“They didn’t bring us a chair. You take the bed, I can stand,” I offered generously. Easier to disarm when you’re standing, remember. Just on the off chance I needed it.</p><p>“I don’t need to sit, and neither do you,” Laguna said bitterly. The way he said you almost sounded like an accusation. I felt sick to my stomach.</p><p>“Alright,” I tried to keep up the bravado, but there was really only one single thing on my mind. “How’s Squall?”</p><p>“Very sick,” Laguna swallowed thickly. He didn’t like talking about it and he had to blink a few times to keep his eyes from filling up with tears, taking a steadying breath. “And also, completely uncooperative.”</p><p>“That’s my boy,” I sighed, giving my head a shake and balling my hands into fists at my side to keep me from jumping.  My heart was skipping beats, Squall was <i>alive</i>. Alive enough to be an asshat apparently, which was at least better than virtually catatonic as he’d been at the end of our journey. Besides, it was Squall, asshat was practically his modus operandi. I knew Squall was feeling better if he was with it enough to be an asshat. “I knew he’d be pissed.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Laguna’s eyes narrowed on me. Holy shit it was genetic. Not to mention kind of hot. Hotter on Squall, of course. “About him being your boy…”</p><p>I braced myself, standing up straighter again and keeping Laguna’s cold green gaze without flinching. He didn’t like me, that much was extremely obvious. Hell, not a lot of people did and I was okay with that, all of it, couldn’t give the highest flying of flying fucks about it, as long as Squall did. As long as these fuckers could help my Squall, it was worth anything. Everything. Even my head, if it came to it. With my best ‘what’s it to ya’ smirk in place, I prompted “yeah?”</p><p>Laguna’s hand twitched on his sidearm. He wasn’t comfortable talking about this but he squared his shoulders too and made himself say it. “He said you were his boyfriend.”</p><p>“He doesn’t tend to lie about stuff like that,” I gave a little shrug and a smirk that I knew would piss Squall off if he were here. On the one hand, Squall was alive enough to talk about shit like me being his boyfriend, which boded well. On the other, Squall had weighed up the risks and decided the best way of saving my ass or getting to me was to call me his boyfriend. That probably was less good. A lot less good. I could only hope the president did not have an itchy trigger finger. </p><p>With a little shake of his head, Laguna gave the heaviest sigh I think I’d ever heard from a man. “There would be better ways of protecting you.”</p><p>“I’m getting the hint you aren’t in favor of us getting married and settling down.”</p><p>“Hardly.”</p><p>“I would be more concerned but I know that Squall doesn’t care what you think,” I replied, smirk still happily in place. I was safe in the knowledge that my stubborn little lover was the most persistent little shit on the planet, and hardly about to let some guy who barely knew him decide whether or not he had a good taste in partners. I had Squall’s back, Squall had mine and this time it was staying that way. Squall was still <i>alive</i>, thank Hyne. “Or anyone else, really.”</p><p>“And that’s what worries me,” Laguna glowered at me again “Regardless… we need Squall to cooperate.”</p><p>“We being who exactly? Or is that whom?”  I was deliberately fucking with him now, just because of that comment. “And cooperate how?”</p><p>“To respond to doctor’s orders without us having to keep him sedated.”</p><p>“Hyne on the pyre… who is this doctor?” I spat, disgusted. Hyne what fucking screw ups they all were. No one knew how to deal with Leonhart but me, apparently, and if that wasn’t a sign that the world was far too fucked up for its own good then nothing would be. What kind of idiot would treat someone who saved all their pathetic lives by sedating him? No wonder he’d been a pain in the ass, if they drugged him at the drop of a hat. Did they ever even think of talking at him? Not talking to him, of course, since that was about as likely to help as cutting your own leg off since Squall didn’t talk to anyone but me, but <i>at</i> him at least. Make a Hyne damned deal with him? “Do they know anything about Squall at all? How we were raised? Drugs make you helpless and if someone wants you helpless, they want something you can’t let them have. They are the <i>enemy</i>.”</p><p>Laguna gave a little shake of his head, and absently pushed those long strands of dark chocolate hair behind his ear. I knew that move too. The way I’d watch Squall when he was in class, his eyes directed down at the screens on our desk, the way he’d just tuck his hair behind his ear. Damn. I couldn’t help wondering if Squall had any idea how much history he’d had to run away from. “The medical team know plenty about how you were raised, not to mention the war and what <i>you</i> put my son through. Sedation is the only way to keep him from trying to get up to find you.”</p><p>“...So you’re taking me to see him instead? Good call.”</p><p>I wasn’t about to touch that line. Because on the one hand, I knew I was guilty as all hell for what I’d put Squall through, how many of those aging scars on his body were entirely down to me and my blade or worse. I still saw D-District in my nightmares too. I owed Squall more than any one single person in the whole world. On the other hand, Loire had no damn right to be so holier than thou over something that took place when he didn’t even <i>know</i> my Squall or give a single shit about him. </p><p>“I’m taking you to him,” Laguna gave a firm nod, as though he’d just made the decision then and there. As though they hadn’t planned and discussed all this for a couple of days at least - how long had Squall been fighting before they’d finally decided to agree to his request? Damn, I was prouder of him than I’d ever been - even prouder than the first time he’d managed to disarm me in a duel. Not to mention a damn sight less pissed about it than then. “You are going to be held in his quarters until he’s well enough to discuss this further.”</p><p>“Awesome.”</p><p>Laguna glowered at me, a half familiar scowl on his lips. “If you lay a finger on any of my staff or try to escape, Seifer Almasy, I’ll shoot you myself.”</p><p>Why were we wasting time on shit I already knew, I had a boyfriend to get to damnit. Squall was waiting and I wanted to see him more than I wanted to particularly keep breathing for the next five minutes. “I’ll keep that in mind,”  I ground out, trying to bite my tongue as best I could. I didn’t want him to drag this out even further just to punish me. Or Squall.</p><p>“Hands behind your back.”</p><p>“Seriously?” I still turned around and put my hands behind me so he could cuff me, but damn. I was willing and able to do anything to get to Squall and he still needed to cuff me? “Even if I were planning something, I wouldn’t pull anything until after I saw Squall.”</p><p>“And I wouldn’t want any of the guards shooting you until after he’s seen you.”</p><p>“Good plan, sir,” I said. I admit, I hadn’t thought of that. I was impressed by Laguna’s logic, or smoothness. Something like that. </p><p>He called the guard back in, and both of them dragged me out into the corridor, before Laguna put a hand on my arm and steered me where he wanted me. </p><p>We wound our way through a maze of identical looking hallways, past several guards who startled seeing me, and jumped to attention on seeing Laguna just off to the side of me.  The place started off functional over attractive, more concrete and barely painted wall surfaces - even though it was brightly lit, I had enough of an idea what Adel had used this place for that I felt like there was a shadow over the place. Then things started looking a little more… royal. And less like a prison. Still, it was like a rabbit warren. “Did you remember the bread crumbs?” I asked, dryly.</p><p>“I don’t need them to find my way anymore.”</p><p>“Just as well, I’d rather not see this part of the place again.”</p><p>We approached the end of a corridor, and the wall opened up in front of us to reveal a hidden elevator. Yeah, made sense. Everything around here was made of secrets and more than a few lies. I didn’t trust a single one of these assholes to be honest. Not to really look out for Squall, not to not shoot me in the back. Any of it. </p><p>Laguna gave me a flat look as he half dragged me into the elevator. His iron grip on my arm was starting to hurt - the old man was no slouch. I couldn’t help wondering if that strength was all him or whether there was a junction behind it to explain it better. Even with the anti-magic field in place, somehow too. Interesting. “Then don’t give me cause to return you to it.”</p><p>“Work with me here, pop.”</p><p>“Don’t call me that,” he spat. </p><p>“Well true…,” I gave him my rakehell smirk right over my shoulder. The smirk that would have Squall reaching for his gunblade. I was going to get myself in trouble if I wasn’t careful. To be honest, if I hadn’t been so close to what I’d wanted all along, I probably would’ve done far worse. “We aren’t married. Yet.”</p><p>He didn’t like that, but he didn’t look away from me. Props for pops. He kept my gaze steadily as the elevator began to slowly rise into the highest reaches of the palace, a distant whir of the winding machinery echoing oddly. Private elevators, I guessed. That was why they were hidden. The kind of thing to let the Royal Family - such as it was now - wander around the palace unhindered and unmolested. In the old days, the kind of thing to bring people to Adel for… well. The dark thoughts just kept following me like a lost dog. “As he would say, whatever.”</p><p>“You ever use a gunblade anymore?” I asked, prompted by my boyfriend’s favourite catchphrase.</p><p>“I don’t get to handle weapons much these days.”</p><p>“Too much temptation?”</p><p>“More by the minute.”</p><p>Usually I could take a hint but I really had been alone far too long. Even before I’d been arrested, I’d been alone in some senses. Squall was too sick, too lost to me to banter in those last terrible days and my panicked run to FH had been focused on him, mostly trying to make sure he lived long enough to make it to our destination. </p><p>Besides, they’d pissed me off. “Yeah, gotta be tough to not pull a paint gun and at least try to improve the face of the congress.”</p><p>“Esthar has been fortunate enough to have a relatively useful government for the last few years,” Laguna shrugged lightly, his hand tightening on that gun in his pocket. I think that told me more than his honeyed words did. </p><p>“But are they colourful?”</p><p>“Only after the bar opens,” he tried to school his expression as the elevator whirred to a stop. I barely noticed it, but I heard a whisper of Helios coming back to me. So, the controls weren’t as tight up here for a reason - protection? I mean, It’d make sense for them to have junctions and magic here too, right? The doors opened with only the faintest rumble, and revealed a highly decorated corridor, with plush carpet and more lights than I think I’d seen in the one little stretch than were hidden all through the maze down in the dungeons. This was definitely private though, corridors not too narrow but obviously not meant for a lot of foot traffic, doors with no signage or indication of the secrets they hid. I stepped out cautiously, before continuing to the crossroads ahead, only absently noting that none of the doors had keyholes. That was weird. “Corridor to the right. Last door.”</p><p>“Should I go ahead of you?” I tried to glance back, but I was already heading the way he said. I’d hate to think I’d get so close to my lover only to get shot in the back. </p><p>Laguna gave me a little nod. Somehow, his hand still being on that weapon didn’t fill me with the greatest of confidence. “The doors won’t be locked here right now.”</p><p>“What about the cuffs?”</p><p>“I’ll unlock them at the door.”</p><p>“Thanks,” I headed that way. I didn’t mean to walk faster, but I did. Squall was so close. My Squall. The corridors opened up wider, the light fixtures made of expensive looking crystal overhead throwing little dancing colours in the way of my footsteps. I ignored everything and ploughed on, my heart thundering in my chest. </p><p>I must not have heard him call me the first time because Laguna grabbed my arm again, tight enough to bruise. “Wait. We cut back on the sedation a couple of hours ago but he’s still going to be tired. Don’t disturb the IVs and make sure he <i>keeps them in.</i>”</p><p>I bit back a growl of aggravation at being so close to my target only to be stopped. No fucking up here and now though, when I was literally only steps away from him. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>He took the cuffs off me. “We’ll be observing, for now.”</p><p>“Well that’s a mood killer,” I pushed the door open. </p><p>Squall’s bedroom was huge. More like a suite than a bedroom really, and still the bedroom portion would have been big enough for us to get a decent duel in when Squall was feeling well. There were a couple of doors off to the sides, a whole line of windows along one wall and carpet so plush if Squall rolled off the bed I’d struggle to find him in it. Everything was white and grey and black, and there against the wall opposite the huge line of windows was a bed. A bed that looked about the size of my entire bedroom back at Garden and then some. In the centre of it all, hooked up to IV’s and monitors and Hyne only knew what else, was the tiny figure of my lover, dwarfed by all of it in his fragile state. </p><p>I think I broke several world records crossing the room to him. </p><p>I paused just feet away to drink it all in, to compare him to that figure in the bed in Fisherman’s Horizon. He still looked broken and tiny but damn, he was worlds better. His face wasn’t ashen grey now, his lips back to the pale raspberry that I loved. His eyes still had dark circles under them but nowhere near as deep as they had been. “Yeah…,” I said out loud, as much to myself as to him. “It was worth it. You look like you might live now.”</p><p>I checked out the tubes and wires and my skinny little boyfriend in the bed. Painkillers, hydrating, stuff like that, as far as I could make out. Squall was hooked up to screens that ran shit I never would have recognised outside of the basics. The second I touched his hair to stroke it, his eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me, confused. My heart stuttered when he looked at me and recognised me. “S’fer?”</p><p>“Hey baby… you need some water?” </p><p>He grabbed ahold of my hand with a vice like grip. That’s my boy. Even half dead and he’d still give anyone a run for their money. “Good now,” he sighed.</p><p>“Let me just move over to my side of the bed and we can spoon.”</p><p>It took a minute to ease my hand out of his and scoot around the bed. I kicked off my shoes, didn’t even bother with my clothes and crawled into bed with my lover. I was as gentle as I would be if he were made of glass, lifting him and pulling him closer, letting him settle against me.</p><p>“Better,” Squall murmured, giving me one of his stunning smiles. He was bonelessly limp against me, and his eyes were already flickering closed again. </p><p>I kissed his hair, wrapped an arm around him and agreed. “Yeah, much better.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We still had a long way to go, but he felt a little more like my Squall with every tiny smile and every faint echo of that blue-silver eyed demon I’d faced on the battlefield. “I’d only bite if they asked nicely.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter One.</b>.</p>
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<p>First thing: we make you feel better<br/>Next stop: we pull it all together<br/>I'll keep you warm like a sweater<br/>Take my hand, hold on forever<br/>Rob Thomas - Hold on Forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>May 23rd - Continued</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I slept like the dead. </p>
<p>I slept like the dead and still, Squall murmuring my name managed to bring me out of the deepest depths of unconsciousness as surely as if someone had shaken me awake. Only with far less punching following it. “Nn? ‘Cha need, baby?”</p>
<p>I opened my eyes and stared at an unfamiliar ceiling. For a moment I’d been expecting forty six ceiling tiles. Or maybe a water stained motel ceiling. Instead I got a white painted, smooth plasterwork with silver backed LED lights set into it. My hand was on Squall’s back though, and he was half sprawled over me, so to be frank I didn’t much care about where I was, I had what I needed in my arms. Even if I did think hugging him too hard might break him.</p>
<p>Squall lifted his head just enough to confirm I was there, and that I wasn’t a dream. His eyes looked fevered again, and I think he was having trouble focusing on me still, but even so, he was far, <i>far</i> better than he’d been when we’d been at Fisherman’s Horizon, and maybe even before then. Hyne, I was going to have nightmares about that for the rest of my days. And I thought him in the prison on that wall would accompany me - that vision of him so sick and so broken and so Hyne damned <i>tiny</i> in the bed was worlds worse. </p>
<p>He gave me one of his tiny, sweet smiles and settled back down, head resting on my chest over my heart. “Nothing… good now.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” I said, rubbing his back slowly. Right. Esthar. Squall’s place. Or at least Squall’s place in Squall’s dad’s palace. Squall’s dad silently threatening to do unspeakable things to me, loudly threatening to shoot me, and really not liking the fact that Squall and I were dating. </p>
<p>Well, if my kid had turned up as sick as Squall with a questionably reformed asshole on his arm, I guess I’d be pretty pissed too. Distance and rest gave me a much better perspective on the whole thing, come to think of it. I mean, we both thought Squall deserved better, in our heart of hearts, the only difference is I knew I’d never give him up if I still had breath in my body. Granted, Laguna seemed willing to mitigate <i>that</i> problem if he needed to.</p>
<p>“Where were you?” he asked. His voice was still quiet, still this broken little shadow of what it had once been. This man who’d managed to even get me to listen once or twice when he’d snapped the Commander voice at me could barely talk above a whisper. And still he’d managed to freak everyone out enough, in this state, to have them need to bring me out of lock up to make him behave, my badass. I wondered how long they’d had to sedate him.</p>
<p>“They thought I’d kidnapped you,” I ran my fingers through his hair. It was greasy and limp, not the soft, full hair I knew. “I was being held in the cleanest, cushiest dungeon ever.”</p>
<p>“What?” he lifted his head again and rolled his eyes. My Squall shining through the thin, frail creature in my arms. “Assholes.”</p>
<p>“They don’t know you like I do. They don’t understand what a rat bastard of a victim you’d be,” I brushed his hair back behind his ear. They’d left the piercing in, at least. That little hoop that I’d bought for him. One of my more wholesome marks and claims on his body, to be honest. It helped me breathe a little more easily, seeing it there somehow. Little parts of me had been with him all along, he hadn’t been alone. I knew how much he hated to be alone under all the bravado and the bullshit about being a lone wolf. Or lion.</p>
<p>The corner of Squall’s mouth quirked up just a little in a smile. All the little proofs of him feeling better, of him responding to me buoyed me inch by inch. We still had a long way to go, but he felt a little more like my Squall with every tiny smile and every faint echo of that blue-silver eyed demon I’d faced on the battlefield. “I’d only bite if they asked nicely.”</p>
<p>“And if they washed the spot in coffee first.”</p>
<p>He chuckled softly. “I’d bite you.”</p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>“Promise,” Squall nodded just once and nuzzled against my hand briefly. He was trembling from even that little bit of exertion after holding his head up for so long and I wasn’t surprised when he laid his head back down on my chest and closed his eyes again. Five days had made a world of difference, but not a big enough world of it. No problem. We had time. We had the rest of our lives to live together, he could take as long as he wanted to get back to normal. </p>
<p>I kept my fingers tangled in his hair, swearing to myself I’d take him to go clean up as soon as I safely could. It’d make him feel better too. Not like we weren’t used to far worse in the field, but he needed at least some dignity, and this really wasn’t the field. “I’ll see if we can get some coffee flavoured wipes or something.”</p>
<p>“Eh, for you I’d make an exception.”</p>
<p>“Now I do feel special.”</p>
<p>I felt his smile against my chest even through the rough prison jumpsuit. Damn, I needed to get that off if he was this content to be held. Didn’t want him catching something from the seedy - no pun intended - underbelly of the Estharian palace. Besides, his skin had always been sensitive. I had to shave and clean up before I bought him out in a rash or something. I mean, it had been almost a full week since I’d even managed to shave and unlike some skinny pretty brunets, I definitely grew facial hair. I won’t say it looked the best while it was coming in, but I already had something approaching whatever came beyond a douche beard.</p>
<p>I couldn’t risk doing <i>anything</i> else to hurt him. Not now. He gave another breathy little chuckle and tipped his head just enough to eye me without having to lift it. “You doubted it?”</p>
<p>Pausing just long enough to make it look like I’d actually thought about it, I finally said “no, not really.”</p>
<p>“You were always special to me,” Squall said, sighing his soft little sigh again. </p>
<p>“You are pretty damn unique and important, too.”</p>
<p>“To you?” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” I said, because quite frankly I didn’t give a shit about the rest of the world.  And I think he needed someone to care about <i>just</i> him. At least, maybe he needed me to care about just him. I liked that idea. Maybe he’d been waiting for that all along. Time compression had a lot to explain, after all. </p>
<p>“I can deal with that.”</p>
<p>“Good thing,” I rubbed his back slowly, careful of the open back of his gown, and glanced around his suite. I was taking stock a little more now I wasn’t quite so focused on getting to Squall and making sure he was okay. There was a pitcher of water and glasses on the bedside table, far too far away for him to reach from the centre of his huge bed, but since they were also feeding him through his arm, maybe they’d figured that he didn’t need to be able to grab it so easily. Or whoever put it there was a moron. Equal chance of both, I guess. “While we’re discussing all the important stuff, would you like some water?” </p>
<p>He thought about it for a moment, but finally nodded. “Yes. Please.”</p>
<p>Look at that, manners and everything. We were real boys after all. </p>
<p>With some careful maneuvering, and a lot of pillow arranging, I got Squall sitting up and not too tangled in all the wires to be comfortable so that I could at least grab the jug. Thankfully the cups that came with it were plastic and light enough that even three quarters full, Squall could manage it alone. Independence had always meant a lot to him. Right from when we were kids. Especially when we’d been training, half the reason he still used a two handed stance most of the time on the gunblades was because when he’d started it’d almost been too heavy for him to hold for long if he copied me exactly. “I think it’s the AC running all the time, I’m parched,” I said, shining him on again. It wasn’t that I hadn’t had anything to drink since long before I got to him, whenever that was. I set the glass in his hand carefully, making sure he wasn’t going to drop it before I let him lift it solo. </p>
<p>“Maybe,” Squall said, his tone as doubtful as I was used to. He kept glancing up at the IV bag, following the tube down into his arm with his eyes and frowning. He didn’t trust it, and I couldn’t really blame him. I didn’t know what was in the thing either, but it had to be helping. I mean, just looking at him I could tell that. But if they hadn’t told either of us what was in it, it was still on the suspicious list. At least he hadn’t gone for the line yet, so we could save that argument for when we both needed it.</p>
<p>“Well it’s got to be hotter than Ifrit’s armpit out there.”</p>
<p>“Esthar’s not like the desert,” Squall shrugged at me, balancing the glass on his leg over the covers between little sips. I stayed sitting up next to him, close enough to comfort him or get anything he needed, but I was still checking out his room. In some ways, it was very him. The walls were a cold white, and the furniture black wood, black leather and highly polished chrome. All it needed was a fur collar somewhere and it would have been perfect. Maybe assorted scattered buckles. There were little accents of grey instead of either of those, grey pillows along the window seats and the corner couch. A soft grey rug in front of the little couch with a little black coffee table set on top of it. There were two doors off the room too - I guessed one was a bathroom, but wasn’t sure about the other. Maybe like a lounge or an office or something?  </p>
<p>The long wall of windows had the curtains mostly drawn over them, making the room feel a little claustrophobic even though we could have played a few games of rugby in it with barely any effort of moving furniture out of the way. However, the small gap a little ways up told me it was still light. There were no clocks in the room, but there was a small and annoying video camera in the ceiling pointed at the bed. So that was what Loire had meant by <i>“We’ll be observing, for now.”</i></p>
<p>One of the walls was just tall cabinets. Probably Squall’s gear and other stuff. When he was sleeping, I could check that out. The opposite wall by the little couch had some sort of vid-screen embedded in it. So we had options for distracting ourselves.</p>
<p>“Less geezards?” I asked. I hadn’t spent any time on Estharian soil. A decent amount above it on the Lunatic Pandora, but that didn’t tell me what the place was like. </p>
<p>“Mm, but more politicians.”</p>
<p>“Damn, tough choice,” I said. We both knew, when it came down to it, we’d choose the geezards. Rather have them shit unexpectedly than get shit on unexpectedly. </p>
<p>“So…” Squall started, fussing with tape on his IV. Fuck, I hoped that wasn’t going to set his skin off. I gently covered his hand and tangled my fingers with his to distract him, easing both his fingers and his attention away from it. Nothing seemed to be red or swollen around the line, so it might have just been him fussing. Or wanting it gone. “When are we running?”</p>
<p>“Day after your birthday.”</p>
<p>He looked at me, alarmed. “That long?”</p>
<p>“It’s not that long,” I said, shrugging at him. “Barely a semester really. We survived Beginning Centran for a semester, we can do this.</p>
<p>“We did Centran? Which year was that?”</p>
<p>I struggled to place it. Boring classes kinda blended in with each other and I wasn’t entirely sure of the answer, but I could make an educated guess. “About three years ago. We were both terrible at it, anyway. I blame the instructor.”</p>
<p>“Not the fact I practically had to write my name on my arm to remember it by that point?” Squall said dryly. At least he knew his memory was shot to shit. That seemed somehow ironic. </p>
<p>“Nah, it was more the fact that they had like eight verb endings depending on the gender of the speaker, the listener, the season and the number of calories you consumed that morning or some shit. Dincht aced it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t remember anything about it… you’re not teasing me again, right?”</p>
<p>“Maybe about the calories.”</p>
<p>“I’ll stick to repairs,” he huffed.</p>
<p>“Good idea,” I squeezed his hand. I was debating a little more recon, but I didn’t want to disturb him yet. Give Squall a little more time to settle, and maybe I’d be able to find some better clothes to justify sharing a bed with him. Good thing the damn bed could have been used to stage an actual wrestling match with the size of it. And not just the usual bedroom kind of wrestling, I was thinking the type with spandex, boots and ropes, the odd steel chair… “This stuff needs coffee beans.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he full on scowled at the glass when he picked it up this time. Alas, it did not cower and somehow magically produce caffeine, much to Squall’s disappointment. Obviously needed more practice or a spell to sling. “Got withdrawal.”</p>
<p>“I hear ya. Do the puppy eyes at the next person who comes in, maybe you can get them to sneak us some.”</p>
<p>“But they only work on Seifers.”</p>
<p>“Hyne, don’t turn them on me. I don’t have any coffee.”</p>
<p>He lifted our hands just a little, his fingers still tangled with mine. Far too thin, far too weak, but he squeezed my hand enough to remind me that he was there. “Don’t need to, got you wrapped around my finger already.”</p>
<p>I couldn’t help but laugh at that. He didn’t know the half of it. How much I’d been climbing the walls without him, how much I’d worried, not being able to eat anything or get a wink of sleep. Hell, I’d even considered doing something to myself to try and get to an infirmary just to see if there was any news there of him. Above all, I’d been patient, and waited for him. Never my strong suit. “Ain't that the truth. Fortunately, I like it like that.”</p>
<p>“Good,” he smirked at me. “You’re mine.”</p>
<p>“Heart and soul, baby. And a few other parts,” I shrugged. There was no use denying it. He was the only one I’d ever do this kind of shit for. Squall grabbed a handful of my highly fashionable prison drab outfit and tugged at me, coaxing me over to him. “Yeah?” </p>
<p>Where he pulled, I followed. I leant over closer until - to my surprise - he kissed me. Just a soft, quick kiss. It didn’t matter that he was sick or hurting, when I looked into those stormcloud eyes of his, I could always see My Squall in there. “Just that.”</p>
<p>“Lots more of that,” I grinned at him. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Squall smiled at me. I stuck close to him, giving him as many of those sweet little kisses as he’d let me, holding him as best I could, reclining on the pillows with him. I had little else in the way of distractions to work with to hand, so a few content kisses would have to do. It kept him still, it kept him calm and most of all, it kept me content, too.</p>
<p>It wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door. </p>
<p>“Try to look like we weren’t making out,” I said to Squall. He deliberately pulled the covers higher, enough to cover both of our laps - not needed, but it did make me laugh anyway. I tried to sound like I wasn’t laughing when I called out to our visitor. “Come in!”</p>
<p>Laguna Loire opened the door and peered in. “Good evening, guys.”</p>
<p>Then I tried to sit up and look like I hadn’t been molesting Squall. I hadn’t been, but who knows what he thought with the angle of the camera. For all I knew he was coming to shoot me for ravishing the patient. He wouldn’t do that in front of Squall. Right? Right.</p>
<p>Maybe.</p>
<p>“Hi,” I said, as innocently as possible. Squall might have made a hi kind of noise too but it certainly didn’t contain any words. I’d had worse from him before coffee, and that was <i>after </i>we’d started fucking.</p>
<p>Laguna approached the bed, and like before, I took more time to check him out. Well, other than how pretty he was. Laguna was roughly the same height as Squall, but a far slimmer build than Squall had been - before all this bullshit anyway. His hair was darker, the touches of grey here and there giving more away about his age than his face. He had to be what, in his forties? Not that he looked it, really. </p>
<p>When Laguna smiled it was an easy smile, the kind of look that made sense on his face. Even in slacks and a button down shirt, he looked… special. Not exactly the same as Squall did, but the same kind of way. “I was wondering if you boys were hungry?”</p>
<p>“I have begun to gnaw on Squall a little.”</p>
<p>Squall held up one of his skinny arms, eyeing it critically. I resisted the urge to bite it to demonstrate my hunger - relief had washed over me like Leviathan’s attack and suddenly I was starving. “Like gnawing on a bone.”</p>
<p>“You could use another hit of barbeque sauce at least.”</p>
<p>“Thank Hyne you’re not Galbadian, I don’t think I could take the hot sauce,” he rolled his eyes and I muffled a laugh. At least he was feeling good enough to joke. Definite upswing. Hell, he was joking with me in front of someone he disliked- I’d never imagined that happening.</p>
<p>“Any requests?” Laguna asked, miming like writing on a notepad. </p>
<p>“Coffee,” my little addict said firmly.</p>
<p>“And chicken noodle soup.” </p>
<p>“Noodles?” Squall eyed me, unsure.</p>
<p>“Easy to swallow, and digest,” I explained, grinning at him. “You like it too.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>Hard to tell whether that was an I don’t want that whatever, or just a general one so I added helpfully “he likes tomato, too.”</p>
<p>Squall pouted. He tried to fold his arms but the lines got in the way and that made him growl and curse under his breath. He settled instead for folding his hands in his lap and shrinking back into the pillows. “Chicken’s okay,” he shrugged at me.</p>
<p>Laguna gave us both a nod, and wisely made a tactical retreat. “I’ll be back soon,” he called over his shoulder as he headed out, closing the door quietly behind him again. </p>
<p>As soon as I was sure we were alone,I ran my fingers through Squall’s hair to push it back from his face a little. Yeah, he was still pale, but when was he not? I figured if Laguna was asking about feeding him, then it was going to be fine for him to eat even with that line in his arm, so I’d just jolly him along through it. Nothing new there either. “I know you also like split pea but that’ shit’s nasty.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, I’m not all that hungry,” Squall shrugged at me, almost the same catchphrase as I’d been hearing for months. So whatever that part of it was, they hadn’t managed to shake that part of it just yet.</p>
<p>“They’re feeding you through your arm,” I gestured at the IV bag next to him and he gave it another suspicious look.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I guess I needed it,” his eyes followed the line again and his fingers flexed on the covers. He really wanted to mess with it, I could tell by the hard set of his jaw. Wanted to pull it out and be done with it. </p>
<p>“That’s probably part of why they thought I’d kidnapped you and stuff,” I cupped his cheek, turning his head to look at me gently. Anything to distract him from that and his mistrust. “You look a lot better. Forgive me?”</p>
<p>“What for?”</p>
<p>“You didn’t want to come back.”</p>
<p>He frowned, and gave me the moody shrug. Yeah, a little bit of normal did both of us good, and Squall giving me moody shrugs was entirely normal. “Well. You did what you had to.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I had to see if their tech was all that. So far, it is.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes again. “I forgive you.”</p>
<p>“Thanks baby,” I grinned at him.</p>
<p>“They must have given you the same welcome I got.”</p>
<p>“Well, less press but the claustrophobic and heavily guarded parts of it were there.”</p>
<p>Squall took a deep breath and half tried to sit up. He didn’t get very far, but he managed to loop an arm around me, thankfully the one with less worrying lines and monitors, and he held on tight, not  giving me any chance of pulling away from him. As though I’d even think about it. “I missed you.”</p>
<p>“I was so worried about you,” I hugged him gently, trying to coax him back down against the pillows. I didn’t pull away, just went with him, letting him rest and letting him relax again. I wasn’t going anywhere and neither was he. “So worried I behaved.”</p>
<p>“Must have been bad. I’m better now, right?” he nuzzled against my cheek and I worried about how my damn beard was going to scratch up his skin. Had to clean up. Had to make sure I was fit for him to get close to.</p>
<p>“You look it.”</p>
<p>“Come here,” he pulled at me a little, and I went wherever he led. He ended up coaxing me into curling up with my head on his shoulder for a while, one of his thin arms wrapped around me to comfort me. Usually I would have him in my arms, or settled on top of me so those times when he’d held me were few and far between, but I needed it. </p>
<p>So did he. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thankfully, I was already sitting back up by the time the door swung open again and Laguna Loire wheeled in an honest to goodness cart. One of those metal ones that rattled with every little trundle it made, just like in the old movies. Thankfully the wheels were at least big enough that they didn’t get too lost in the ridiculously plush carpet, and when he bought it close to the bed, we could check it out. It really did look like a cliche, covered with a white cloth, replete with those silver domes that cover food up, and the all important coffee. </p>
<p>“This is not a complaint, but does everyone get literal presidential treatment? I mean, you must have servants, right?”</p>
<p>Laguna gave me a slightly odd look, maybe worried I was being an ass? I wasn’t sure. “I made an exception for you guys,”</p>
<p>“I am flattered. So is Squall.”</p>
<p>Squall was not flattered and gave me one of those long hard looks of being pissed off but not sure if he had the energy to do something about it. That one I was far more familiar with and could read. Still made me grin at him though.</p>
<p>Just as I was starting to wonder how we were going to manage to get Squall to hold the bowl, Laguna pulled out a tray from somewhere on the cart. It unfolded into a little lap table for him, and we got it set up over him when he was fully sitting up again. He’d slid down the bed a little with me when we were cuddling. </p>
<p>I however, sat up on top of the bedcovers, cross legged beside Squall instead and opted to hold my bowl when Laguna handed it to me. Squall was far more focused on the coffee that Laguna set out for him and, I confess, I was too. I added milk and sugar, and got halfway through the first cup before I had a better idea. I set the mug on the edge of Squall’s tray so when he finished his, he’d be able to get mine and well. The more calories he got the better, right? </p>
<p>With both of us served, Laguna pulled a chair closer to the side of the bed and sat down with his own cup of coffee. “The nurse will be by in an hour or so to change the IV out. The doctor will be visiting in the morning to do a check up, Squall.”</p>
<p>Squall was barely paying attention to his father, or to the food, but I coaxed him into eating a little. When the caffeine hit, he at least seemed to get a little more into the soup, thankfully. And it was really good, which I’m sure helped - apparently palace chefs knew their shit, go figure. Well, I guess they’d have to or they wouldn’t be palace chefs for very long. Hopefully Laguna lacked Adel’s penchant for offing her less than perfect staff in a more permanent way than just firing them.</p>
<p>“Will you be joining us?” I asked, since Squall plainly did not give a single shit. </p>
<p>“For the doctor’s appointment?”</p>
<p>“I meant for dinner,” I gestured with the spoon he’d handed me. I’d needed the food more than I thought, and I practically wolfed it down between little nudges to get Squall to take another bite, another sip. I did have the presence of mind to at least swallow before I spoke though, got to behave when you’re having dinner alongside the president, right? “But I guess that too.”</p>
<p>“I already ate, but I will be here when the doctor is.”</p>
<p>“It might be a little crowded.”</p>
<p>Laguna gave me a flat look that I read as a standing invitation to argue. Maybe to get sent back down to the dungeons. Be good, Seifer. Time to piss people off later. For now, focus on Squall. “And?” Laguna asked.</p>
<p>I was thinking the less crowded Squall felt, the better he might respond. He didn’t like his dad and I had a horrible feeling he wasn’t going to be so keen on the doctor either. Let’s be honest, he didn’t like most people fullstop, let alone total strangers and people who kidnapped him. Anyway, the only doc I’d ever seen manage to deal with him well had been Kadowaki and she was most definitely one of a kind. Even before Zone’s brother and the cheeseburger, he’d not liked doctors. “What do you say, baby?”</p>
<p>“I want you here,” Squall said to me, proving he was at least listening. Good, hopefully that would avoid some arguments in the morning. Not all of them, it was us after all. But some. Maybe. “I trust you.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be here.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Squall shrugged. “That’s all I care about.”</p>
<p>“We’re good then,” I forced a smile and looked up at Laguna again. “Anything else on the agenda after the medical visits?”</p>
<p>“Not yet. Depends a lot on what the doctor recommends.”</p>
<p>“Try to look cake deprived,” I said to Squall in a stage whisper. </p>
<p>“How do I do that? Draw a cake meter on my arm and colour it for empty?”</p>
<p>“I think big sad eyes and letting your skinniness do the talking.”</p>
<p>That at least made Laguna crack a smile. See, Squall can make jokes and interact like a normal person, he just limits it to a very select few. Maybe if you behave daddio, you will be one of them some day. “Okay, I’ll make sure there’s cake for lunch.”</p>
<p>“Damn, we should have asked for race cars.”</p>
<p>Squall rolled his eyes so hard they damn near rolled out of his head. “Not with the way you drive.</p>
<p>“Me?” I scoffed. “Who is the speed demon?”</p>
<p>They’re supposed to be driven fast, Seifer.”</p>
<p>“Are you implying that I drive like an old lady?”</p>
<p>He gave me his evil little smirk. “I think you’re doing that yourself.”</p>
<p>I sighed heavily, though it was all a front. I was just happy Squall felt well enough to be prickly again. </p>
<p>Laguna gave us time to eat more before he asked questions. Even topped off both our coffees - he was an excellent waiter, and I was starting to think the whole meeting the inlaws thing wasn’t nearly as scary as Fuu had made out. Then he started digging. “So, I’m pretty sure you didn’t kidnap Squall,” he said, watching the two of us. “Where did you guys meet up?”</p>
<p>“Most recently?” I set the now empty bowl in my lap and reached for more coffee. “Some little armpit town in the great wastes of Galbadia. I was drunk.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Laguna genuinely did kind of look interested. At least I’d confirmed to his mind that Squall found me <i>after</i> he’d left Esthar. Maybe that was good for security? Y’know, no evil ex-knights sneaking over the borders and all that. </p>
<p>No, we get a fully armed escort instead.</p>
<p>“He needed back up,” Squall muttered. Interesting that he was perfectly happy to mutter at Laguna as long as I was there to play umpire between them. Maybe that’d at least get him talking to his dad some, that might be to our advantage. Especially as he got better and we got closer to running away - I was pretty sure they wouldn’t put a bounty on<i> him</i> after all. At least not one with a dead or alive tag.</p>
<p>“I guess I tangled with some punks and was unarmed.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t,” Squall smiled, fully ensconced in smug mode. </p>
<p>“So he ran them off. I politely did not throw up on his shoes, and the rest is history.”</p>
<p>Nodding along like he found it interesting, Laguna’s eyes flickered between the two of us. Hopefully not debating murder too much. Just a mild amount of murder was okay, not excessive amounts. “Were you dating before the war?”</p>
<p>“That’s a tricky question because hindsight says we were flirting like no tomorrow, but at the time we didn’t know it,” I shrugged. I thought a lot about <i>us</i> while in the lock up. Thought about how much I’d already missed out on and was going to miss out on if Squalll… yeah, didn’t bear thinking about anymore. Still, there’d been a reason I could never ignore him, never leave him alone. There was always a reason why we were such rivals and it wasn’t just the war that we didn’t know was coming then. “So pretty much no. We only got serious about each other a short while ago.”</p>
<p>“Flirting isn’t dating,” Squall huffed. “Or if it was, Irvine dated half of Garden… maybe even three quarters.”</p>
<p>“Anyway, we stuck together, ate some bad diner food, argued a lot and fell in love. It happens.”</p>
<p>Squall was blushing so red I could have used him as a beacon. He obviously didn’t like me talking about this stuff, but at the same time he wasn’t exactly doing anything to stop me, focusing instead on the mug of coffee that he kept sipping from. Definitely listening though, and I’d probably catch hell for it later. I figured it was worth it if it kept the president from shooting me a little longer.</p>
<p>Laguna looked at him for a moment, before setting his mug back on the trolley and digging about under the white cloth covering. “Well, I bought you some more comfortable clothes to sleep in for now.”</p>
<p>“Me, or him, or both?” I asked.</p>
<p>“You,” he gestured to me. “It must be uncomfortable sleeping in the lock up gear.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, it is a little rough,” I tried not to roll my eyes. Squall’s department. They should have left something for me earlier, instead of making me wait this long. What if it’d made Squall worse, damnit. They didn’t trust me until they’d made him suffer being held by me when he was as fucked up as he was wearing those rough ass clothes?</p>
<p>Laguna pulled a pair of PJs out from under the cloth cover and set them on the end of the bed. A soft grey pair of mostly normal looking PJs as far as I could tell at this distance anyway. No other clothes yet, maybe in case they thought I might still escape? Fools, as though I wouldn’t run in just a nice pair of pjs.</p>
<p>“Is there anything else I can get you?” Laguna asked, mostly looking at me. He knew which one of us was the talker, after all.</p>
<p>“How about some music?”</p>
<p>“Music?” Squall raised an eyebrow at me.</p>
<p>“Well, yeah baby,” I smiled at him. “We can’t wrestle or bitch about the food…”</p>
<p>And there was only so much talking that even I could do and only so much kissing we could risk. Another distraction would be good, layer on the entertainment so I could keep his mind active and away from boredom or dark thoughts. </p>
<p>Laguna got up and checked out one of the cabinets in the wall. He pulled out a remote with enough buttons to distract even Messenger Girl and stood to the side so I could see the sound system hidden away in there. “Already here,” he closed the door again and bought the remote over to us, showing me up close so I could appreciate just how complex Estharian tech was in the flesh. Or mostly plastic. I hoped it didn’t involve flesh. “Radio feeds are already tuned in, but if you have any specific requests, I can find it.”</p>
<p>Yeah, that was good. It might even help Squall sleep if I could find something soft and soothing enough. “How about books?” I looked at Squall. “I can read to you.”</p>
<p>“I do like the sound of your voice,” Squall rubbed one of his eyes with the heel of his hand. I could tell he was starting to flag. Even with the coffee, he’d begun to tire. Well, let’s be honest, he’d managed to eat as much soup as I had and if they’d been sedating him, that was probably his first actual meal in days. He was going to be sleepy after that.</p>
<p>“That makes two of us,” I preened</p>
<p>“Well <i>I</i> wasn’t going to go for the cheap shot…”</p>
<p>“That’s because you’re the good one out of the two of us, Squall.”</p>
<p>“<i>Whatever</i>.”</p>
<p>I’d sensed that coming. It was just as reassuring to my ears as the eyerolls were to my eyes. “He’s very heroic,” I explained to a slightly bemused looking Laguna. “He punched out a soldier and stole a flying machine and went to rescue Rinoa when she was hanging off a cliff. I don’t think anyone could have done it better.”</p>
<p>Well, cliff, bottom of Garden, y’know. Whatever. </p>
<p>“You <i>saw</i> that?” Squall gave me a slightly horrified look. Okay so <i>those</i> parts of the war were still very present in his mind.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Security feeds,” I said, shrugging at him. I’d had to observe the battle and Ultimecia - via Edea for extra psychological trauma - had made sure that I’d seen that battle in all of it’s technicolour glory. Made me watch, screaming on the inside as Galbadian Soldiers had been pitched against my former SeeD and student brethren from Balamb. </p>
<p>“Oh… that makes sense,” he murmured. He’d never even thought of that. Well, made sense to me. </p>
<p>“Anyway, distractions are good because as Squall gets better, he will get bored. A bored Squall is a bad thing,” I said emphatically. He pinched my leg, proving he must already be bored because a bored Squall was a bad thing. “Meanie.”</p>
<p>“Asshole.”</p>
<p>“I thought we agreed no love names.”</p>
<p>Laguna cleared his throat. “We can figure out more entertainment in the morning - after the doctor’s visit.”</p>
<p>“Fair enough, what time is it now? And what day?”</p>
<p>“I’ll bring a clock tomorrow too,” Laguna checked his watch. And I checked out his watch, I guess being president must pay well, since the time piece on his arm looked ridiculously expensive. Pretty stylish too, something with burnished gold and a lot of moving pieces. Squall saw me peeking and tipped his head to get a look too. “Seven thirty pm. May twenty third.”</p>
<p>I rested my hand over Squall’s to squeeze it lightly. “We’ve been a couple for forty seven days.”</p>
<p>“Feels like longer.”</p>
<p>“That…,” Laguna cleared his throat. I think we’d shocked him. I mean, we did kind of act a lot closer than most couples I knew anyway, so I guess maybe he hadn’t expected it to be so short? Well, we acted a lot closer now, in the early days it had been a little rougher. Still, we were good now. And that’s the front we were putting on for Laguna. “That’s not as long as I expected.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t love at first sight,” I smirked. “Keep in mind, Squall was in diapers so it was just a sort of… slow forging together.”</p>
<p>Laguna made a little understanding noise. Reminded me a little of Squall’s, just not as soft or familiar. “You were at the orphanage?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. And no one wanted me or Squall, so we went from there to Garden eventually. The other kids got adopted, but I know at least Quisty’s family threw her back because they were shitheads.”</p>
<p>“Ellone wasn’t really adopted,” Laguna said, a little awkward, like he didn’t want to admit it. “She was pulled out of there for your safety and hers. Too dangerous to leave her there.”</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure if he meant for Ellone or for the rest of us. I mean, the needs of the many and all that. Six of us regular kids who wound up in Garden versus the one special kid who was older. Of course, a small part of me had been glad to try and step into her place when she’d gone, since it meant being closer to Squall and all that. “Well, since matron put on the hat a few years later I think that was a good call.”</p>
<p>“Not until you left the orphanage, right?” I think Laguna was trying not to sound hopeful.</p>
<p>“As far as we know,” I shrugged.</p>
<p>“Seifer left first. I was supposed to come up the next year because I was younger. Matron sent me on a couple of months later instead,” Squall murmured. He sounded far away, speaking from the memories of a lost, lonely little kid. Hyne, it must have been about a decade since that happened.</p>
<p>It was hard to keep hold of memories from so long ago, even without GFs to eat them. We’d been so little, so helpless. And they’d never thought that maybe someone should have been helping her or keeping an eye on her? Hell, what if she had gone and started cracking up after I’d left. Maybe that was why she sent Squall up so young, get him out and away from her for his own safety. “She never visited once. Cid never talked about her. I think she was already… doing the hat thing.”</p>
<p>“Think so,” Squall nodded and gestured at his dad. “Sis lives here now. In Esthar. Laguna’s Ellone’s knight.”</p>
<p>Laguna gave us both a watery smile. That looked like it hurt almost as much as the way he’d looked in the dungeon. Wow, so after all that he’d been a real knight too - still he needed a gunblade to do it properly, though. “That’s why I’m here, doing this.”</p>
<p>“Vetting me,” I grinned at him. “Or running Esthar?”</p>
<p>“Mostly the latter. Little bit of the former.”</p>
<p>“Where is Sis?” Squall asked suddenly. As though he’d only just noticed her absence. Hell maybe he had, he was pretty tired after all. </p>
<p>“She’s away at the moment, doing some charity work for a couple of weeks,” Laguna said to him, smiling. I wondered how long she’d been gone - was it in case of little old me? Or was there really nothing else to it? “When she’s back, I’m sure she’ll come and see you both.”</p>
<p>“When I’m stronger,” Squall frowned and shook his head. “I don’t want her seeing me like this.”</p>
<p>“Vain thing, but you’re right,” I sighed at Squall. </p>
<p>“I’m not vain,” he protested.</p>
<p>“Leather pants.”</p>
<p>“Grat juice.”</p>
<p>“Midriff showing leather jacket with fur.”</p>
<p>Squall huffed a laugh and gave me a sly look. “And <i>you</i> thought I was <i>straight.</i>”</p>
<p>“I was very sheltered,” I said. It was true. I’d never even thought all that much about being gay ‘til a dream about a blowjob and some really not great status effects. Not related to the dream about the blowjob. Well. Tangentially. Fuck. Whatever.</p>
<p>“Yeah, no kidding,” Squall shook his head. I could almost hear the sigh he was holding back at how dumb I’d been. </p>
<p>“And as pure as the driven snow.”</p>
<p>Squall paused and gave me a look. “I’m not going to argue about that one in front of my <i>father</i>.”</p>
<p>To be honest, I caught the way that Laguna’s expression changed out of the corner of my eye. I wondered if Squall had even admitted to being his flesh and blood at any point in his presence before now. Squall obviously didn’t like him after all, and he’d run so fast and so far that no one had been able to find him until he’d jumped off a bus station into my arms. Kinda. Granted, there had been a few weeks of delay on the arms thing. “I’ll make a list, we can argue about it later.”</p>
<p>“You and your lists.”</p>
<p>“Now now, it’s getting dark out.”</p>
<p>I swear he almost whined. “But we only just had coffee.”</p>
<p>“I know. But now we’re primed to fight tomorrow,” I said, trying not to show how pleased I was that he’d even been up for that. All good signs. </p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” I nodded and squeezed his hand. He held on to me tightly, his eyes intent on mine. Looking for something again, but I guess he found it. </p>
<p>“Okay,” he gave in with a sigh. “I’m getting tired anyway.” </p>
<p>Laguna got to his feet again, gathered up the dishes and poured the last of the coffee out for us. He even left the little lap tray so Squall could rest the cup on it.  “I think that’s probably my cue to leave.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for dinner,” I grinned at Laguna. I felt like I should be, I dunno, bronzing a noodle or something. Dinner served by my great hero, the person I’d based my entire life on. It felt like it needed some kind of memorial, y’know? “Can we have coffee in the morning?”</p>
<p>“Sure, the doctor should be here about nine… I can bring breakfast at eight.”</p>
<p>“That’d be great. And maybe some shaving gear?”</p>
<p>“And books,” Laguna pulled out a datapad thing from the cart to make some notes. The kind of thing that we used to review missions on for SeeD exams. “Yes. If you need anything else in the night, there’s a list of numbers on the phone.”</p>
<p>“Thanks. We’ll try not to be too greedy, even if we could probably fit a baby grand in here.”</p>
<p>Laguna gave me a very long, deliberate look. “If you think it will help,” he said firmly, “be greedy.”</p>
<p>Leaving me to think on that, he trundled out with the little trolley, leaving Squall and me alone again with just the camera and whoever was watching it alone again. As soon as the door shut, I went to peek at the pjs. They were nice, normal PJs, kinda plain and just this faint herringbone pattern. Two tones of grey, with little grey buttons and a touch of piping along the sleeves and edges. They were the most nondescript normal looking things I’d ever held in my hand. But they felt like heaven compared to Garden issued sweats or prison stuff. “Oh look, no chicabos. I was afraid to ask before.”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t put anything past him,” Squall muttered, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand again and hiding a yawn. “That was.. Kind of weird.”</p>
<p>“He’s trying, Squall.</p>
<p>“Very.”</p>
<p>I tutted at him but of course, it was blatantly ignored. “When the nurse arrives, should I ask about cleaning up?”</p>
<p>“That’d be nice…,” he nodded. I figured he must be feeling as bad as I was, and cleaning up would at least help him feel less gross - much like it would for me - and hopefully anything that would perk him up a bit would be helpful. “I might be asleep by then, though.”</p>
<p>Priorities, Seifer. Get yourself cleaned up and good to curl up with him, we could look into other options for him later when people were around or when the doctor turned up the next day. At least until then, there were things I could do to myself to help out. I came back to him, brushing my fingers through his hair. “Then you good if I sneak off to wash up if you fall asleep?”</p>
<p>“Go do it now,” he said, catching my hand lightly and squeezing it before I could get away. </p>
<p>“You just want to see me in my new jammies.”</p>
<p>“That too.”</p>
<p>I kissed Squall’s forehead and pulled the blankets up a little, so he’d be comfortable. He gave me one of those smiles again. The tired, sweet smiles that only I ever seemed to earn. The smiles that made me sure my heart only really tried to beat when he was looking at me. “I’ll be quick,” I promised, settling him in. “I’ll be right here.”</p>
<p>He nodded a little, his eyes already closed and melting against the pillows. “I know,” he almost sighed in contentment.</p>
<p>Damn right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My sleep was messed up enough that when 0730 rolled around, I was still out cold. I nearly clocked the president when he touched my shoulder to wake me up, still not used to anyone but Squall being close enough to do that.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Two.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Watch me cause I'm on a mission<br/>Hold me back so I'm forced to listen<br/>Don't let me go cause I'm nothing without you<br/>Muse - Save me</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>May 24th</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So I’d spent the rest of the previous evening watching Squall drift between dozing and sleeping, only occasionally gathering enough wits to make sure I was still there again. The nurse came and changed his IV and all the other stuff he needed to keep him alive, and I watched like a hawk. If anything went wrong, with how big this place was, it’d take them precious minutes at the very least to get up here so I wanted to know everything I could - just in case.</p>
<p>We had a peaceful night. Well. He had a peaceful night and I woke up every couple of hours at least, just enough to make sure he was still breathing, still with me. This time I didn’t hold him, which is probably part of why I was so restless. </p>
<p>My sleep was messed up enough that when 0730 rolled around, I was still out cold. I nearly clocked the president when he touched my shoulder to wake me up, still not used to anyone but Squall being close enough to do that. We’d been alone for so long it was hard to shake that mentality.</p>
<p>In the end, he was just taking a chance to prewarn me that he’d be bringing breakfast up soon. He even handed me a shaving kit and the other basics so I could actually get rid of the douche beard and clean my teeth and everything. Like I said, best waiter I’d ever had. </p>
<p>Then he went off to gather food, or something. I gathered wits and focused on the task of cleaning up real fast and then waking up my lover as gently as possible. </p>
<p>Squall was… confused. That’s the best way I have to describe it. I mean even on the best mornings I’d had some days where he’d been working on a thirty second delay after the first cup of coffee, so it wasn’t like I didn’t <i>expect</i> some fuzziness, but something was nagging at me that I couldn’t put my finger on. </p>
<p>“Breakfast in bed, Squall,” I said to him when he seemed awake enough to process verbal inputs. </p>
<p>“Oh,” he responded a little dully, his hands fussing mindlessly at the covers as though he was checking them out. “Sure. Okay.”</p>
<p>“You ready?”</p>
<p>“Mm. Sure. Help me sit up a bit more.”</p>
<p>I lifted him up like he was made of glass and set the pillows up so he could flop back against them in a mostly upright position. Thank Hyne his bed was huge enough that it came with a veritable forest of pillows and we had more on the couch in case we needed back up. I could make him a pretty good little nest without too much trouble. “All good?” I asked as soon as I was sure he could sit up and be supported properly. </p>
<p>Squall gave me his little smile and nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“No charge, this time.”</p>
<p>“Left my wallet in my other gown.”</p>
<p>“Darn,” I pretended to huff as I made sure the blankets were well tucked around him. “There goes my tip.”</p>
<p>Squall looked me up and down and gave me the ghost of a smirk. “Not in those pjs.”</p>
<p>I admit, I did at least check my fly. </p>
<p>“Later,” he tugged my wrist away from doing that. “After coffee.”</p>
<p>“Glad to know your priorities never <i>really</i> change,” I huffed at him playfully. Just then, the door opened and again the President of Esthar - also The Sorceress’ Knight and Squall’s Dad - trundled in again with the little cart, just like the night before. “I can’t get over the President being our waiter.”</p>
<p>Laguna straightened as soon as I commented, eyes hard on me. “Would you prefer strangers coming in right now?”</p>
<p>I held my hands up in surrender. “Not even a little bit,” I said, honestly. “It wasn’t a complaint, I’m flattered.” </p>
<p>More than a little star struck too, but I wouldn’t mention that in front of Squall. Laguna shook his head a little and steered the little cart over to us, parking it just a couple of steps from the bed. He wasn’t expecting Squall to reach, but he was expecting me to help out. That was fine with me, since I was playing body guard, nursemaid and worried boyfriend all in one breath for now.  “Help yourself,” he said to me, gesturing at the cart. </p>
<p>I checked out our options. Coffee first, and I immediately fixed a cup for both Squall and myself, making sure he had that to start on while I worked on something more substantial. “You want a cup, Mr President?” I asked as Laguna drew up a chair to the side of the bed again. </p>
<p>“I’ll pass for now.”</p>
<p>“So the doctor’s coming here, right?” I wanted to confirm for sure in case I’d have to help take Squall somewhere else. Not that I could y’know, get changed or anything into normal clothes since my current choices were prison jumpsuit or fetching nightwear ensemble. </p>
<p>Laguna checked his watch. “Should be here in about forty five minutes.”</p>
<p>I looked at Squall in the bed, pale and quiet and clinging to a coffee cup like it was a lifebelt. Damnit, I had to try. “Squall is a very private person, he’d…” I saw Squall’s eyes flicker up from the mug to watch me intently, the only movement that gave his attention away. Yeah, he was listening. Even if he was fuzzy and only half with it, he was very much aware of me talking about him and he was taking in as much of what I said as he could manage. “He’d rather have as few people around as possible. Especially if the doc is gonna get… well. Personal.”</p>
<p>Squall stayed silent, his blue-grey eyes still intent on me for a moment longer, then they flickered back down to the mug he was holding in both hands. I didn’t for one moment doubt that he was still mostly listening, at least, staying aware of his surroundings and taking in as much information as he could. </p>
<p>“I’m not leaving the doctor alone in here with you,” Laguna shook his head. </p>
<p>I wondered if the doctor would even know who I was. I guess it depended a lot on how much either Laguna had told him, or how the rumours had gotten around the soldiers. I mean, not every day someone captures the sorceress’s knight. Not the movie one. The last asshole who had a point to prove and a blade to wield. “I’m not going to <i>attack</i> him.”</p>
<p>“<i>He</i> doesn’t know that.”</p>
<p>“Fair enough,” I sighed. I didn’t want to argue when I had more important things to deal with, like making sure Squall ate something, like making sure Squall felt safe. I wasn’t sure they’d risk sending me back down to the lock up but who knows? Better to be safe than sorry, play the part for now and bitch later. It was almost like a SeeD training mission. Sadly I never made that one. “Sorry Squall, I gotta make friends with the quack.”</p>
<p>Squall lifted just one shoulder in a brief shrug. “Whatever.”</p>
<p>I’d expected that. So much so that I didn’t mind it, in fact. Instead I started lifting covers from the stuff on the trolley and checking out our options. We had quite the little buffet, scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and mushrooms in little portion pots over a warming plate to keep everything nice and toasty. The cold side had prettily sliced fruit, what I guessed was yoghurt or some weird pudding, berries in a red sauce and a bowl of bird seed. </p>
<p>I knew what Squall’s reaction to food for breakfast would be, so I made up one plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast and settled back on the bed to share it. The mushrooms were almost as evil as the grats, and thus stayed on the cart. </p>
<p>Squall rested his head on my shoulder when I was close enough again, and occasionally I’d offer him a bite to coax him into eating. He eventually took a slice of toast of his own accord, and even that felt like a huge win. It wasn’t often he’d braved breakfast back at garden but the main difference between then and now was that this food actually looked like food. </p>
<p>We were almost done with the hot stuff when Laguna suddenly snapped back from whatever thought he’d been buried in and said “oh, Seifer. I found something for you.”</p>
<p>“Wow, there’s a loaded sentence.”</p>
<p>“Let’s hope it’s not a loaded gun, too,” Squall whispered, just soft enough for me to hear. </p>
<p>I agreed wholeheartedly, and replied far louder. “Naw, he wouldn’t risk hitting you.”</p>
<p>“I’m a better shot than that,” Laguna said, worryingly. Had he assumed, or heard? He lifted the skirt on the cart and pulled out a canvas bag. The canvas bag revealed a big old leather tome with gold scrollwork. The kind of stuff that you’d see in the back of a library where you couldn’t access or as a prop in a movie. “This is one of the original printings of The Sorceress’ Knight. The one the movie was based on? I thought you might enjoy it.”</p>
<p>Honestly, I could have kissed him. If Squall hadn’t been so sick, I might have even tried. I didn’t reach out for it even though I craned my neck to get a better look at it. I’d read some of the modern versions and the analysis books but damn that book was just beautiful. “Really? Hyne, that’s amazing. Do I need to wear gloves or something?” </p>
<p>“No, you just might want to wash your hands after breakfast.” Laguna set it carefully on the bedside table where I could reach it later. </p>
<p>“We can start it after your doctor’s appointment, Squall,” I told him. Even though I was dying to get into it immediately and check it out. </p>
<p>“Sure you can wait that long?” Squall asked, dryly. I could see the corner of his mouth twitching up though, he was amused. Maybe even pleased that I was getting something that made me happy. Well if that didn’t give me some warm fuzzies, nothing would. </p>
<p>“I’ll make sure he doesn’t dawdle.”</p>
<p>“Now that I believe,” Squall rolled his eyes and gave a little shake of his head. He always did know me far too well. </p>
<p>“They have some pudding or stuff with fruit and birdseed. You want to try it?”</p>
<p>Squall looked over at the trolley, curious and still a little hungry apparently so I dutifully got up and slopped a little into a bowl for him to check out. “That’s yoghurt, Seifer,” he said in his long suffering tone. I just waited for his verdict on the idea of it until he sighed. “Sure. I’ll take some.”</p>
<p>I added a little of the birdseed stuff and garnished it with fruit. Mostly strawberries because I was pretty sure I could get him to eat those. </p>
<p>He perched the bowl in his lap when I handed it to him and just as I’d expected, started picking at the fruit first, spearing slices of strawberry out of the bowl and eating them one by one. He noticed me watching again and huffed a little. “Asshat.”</p>
<p>“You like strawberries,” I shrugged at him. </p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“So what earned the asshat?”</p>
<p>Squall gave his derisive little huff and shook his head. “You did, generally.”</p>
<p>“See if I let you read my book.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re right,” I said. I had just given up and I was going to pretend that whatevers meant whatever I wanted them to mean. </p>
<p>“This is news?”</p>
<p>“I guess it was your turn.”</p>
<p>“Asshat,” Squall repeated. I could see the corner of his mouth twitching up in the tiniest smile. The little shit was having fun. Damn it was a good thing that I adored him. </p>
<p>“Oh shut up and eat your glop.”</p>
<p>And he did. Squall ate a decent amount, even compared to the previous evening. I had to shine him on a little, offering him tastes of my concoctions and even lowering myself to have mushrooms on my plate just so I could feed them to him. He was far less fussy on weird fungus than I was, and I thought all fungus was weird. Eventually though he pushed my hand away and scowled at me. “No more.” </p>
<p>Thankfully it wasn’t a mushroom this time, but another piece of bacon. So I was totally happy to take one for the team before I started clearing things up and moving things back onto the cart. Squall only pouted a little when I had to take his now empty cup of coffee away from him and return it to the cart. I guess the small comforts meant a lot to him.</p>
<p>Laguna half hovered near the bed for most of it, then as the doctor’s visit approached, he went to one of the closets and pulled out some little table of medical gear moving it closer to the bed. Made sense to keep it in here, I guess. Did that mean Squall being sick wasn’t common knowledge? Was that another reason why Laguna was bringing us food and stuff? Of course, Squall watched like a hawk. I wasn’t sure he was fully comprehending what was going on but one thing was for certain, Squall was definitely at least aware of all of it. Good, but also scary. </p>
<p>The knock at the door had Laguna rushing over to get it. A man with a strange accent that I guessed must have been Estharian said “Mr President, didn’t expect to see you here… Trouble?”</p>
<p>“Not at all, Doctor. Come in.”</p>
<p>And he did, followed quickly by a nurse. Suddenly I appreciated what Squall had meant months before when he’d mentioned the weird fashions, robes and collars and shit. Hyne, that felt like a lifetime ago. The doctor was wearing a floor length white number with another shorter robe over the top of it with a cross symbol over the left breast - medical insignia, made sense - and a whole head covering thing that hid his hair and left him looking like a cat that had got stuck in a jacket sleeve. Just a round face peering out of a tight hood. Topped off with the collar pinned down so it gave him shoulderpads that would have made it difficult to get through most doors, he looked entirely fucking ridiculous. </p>
<p>The nurse was in a similarly weird outfit, but didn’t have the larger shoulder pads. She still had the full head covering though. </p>
<p>The doctor approached the bed while the nurse topped up supplies and whatever on the little table thing. The doc paused on seeing me perched beside Squall. He was an older guy, probably older than Squall’s dad, with little oval glasses and a little salt and pepper stubble on his chin. I couldn’t see his hair, tucked as it was under the cap thing but he had eyebrows so bushy they could be deemed shrubbery. “I’m afraid you will have to leave the bed so I can examine Mr Loire.”</p>
<p>“Seifer,” Laguna said in his Squalliest tone yet. “Please.”</p>
<p>“Leonhart,” Squall growled. As skinny and sick as he was, his hand tightened into a fist on the bedcovers and I even started to worry a little that he might swing for the doc. I mean, if it were me, I’d be good with that, but we needed the doc on side so it was probably better if Squall didn’t assault him. I gave Squall’s hand a quick squeeze and scooted out of the bed without argument - thank hyne Laguna had bought me pjs. </p>
<p>“Whatever,” the doctor said, shrugging as he set his bag down so he could put some antibacterial stuff on his hands. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Squall said, glowering at him. I could already tell my predictions on his feeling about the doctor were coming true. “That too.”</p>
<p>“How are you feeling today, Mr Loire-enhart?”</p>
<p>“Crowded,” he muttered. Since Squall was pretty focused on the doctor, I moved around behind him so Squall could see me too. As soon as I did, his eyes shifted over to me instead. Not sure whether it was the movement or just yours truly getting Squall’s attention, as I had hundreds, if not thousands of times before. Only now it was less for teasing and taunting him and more for… well. Other reasons. I held his gaze.</p>
<p>“You have to give your admirers their due,” the doctor cheerfully. Far too cheerfully for Squall, to be honest. “Nurse will take your vitals while I review the monitor data.”</p>
<p>“Monitors? Data?” I might have squeaked.</p>
<p>“Spies,” Squall muttered accusingly. </p>
<p>Laguna sidled up to me, clearly not liking me being behind the doc. I wasn’t trusted that much yet, then. “I told you we’d be keeping an eye on you when I let you in here.”</p>
<p>“Well yeah but I figured it was some bored old security type named Bubba sitting by a screen while he secretly reads a novel or something like.”</p>
<p>“No spying,” the doctor clarified to Squall. Who did not believe him as far as he could throw a Marlboro. Right now. From the bed. Squall was glaring at the guy as though with enough effort he might manage to burn two holes clear through the doctor’s head.  “We’re more interested in your heart rate, respiration and what you are doing to make them rise,” the doctor stabbed a meaty finger at one of the screens and looked over the electronic readout. He scowled, lifted Squall’s wrist up - until it was snatched away at least - and turned to glare at me. “Don’t disconnect the monitors!”</p>
<p>“I never did!” I held my hands up like I was surrendering. I genuinely had no clue what the hell he meant - I’d been careful not to disturb anything while I’d been curling up with Squall after all. </p>
<p>“Leave him alone,” Squall <i>growled</i>.</p>
<p>A small voice in the back of my head muttered <i>‘oh shit’</i>. And it wasn’t talking about the monitor or whatever the doctor was fixated on. It was definitely pleased that Squall was feeling protective of me, but let’s be honest, Squall was in no state to be trying to look out for <i>me</i>.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t help us if the information is interrupted!” the doc continued.</p>
<p>“If you show me where it is or how to reattach it, he can’t just lie there like a plank, the man has to move a little!” I tried to help.</p>
<p>“If he is endangering you,” the doctor rounded on Squall again to shake a finger in his face. “I can’t have him here.”</p>
<p>Squall’s eyes narrowed. If he’d had Shiva, the air temperature would have dropped five degrees already. He didn’t even take that kind of crap from instructors. Or me. And I’d tried it several times when I’d been disciplinary committee. Hell, I was surprised he didn’t just straight up break the damn finger right then and there.</p>
<p>“Shit,” I said.</p>
<p>“Be <i>very</i> thankful I don’t have my GF or you’d be very dead by now,” Squall growled again. </p>
<p><i>“Shit</i>,” I repeated.</p>
<p>The doctor gave him an arch look. “No one is dying here today,” he said firmly, and selected a tongue depressor from the tray. “Open wide.” </p>
<p>“How often does Squall bite him?” I whispered to Laguna. </p>
<p>Laguna just smiled. I think he was enjoying it all in some weird way. “He’s not been this conscious for a doctor visit yet.”</p>
<p>Squall did not open wide, of course. No, Squall glowered at the doctor, keeping his mouth shut. </p>
<p>“C’mon son. I licked the ice cream off the stick for you and everything.”</p>
<p>“Whatev-” Squall was cut off as the doctor jabbed the bit of wood in his mouth and peered inside. I could practically see a little bar over Squall’s head of how pissed he was. Wait, not a bar. A fuse. A rapidly decreasing fuse to a cartoon bomb, ready to blow. Shit shit shit. </p>
<p>“I want a throat culture too,” The doc said. I wasn’t sure who he was talking to anymore, Squall, us, the nurse? “How are you swallowing?”</p>
<p>I really hoped that one was aimed at Squall. </p>
<p>“Just like the dentist, they have their arm up to the elbow in your head and then they start asking questions,” I snarked to Laguna. </p>
<p>“Fair enough,” the doctor shrugged.</p>
<p>“He ate last night and this morning,” Laguna offered. </p>
<p>The doctor backed off and turned to get the culture swab from the nurse. She paused in note making long enough to reach one and hand it to him, uncapped and ready.  “Good. What did you have?”</p>
<p>Laguna elbowed me and I helpfully answered, since Squall was already obviously planning the doctor’s demise. “Chicken noodle soup last night, and this morning, toast, bacon, eggs, fruit and yoghurt.”</p>
<p>“Highly nutritious and digestible. Except for the bacon, and the toast,” the doctor turned to look at the remains of our breakfast trolley with a frown. “Are those coffee cups? No more caffeine.”</p>
<p>“Can you get through the day without coffee, Doc?” I asked.</p>
<p>“Can he get through the day without a windpipe?” Squall hissed. Yep, the fuse burnt down just a little more. </p>
<p>The doctor huffed at him. “Can you get through the day without a brain? You don’t need anything to raise your blood pressure!”</p>
<p>“And yet,” Squall said dryly, gesturing at the doc, “you’re here.</p>
<p>“I must be doing something right, you are much more alert.”</p>
<p>“That’d be the coffee,” I shrugged.</p>
<p>“And the boyfriend,” Squall glanced over at me and I got the urge to sketch a bow for him.</p>
<p>“Taking culture now,” the doctor said, and tried to stuff the swab down Squall’s throat. I say tried because before he even got the thing beyond Squall’s teeth, Squall’s skinny little hand grabbed the doc by the wrist and wrenched it back, twisting it at an awkward, not to mention painful angle. </p>
<p>“Squall!” Laguna snapped. </p>
<p>“Aaaand we’re done,” I said, scooting back around to <i>my </i>side of the bed and crawling over to Squall. I shot him a signal when his eyes flickered over to glance at me - <i>Situation contained, stand down </i>-  but he didn’t budge. I could tell he was full on <i>pissed </i>at the doctor for all of it and entirely focused on exacting a little revenge. “Thanks for coming, Doc.”</p>
<p>“I need the culture, Mr Loireheart!”</p>
<p>“No, this isn’t happening today, sorry. Anything that needs to be cultured can culture tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“What about the monitors?” the doc asked, sounding a little shrill now. “Will you at least let us set those up again?”</p>
<p>“Doc, seriously, back off,” I ordered since the dumbass wasn’t getting the picture and also wasn’t getting that Squall really was going to break his arm if the guy wasn’t careful. I got as close up on them as I could, elbowing my way between the two of them and grabbing Squall’s hand. As soon as I did, Squall positively <i>growled </i>at me and I was sure for a moment he was going to attack. Hell, I wanted him to, was eager for it, if only because it’d be another sign of <i>my</i> Squall being back in the room. I practically had to peel Squall’s fingers off the guy’s wrist, pulling his arm around me instead. </p>
<p>As soon as I did that, whatever little angry trance Squall was in snapped enough for him to half turn and grab onto me for dear life. He was so tense he was almost rigid - if he’d been at his old strength levels, I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to get the fingers unwound. Hell, if he was at his old strength levels, or even junctioned strength, Squall would have damn near ripped his arm off. </p>
<p>“We will give you a few hours to calm down,” the doctor huffed at us. </p>
<p>“Good luck with that,” I muttered, focusing on rubbing Squall’s back even as Laguna finally took the hint and started steering the doc away from the bed and out of the room. Even after the door closed with a definite clatter, Squall was still tense. No, he was seriously wound up and I just kept doing anything I could to distract him. “I’ll share my coffee with you,” I whispered.</p>
<p>“Damnit,” Squall growled, staring at one of his hands. “I’d have broken his wrist before.”</p>
<p>“Don’t bust the doctor, Squirt. I’m sure you left some lovely bruises.”</p>
<p>“That wasn’t a doctor. That was an arrogant asshole with a bag.”</p>
<p>I combed my fingers through his hair, slow even movements that I think helped. He at least started to unwind inch by inch, the tightness of his muscles easing little by little. “Hey at least he didn’t do that “how are we today” bullshit that makes me feel like I'm either dealing with royalty, or that I have a mouse in my pocket.”</p>
<p>“He didn’t even get my fucking name right once.”</p>
<p>“At least he didn’t refer to you as <i>the patient</i>.”</p>
<p>“Seifer, if he touches me again, you can call him <i>the corpse.</i>”</p>
<p>“Is this over the coffee?” I had to laugh.</p>
<p>Squall lifted his head to look at me, blue-grey eyes worried. “He wanted to take you away.”</p>
<p>Shit. Okay, yeah, that one was a little worse than the coffee, I’d admit. Even less likely than us giving up Coffee somehow, but definitely worse.  “Wild chocobo can’t take me away from you, Baby.”</p>
<p>The nurse came back to the side of the bed and cleared her throat delicately. “I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr Leonhart, but I need to set up the monitoring connection.”</p>
<p>Just with her getting his name right, I think Squall warmed to her instantly. I gave him a little nudge to get his attention. “Let her do it baby. They will be easier to work with if we give them something.”</p>
<p>“I’ll give you a longer and more powerful connection too, so it’s harder to pull out. It’ll give you more room to move, then. Is that okay?”</p>
<p>Squall held up his hand to her willingly. I hadn’t noticed it, but there was a thin metal cuff over one of Squall’s wrists. In the tangle of all the wires and tubes and everything else, I hadn’t even seen it.It almost looked like some futuristic watch band of totally smooth metal wrapped almost skin tight around his arm. And the reason we’d pulled the connection out so easily was pretty obvious when she showed me how to hook it up. It was magnetic, straight onto the band and the old connection was obviously meant for someone who wasn’t moving around much, if at all. The new connection was far stronger and I could keep an eye on it. </p>
<p>“As long as it’s hooked up every twenty minutes or so, it’ll record the data,” She said, showing me where it hooked into a thing that looked like a long flat brick sitting amongst a few of the other data recorders. That also plugged into the wall, but it had a battery on it too so it’d at least let us get up and move around when he was feeling up to that. And not tied to everything around the bed. </p>
<p>I felt much better about both not noticing it in the first place and about setting it back up after my very brief lesson in Estharian medical tech. </p>
<p>I thanked the nurse and looked down at Squall, eyeing the connection again. Right, time for distraction. “Okay, Baby,” I said, “maybe a little rest now and next time they change out your IV we can try and snag a quick bath or something.” </p>
<p>He tangled his fingers in my pj shirt and grabbed onto me with all his strength. That was a yes. Squall wanted to be in my lap and curled up with me, I knew that sign. “Yeah, sure,” he said, nonchalantly. </p>
<p>I did my best to get under the covers without dislodging his grip again. Just as we were starting to get settled, the nurse came back to the bed with another of the culture swabs. “Before you sleep, would it be okay if I take the throat culture now? Then you can rest and sleep it off.”</p>
<p>I looked down at Squall, who was still frowning. “Want to give it a shot?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said, still frowning but giving me an approving nod. “If it keeps the pompous asshole away.”</p>
<p>“At least for now,” I agreed.”</p>
<p>“If only apples worked, hm?” she smiled. She was far more gentle than the doctor, getting Squall to lean his head back just a little. He leant on my shoulder for support and she was done  and capping the swab up before he even had time to squeeze my hand. “There, all done.” </p>
<p>“The apples work if you throw them hard enough,” I mentioned as soon as she was done with him.</p>
<p>Squall tipped his head to look at me. “Apples for lunch.”</p>
<p>“I’ll request it,” I promised.</p>
<p>With everything else done, she finished up by changing out Squall’s IV and making sure everything was good one last time before she moved the table away, gathered the samples and her notepad and flashed us a pretty smile. “All set. Rest well, guys.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, ma’am,” I nodded to her, not bothering to get up to see her to the door. I had a Lion sprawled over me who went bonelessly limp the moment we were alone again so I was going nowhere for the duration. “I knew you’d hate that but they have to try stuff to work out what’s wrong and fix it whatever it is.”</p>
<p>“He said you were endangering me,” Squall said, cuddling closer to me than ever. As though he could disprove what the doctor said just by clinging. I almost wanted to point out it wasn’t that long ago when I literally had endangered him. A lot. And not just in that damned prison or under her control either. Hell, I’d been endangering him most of his life, just until recently no one had seemed to give a shit. </p>
<p>“He didn’t understand our dynamic,” I joked, pulling the covers up around Squall and stroking his hair again. </p>
<p>“He was being an ass.”</p>
<p>“Possibly.” </p>
<p>“Definitely,” Squall grumbled against my chest.</p>
<p>I didn’t point out that we’d been asses to each other most of our lives either, I didn’t think it would help. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I spent some of the day soothing the doctor’s frayed nerves after his encounter with my son. I guess you don’t go saving the world without getting a little attitude, especially not when you’re that damn sick. I’d spent most of the session watching Squall and his boyfriend, Seifer Almasy, more than how he treated the doctor, but I wasn’t surprised that the doctor felt a little jangled after Squall had tried to break his wrist. </p>
<p>People did spend far too much time underestimating the kid. Myself included. </p>
<p>Anyway, during the fiasco with the doctor, I’d noticed a couple of things. </p>
<p>Firstly, Seifer was apparently the far more sensible head for the moment - though I wasn’t sure if that was just because Squall was sick and Seifer was just worrying himself half to death. In the war, Squall had been reserved, quiet and almost closed down. He hadn’t lashed out like he had at the doctor - or like he had at others before he’d left Esthar. None of that fit with the impression I’d gotten the scant few times we’d met before he’d agreed to move to Esthar and then instantly regretted it.</p>
<p>Secondly, Squall was half reacting off Seifer. Looking to him, trying to see where he was around the doctor, and Seifer had encouraged that by moving around to stay in Squall’s field of view when he’d been focused so intently on the doctor. If Seifer hadn’t been so calm through most of that, I wasn’t sure we’d have gotten Squall to behave half as well as he had.</p>
<p>At least until the whole trying to break the doctor’s wrist thing. </p>
<p>I gave the kids a few hours to rest and regroup after the doctor’s visit, glancing at the camera feed occasionally to keep an eye on them. The two of them were back under the covers again, clinging to each other as though they were holding on for dear life. Then, with both the doctor and the kids suitably calmed down, I took some time to impress the need for a different strategy with dealing with Squall onto the doctor. Not least my son’s sense of pride in the name that Raine had given him, and just how vital it was that it be used. Squall had been dubbed the Lion of Balamb in some press, and if the necklace and ring were anything to go by, Squall had fully embraced that little shard of his past even before the war. He was a Leonhart. Just as stubborn and independent as his mother had been.</p>
<p>Must be something in the name. She’d have hated Esthar too.</p>
<p>I was also a little offended by the whole thing, he was all I had left of Raine that was living, and by calling him my name instead of just listening, it felt like the doctor was erasing that. </p>
<p>Anyway, when I had the doctor’s agreement to all of it, I just had to get Almasy’s buy in. </p>
<p>By the time I got back to my son’s suite, it was mid afternoon. The two of them were asleep again, but Seifer stirred when I opened the door. I didn’t really expect anything less - Garden was military through and through after all. And he was as protective of Squall as any guard dog. I approached the bed as quietly as I could, with his green eyes watching me cautiously. “Can we talk, Seifer?” I asked, keeping my voice low, hoping it was low enough that it wouldn’t disturbed my son in his current state. </p>
<p>Seifer signalled an affirmative and motioned for me to give him five minutes. I nodded and gestured at the door to the small sitting room slash office we’d set up for Squall when he’d first moved to Esthar, indicating he should meet me in there.</p>
<p>I faded back from the bed and Seifer kissed Squall’s temple. “Gotta hit the bathroom baby, be back in a few,” he said, beginning to ease himself out of Squall’s arms little by little. Squall grumbled at it, but seemed to stay pretty much out of it. So with any potential crisis averted, I headed for the sitting room, making sure to leave the door open enough that the lock wouldn’t engage - I didn’t want to be locking Seifer out now after all, he didn’t have the required security interface to use that door either, just like the ones that led back out to the corridor. We should probably disengage that one inside the bedroom at least.</p>
<p>I leant on the arm of the couch and waited, arms folded over my chest. I didn’t have long to wait, thankfully. </p>
<p>Seifer padded into the room, his hair slicked back with water again and his pjs as neat as they could look. I’d have to make sure to get him some other clothes too, a robe at least. I didn’t exactly revel in him sharing a bed with my <i>seventeen</i> year old son but considering the already remarkable improvement I’d seen in Squall since he’d been around him, I was willing to deal with some of it. “Seifer, I spoke with the doctor regarding the examination earlier.”</p>
<p>“And?” Seifer prompted, his hands balling tightly into fists. He was prepared for the worst, worried and waiting for it, and by the look of it determined to fight death itself if he had to to protect what was dear to him. </p>
<p>Fortunately, so was I. </p>
<p>“And he needs to complete his examination of Squall. I’ve also impressed upon him that Squall needs… a different approach,” I said carefully. </p>
<p>“Thank you. Squall was seriously, honestly about to break his wrist. He pretty much had the leverage…”</p>
<p>I held a hand up to quiet him and he actually listened, to my surprise, falling silent again. “I appreciate you stopping him.”</p>
<p>“Well, the doc seemed like he was trying,” Seifer ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the short strands absently. A stress tell, I thought. Like the way Squall rubbed his scar when he was thinking over responses. “The coffee thing. Squall is gonna fight that.”</p>
<p>“I know. But it’s only until he’s well again.”</p>
<p>“I’m no doctor but Squall and I are very much caffeine addicts,” Seifer wanted to pace. He was swaying slightly in place, back and forth, and his blade hand kept brushing at his hip to look for a hyperjunction that wasn’t there anymore. Of course he was looking to his weapon for comfort. “Pretty much all of us were at Garden. He’s gonna heal up faster if he can have it, like a comfort thing.”</p>
<p>Well, then it was up to me to mediate. “Let’s see if we can at least cut it down, okay?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll work on that.”</p>
<p>“The kitchens will prepare anything you want to help with that. There’s always a staff on, even through the night so you can get something any time you need to. I’ve briefed them as well,” I smiled as brightly as I felt I could. I hadn’t given the full story to staff, because there were some things I really didn’t want getting out in the public eye. The fact that Squall was sick, sure, by all means share that particular tidbit. The fact that we were lost as to what was causing it or what to do about it… that was something I was telling no one other than direct family and medical staff. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Seifer nodded to himself more than to me. “So… about the examination…”</p>
<p>“Do you think you can get Squall to cooperate?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do. And the doc, he almost has the right bedside manner. Not too friendly, maybe a little rough, Squall doesn’t like surprises like that. He has to take his cues from Squall, or if he can’t read him, me,” Seifer ran his fingers through his hair again, his gaze rising to the ceiling and his eyes flickering back and forth across it as he searched through his memories of the somewhat traumatic appointment to pick out the key events we had to concern ourselves with. “He has to get his name right, not talk down to him.. If Squall gets tense, he might flash. And he’d be <i>very</i> dangerous.  Maybe one of the most deadly men in the world even as sick as he is.”</p>
<p>“I told him to treat Squall like he would a soldier,” I replied. Esthar didn’t really know a lot about the Gardens - we’d closed our borders and hidden ourselves away after the close of the last war, rebuilding, improving and recovering from everything Adel had wrought upon the country and its people. I’d at least had some dealings with SeeD and the Gardens via Cid Kramer and the White SeeD especially with the approach of the second sorceress war. I knew what SeeD meant, what their training meant. Of course the doctor would not.</p>
<p>“That will help,” Seifer said, looking relieved.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk to the doctor first,” I prompted carefully, “or just start waking Squall?”</p>
<p>Seifer frowned faintly and his hand settled over his hip where his hyperjunction would have been. I could almost see the idea I’d planted taking hold. “Let’s brief the doc.” </p>
<p>“Wait just a sec,” I said, and crossed to the door leading to the corridor. The doctor was waiting outside, just as I’d left him. Even after all these years of dealing with Estharian formal wear, sometimes it still looked as though the robes had no feet under them, and I almost felt like the doctor was bobbing in place, floating in the hallway. Like a lost balloon. I beckoned him inside and gestured at Seifer waiting in pjs, standing restlessly in the middle of the room. I took up position at the partly open door back into the bedroom so I could keep an eye on Squall for Seifer, and let the two of them talk.</p>
<p>“Doc,” Seifer nodded.</p>
<p>“How did my patient sleep?”</p>
<p>“He’s still sleeping,” I confirmed. </p>
<p>“Good sign,” the doctor nodded.</p>
<p>“I just wanted to make it clear it wasn’t BSing when I said Squall was going to break your arm,” Seifer shrugged, almost sounding apologetic. Almost, but not quite. Very garden, to be honest. Or at least very Squall. “When he tenses up like that you gotta back off. If there’s anything you can trust me with, let me do it.”</p>
<p>“I have to do some of the procedures,” the doctor huffed. “Are you sure you weren’t making him more stressed? Many people hate to appear weak in front of... “ the doctor looked Seifer up and down. “Loved ones.”</p>
<p>“He wasn’t afraid of appearing weak, he was pissed off,” I tried not to scoff too obviously. Besides his physical condition, Squall was not weak anyway. If he had been, Seifer wouldn’t have been required to keep him calm. Sedation would not have been required to keep him in a damn bed. “Maybe it would help if we give Seifer a brief outline of what to expect, so he can guide Squall through the procedures?”</p>
<p>“Yes, that is a good idea. I can give you a plan and detail of each procedure, and why we must do it.”</p>
<p>“It was partly the coffee. You can’t drop a bomb like that on a SeeD and expect cooperation,” Seifer shrugged.</p>
<p>“We’re going to cut back on caffeine though, rather than make him go cold turkey, right?” I added</p>
<p>“Yeah, we can do that.”</p>
<p>The doctor fussed at his “We’re worried about anything that raises his blood pressure until we get better data.”</p>
<p>“Doctor,” I said, trying to sound positive but it felt more like long suffering to me, “we’re barely getting him to cooperate by having Seifer here, let’s not make things worse.”</p>
<p>“Babysteps, fair enough.”</p>
<p>Seifer gave me a relieved look when the doctor finally agreed and I gave him a nod in return. Whether or not Squall believed it, I was on his side here. I think Seifer was beginning to recognise that. Damnit, I wasn’t supposed to like the kid, especially not after the war but he was like a devoted little puppy for Squall. At least he’d had someone who cared about him when he’d run off. I was glad of that at least, even if the kid’s conduct in the war had been… well. What it had been. </p>
<p>The doctor began to run through the medical procedures he wanted to run and Seifer listened. I wonder if the doctor had noticed that Seifer stood at parade rest while he listened, his eyes and attention entirely focused on the doctor and the words he heard as he memorised it. Hell, I wonder if Seifer had noticed. He stood stock still, hands clasped behind his back and his gaze steady on the doctor the entire time.</p>
<p>As soon as he was done with listing the remaining procedures he wanted to carry out, I motioned for the doctor to hold fire. “We’ll give you a few minutes to wake Squall up and get him ready, Seifer.”</p>
<p>Seifer gave me a relieved look. “Thanks…” he said, lingering a moment and very deliberately locking eyes with me before he turned tail and scampered back into the bedroom to his sleeping boyfriend. My son. That was still taking a little getting used to. </p>
<p>He wasn’t just thanking me for involving him, I guessed. I left the door open just a crack and kept an eye on them only distantly aware of the doctor moving up behind me. </p>
<p>“You are aware, Mr President, that the listing of procedures is something we do for frightened children?” The doctor chimed in quietly when he was at my side.</p>
<p>“Squall’s seventeen, Seifer’s barely older,” I shrugged at him. They were frightened children. Given Squall’s condition when he’d arrived, they had plenty of reason to be alarmed. </p>
<p>“I will be honest,” the doctor said, and I braced myself for the bullshit I was waiting to come. “I have seen this sort of co-dependence in critically ill elderly people who have been married for decades. In someone this young, I’m not even sure it’s healthy.”</p>
<p>I drew a steadying breath and tore my gaze away from the two of them to eye the man standing beside me. Someone who would never realise just how much that the kid who’d nearly broken his arm during his examination, who couldn’t even stand under his own power, my own flesh and blood, had sacrificed of his life so far to keep us all safe from another sorceress. No real childhood to speak of, scars and anger and weapons his only real companions. Of course they wouldn’t understand. “Considering these <i>kids</i> have been trained to kill since they were small children, I’m not sure anything is going to be that healthy, Doctor.”</p>
<p>“Hyne no.”</p>
<p>“And they’ve been in close contact since my son was less than a year old. We can look into the psychology of all of it when we’re sure my son will <i>live</i>, okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes yes,” the doctor huffed. “They will need therapy. Both of them.”</p>
<p>I couldn’t help chuckling at the idea. “Well. <i>That</i> will be fun.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I freshened up quickly, and went back to Squall to wake him up as gently as I could manage. A couple of little kisses and he was coming around easily, grumbling slowly back to consciousness. He opened his eyes and touched my face, giving me a sleepy little smile. </p>
<p>“Hey baby,” I said softly. “The doc wants to come back and go best two out of three. You think you can let him win this round? We might score some caffeine if we pretend to cooperate.”</p>
<p>Squall’s eyebrows knitted together faintly and he blinked at me slowly, processing the info. “D...doctor? What?” he glanced around the room before returning his focus to me. “Um… sure?”</p>
<p>I felt a cold knot of fear form in the pit of my stomach. He didn’t remember? “Yeah baby, we are at your dads and he hired only the best to find out why you speak in whatevers. I mean… why you’ve been feeling crappy,” I plastered on a smile and half hoped he’d remember and correct me. </p>
<p>“...Okay,” Squall rubbed his eyes with the heel of one hand carefully and offered me his arm. “Help me sit up a little.”</p>
<p>We went through the same rigmarole of getting Squall up and leaning back against the pillow nest as we had that morning and the night before, and I gave him a cup of water when he was settled again. </p>
<p>“Needs coffee,” Squall muttered, but sipped it anyway.</p>
<p>“In case you don’t remember,” I perched on the bed beside him and brushed his hair back from his face gently. “The doc came early this morning, but you got tired of being poked and prodded and threw him out on his ear. I mediated and said he could come back and do his tests just as long as he promised to quit it if you said to.”</p>
<p>“...I must have been tired, I don’t remember.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, I’m here as your back up brain now.”</p>
<p>“Oh Hyne, not a blond.”</p>
<p>I couldn’t help wondering if he’d been this bad before. I mean he’d been forgetful the last few weeks before I’d finally bitten the bullet and dragged him all the way to FH to try and find help, but he didn’t seem to remember anything about the morning. This wasn’t like the flashes, this was something far deeper and scarier. Hyne I was willing to dig Lionheart out from wherever they’d hidden her to give her back to him just as long as he started scaring me by facing me down in bed with her again. It was far better than this. </p>
<p>Then again, how would I have known if he was this bad back at the orphanage? I was too busy freaking out that he was dying.</p>
<p>“Only the best for you, smart ass,” I gave him a playful, gentle nudge. </p>
<p>“Okay,” he gave me that sweet smile and shrugged. “I’ll play nice. For you.”</p>
<p>“That’s my boy.”</p>
<p>“Something like that anyway.”</p>
<p>The doctor knocked on the door again, and I called “come in.”</p>
<p>Squall didn’t even notice when he came in from the sitting room thing instead of through the main door to his bedroom area. That’s when I really knew there was a problem. That’s the kind of detail he should have noticed. The kind of thing we ought to pick up on after our training, but Squall had just blithely accepted it. Even if he did need coffee, he didn’t need it that much. </p>
<p>“Good afternoon, Mr Leonhart” The doctor chirped cheerfully. I cleared out of the way to give the doc room to work but stayed just behind him where Squall could see me. I guess I’d managed to somehow get Loire’s approval if he wasn’t coming in to play bodyguard for this session - that was kinda nice to know. Either that or he was figuring the fewer witnesses to Squall killing a doctor the better and trying to maintain plausible deniability. “How did you sleep?”</p>
<p>“Lying down and closing my eyes.”</p>
<p>My sarcastic lover was a <i>gem</i>. </p>
<p>“Oh good - you have the basics down,” the doctor smiled and bought the medical table back over to the side of the bed, pulling a chair closer. “I’d like to draw some blood, listen to your heart and look at your tongue.</p>
<p>Squall glanced over at me, inclining his head slightly to the doctor. Is this okay, are you sure, he was asking. I gave him the nod of approval and Squall shrugged. “Fine.”</p>
<p>So that’s what we went through. Squall behaved much better this time, thankfully, enduring the saying ahh and the cold stethoscope as well as I would have hoped. The blood draw was the problem. Even if he was skinny as fuck and on all sorts of fun and exciting drips, he must still have been a little dehydrated. Of course, that made him start to get a little stressy and while his expression didn’t change, <i>I</i> could tell he was hating every second of it. The doctor shot me a look when Squall started pulling back, so I hied my ass around the bed and pretty much pulled Squall into my lap to help him sit up properly. Then I whispered distracting elephant jokes to him. </p>
<p>“You’re nuts,” he said, tipping his head to give me <i>A Look</i>. The jokes were working, I could see the corner of his mouth twitching as he desperately tried not to encourage me with a smile. </p>
<p>“It works,” I grinned at him. “Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?”</p>
<p>“If we could leave a line in, this will be easier in future,” the doctor said, interrupting my comedy routine.</p>
<p>Squall blinked at him like he’d almost forgotten he was even there. Hey anything that helped, I was good with, but I was possibly going to ask Laguna for a book of elephant jokes next. “I… guess? That’s okay right?”</p>
<p>“What about infection?” I asked.</p>
<p>“No, it will be covered. sealed.”</p>
<p>“Can I put long sleeves over it?” Squall asked.</p>
<p>“Usually we put it in the back of your off hand,” the doc explained. He’d had to try both of Squall’s arms several times to get a good vein. </p>
<p>“Ah, okay.”</p>
<p>“They can shut off the drips and stuff so we can bathe, right?”</p>
<p>“I’d like Mr Leonhart to be more hydrated first, as dehydration can make one very dizzy.”</p>
<p>“Does it matter if I get dizzy if I’m not standing?”</p>
<p>“I could get a nurse to assist you.”</p>
<p>I had an odd flash of possessiveness. Not to mention anger that they thought I couldn’t do this for him. “I’ll be doing the assisting, thanks.”</p>
<p>“He’s strong enough to carry me,” Squall informed the doc. Yeah, I was. Even with my junctions only distant and partly working. And that sure as shit scared the hell out of me. </p>
<p>“Alright, but in a few more days, after some more rest.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” Squall shrugged. The doctor did not know that was practically Squall’s catchphrase and thus, did not appreciate it in the way I did. </p>
<p>I moved him back to the bed while the doctor finished the examination, staying on the bed but mostly scooting out of the way so that he could work and I could pull faces at Squall behind his back. While I didn’t quite manage to make him laugh, I at least achieved several smiles, which I would call a win on any day given it was Squall of the resting bitch face and he was probably still feeling kinda crappy.</p>
<p>“Well, I will send all of this to the lab,” The doctor said, writing down a few last notes on the pad the nurse had used earlier and setting vials in a protective case to carry away for possibly mad science experiments. He taped up Squall’s hand and his new accessory so it wouldn’t move anywhere. “In the meantime, try to eat and keep resting. I will let myself out.”</p>
<p>Squall watched the doc like a silent hawk as he gathered his things, put the table out of the way again and left with a quiet click of the door. Only then did he look at me and say <i>“Ow.”</i></p>
<p>“You okay, baby?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just still waking up and now my hand hurts.”</p>
<p>I checked it out. Looked okay, and the tape wasn’t too tight, but knowing Squall and needles, he was going to have a couple of nasty bruises from the draw sites and his new and shiny accessory for a few days. I could smack him in the head and he’d be fine as soon as he woke up. A needle prick or the wrong cleaning products and he’d be walking wounded.  “He did a number on you. Would some coffee make everything better?” </p>
<p>“Hyne yes.”</p>
<p>I grabbed the phone and arranged both coffee, and lunch, seeing as it was already overdue. The kitchens offered some suggestions from their menu for the day and I picked out something easy to digest to go easy on him. I also made sure that there was no fish or mushrooms involved in said lunch, and that they could send some cookies with so I could keep coaxing him into snacks. </p>
<p>Squall was eyeing his new line with a frown when I hung up the phone. “I vetted him a little,” I told him. “To make sure he wasn’t the type who keeps his stethoscope in the freezer for fun.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” Squall frowned at me. “Wasn’t as good at drawing blood as Kadowaki.”</p>
<p>“She had more practice with wiggling cadets.”</p>
<p>“I’m not wiggling,” Squall almost pouted. “Or a cadet.” </p>
<p>I decided that a distraction was in order to take his mind off the puncturing and everything else he’d had happen to him already today. “So. We could get comfy, and I could read to you until our coffee arrives. And then when we have coffee, I could continue to read to you while we sip coffee.”</p>
<p>“Read to me?” Squall asked. </p>
<p>He really had forgotten. I pointed at the table beside the bed. “I have a book. The Book, which was given to me by the President of Esthar, along with noodle soup. I saved a noodle. I may have it bronzed,” I said. I even picked up the huge old tome so I could show him better. “It is The Book that The Movie was based on. And before you ask, no, not Cheap Tin Toys Eat Deling.”</p>
<p>“Thank Hyne or I’d go to sleep in self defence.”</p>
<p>“I have to admit, that might be a pretty funny book, but it is not the book we are reading today.”</p>
<p>Squall huffed, sinking back against the pillows again. I could see the eyeroll that he tried to hide though. “I doubt that film was based on a book. More like a pamphlet.”</p>
<p>“Maybe a bit of bathroom scrawl.”</p>
<p>“Picture book,” Squall decided. “So not tin toys… Ohhh. That movie.”</p>
<p>“There is only <i>one</i> movie, Squall.”</p>
<p>He looked amused. I remembered how much I loved his smile all over again. “Yes dear,” he said.</p>
<p>I arranged the two of us comfortably, staying on top of the covers for the moment and setting the book on my lap so I could get up and help whenever they turned up with food again, but I couldn’t resist. I tried to give my voice the gravitas that the book deserved, but I couldn’t keep up the froofroo accent with a straight face. </p>
<p>Then, Squall rested his head on my shoulder and almost hugged my arm. I could get used to him doing that to get my attention, it seemed a lot healthier than trying to do it with gunblades, really. “Seifer,” he said firmly. “Use your normal voice. I want to hear this in <i>your</i> voice.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” I agreed. He made himself a little more comfortable, pulling my arm around him so he could lean against me more fully but going right back to having his head right there, where I could feel him. I cleared my throat, and started again. “In the time before, when shadow and magic were wilder things than they are now, there was a sorceress.” </p>
<p>Almost instantly, I felt Squall relax. The tension I’d barely recognised just flowed out of his body like water. “Much better,” he murmured.</p>
<p>The kid I’d been a year ago never would have imagined that I might want this from a man, all the contact and closeness. The kid I’d been a year ago never would have imagined that having Squall do that to me, relaxing against me, trusting me, caring about me, would feel better than almost ruling the world. </p>
<p>What a fool I’d been.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How many Muse songs will darksquall quote by the end of this fic? </p>
<p>Too many. :3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Family, cats, card games and a perfect match.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Three.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And I don't want the world to see me<br/>'Cause I don't think that they'd understand<br/>When everything's made to be broken<br/>I just want you to know who I am<br/>Goo goo dolls - Iris</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>May 29th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For five days I put on a fake smile and hoped it would work. </p>
<p>Every morning I’d get up, go wash up and order breakfast. While waiting for that to be delivered, I’d wake Squall up gently while I was wearing that fake smile, and every morning he’d just be so very <i>pleased</i> to see me. Smiling right back and murmuring my name like a prayer. It was almost like the first morning he’d woken up with me in Esthar. </p>
<p>Almost. Because while for me, time moved on, for Squall it was that same morning. </p>
<p>Squall seemed to be reliving that first morning he’d woken up in Esthar with me beside him over and over.</p>
<p>In fact, it wasn’t just mornings. He was still weak and tired easily, and that usually meant another nap. If he slept more than four hours or so - sometimes more, sometimes less - it was like someone had hit a hard reset on his memory and I had to start all over again. Keep him calm, keep him centered while I shared food and increasingly weaker coffee with him. Thankfully, he didn’t notice the difference in the coffee at least. </p>
<p>I spent the whole time trying not to break down because I had a horrible feeling that this was my punishment for all the shit I’d done to him during the war. Somehow. And as much as I deserved it, <i>he</i> didn’t. </p>
<p>I never lost it in front of him. But in the shower, away from him where he couldn’t hear me and he couldn’t see me, I might have cursed everything and anything that came to mind. </p>
<p>You know I was always happy to make lists, and lists of stuff to bitch at and about fitted the bill just fine. </p>
<p>Honestly, I was starting to dread the morning routine by the third day. By the fifth, I was digging my nails into my palms just in an effort to keep that fake smile in place. I really think it would have been easier if he was pissed at me, as much as that would have hurt itself, it never would have felt like this. I hated to see all of this with him just looking so <i>pleased</i> to see me again.</p>
<p>So, yeah. Breakfast was on its way  and I steeled myself, plastering on the fake smile as I kissed Squall’s forehead. “C’mon baby, time to wake up.”</p>
<p>Squall quietly grumbled his way to consciousness, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand again as he woke up. Something he’d done when he was a little kid, back in those long old days that never seemed to end. When the nightmares of the future were nonexistent. “Se’fr.”</p>
<p>“I’m here baby,” I promised him, stroking his hair back from his forehead. His soft skin felt like paper. </p>
<p>He opened those pretty, blue grey eyes properly and focused on me little by little. He lifted his hand to catch mine, fingers still warm from the bed. “Hey,” he said with a smile. “Still here?”</p>
<p>“You are stuck with me,” I said sitting up straight again. Right, initial tasks completed, now to help him up and get him ready for coffee and whatever else they were going to provide us for breakfast. I hoped it wasn’t oatmeal. I hated oatmeal. </p>
<p>Then it hit me. Still here. </p>
<p>
  <i>Still. Here. </i>
</p>
<p>Squall remembered.</p>
<p>If he hadn’t been tied to all the machines and drips, I might have picked him up and danced with him. I tried to keep my grin below three million candlepower but it was difficult. Didn’t want him to notice something was off, after all - how could you explain that for five days he hadn’t noticed time passing? He’d only worry about time compression and shit like that. “You feeling better?”</p>
<p>“Kinda,” he smiled at me, still a little sleepy. “Need coffee.”</p>
<p>“Don’t we all. Fortunately, I already summoned the lovely person who comes with the cart, they should be here soon,” I said, doing my next step of the morning routine and getting him sitting up without being tangled or worse. “You know what day it is?”</p>
<p>He frowned again, eyebrows knitting together as he tried to remember. “Um… no?” </p>
<p>It hit me suddenly that I wasn’t exactly sure either. It was the twenty ninth, I knew that because I’d been counting all the horrors of not having him remember and getting more and more depressed with each day, and that at least gave me some hope that I wasn’t entirely losing my mind just yet. At least it would get better now. Squall was getting better, so I would be better, too. “That’s okay, I’m not entirely sure myself.”</p>
<p>“Ask when they bring the cart.”</p>
<p>“Good plan,” I grinned at him and ruffled his hair. “So, what do you remember?”</p>
<p>Squall looked at me, confused and concerned in equal measure. “Are you having GF issues?”</p>
<p>“It’s a thing to make sure they aren’t overmedicating you,” I lied. I wanted to make sure he was actually remembering the previous day and not the first day we’d been reunited or something weird. Because I couldn’t keep living my life repeating five days at a time without something to help me through it. I wasn’t sure what I could do about it even if he was remembering the wrong days, and I couldn’t even lie and tell myself that it was to stop me from getting my hopes up or anything since I was pretty sure I could walk on the ceiling right now given the right run up. </p>
<p>“Oh. You read The Book to me yesterday? I lay here like a slug,” he gestured at the bed and gave me a flat look. “There’s so much to remember.”</p>
<p>I leant over and kissed him softly. Squall made a sweet little hum of happiness as he kissed back that he usually reserved for <i>really </i>good coffee and I felt a little more blessed. “To make your day more interesting.”</p>
<p>“Careful, I’ll ooze on you,” he threatened with a half smirk. He learnt that from me. He very much learnt that from me. “Oh. We had tomato soup for lunch?”</p>
<p>Yeah, he remembered the previous day. Not one of the other first days he’d had with me here. Clearly we needed to start doing more interesting things, give him better stuff to remember. I mean I could barely differentiate between the days other than by my level of blind panic through the lot of it, so for him being stuck mostly in one position it had to be far worse. “It was so good my PJs kept some.”</p>
<p>He touched the stain on my pjs and frowned. I had a couple of pairs now, Laguna had bought me a few more basics and even some real clothes, but I preferred to stick to things I could wear in bed with him - since I spent most of my time doing that and sticking as close as I possibly could. The other pair had just gone to the laundry.  “We need to get you some clean ones.”</p>
<p>“Maybe we’ll both repair to the tub after breakfast.”</p>
<p>“I could be a slug in a tub,” he mused.</p>
<p>I snorted. Couldn’t help myself. “Sounds like a kids book.”</p>
<p>Squall lifted his hand with the catheter taped to the back. “Can I go in the tub with bonus holes in me?”</p>
<p>“As long as you don’t blow bubbles through them.”</p>
<p>He winced at the idea. “Not sure I even want to try.”</p>
<p>“We should be good then. We can close that thing off - I learned how.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“Anything else you want on the agenda?”</p>
<p>He thought about that, hands folded neatly on the bed clothes. He had a habit of rubbing the ring finger where his Griever ring had been but he’d lost so much weight recently that it just slipped right off if he tried to wear it, so I’d managed to convince him to add it to the chain of his pendant back when we were at the orphanage. He was back to wearing that though, he’d felt naked without having <i>something</i> of his own on, and since real clothes were pretty much out, we’d negotiated the thick, heavy necklace and ring at least most of the time with the doctor. I was kind of relieved - looked a little more like Squall with that back on.  “Read to me some more? That was nice.”</p>
<p>“From The Book? Gladly.”</p>
<p>That agreed, I did other stuff. Most of the drugs they were trying out on him were on the IV that was running pretty much all day and night for the moment, and thankfully with his new fashion accessory on his left hand, he didn’t need to be woken up at all to change anything out. Still, the doc had given him an interesting little cocktail of pills to swallow two or three times a day in an attempt to fix whatever was wrong with him and somehow they trusted me to get him him to take them. </p>
<p>Or rather, they knew he would trust me enough to take them. Anyone else would never manage that. It didn’t help that the nurses they sent looked different every time to me, either, so I never knew which ones were going to need a warning that he could get cranky pretty easily. </p>
<p>“I liked it,” he said suddenly, sounding quite thoughtful. I had to look over to prompt him into  giving me a little more detail to work with. “You reading. I like your voice. Feels like <i>home.</i>”</p>
<p>Thus he continued to ensure that my ego would never be able to leave the room again. I put on an attempt at an Estharian accent and sang a few lines for him from a suitably schmoopy love song as I set up his little lap table thing and put the cup with his meds in on it. “Love me tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine…”</p>
<p>Then a knock at the door threw me off my rhythm. I hot footed it over to the door to get it, but the doors always seemed locked when I tried. Didn’t know how to fix that and I figured if I asked, someone was going to accuse me of trying to escape or some shit. “Come in,” I called. </p>
<p>Thankfully it wasn’t Loire today. It was one of the sweeter kitchen maids who’d been visiting us in the previous few days, so she knew to push the door just a little to let me grab it, and pull it open for her so she could wheel the cart in. I bowed. It seemed appropriate for the whole setting, even if I was still in PJs. </p>
<p>“Breakfast for you, sir,” she positively twinkled at me. </p>
<p>“Just me? You are out of luck, Squall.”</p>
<p>“We all know I can charm it out of you,” Squall said. I could hear the eyroll in his voice from clear across the room.</p>
<p>“He’s right,” I confessed to her. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure which one of you that says more about,” she smiled. “I left you another box of cookies, too. In case you wanted something else. Have a good day, sirs.”</p>
<p>“You’re the best,” I said, taking over with the trolley. She curtsied, waved to Squall a little and was kind enough to shut the door quietly on the way out.</p>
<p>I trundled over to the side of the bed and checked out our offerings. Today we had pancakes, more bacon, scrambled eggs, stewed tomatoes and more fancily sliced up fresh fruit. I made Squall up a small plate first, setting that on the lap table thing and gathered my own, making sure to take extra strawberries to tempt him with. “The best thing about breakfast here, is they never serve oatmeal.”</p>
<p>“Actually, they do,” he offered me the first bite of his pancakes when I got close again. I don’t know why that was becoming one of his habits  here, maybe testing to see whether the food was okay? That we were safe? That we weren’t prisoners and I wasn’t compromised or some shit? Or did he just like to see me eat off his fork? I humoured him anyway and swapped that bite for a cup of coffee. “We just got served spackle at Garden.”</p>
<p>“That explains so much. I was afraid it was somehow fish related, so I’m kind of relieved to hear it was spackle.”</p>
<p>Squall of course focused immediately on the coffee, warily eyeing the walls where the painted plaster was visible. He put his fork down so he could hold on to the coffee mug with both hands and sip it menacingly.  “Now I’m imagining fish peeking out of the walls,” he grumbled. “Apparently there are places in Esthar where they serve it with a tot of whiskey in it.”</p>
<p>“Fish? Wouldn’t help.”</p>
<p>“Oatmeal,” he corrected me. “My uncle Ward mentioned it when I was here before.”</p>
<p>Wait. Uncle Ward? He’d never mentioned anyone besides Laguna and Sis. Had he? I was pretty sure he hadn’t, at least. Hyne, I hope I wasn’t losing it too, I wasn’t sure I could survive without him to keep me sane. “You never mentioned him before.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to even think about Esthar before.”</p>
<p>“I put it to you that a place that knows one needs a shot to stomach a bowl of spackle cannot be all bad.”</p>
<p>“Better now you’re suffering this place along with me.”</p>
<p>“It’s always more fun with a friend. By the way, <i>uncle</i>?”</p>
<p>He gave a little shrug and tried to look anywhere but at me. Which meant he wasn’t comfortable about sharing and wasn’t sure if he should stop talking. That he wanted to stop talking but also needed me to know. I knew him far too well sometimes. “Laguna’s friend. Friends. Ward suggested I call him uncle.”</p>
<p>“You have a whole family.”</p>
<p>Squall eyed me over the cup, almost glaring. “...<i>We</i> have a whole family.”</p>
<p>I loved that even if he hated it himself, he was willing to share it with me. Stubborn ass. “We,” I repeated, and planted a kiss on his hair. </p>
<p>It made him blush. “Yeah, if I have to suffer this shit, you do too.”</p>
<p>“Deal, but if we find out I have kin and it includes a little old lady with thirty four cats, you are going to have to make nice to her,” I offered Squall a strawberry with my fingers. He let me feed him the first bite, but took it from my hands to finish the last morsel himself. Thankfully that little prompt seemed to encourage his appetite a little and he started eating his breakfast slowly. Always the caffeine with him. </p>
<p>He shrugged and eyed the next bite of pancake warily while I ate my own breakfast. He mused for a little while before finally eating it. A lot of things were kind of getting dramatic with him, come to think of it, not least food. He was starting to feel well enough to be awkward. A massive improvement on feeling ill enough to be an ass, however much it was justified. “I don’t mind cats.”</p>
<p>“It’s not the cats, it’s the four thousand crocheted doilies and everything smelling like mothballs and cat pee.”</p>
<p>“If I must,” Squall pulled a face. </p>
<p>“She probably makes cookies.”</p>
<p>“We have cookies,” Squall pointed out. Literally, since I’d set the box of cookies on the chair Laguna often perched in when he came to visit, he could actually literally point them out. </p>
<p>“But do they include cat hair?”</p>
<p>Squall grimaced again. “Losing my appetite.”</p>
<p>Ouch, my bad. I offered him another strawberry and he seemed to inspect that too, making sure it was entirely free of cat hair before he deigned to take it and nibble  on it. I just about sighed with relief. “Okay, we’ll skip that one.”</p>
<p>“‘Kay.” </p>
<p>“I do like cats though. We should get a cat.”</p>
<p>“When we leave?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we have to live someplace and, wherever that is, we’ll get a cat,” I said, picking up the notepad Laguna had left me in case I wanted to record anything, and I started doodling a cartoon of Squall in bed with an enormous fluffy cat covering most of him like a duvet. He rested his head on my shoulder and watched me work, still picking at the strawberries and other fruit on his plate. </p>
<p>“We can call it Seifer Junior,” he said, pretending that he wasn’t smiling, mostly by hiding behind a strawberry.</p>
<p>“No, if it’s Seifer junior, it would be like this,” I said, flipping over the page and doing a second cartoon, with a bed sized cat and tiny cartoon Squall stretched out on top of it.</p>
<p>“”True, you do like making me sleep on you.”</p>
<p>“Well, I get cold and you don’t.”</p>
<p>He scoffed at the idea, shaking his head a little. “I do, I just don’t whine like you.”</p>
<p>“I never whine!”</p>
<p>“Mmhm.”</p>
<p>“Well… hardly ever.”</p>
<p>Squall gave me a doubtful look, but I pouted. So he took pity on me, tipping my head to give me a soft little kiss. </p>
<p>Hyne I’d missed those kisses. I’d missed him, even if he was still barely a shadow of my Squall overall, he was enough for me. I moved the tray out of the way and curled up with him to share sweet, lazy kisses as long as he’d let me have them. He melted against me, unwinding like a loose spring. It was amazing to just <i>feel</i> that, feel how he thawed against me, especially with how standoffish he’d once been with me. Hell, even back when we’d first bumped into each other, I’d never had ever believed that could be possible.</p>
<p>“Haven’t seen you this happy for…” he thought about it and frowned when he struggled to place it, switching gears instead. “For a good while.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been too sick to make fun of me. I missed it.”</p>
<p>“Says a lot about our relationship.”</p>
<p>“We fight for foreplay?”</p>
<p>“Well,” he sighed, looking at his hand. Or more specifically the catheter connection in the back of his hand.  “Not right now. </p>
<p>“Soon,” I promised him, tipping his chin up and pressing my lips to his slowly, and tenderly. With him kissing me like that, I could almost close my eyes and pretend everything was fine again. It wasn’t, of course, but hell I’d fooled myself into far worse fantasies for a little while there. </p>
<p>“Yeah. soon,” he smiled when I broke the kiss slowly, like breaking a spell. </p>
<p>“You want some more coffee?” I asked, hoping I could also convince him to eat a little more if I offered him that. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he nodded. “Still kind of sleepy.”</p>
<p>I gathered the rest of the strawberries, and some cookies before I finally topped off his coffee. Thankfully with a little bit of coaxing, I could get him to combine cookies, and coffee and he’d eat a pretty good amount. I know the doc was all keen on healthy stuff but the guy was skinny as a rake so I figured he could at least manage a few cookies for breakfast without too much trouble.  “I could read a little more. Before we hit the tub.” </p>
<p>That would give the nurse time to come and check his IV’s and release us to go do that too. If I was careful.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” he said with a little nod. “You need more clothes before we go in anyway.”</p>
<p>“I thought you liked to see me without clothes.”</p>
<p>He gave me an arch look. “Not where my father can see.”</p>
<p>“Good point.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Squall ruffled my hair fondly with his not currently occupied hand. He was warm from the bed and it felt good to have that little affectionate contact from him. He second-guessed himself far too much when other people were around, still, so I treasured our quieter moments together. “I need you in one piece.”</p>
<p>“Maybe he’d insist on a shotgun wedding,”I mused. “Or was it a machine gun you said he used?”</p>
<p>“Wait, isn’t that for pregnancy?”</p>
<p>“You did say…”</p>
<p>“I did?”</p>
<p>“You let me think you were pregnant,” I reminded him. I could tell by the expression that he had not one clue what I meant. “When we went to the clinic and the doc said you needed vitamins but all he had were prenatal ones.”</p>
<p>“Ohhh…” the light dawned. “I’d forgotten about that.”</p>
<p>“Damn,” I sighed, defeated. “I’d almost lived it down, too.”</p>
<p>“You only have yourself to blame.</p>
<p>“I know, I know.”</p>
<p>“S’okay, I like you anyway.”</p>
<p>“Good thing, since you’re stuck with me,” I pretended to be huffier than I actually was, just for shits and giggles. “We have to stay together for the cat.”</p>
<p>“Poor mittens.”</p>
<p>“Hyne knows the trouble he’ll get into if he comes from a broken home.”</p>
<p>It was still fairly rare that Squall assisted with my flights of fancy and rambling suggestions, so I treated each rare occasion like a diamond that was infinitely precious. I  thought it was another good sign for his condition when he started. “Get in with the wrong crowd, go raiding fishmongers and milk bars.”</p>
<p>“Get some Molly into trouble.”</p>
<p>“Is that a girl cat?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, although I don’t know why molly’s are girls and boy cats are toms.”</p>
<p>He frowned, thoughtfully. “I think it’s pretty symbolic we both immediately assumed we’d get a boy cat.”</p>
<p>“Of course we’d get a boy.”</p>
<p>“I am not crass enough to comment,” Squall smirked all over again and sipped from his coffee mug, watching me from over the rim with those deep blue grey eyes that I knew so well. </p>
<p>“Wise move.”</p>
<p>“My halo is bent enough.”</p>
<p>“You got a halo?”</p>
<p>“People always did believe me far more readily than you,” he shrugged but I could see the start of a smirk at the corner of his lips and in his eyes. Yeah, he was enjoying that particular memory at least. And it was true. Squall had only ever gotten into trouble really when it had involved one of my plans. Or me, as part of the disciplinary committee.</p>
<p>“And I have no idea why.”</p>
<p>“I’m the quiet one.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t those the ones that always go bonkers and spray congress with weasel urine?”</p>
<p>He started to answer, then paused, memories filtering through. “You know… after dealing with politicians in the war? I could very well be.”</p>
<p>“Squall. I’ll do a lot for you. I would gladly upset congress for you, but I am <i>not</i> collecting weasel pee for you.”</p>
<p>“Okay okay,” he huffed, pouting thoughtfully. “Release chocobo instead?”</p>
<p>“Or hell, a sack of weasels and they can do their own peeing.”</p>
<p>“Deal,” Squall offered me his hand and I shook it just once. </p>
<p>As though on cue, there was a knock at the door. I thought it’d be the maid coming to retrieve the trolley but no, it was Laguna. He’d been to see Squall every day I’d been there at least once, sometimes twice, not that Squall acknowledged his presence all that much. Squall had a chip on his shoulder that could keep Balamb in fish dinners for a decade. I however, did not. I just had a severe case of hero worship and a minor case of a crush. Just a very minor one, nothing serious. Couldn’t have anything serious when we all knew I had the best man already, after all. “Come in, we were just going to start reading,” I offered.</p>
<p>Laguna took it upon himself to wheel the cart out into the hallway, after he was done clearing up for us again. Seriously, if he ever gave up the presidential shit he’d be an awesome butler. He could butle with the best of them. Might need a slightly more formal outfit than a button down shirt and dress slacks though. When he was done with clearing up after us, he strolled over to the bed. “How are you guys doing today?”</p>
<p>“Peachy,” I said and meant it for once. Then I stage whispered to Squall. “Ixnay on the easleways.”</p>
<p>“You started it,” Squall rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>I usually did, to be honest.</p>
<p>“How was breakfast?” Laguna asked, drawing his chair up to the side of the bed again. I never moved it too far away, especially since I figured that the more time Squall spent with his dad the better it was, especially while he was healing up and hopefully getting better. Don’t want to piss off the guy whose house you’re staying in, y’know?</p>
<p>“No fish or spackle, so… awesome.”</p>
<p>Laguna gave a soft little chuckle of amusement. I could see him watching me, judging my expression, our closeness, every little thing about it. He was more switched on than I think Squall gave him credit for - at least right now he was anyway. I think he’d figured out that we were having a much better day today, even though I hadn’t said a word to him yet. “Good to know military food is still as bad as when I was going through training.”</p>
<p>“They even hired folk with extra hairy shoulders to cook. Good thing most of those old ladies wore long sleeves.”</p>
<p>“Rather the fish than the hotdogs,” Squall said with a shudder. I had a moment of sensory flashing back to something. Not the hotdogs, even though we were talking about it, but in fact I remembered the smell of those damn death claws and the way they’d smelt after we’d fought them. Come to think of it, what was in the Garden hotdogs?</p>
<p>Despite that particularly unpleasant memory, I shook my head. “No the hotdogs were better because you could eat the bun.”</p>
<p>“Speak for yourself.”</p>
<p>“Okay, fine, the hotdogs were better because I could sell them to underclassmen and then take the money to go buy real food in town.”</p>
<p>Squall bumped me gently. “Ass.”</p>
<p>“You want to sit in on our reading session, Laguna? Or do you have other plans?”</p>
<p>“Actually,” Laguna fished in his pocket and bought out a stack of triple triad cards. “I was wondering if Squall felt up to a game?”</p>
<p>“Do I have to play?” I asked, worried. I knew if I lost Squall’s cards, he’d kill me. He would get up from this bed, go find Lionheart in all his shiny blue glory, and he would genuinely kill me.</p>
<p>“You can help me,” Squall rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“You might have a chance, Laguna, with me helping,” I grinned at him.</p>
<p>Laguna had a mat for the game rolled up in his back pocket and everything, and he wound up putting it down on the tray over Squall’s lap again and pulling the chair as close as he could, sitting up straight enough to be able to see  it easily. “Don’t worry, I didn’t bring any cards I couldn’t stand to lose this time.</p>
<p>“Good, maybe this won’t end in tears then.”</p>
<p>“Can you get my cards?” Squall asked. </p>
<p>Of course, I did. I was almost worried that this would be too stressful for him, I mean, it was only today he’d managed to hang on to any information, I didn’t know how that would affect his playing. The hardest part was sorting through the cards at first though to pick his five playing cards, the deck looked bulky in his thin hands now. </p>
<p>“We played a little in the war,” Laguna told me. “He took all of my strongest cards then.”</p>
<p>“Ahh, then you know that a triple triad deck turns Squall from a mild mannered mercenary to the sort of card shark who would sell his commanding officer’s last kidney for a good card,” I grinned. </p>
<p>“You’ve watched me play what, four? Five times?” Squall gave me a sly look. I liked it.  </p>
<p>“Enough times.”</p>
<p>Turns out that Triple Triad is genetic too. Laguna actually gave Squall a run for his money, never quite letting Squall win by more than one card. He even held him out to a draw a couple of times, but Squall was trying to involve me, quietly talking me through his battle strategy, pointing out advantages and placements. I didn’t really have the patience for something like Triple Triad, but knowing Squall was happy to share all of that with me too gave me a very definite bout of warm fuzzies. </p>
<p>It took a lot of concentration, and other than my impromptu lessons, there wasn’t much talking between the three of us. They must have played for a couple of hours and I honestly just enjoyed watching it, a battle of the titans. Especially with Squall’s quiet running commentary to keep me interested. </p>
<p>Towards the end though, both of us could tell he was flagging. With every card placement of the last two or three games, Squall was leaning against me a little heavier. He could barely keep his eyes open by the time it came to place the last card, so I took it gently from his hand and placed it on his behalf. </p>
<p>“You win again,” Laguna smiled. “I think I should leave you guys to it for now though.”</p>
<p>“You mind moving the board, Laguna?” I asked. “I think we’re gonna have to take a nap right here.”</p>
<p>He did as we asked, even tucking Squall’s cards back into his deck and passing it back to me. “Thank you for the games, Squall,” he said, even taking the lap tray away again too. I gave him a thumbs up to thank him too. </p>
<p>Squall’s head was pillowed on my shoulder, his eyes closed as Laguna stole out of the room. </p>
<p>“You cheated and left him some good cards.”</p>
<p>“I already got his best ones during the war,” he huffed. I had to chuckle. “The cards are… magic, you know that right?”</p>
<p>“I know you can gather them in fights, or change them if your GF has the right skills.”</p>
<p>“More than that,” Squall held his hand out for his deck again. I tipped the deck out onto my hand and passed it to him. He moved his head just enough to be able to see as he thumbed through the cards. I could see his eyes flicker from card to card as he pushed each one aside in order to reveal the next to his eyes, searching for something. Finally he reached what he was looking for. “I think it’s something to do with time compression… This is the card I got from him.”</p>
<p>Squall pulled out a card that had an eerily familiar drawing. A drawing that looked exactly like him. As he was at the height of the war, his familiar glare looking out of the card, scar in place. I didn’t like looking at it, if I was honest. It reminded me of how much he’d wasted away in the months since. “That’s… mildly creepy,” I said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and it gets creepier,” he said and handed the Squall card to me. He thumbed through a few more cards  and pulled out another one that he held alongside the Squall card. A card of some blond asshole who’d sold his soul for a short while. Me. </p>
<p>“At least they got my good side,” I joked, even though I was feeling a little sick to my stomach over it. </p>
<p>“Of course they did,” he held up my card next to his own. “But look at our numbers. They are the exact same, but flipped and reversed.”</p>
<p>“That’s because we are the perfect match,” I said. In duels, in life, in love. </p>
<p>He lifted his head, to look at me like he’d never thought of it that way. And hell, maybe he hadn’t, I mean, I’d had my head in my ass about <i>us</i> for a while there. It was entirely possible he hadn’t. “Yeah,” he said, smiling and tucking the two cards back into the pile. That done, he offered the thick deck of cards to me and said “here, put these down, I’m getting pretty tired.”</p>
<p>I did, sliding them back into the protective case he had them in yet again and putting them back on the bedside table. Of course, I wasn’t tired, but I <i>was</i> very happy to be a pillow. I settled back and held him against me, remembering to put some soft music on from one of the station feeds from the radio Laguna had showed us on my first day in Squall’s suite. </p>
<p>“Perfect match,” he murmured, already half asleep. </p>
<p>“And you had the proof all along” I replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>Love me tender,<br/>love me dear,<br/>Tell me you are mine.<br/>I'll be yours through all the years,<br/>‘til the end of time.<br/></i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I got the ‘History of Marshmallows’, ‘How to Build Aqueducts’, and ‘1001 Booger jokes’.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Four.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And now I need to know - is this real love<br/>Or is it just madness keeping us afloat? mmm<br/>And when I look back at all the crazy fights we've had<br/>Like some kind of madness was taking control, yeah</p>
<p>And now I have finally seen the light<br/>And I have finally realized what you need<br/>Muse - Madness</p>
<p> </p>
<p>May 31st</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was already starting to feel better. Every day I stayed awake a little longer, eating more, drinking more. I still had to endure time on the IV’s in the morning and evening, not to mention endure routinely embarassing tests from the nurses and the doctor who occasionally showed his face, but I could tell from the way Seifer was unwinding, he was less worried about me. </p>
<p>Me starting to get better also meant that I could rely on less and less monitoring connections. Slowly the band on my wrist could take more of the load from them, which made sitting up easier. It also made being close with Seifer a damn sight easier and more satisfying too. Of course we were still on camera - I wasn’t sure if they’d noticed that I’d noticed, but of course I saw that damn thing sitting on the ceiling like a lurking imp - and I wasn’t <i>that</i> much better yet, so it wasn’t like we could get adventurous even if we weren’t being spied on. </p>
<p>The real problem was Seifer.</p>
<p>Seifer had stopped worrying quite so much, and thus, Seifer was bored. </p>
<p>A bored Seifer is like nitroglycerine in a crash test. Sooner or later, something’s going to blow up. It’s safer not to let it happen or to be as far away as possible when it finally does - a lesson I may have learned many times over the years, but not one I always took to heart. Partly because Seifer could easily locate my last nerve and tapdance straight on top of it. </p>
<p>Seifer was trying <i>not</i> to yawn. It wasn’t going so well. </p>
<p>“Think we could move into the study room today?” I suggested, pointing over at the door into the other room. </p>
<p>“Tired of the view?” Seifer asked, unhooking the monitoring connection for the move, wrapping the cords carefully around the data recorder. He’d need to hook it up for a continued feed while we were in there, I knew that much, but I was still getting used to some of the Estharian tech myself. The band felt oddly like a shackle, and I was glad I’d woken up with it on slowly at first - I think I might have done something stupid if I’d had to endure them putting it on me. Just a little too similar to a certain trip to a desert prison for some parts of my brain. </p>
<p>Made the scars from the electroshocks itch too, with the way it sat on them.</p>
<p>“Of the room, yes,” I said, pushing myself up as best I could into a sitting position. Thankfully I had a little bit of a head start since I was piled up on the pillows again. Most of our lives right now seemed to involve the mass moving of pillows. “Of you? No.”</p>
<p>“Good thing, since you’re stuck with me for the duration. We can at least wallpaper the room.”</p>
<p>Seifer handed me a couple of pillows and the data recorder, then picked me and my new accoutrements up. I held on to my spoils - him - with one arm, and kept the other around the pillows, curling as close to him as I could get. Better for the centre of gravity. Better for Seifer too. “I can tell when you’re bored, you know,” I said, tucking my head down against him so his view was as unobstructed as I could manage. Of course I could tell when he was bored - usually a bored Seifer would be poking and prodding me in order to get a rise out of me. </p>
<p>“I’m not bored when you hang onto me like that.”</p>
<p>“Mm, but it’s harder to do that when I’m asleep.”</p>
<p>“If we position ourselves correctly, you could.” Seifer carried me through into the smaller room just off my bedroom. It was meant to be a study or something, with a desk in one corner and another couch. But it had a view of the gardens behind the palace,  whereas the bedroom looked out on one of the main thoroughfares of the city. “Dunno how restful it would be, though.”</p>
<p>“For you? Or for me?” I asked as Seifer settled me onto the couch with my feet up on a stool. He plugged the data recorder back in and used the pillows to make sure I was comfortable. </p>
<p>He just flashed me a grin in response to my question and slunk back into the bedroom to grab a blanket from the bed to cover my legs. </p>
<p>Shaking my head, I waited until he was done with that before I pointed to one of the cabinets on the wall. “There was one of those Estharian handheld tablets in there, can you take a look for me?”</p>
<p>“You get up in the middle of the night and take inventory?”</p>
<p>“Not since before I escaped.”</p>
<p>“Well the maid you tied up and left here escaped. Someone swiped your dartboard with your dad’s face on it too.”</p>
<p>“There’s only so many times you can put a gunblade through a dartboard,” I muttered darkly. He rummaged through the cabinet and I tried to remember whether I’d left anything incriminating in there. I was pretty sure anything that might have caused concern or embarrassment was long gone, but hell, it had been a while and I knew my memories were still apparently patchy. Thankfully, I needn’t have worried as he was soon closing the door and turning back to me. “Got it?”</p>
<p>“Got it,” he held it up in triumph. </p>
<p>Seifer bought me the tablet first, then fussed at the curtains, making sure I could see out from where I was seated. It looked like a nice day outside, not even a cloud in the sky. I couldn’t quite see directly down into the part of the gardens I actually gave a shit about, unfortunately, but given how high up in the building we were, I wasn’t really expecting to. It was just nice to see something green after all that time in the desert. I only half remembered getting to the orphanage, so I didn’t feel like that counted. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” I said, holding the tablet in my hands. My personal interface connected with the tablet and logged me on to the palace network automatically. “Going to see if they have my accounts locked down.”</p>
<p>Seifer flopped onto the couch beside me, resting his head on my shoulder to peer at the screen. “I know Cid’s old passcode if they got your SeeD funds.”</p>
<p>I looked up at him, surprised. “How do you know that?”</p>
<p>“Edea.”</p>
<p>“Ahh, that makes sense.”</p>
<p>“Those hats weren’t cheap,” he flashed me a quick smirk.</p>
<p>I shook my head and checked my accounts. Everything looked fine so I guess they never thought to lock any of it down. Maybe they were just hoping I’d get into them so they could trace me. “Looks like they didn’t get hold of it. Maybe we can do some shopping?”</p>
<p>“I think your pop will put the kibosh on it if we order the build your own gunblade kit,” Seifer shrugged. I looked at one of my hands, the thin frail fingers that had once held the masterwork blade I loved so much. It wasn’t like I could hold her even if she was returned to me, but damn I missed that comfort of having that hyperjunction in my reach.</p>
<p>“How about the prison escape kit?” I suggested, in an attempt to play it off. </p>
<p>Seifer’s hand slid over mine, tangling his fingers with mine briefly . I didn’t know if he’d picked up on my little moment there, but he kissed my knuckles lightly before he released me again. “I’m thinking we won’t get it past the doorman.”</p>
<p>“Damn,” I sighed, skimming through some of the stores that would deliver to the palace. I spotted an interesting one. “How about a game instead?” </p>
<p>“Don’t make it too complicated, I’m not sure the doorman is too bright.”</p>
<p>“For us, dumbass,” we both knew I was rolling my eyes, whether he could see it or not. Hell, whether I did it physically or not, I had him trained enough by now to know it was happening. </p>
<p>“Much better plan, go you,” Seifer grinned at me again.</p>
<p>I swatted him and handed him the pad. “Here, help me look. We need to get you clothes too.”</p>
<p>“If I have to wear clothes then so do you.”</p>
<p>“I’m sick,” I explained slowly, as though I were talking to a blond. Mostly because I was and because I knew it would piss him off all the more. “You’re the one who keeps walking around in front of your hero, in nightwear.”</p>
<p>“Hero in nightwear sounds like an obscure painting from the second Shinra Empire,” he mused. “Or a mixed drink in a bar named ‘fantasies’.”</p>
<p>“Or a badly translated porno,” I suggested, showing Seifer how to navigate to the stores he wanted to look at. Or rather, trying to show him, but he was too busy giving me this strangely adoring gaze. “What?”</p>
<p>“You just found my new hobby.”</p>
<p>I gave him a concerned look. “...translating porn badly?”</p>
<p>“Hours of potential entertainment.”</p>
<p>“That could be fun,” I admitted grudgingly. Not that we’d watched or even read any porn together. And I had kind of watched some, at least. I had no idea what Seifer had seen - usually stuff like that got discussed in the locker rooms in hushed whispers in case one of the tutors might overhear, and later, in case the head of the disciplinary committee might be listening in, but it’d never really done much for me since most of what got discussed was either straight or just girls. “Seifer. Less porn, more browsing.”</p>
<p>Seifer gave me a lazy salute and skimmed through some stores with little gestures of his hand. I liked the Estharian interfaces, they made sense for this kind of stuff, but I far preferred having the flexibility of a keyboard in front of me for most things. So he skimmed through the stores, looking at clothes mostly, just the basics. Slacks, jeans, teeshirts. “You know Madame Manners says you have to be in a serious relationship before you accept gifts of clothing.”</p>
<p>“Mm, remember the sweater?”</p>
<p>“The giant sweater? Yeah, you want one?”</p>
<p>“No, just pointing out we’ve already done that,” I shrugged. Even before we were together in fact. At least as far as I remembered. “Anyway, aren’t we serious?”</p>
<p>“About each other, yes. For me, everything else is subject to debate,” Seifer looked me up and down and navigated back to the knitwear section on the store he was already viewing. “I’ll get a sweater anyway, you can wear it.”</p>
<p>“Whatever,” I murmured, turning my head to kiss his hair. Was it <i>too</i> gay to like the idea of wearing Seifer’s clothes sometimes? I’d done it on the road a few times, out of convenience and comfort but it was like there was some kind of weird switch in my head that apparently liked the idea of wearing Seifer’s things. Maybe not the trench, if he’d had it, but I’d worn one of his shirts a few times. And that damned sweater.</p>
<p>“Look, this one comes in 6XL. We can both wear it,” he sounded almost delighted at the prospect, showing me the screen with a cable knit thing in cream. I wondered whether cream was a good idea given it was us, but we were on light scuffling duties for the moment. Besides, he’d managed to keep that trenchcoat white enough until the war at least. “How much do you have?”</p>
<p>“Enough. I’ll tell you when to stop if I need you to.”</p>
<p>“Well then, I guess I’ll splurge on some socks and underwear.”</p>
<p>I resisted the obvious and crass joke and focused on a different point. “Damn, you need underwear?”</p>
<p>Seifer shifted so that he could put his feet up on the stool besides mine. The air conditioning was keeping the room fairly cool - my preference, rather than his - so he was nudging under the blanket a little with me while he was settled in. “I can go commando, but boots without socks are nasty.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>Seifer skipped straight past normal things - things that <i>I</i> would wear anyway - and went straight for the weird prints. He found a particularly fetching pair of pj pants that were black but featured a recurring large print of a fried egg and a rasher of bacon apparently performing a tango. They had stick figure style arms and legs and smiley faces. I gave him a look til he pointed out the next set of pyjamas that had fairly normal pants with a regular print, but a long sleeved shirt with an empty battery symbol on it above the words “need coffee” in a bold font. Turned out the print on the pants was tiny coffee cups. “I did think you were good enough to eat,” I gestured at the breakfast pants. “But the coffee ones are very me.”</p>
<p>“And they go together,” Seifer nudged me gently and gave me one of his rare adoring looks. Twice in one conversation - this was a new record. “Like us.”</p>
<p>“Sap,” I said, only slightly accusingly. </p>
<p>“You like it.”</p>
<p>“Maybe.”</p>
<p>“Not gonna change.”</p>
<p>I looked at him, that smile reaching his jade green eyes, that bed tousled slightly too long to be really Seifer blond hair, and I tried to imagine how he’d been in the war. The hard set of his mouth came to mind, but his eyes were so different now. He’d already changed, but this Seifer was mine now, and I liked how he was. The way he cared about me. “I’m good with that.”</p>
<p>He turned his attention back to the tablet and flicked through a few more things, cuddling as close to my side as he could get without throwing a leg across mine. “How about some more music?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” I shrugged. I didn’t much care about it but I didn’t dislike much music. I had a habit of forgetting it was there though, but if it helped him it didn’t matter much to me. </p>
<p>“Hey,” Seifer tipped the screen so I could see what he was looking at. “Here’s the soundtrack to Deling vs Tin Toys.”</p>
<p>“I <i>will</i> hurt you.”</p>
<p>“No movie tunes, got it,” he grinned at me again and instead found one of those discs with just ocean and storm sounds, adding it to the cart without asking. We’d certainly both sleep better with that - kind of like being back at the orphanage.</p>
<p>“Good idea,” I murmured. “I kind of miss the ocean. Is that weird?”</p>
<p>“I love the ocean,” he shrugged. “It’s the fish I hate.”</p>
<p>“Anything else you want?”</p>
<p>He gave me a long look that made me flush a little. Yeah, I knew what he wanted, and I agreed. I was starting to get well enough to miss more of the physicality, the intimacy. I missed how his skin felt against mine. At least they weren’t being dicks about him being close enough to hold me, even if we were being observed whenever we were in the bed. “I’m only getting warmed up,” he said. “We need better blankets to cuddle under, some posters or something, and an aquarium,”</p>
<p>“What about not liking fish?”</p>
<p>“I like to look at aquariums, if I don’t have to clean the fish or eat them. It’s supposed to be relaxing and since they probably won’t let us have a cat and you probably won’t be able to handle birds inside, it’s that or an ant farm, and fish are much prettier.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Might be good for white noise too.”</p>
<p>“And a nice sort of night light.”</p>
<p>Then I said it. “Yeah, you’re right.”</p>
<p>He stared at me, mouth open as he struggled to find the words to question me. . “...you never said that before. I’m having a moment.”</p>
<p>“Well it happens once in a millennia or so.”</p>
<p>“I’m right all the time. Oh you mean you admitting it? Yeah, that’s as rare as fish feet.”</p>
<p>I let my head rest against the back of the chair thinking about that. We’d calmed down a hell of a lot from the monsters we’d been before, we’d gotten closer than I’d ever imagined was possible, we were an actual couple now. At least. I thought we were. I guess if he was still here after everything that had happened, he did too. “...you were right in our exam.”</p>
<p>“I was?”</p>
<p>“About going to investigate the soldiers.”</p>
<p>He scoffed. “Opinions differed.”</p>
<p>I knew the arguments they’d made about our contract and not doing more than was specifically outlined in that, but the faculty weren’t on the scene and didn’t know the reality of what they were saying. They didn’t know how much things could change on the battlefield. Seifer’s decision had given us far more information and sway than they had realised, and while I could have understood an argument for not confronting the soldiers who were repairing the tower without renegotiation since theoretically it was outside of the town, he had definitely been right to follow them in to get more information. Probably should have had someone cover our original post, too. “They were being cheap, but you were right.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Though you <i>were</i> an asshole,” I added, cautiously. </p>
<p>Seifer thought on that for a second, debating whether to protest or admit it. He surprised me all over again by shrugging. “Well..., yes.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for admitting that too.”</p>
<p>“But you were having an existential crisis and Dincht was feeding sausages to a stray dog or something.”</p>
<p>“I had a concussion, asshole.”</p>
<p>He smirked at me and ruffled my hair gently. He was far more cautious about touching my head these days, now he knew how much it really had fucked me up. I was thankful for that, even if whatever was in the IV was pretty much blocking all of the pain. I wasn’t so happy with the way it made everything feel a little indistinct and floaty, but it meant I could be awake and far more aware than I had been, so I tolerated it. “All the more reason why I should have left your ass with the dog.”</p>
<p>“Except you’d also had a headwound.”</p>
<p>“But I did not end up in the infirmary,” he shrugged. “Because I’m tougher.”</p>
<p>Yeah, right. “Or because I’m a better shot.”</p>
<p>“If you could have seen straight, I’d have no head.”</p>
<p>“I saw perfectly straight, dumbass.”</p>
<p>“Not if you were looking at me, although I didn’t know it at the time.”</p>
<p>I felt my cheeks flush redder and redder. Yeah, he had a point there. “I guess so.”</p>
<p>“It all worked out okay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I nodded. In the end, it had. Even if I was sick, at least I’d found him and I’d gotten closer to him. “If it hadn’t been for Loire kidnapping me, I probably wouldn't have found you again.”</p>
<p>Seifer turned his head to kiss me softly. “Kismet.”</p>
<p>“Suuure.”</p>
<p>“You can’t fight it.”</p>
<p>“No, and it’s cruel.”</p>
<p>Seifer cupped my cheek, kissing me slowly and sweetly. His lips were soft and he tasted like coffee. At the very least the coffee here was good, even if it was as weak as dishwater. Since he hadn’t noticed, I hadn’t complained much. I didn’t know if it was the meds again, but I guess it was possible. A lot of stuff tasted a little strange compared to how it used to… at least I thought it did. Again, he hadn’t noticed, so it must have been me. “Not when it’s on our side, Squall.”</p>
<p>“Yeah but…,” I huffed and rubbed the scar over the bridge of my nose. I was whining. I knew I was whining, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was still angry about all the shit we’d been through because no one could actually talk to any of us. At how much he’d had to deal with as well as us. “Couldn’t it have been on our side six months earlier?”</p>
<p>“Stuff is worth more if you gotta work for it,” Seifer shrugged at me and brushed my hair out of my eyes again. He wanted to distract me, get me away from the minor melancholy or mood that was threatening on the edge of my mind. “Have we ever shopped together?”</p>
<p>“Can’t really remember,” I shook my head a tiny bit. My hair fell right back down in front of my eyes where it always half hung. That was the only place where Seifer really knew when to admit defeat - in the face of my bedhead. </p>
<p>“I was thinking before, one of us was pretty much always with the bike while the other one was buying stuff,” he paused briefly. “Wait. Except when we went to the drug store that time.”</p>
<p>A brief memory flashed in the back of my mind. Some of our journey was in the drug fog and just as hazy as older memories, but when he mentioned the drug store a memory came to me, as vivid as anything could be right now. “When you got the glow in the dark condoms? I think if we order that we might actually break someone if they check the mail.”</p>
<p>“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”</p>
<p>I was almost willing to go for it, except for one minor issue. “My father still has a gun you know.”</p>
<p>“<i> Fiiine</i> , no candy undies or glow in the dark condoms,” Seifer pretended that he was far more put out than he was - or at least than I hoped he really was - and flicked through another few stores, not finding anything immediately interesting.</p>
<p>At least until he found a bedding store. He picked out a couple of faux fur throws for the end of the bed, one almost reminded me of the collar on my leather jacket that was in the closet here. I’d left it behind when I’d had to leave since it was so very obviously <i> me</i> . It would have been a terrible idea to take it with me, even if I’d not been able to resist grabbing at least a little black leather along the way… at least I hadn’t had the collar in the desert. “I approve,” I said and steered him to some of the super soft blankets. </p>
<p>He liked those too. “Some colours,” he suggested when I was looking at the offerings on the listing. He picked out a pretty ocean blue, and added it to the cart when I nodded. Another nod to our childhoods and all those years in Balamb, really. “This place is bleak.”</p>
<p>“Well I didn’t really do anything to it after I got here. I was just waiting to escape,” I shook my head. He took back the tablet to look through other soft furnishings and showed me the screen when he’d picked out a pillow shaped and coloured like an almost realistic looking doughnut. “...now I want doughnuts.”</p>
<p>“We can get doughnuts,” he handed me the tablet again and reached for the phone line to contact someone. “Here, look, they have a pillow with your face on it.”</p>
<p>I had a momentary flashback to the paparazzi taking my photograph and I went cold. I needn’t have worried, it was not that. It was a pillow with a line drawing of a lion splashed with vibrantly coloured paint splodges instead. “Ass,” I said with a smile.</p>
<p>“It’s kind of cute. Hey, can we get doughnuts?” I presumed he was speaking to the kitchens. Which was pretty much confirmed when he said “No maple bars or crullers, but otherwise surprise us. Thanks.”</p>
<p>I found a pillow that suggested “Home is where the pants aren’t and I turned the screen to show him that. </p>
<p>“You have the best ideas.”</p>
<p>“Duh.”</p>
<p>“I will remove my pants after the food arrives. If I have pants on anyway.”</p>
<p>“I think those count as pants,” I said, lifting the blanket a little to look at the PJ pants he’d been wearing.</p>
<p>In a moment of faux prudishness, he pushed the blanket back down and joked “I don’t want to moon the maid.”</p>
<p>“Yeah and I can’t do anything fun without this cuff telling tales on me.” </p>
<p>It was easier to blame that than to tell the truth to ourselves, I guess.</p>
<p>“Damn thing.”</p>
<p>I pushed past it. I didn’t want to linger on that kind of thought, not when we were having such a good day. “So, anything else?”</p>
<p>“Books, I think.”</p>
<p>“Some of those they can send straight to the tablet,” I said. Estharian tech put pretty much the rest of the world to shame. </p>
<p>“I just want something I can read to you.”</p>
<p>I took the screen to finish up the shopping. I did add the game system and some interesting looking games. I wasn’t sure I could take the two player games yet but I had hopes. I also snuck a surprise into the cart when he wasn’t looking. Another green friend. “I like you reading to me.”</p>
<p>“It’s relaxing for me too,” he smiled.</p>
<p>With everything paid for and delivery requested to the palace - that was going to cause some fun but since I was stuck indoors, they’d just have to deal with it - I handed the tablet back to Seifer on the book store page. Whatever they didn’t have in an electronic format would be delivered to us physically as well with the way I’d set it up. “Good. You’ve been too stressed.” </p>
<p>Again, a stressed Seifer was a bad thing. Just as bad as a bored Seifer, but in different ways. At least a bored Seifer enjoyed the needling of other people until they exploded. A stressed Seifer would lash out and usually piss someone off far more than was healthy for himself or the person he’d taken aim at. </p>
<p>“It’s the lack of bugs in my teeth. I miss the open road.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully we can get back to it soon,” I tried. He kept mentioning my birthday, but if I kept getting better at this rate I was hoping we’d be able to sneak out a little early. Seifer scrolled through the titles, picking at them here and there, sometimes adding them to the cart and sometimes just returning to the page.</p>
<p>“As long as we’re together, Squall, I don’t really care where we are.”</p>
<p>“Romantic.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s no fun to pick bugs out of your teeth by yourself,” he flashed me a quick smirk again and returned to browsing. </p>
<p>I gave him a few minutes to browse before prompting him. “Any good books?”</p>
<p>“I got the ‘History of Marshmallows’, ‘How to Build Aqueducts’, and ‘1001 Booger jokes’.”</p>
<p>“....<i> Seifer</i>.”</p>
<p>He lifted his head to look at me, and cracked up. When he could control himself again, he was still grinning. “What I love about that expression is you aren’t sure if I’m bullshitting or not.”</p>
<p>“I have never underestimated your determination to be an asshat,” I shrugged. Patently false, I’d underestimated it many times - the amount of fights we’d gotten into made that very obvious. </p>
<p>“It’s good to be appreciated.”</p>
<p>“Is that what it is?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>“Real books please?”</p>
<p>“How do you know those weren’t real books?” he obviously read my expression and smirked. “Okay, okay. I got some historical novels about the first ShinRa empire and no matter what anyone tells you, historical novels are just real people fanfiction.”</p>
<p>“Sounds interesting.”</p>
<p>“I got a book of limericks because we need something to read when whoever’s behind the camera is watching, and some lurid noire detective novel thing. They have a couple more in the series, so if we like it we can keep going.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like fun.”</p>
<p>“It looked interesting,” he handed me the tablet again and I set it on the couch beside me while the data was transferred to it. </p>
<p>“You can read after our snack?”</p>
<p>“We are still working on The Book,” Seifer said reverently. </p>
<p>“I know, that’s still reading.”</p>
<p>“That was unbridled enthusiasm, dumbass.”</p>
<p>“It was?”</p>
<p>“Okay, slightly bridled.”</p>
<p>I thought The Book meant he’d want to go back to the bedroom, since that was where it was, but I was enjoying the break. Even if it was just another room in the palace, I felt like I needed the change. “Is it okay if we stay in here for a while?”</p>
<p>“If the coffee and donut person has a key, yes.”</p>
<p>“They don’t use keys here, haven’t you noticed?”</p>
<p>He frowned faintly. I suspected that meant he had noticed, but he wasn’t sure what it meant. “I noticed I can’t open the doors,” he said, a little too carefully. </p>
<p>“It’s weird. The tech here requires a special interface,” I shook my head. I didn’t like it, but I’d been a mess when I’d made it to Esthar - my link with Rinoa had made me anxious and in all honesty, outright stupid. I’d done things that I really should have known better about, but time and distance always makes those kinds of things obvious, doesn’t it? “It goes back to Adel’s time, I think.”</p>
<p>“What’s weird is that they never thought of keys.”</p>
<p>I cleared my throat a little. “I think before Adel’s time it was a lot less wholesome.”</p>
<p>He looked at me, the realisation dawning in his jade green eyes. Yeah, he knew what I meant, the ability to track, the ability to lock down people specifically, and the ability to do whatever the hell she wanted with a people she was holding hostage. If they hadn’t had so many people on the inside of the government being part of the resistance, they never would have been able to get her out. As far as I could tell, my father had been as much a potential scape goat as he had leader - if things had gone bad, they’d still have had their plants in the system. “Okay, going to skitter away from <i>that</i> one.”</p>
<p>“Yeah…. Anyway, I have one, from when I had to go into space.”</p>
<p>“A key?”</p>
<p>“The interface.”</p>
<p>“Oh, where is it?”</p>
<p>I picked Seifer’s hand up and lifted it up so he could feel the back of my head. The interface was implanted over the line of my spine,just below my hairline. If you pressed just right, you could feel it, more so now I’d lost weight. It felt like a little chip of shrapnel left under the skin.</p>
<p>“They stuck it in your head?” Seifer asked, looking slightly aghast. Maybe he hadn’t quite grasped what I’d meant after all. “Everyone has one?”</p>
<p>“Out of my group? Rin and Quistis besides me.”</p>
<p>“What does it do?”</p>
<p>“Interfaces easier with Estharian tech - like the locks here. Has some security protocols, identification, stuff like that. Must be why they let you come here to me, they knew you couldn’t escape without breaking down the doors. Or going out of the window,” I knew going out of the window would be suicide. The anti magic field they had at the palace would prevent a float from landing, and from my window to the ground was a very long drop. </p>
<p>“Do you have to focus it to make it work, or do you just walk around unlocking doors?”</p>
<p>I wasn’t entirely sure on all of the specifics but I knew the basics. I really hadn’t been thinking when I’d agreed to go to the space station to try and get Rinoa some help. I couldn’t help thinking that had been a little of Ultimecia’s influence as well, while she’d been inhabiting Rinoa’s body. “If you have the right security level for it, the door will unlock, like an automatic masterkey. I think some people can override locks if they want to, if they have the right protocols in place.”</p>
<p>“I never get the cool toys,” he tried to joke but I got the feeling he was more worried now than ever. “Does it do anything else?” </p>
<p>“It can interface with other tech, like the tablet or in the space station.”</p>
<p>“So you can fly one of their flying machines?”</p>
<p>“The newer ones? Or the Ragnarok?” I asked. He nodded when I mentioned the ship SeeD had kept after our efforts in the war. “The Ragnarok had had all of it’s security stripped out for some reason, must have been from when they used it to move Adel’s tomb.”</p>
<p>“Still cool though.”</p>
<p>“I liked it. Once I killed all the monsters on it… I wonder if this is weird.”</p>
<p>“Which part?” Seifer scoffed. “Going into space? Killing monsters? Jacking a space ship? Having a magical door key in your head?”</p>
<p>“Talking about it with my boyfriend. What do normal people talk about?”</p>
<p>“If Rai’s family was anything to go buy, the weather, the price of shrimp, and potty training.”</p>
<p>Yeah, none of that appealed so I went right back to <i>my</i> version of normal. “So about the monsters…”</p>
<p>“Did they smell like shrimp? Were they potty trained? Was it raining?”</p>
<p>I chuckled. “I never thought I’d see the day you wanted to talk about sea food.”</p>
<p>Seifer made a face. His dislike of anything that came from anywhere near a beach as food was one I didn’t share, and somehow he still thought I was the fussy one sometimes. “As long as I don’t have to eat it.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully not.”</p>
<p>“We can feed it to the monsters,” Seifer promised, as though that were the most gruesome fate.</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure if the gruesome part of that fate was for the monsters or the sea food.</p>
<p>Probably both.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Five.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How much pain has cracked your soul?<br/>How much love would make you whole?<br/>You're my guiding lightning strike<br/>Muse - I belong to you (+Mon Cœur S’ouvre a ta Voix)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 2nd</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Packages started filtering in within a day of us ordering them on that tablet thing of Squall’s, though they had obviously been checked for security reasons at first. Almost made me wish I’d ordered some really dumb stuff just to confuse the fuck out of the security staff. </p>
<p>That tablet thing was actually kinda cool, aside from a few weird things you didn’t really take into account until things turned out wrong, like realising you couldn’t try pants on from the comfort of an interface. On the bright side, the pants we’d originally ordered for him to sleep in actually fit me, so it kinda worked out anyway. Squall approved of the coffee pants more than the breakfast ones but didn’t care which ones I was wearing if my legs were under the covers, so I just went for it. I did have a hell of a craving for bacon and eggs after they arrived, though I couldn’t help feeling like all those eyes on my pants were watching me in horror as we ate breakfast when they could see it. </p>
<p>Thankfully, coffee is far more nihilistic and didn’t give even the slightest shit about me drinking it’s brethren. </p>
<p>Then, the game system turned up, as well as a bunch of games, so Squall supervised and tried to muffle the laughter while I got it set up on his view screen. I shouldn’t have let him supervise from the nearby couch. </p>
<p>One of us was <i>far</i> more practical than the other. Not naming any names. Good thing I loved the asshole given how much he sniggered at me. Even better that I loved his laughter - rare as it was - more than I loved breathing. </p>
<p>So anyway, of course, the maid turned up. I bit my lip and deliberately didn’t ask why it had taken so long for them to deign to clean Squall’s room properly and all. I mean, I figure with him being so weak they weren’t messing with his environment too much so they could eliminate that kind of stuff out of the mix easily. Besides, I didn’t think I’d have let them do much at first, even if they had asked. They’d cleaned the bathroom once at least, and they’d been doing general laundry like I’d expect at a bare minimum, but they hadn’t changed the bed or cleaned the main bedroom yet. So yeah, it was about damn time. </p>
<p>Thankfully when she turned up, Squall and I were already on the couch playing a fantasy game with one of those heroic quests to stop the world’s collective asses from falling off. Every time the hero - who I had named <i>Wot Evar</i>  much to Squall’s consternation - had to make any decisions I referred to Squall. After all, he was the one who’d done that shit for real, so I figured he’d know better, y’know? </p>
<p>It kept him in the here and now, and kept his attention on the game. I noticed sometimes he went a little floaty on me, so I’d been trying to keep his attention in easy places when I could. It seemed to help a lot. </p>
<p>Also the one time I’d tried to make a decision myself, the Minotaur innkeeper had eaten Wot’s head. </p>
<p>Seemed to echo my past somewhat.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, for obvious reasons, this sincere lack of head and all it’s accoutrements had not been compatible with Wot’s heroic journey, and thus, we had lost several hours of progress the previous evening. </p>
<p>Squall had taken to elbowing me every so often and muttering “save” ever since. Like I’d known the minotaur was going to eat Wot’s head. </p>
<p>Today, the doctor had again deemed Squall not only well enough to take a break from all of the wires - except the data recording one of course- but well enough to take a bath. As long as the nurse could hang around outside the bathroom and we kept it super limited. I’d agreed happily and we’d gotten cleaned up, checked out and redressed. Since we were both still damp from the bath, I’d wrapped several of our new, super soft blankets around him for the nest of wotwatching we had on the couch, much to his bemusement, and he was snuggled up to my side with his legs stretched over my lap. I liked that, it meant he could cuddle up close and I could have both hands free for the controller without having to squish him too close on my lap. </p>
<p>So the maid knocked, and ducked inside when we called her in. She looked surprised to see us there, either someone hadn’t briefed her or she was really mixed up on her rooms. She asked permission to clean the room and Squall gave her the nod. </p>
<p>I muttered “About time.”</p>
<p>The elbow caught me again, like a knife blade. He wasn’t too gentle with the elbowing either. I swear he’d managed to bruise my ribs at least once. I really wasn’t kidding that he was dangerous as fuck, even as sick as he was. </p>
<p>“I’ll be good,” I promised. The look I got from him in return was of course priceless and it was even followed with a classic <i>Whatever</i>. I assumed he was talking to our character on screen. </p>
<p>“I’m going to strip the bed,” she chirruped happily, heading that way. </p>
<p>Squall cut me a look. “I hope the bed consented to that,” he murmured, keeping his voice low.”</p>
<p>“I’m just grateful she added ‘the bed’.”</p>
<p>“....so am I, come to think of it.”</p>
<p>So she started where you’d expect. The bed. Stripping off the sheets and kicking a little dust up into the air, but thankfully it wasn’t too bad since there was a decent distance between us and said bed. Squall did duck down under the blankets just in case though. No need to push our luck when he was finally getting better enough to be doing stuff after all. Afterwards she remade the bed with clean sheets and put the ten thousand pillows all back on the bed one by one. I noticed her eyeing up a couple of the ones I’d used to prop Squall up but a quick glare and she retreated, leaving conspicuous gaps on the bed - must have been deliberate. </p>
<p>Then she moved on to more dusting, which mostly seemed to be picking shit up, flicking a feather duster over whatever she was holding and then putting it back in a slightly different position. I was almost glad we didn’t have our hyperjunctions - I dread to think what she’d have done with those. </p>
<p>Probably taken her toes off when a gunblade fell out of the holster. </p>
<p>As we ignored her in favour of more game time, Wot Evar continued his hero’s journey, returning to the town where a minotaur had eaten his head in a previous life. We had some quests to do and a save point to visit before I returned to said minotaur. Just when I’d finally got Squall distracted from the maid enough that he was reading the screen along with me, she turned on the vacuum cleaner.</p>
<p>Squall’s reaction was immediate. Now, I kind of had some idea of what was in that IV they’d got him on most of the time. At least one ingredient was a pretty strong long lasting painkiller, and like I said he was kinda floaty and a little bit out of it but at least he wasn’t hurting any more. He was doing so much better, but the second that vacuum switched on he shrunk down even further in the blankets, covering his ears and curling tight against me. He gripped my shirt so tight I swear I heard the fabric creak even over the sound of the vacuum.</p>
<p>Shit. I know we joked about me being the only one able to hurt him but seeing him recoil like that fucking <i>hurt</i>. </p>
<p>I saw red. </p>
<p>“No, no… Hey! Shut that off!” I yelled at her over the cacophony, wrapping one arm around him so I could hold him tight. She startled and straightened so I must have been pretty loud, and she finally turned to switch off the vacuum again. “Don’t you have a carpet sweeper?” </p>
<p>“It… it won’t be as <i>clean</i>,” she whined. Then as an afterthought, she added a quick “Sir.”</p>
<p>That hadn’t seemed to bother them over the previous days so I’m not entirely sure why it was suddenly a problem now. “It’s not like we have big dogs bounding about, we should be okay.”</p>
<p>“I can finish later, when you are out?”</p>
<p>Of course, Squall would hear that part. He perked up, lifting his head to look at me, surprised. “We can go out?”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “Why not?” I asked. I figured if he was gonna ask his dad, eventually they’d let us out and let us go be real boys and all that. To be honest, I thought some fresh air - in limited and strictly controlled quantities at least - would do him the world of good. We had never been home bodies, never been the kind of kids who hid away indoors away from the sun - even if it did make him freckle and burn and regret it unless slathered in sunscreen or stuck in a shady spot - and our training had only intensified that. As far as I knew, he hadn’t been outside since Fisherman’s Horizon, it was no wonder he was getting a little cabin feverish.</p>
<p>“I thought we were trapped,” he said, looking a little confused. He fussed with the chain of his Griever necklace, hooking a finger tip in the loop of his ring on the thick chain and rubbing his thumb carelessly along the raised winged lion on the surface. New tell. Kinda painful to watch, too. “Like… house arrest but in a much bigger house.”</p>
<p>“Only because of the IV and stuff, keeping an eye on you,” I lied. Well, I guessed, really. I mean he’d already successfully escaped once, so I guessed they weren’t about to go letting him wander off outside when he was still this sick. Even if I was with him. Especially if I was with him, even, because let’s be honest at this point he could probably have convinced me to do almost anything within reason. Maybe a few things without reason too. </p>
<p>“Well you won’t let me take any of it out.”</p>
<p>No, I wouldn’t. I made him take his medicine and I made him stop fussing with the lines any time they were in. I wanted my Squall back and that meant he had to to deal with it for now. No matter how much I understood how much he hated it or how much he wanted to just get on with it already. “They’re bound to be able to figure something out,” I said, rubbing his back through the blankets.</p>
<p>The maid cleared her throat. “I’ll do the bathroom now, then.”</p>
<p>Squall cut me a look I knew well. Mistrust. He was rethinking having the maid here already. “...you think we should pause the game until she’s done?”</p>
<p>I’d entirely forgotten the game to be honest. “Yeah, good plan,” I said, giving him a grateful little bump. I called over to the maid “Hey, wait, let me see what you’re using.” </p>
<p>Squall shuffled his legs off my lap with a little help, still wrapped up in the blankets and as I got up, I handed the controller to him so I could go and investigate. Memories of Garden filtering through and how Squall had reacted to various cleaning agents back there, not to mention the Bliz with stain busters on our little run around the Galbadian wastes made me overly suspicious. Unfortunately the cleaning agents on hand were familiar, since one of the bottles was the kind that had given about half of Balamb Garden hives when the cleaning staff had used it. The other was the kind of crap that smelt like they’d managed to stuff not one but two entire pine forests into every cap full. “Yeah no, he’s allergic to this stuff, and that one smells too strong. Don’t you have anything lighter? Sort of lemony?”</p>
<p>The maid flustered at me and, in a flap, stammered “I’ll go see.” </p>
<p>Then she grabbed the cart and the maid made for the door.  She slammed it behind herself, as though one of us were going to come after her or something.</p>
<p>“Well, that went well,” I grinned at Squall. It almost made me feel like preening. I still had it - whatever it was. </p>
<p>“You scared her off,” Squall said, a pale face in a bundle of sea blue and royal purple blankets peeking over the arm of the couch. I liked the couch, It was comfy and had plenty of room for cuddling and made for a great nest. Also, it was out of sight of the camera, unlike the bed which I was standing beside. Squall got the frown of disapproval I was still familiar with and he asked hesitantly “Are… are those corners on the bed as bad as they look from here?”</p>
<p>I hadn’t even looked at the bed as I’d passed it but now I glanced over it and they weren’t as bad as they looked, they were worse. She’d have gotten so many demerits if she’d had a room inspection back at Garden, damn. “Hyne yes, has that woman never made a bed before?” I huffed and went to fix it. Squall watched like a hawk and gave me a nod of approval when I was finally done with it. </p>
<p>“Not everyone went to a military school, Seifer.”</p>
<p>“They should and this is why.”</p>
<p>“Not everyone can take it,” Squall rolled his eyes - I could hear it in his voice. I wasn’t sure whether that was because I was taking so long to fix the problem or whether it was aimed at the people who apparently couldn’t take a military school. “The sheets okay?”</p>
<p>“Well they’re a funk butt pinky orange but they smell okay and aren’t as rough as a cob, so I’ll give them seven out of ten.”</p>
<p>“Good. At least better than Garden in that respect.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you never used to have to use a loofah at Garden to get clean. The sheets would take off the first layer of skin and everything on it. I knew a guy who went to bed with a new tattoo and woke up with it on the sheets.”</p>
<p>“My roommate wondered why I slept on top of the bed half the time,” Squall huffed as I made my way back over to the couch to flop right back into my place as though I’d never moved. Squall rested his head on my shoulder and between the two of us, we got his legs settled back over my lap. He was warm and cozy from the blankets and happy to share.</p>
<p>“Everyone sleeps <i>on top</i> of the bed, except your roomie who must have slept under it.”</p>
<p>“On top of the sheets, asshat.”</p>
<p>“I figured that was because you were never cold.”</p>
<p>Squall deliberately saved the game at the town well before he handed me the controller back with a smirk. “That too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So I was deliberately avoiding the inn because Wot liked his head firmly on his shoulders, thank you very much, and Squall was still resting his head on <i>my</i> shoulder, still muttering “Save” every so often, when the door flew open roughly an hour after the maid had fled through it. </p>
<p>Now, I’d seen Laguna Loire pissed at me, so it was nothing new. He was however, in a Galbadian style suit and limping slightly as he approached us in our couch nest of gaming, neither of which I’d seen before. I didn’t think he was made for a suit - it was immaculately tailored but he’d obviously been tugging at the tie until it’d left his collar all skewed. He was too laid back for ties. </p>
<p>“What the hell do you think you’re doing kicking out the servants?” he hissed. Aimed at me, of course. And I couldn’t help hearing more than a little Squall in the way he hissed that, so it was kind of a familiar anger. Still, not as fun as when Squall was pissed at me, sadly.</p>
<p>“If you mean the gal who cannot make a bed,” I drawled at him, remembering to hit pause on the game so Wot wouldn’t have his head bitten off again by something since Laguna was blocking our view of the vidscreen. “She can’t make a damn bed.”</p>
<p>“They can make the beds perfectly well. Why are you stopping them from cleaning in here?”</p>
<p>Seemed like I’d scared her so bad just by stopping her, that she’d gone telling tales on me. I still had it. Whatever it was. “We let her dust and change the sheets. The bathroom cleaner was a no go.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what they said to me.”</p>
<p>“You spy on us twenty four-seven. Go check the damn vid.”</p>
<p>“If we were monitoring audio feeds, I would have,” Laguna snapped, giving away stuff in his anger I don’t think he really wanted me to know. No matter how much he tolerated me and maybe sometimes even seemed to almost like me, he still didn’t entirely trust me. Especially not with Squall or his staff. He’d taken a big risk in letting me stay here, and of course it had paid off, but that could so easily have been different if I was a real heel. Thankfully for both of us, Squall seemed to have tamed me a little bit. </p>
<p>“Good to know,” I smirked at him. “Okay, the noise of the vacuum bothers Squall and he’s allergic to the pine scented crap, and the other one too.”</p>
<p>That put Loire on the back foot. “What?”</p>
<p>“That’s why I asked for a carpet sweeper. You know one of those old fashioned things that are pretty much silent. And yeah, there was a lemony cleaner on the market back in Balamb that doesn’t close him up too bad but really, he’s allergic to everything.”</p>
<p>“Not everything,” Squall muttered on my shoulder.</p>
<p>“He never said anything about it before.”</p>
<p>I scoffed. “You mean while he was unconscious?”</p>
<p>Laguna shook his head the tiniest bit. I think he was shocked. “Before he ran away.”</p>
<p>“Escaped,” Squall added helpfully. I could hear the smug in his voice. </p>
<p>“Whatever,” I said, ruffling Squall’s hair lightly. Of course he wouldn’t talk to them - they were the enemy. And as the enemy, the more information they had the greater the risk would be to Squall. At least in his mind. And granted, he’d been mostly wrong in that, but I could see Squall’s side of it easily - he didn’t want to share any information he didn’t have to. “I figure the last thing we need right now is for Squall to start sneezing his ass off, taking his IV and head and anything else with it.”</p>
<p>“Okay… lemon cleaner and a carpet sweeper,” Laguna repeated my earlier demands, fussing at his tie absently again. His tailors must have hated him. Or at least whoever his did his PR probably did. </p>
<p>“Look, let me just do it myself,” I offered.</p>
<p>Laguna gave me an arch and suspicious look. “You?”</p>
<p>“Why not? I will stop if Squall has a reaction,” I shrugged. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had to clean my own room back at Garden - just like all garden kids we had a responsibility to maintain our dormitory for regular inspection. Not to mention whenever punishments had involved cleaning something unpleasant somewhere. We had a small cleaning staff, sure, but that didn’t mean that the faculty were beyond using us for some of the nastier jobs in effort to discourage us from misbehaving. “I don’t have umpteen other rooms to do. Or we can get something to block the noise.”</p>
<p>“Or we could leave?” Squall offered hopefully.</p>
<p>“Or yeah, we could go for a walk in the garden while they do something.”</p>
<p>Laguna looked at Squall for the first time, more than a little worried. I think he was preparing himself for an argument. “The doctor doesn’t want you going out just yet.”</p>
<p>“In his defense, there’s a lot of gross people out there. It’s a palace, I bet they even have tours,” I helpfully explained to Squall. </p>
<p>“Fiiiine,” Squall sighed. I could tell from his expression he didn’t quite believe me but he was too tired or lazy to argue for now. </p>
<p>“You could move into the study for the duration,” Laguna suggested, jabbing a thumb over at the door into the study where sometimes Squall and I camped out. “At least with the door closed, it wouldn’t be so loud.”</p>
<p>“He has a point.”</p>
<p>“....Okay,” Squall sighed all over again, slumping more against my side. He really wanted to get out, Hyne. If they didn’t change their minds within a week or so, I was going to have to beg Laguna over it. Squall would just get crankier the longer he was cooped up. Like… well, like a caged lion. “But let us know when ahead of time so we can get settled before they turn up.”</p>
<p>“That good?” I asked.</p>
<p>“That’s fine,” Laguna nodded his agreement. “We can have them drop in first and come back an hour or so later.”</p>
<p>“And I get a veto right over the cleaners. The formula, and scent… but I guess the human too.”</p>
<p>“Human?” Squall echoed, lifting his head to look at me in confusion. </p>
<p>“The maid. At least I assume she’s human,” I shrugged. I mean, all the ones so far had been, but I’d heard tell of Laguna Loire and shumites in some old magazines Squall had shown me on the tablet - see, that was true love, letting me read about my hero even if Squall hated his guts. </p>
<p>“<i>Why</i> are you vetting the humans?”</p>
<p>I gave Squall an eyeroll that even he would be proud of. “Because if they talk loud and wear a shitton of patchouli oil, out they go.”</p>
<p>“Ah, makes sense,” Squall said, and settled back down into his comfortable nesting position. I loved how he fit against me. </p>
<p>Laguna cleared his throat, and finally straightened his tie properly. His collar was far too rumpled for him to get away with it though, anyone who took one look at him would know exactly what he’d been doing. Or suspect him of doing worse. He should have been more careful about that, that’s how rumours started with the press and then the tabloids would be writing smutty fanfiction. “I’ll make sure whoever comes to clean is aware of the allergies.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” I gave Laguna the nod and ruffled Squall’s hair again gently. “You remember that old biddy at the candy store? She wore enough patchouli to knock a buzzard off an outhouse.”</p>
<p>“The one next to the weapon shop in Balamb?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Squall gave a huff. “I never went back in there after the first time.”</p>
<p>“I know. Fuu had to buy all our candy.”</p>
<p>Laguna kept hovering, listening and shaking his head a little. Maybe he didn’t approve of the conversation or something. He finally piped up “Seifer, may I have a word?”</p>
<p>“Sure. Okay, squirt, I will give you the controller but do not go into the tavern because that is the place where the bartender is a minotaur and he ate Wot’s head last time,” I was pretty sure he’d remember now, since he was starting to hold on to information more and more, but hell, it was worth reminding him. Just in case. </p>
<p>“Fiiiine,” Squall huffed at me, and took the controller so I could extract myself from our nest. I did give him a couple of the huge pillows to take my place temporarily and tucked him back under the blankets completely before I followed Laguna into the study. </p>
<p>Laguna kept the door cracked, so Squall could call us if he needed us and turned to me, keeping his voice down. “Is there anything else we might not know about his files from Garden?”</p>
<p>“Xu didn’t send them?” I mean, I wasn’t surprised given it was Xu, but still. You’d think they’d at least do that.</p>
<p>“We have his medical records, but it didn’t mention allergies.”</p>
<p>Makes sense I guess, they wouldn’t have been using shit that set him off if they had known. I wasn’t surprised that Garden hadn’t included that kind of thing anyway, most of us just chugged a remedy and got on with it. It was only if you needed to visit the doctor that anything would get noted in your records. Even then, that was still handled pretty carefully as far as I remembered, you want your students and SeeDs to appear immaculate on paper, especially if you were going to put them forward for the armies or militias. </p>
<p>“Thing is, he usually toughed it out. I’m more going back to stuff from when we were little, okay? Except the pine one, that bothered a lot of us so they changed to the Lemon stuff. Let’s see… Most laundry detergent makes him itch. Particularly Bliz with stain busters, we found that one out the hard way, so we were sticking to baby soap. No food allergies that I recall, mostly it’s topical or y’know inhaled irritants. Garden didn’t really care as long as we could breathe and weren’t covered in hives.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Laguna massaged his temples with a sigh. “When he’s stronger, maybe we should sign you both up for some allergy testing.”</p>
<p>“Aww, and take all the fun out of trying new things?”</p>
<p>Laguna’s green eyes snapped up to lock onto me. “I don’t want to see him that sick again.”</p>
<p>“Amen to that.” </p>
<p>He took a step towards the door and paused, looking back at me over his shoulder. “What kind of candy does he like?”</p>
<p>I didn’t know how to react. I mean, that was kind of a weird question, especially so suddenly. Was this another of those try to get to know Squall moments? I mean I would have said that he should ask Squall, but we knew how that would work out. I didn’t think whatever’s were a candy type.  “Coffee nips, caramels, chocolate…”</p>
<p>“What about you?”</p>
<p>“The same. I like peppermint too, he’s not so keen. I like gummies and he likes pretty much any strawberry candy.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Laguna smiled briefly, and inclined his head toward the door to the bedroom. “You should probably get back to him before he tries to take on the minotaur again.”</p>
<p>“I see you’ve learned how he is,” I smirked at Laguna, but dutifully trotted back to Squall in the nest of blankets. He lifted his head when I stood in front of him, waiting for me to talk - in case I needed to share details about what I’d been interrogated for. Since I didn’t really have anything to say about it, I just settled for the state of our game. “So, is Wot dead?”</p>
<p>“No,” he said, pulling his legs up so I could return to my position. “The minotaur takes bribes though.”</p>
<p>“Who knew? Wait, what did you use? Wot’s dead body?” I shuffled to get comfortable again, wrestling with pillows until I found the comfy spot and position I’d been in before we’d been so rudely interrupted again. </p>
<p>“An Elixir,” he said, settling his legs over mine again and handing me the controller back to continue. “Now, Save.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So late that afternoon we got the warning. Complete with a bottle of the bathroom cleaner they’d decided would pass muster - seemed a lot better, a very light lemon scent. One of those ones that wouldn’t be chokingly cloying if it got used in spades, thankfully. Those seemed to be few and far between in my experience. </p>
<p>Just in case, I got Squall to check it out cautiously and he seemed to agree, it was a much better choice. That settled that then. </p>
<p>Squall and I saved, turned the game off and I grabbed him to tote him into the study slash sitting room. After a minor detour to pick a book up anyway.</p>
<p>Sometime while we’d been busy playing apparently someone had snuck in through the other door into the study and left a basket beside the couch in there. As we got closer, I could see what it was. Piles of candy. Laguna must have done it. Suddenly made sense why he was asking, and thankfully we orphans never really got the memo on not taking candy from strangers.  </p>
<p>“Hey, the yuleking came early. Or late.”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Squall lifted his head off my shoulder to look at me - he’d dozed a little after they’d come to give us the warning and he seemed to be slowly perking up again now. “What?”</p>
<p>I nodded to the basket as I maneuvered him onto the couch without dislodging anything vital. “Candy.”</p>
<p>He sat up a little to look, obviously not trusting it at all. But that was Squall and honestly I knew that’d been coming. Squall was far more paranoid than I - not to mention still sick as a dog and really he had every reason to be wary. Thankfully I could talk him into almost anything. Not that I thought I’d really have to - I could see the way he was eyeing the bag of caramel cups on top of the basket. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him eat candy. Before the war, probably. “Where did it come from? Was it here before?”</p>
<p>“The yule king brought it because we are good.”</p>
<p>Squall gave me The Look. “suuuure.”</p>
<p>“The maid left it because you are too skinny?” I tried.</p>
<p>That one he seemed to believe. Or at least accept enough to shrug and move on with it. He obviously really wanted the caramel cups. “So… you want to curl up, read and eat candy with me?”</p>
<p>“Why was that even a question?” I asked, bemused.</p>
<p>“Because…. I don’t know. It was a moment of blond, it’ll pass.”</p>
<p>“Watch it, oh brunet one.”</p>
<p>“Yes dear.”</p>
<p>So with Squall sitting up on the couch, I dutifully handed him the basket of candy and gathered the required amount of pillows to make it feel slightly more harem like and let him prop himself up as much or as little as he wanted. Then I took my rightful place and found our place in the book. As I was about to start reading, Squall fed me a piece of chocolate. “Mrks if rder to reaf,” I said through the candy.</p>
<p>“I’ll save the chocolate for dramatic pauses,” he shrugged.</p>
<p>“Best skip the caramels too.”</p>
<p>“I’ll keep them all for me, until you’re done reading then,” he smirked at me. </p>
<p>I had not planned this well, apparently. We were reading a sort of pretty lurid detective story and I dutifully settled in to work on the next chapter. The detective was currently in an appropriately dramatic car chase, so when the thrilling events concluded and we reached the end of that particular chapter, I looked at Squall and opened my mouth like a baby bird. </p>
<p>He popped a caramel into my waiting mouth and looked down at the book. “Do you want me to take a turn?”</p>
<p>“Mhuh,” I said, noting that once again he’d waited until my mouth was full to ask me. He did delight in torturing me. </p>
<p>“Nod or shake your head, I can’t translate caramel yet.”</p>
<p>I nodded, elated. He hadn’t been nearly well enough to do that until… well, probably today. It was one thing reading off the screen for the game thing with me - because I had made Squall read aloud some of Wot’s dramatic speeches in the video game - but it was different when it was a book, when it needed that much attention for that long. </p>
<p>Squall wiped his hands off and took the book, leaning heavily against me. He had a soft, even tone to his voice, better than he’d been by far but still painfully far from <i>my</i> Squall. These days though, I loved getting to listen to him at all. He even tried to mimic some of my voices  - I couldn’t maintain accents, but I could fake the voices at least. He was doing pretty good until one particular character gave him some pause. I finished a chocolate square and grinned at him. “You want me to do Mrs Gerfinstamp?” </p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t think I can go that high without hurting myself right now.”</p>
<p>“You just have to think how you’d talk if you were wearing a panty girdle and stiletto heels.”</p>
<p>Then he said it. “Never tried the girdle.”</p>
<p>Wait. He hadn’t tried the girdle but he also hadn’t mentioned the heels. I had a sneaking suspicion about <i>where</i> he’d experienced such things. Or rather, with <i>who</i>. Or should that be whom? “But you have tried the heels?”</p>
<p>“Mmhm.”</p>
<p>“We have a new kink to explore,” I said delightedly. </p>
<p>“Yeah, especially while I still can’t walk,” he actually sniggered and elbowed me. Far more gently this time. Thankfully he wasn’t muttering ‘save’ either. “That would be the best time to try that.”</p>
<p>“Well I can’t walk in spike heels either so who cares?”</p>
<p>“You tried?” he looked at me, surprised.</p>
<p>“No, but I know myself and my big feet.”</p>
<p>“I was going to say, Rin had some explaining to do,” he shuffled a little to be able to see me better while still holding the book. I could tell he was tired of feeling so weak, he had to get help to do anything more than scoot a little bit - maybe I should talk to the doctor about any physiotherapy or whatever that he was going to need as he got better. </p>
<p>“They didn’t have any in my size,” I explained. For I had larger feet than him by far - come to find out all that stuff about shoe size was bullshit anyway, </p>
<p>“Rin definitely has some explaining to do.”</p>
<p>“Look, you sit there until you’re done with the paper and then the boredom starts making odd suggestions,” I grinned at him. He laughed again, covering his mouth. “We won’t even discuss how I got banned for life from the lingerie store.”</p>
<p>“No. No no no. We will definitely be discussing that.”</p>
<p>“Once the maid’s gone and we can both sit with our backs to the camera,” I said, since I was pretty sure they had other cameras that were less obvious. Surely they wouldn’t just have one camera, right? I mean, I wouldn’t. Then again, if he’d been sedated when they came to get me out of the lock up, maybe they didn’t need more than one. Hm. I needed to figure that out. </p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“Don’t let me forget,” he said. I snagged the pad of sticky notes and a pen from the coffee table and doodled an embarrassed looking lion in lingerie, handing it to him. He retaliated by sticking it to my forehead. “Here, this is around the place I look most, so I’ll remember.”</p>
<p>“Damn, I’ve been putting them on my ass, but that involved getting up.”</p>
<p>“And you’ve gotten better about not showing your ass lately.”</p>
<p>I grinned at him, tipping my head a little so I could see him from under the sticky note. “I’m saving it all for you.”</p>
<p>“As it should be.”</p>
<p>“I thought you’d approve,” I said, cupping his cheek lightly and stroking my thumb in a careful arc over his cheekbone. He looked so much better than he had that first night that it was almost like my brain had tricked me about the whole thing. That he’d never really been like that. Still, I couldn’t shake that memory even if I had a dozen GFs. “You seem a little perkier today.”</p>
<p>“Probably the several pounds of sugar that’s keeping me buzzing,” Squall said, offering me another chocolate truffle from the bag I’d pulled out to nibble on.</p>
<p>“Whatever works,” I grinned, and happily nipped it from his fingers. </p>
<p>With his fingers freed from the confectionary, Squall peeled the sticky note back off my forehead and attached it to the book instead. “Anyway, back to Mrs Gerfinstamp.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seifer gets to meet another one of the in laws.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please Note: signing will be visually indicated with italic text. If anyone uses a screen reader (or other assistive technology!) and has a preference on how I should indicate this, please feel free to let us know in comments or an email and I’ll be more than happy to update it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>
By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/>
</p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Six.</b>.</p><p>I see a change on the horizon<br/>
Reasons to be frightened<br/>
There's nothing we can't get through<br/>
I am here to tell you<br/>
Muse - Get Up And Fight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>June 8th </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you and everyone who looks like you!” </p><p>Seifer did not like losing. Even when it came to triple triad. </p><p>The only thing he hated more than losing was realising that I had let him win, so he was going to have to bear with at least one of these things, unfortunately. Well, unfortunately for <i>him</i>.</p><p>Every time I won a hand and therefore a card from him, I set it on a separate pile just out of his sight to my side and made a mental note to tuck it back into his deck when he wasn’t paying attention. “Not while I’m on the monitor, or the IV,” I said dryly. </p><p>In a moment of professional dramatics - because let’s be honest, given our recent past, there was no way Seifer was an amateur at dramatics anymore - Seifer turned to the camera and very deliberately said “I hope you are recording this man taking shameful advantage of me and my piss poor cards.”</p><p>He wanted to be sure if there really was no audio feed like Laguna had said, that they got every word down from lip reading.</p><p>I rolled my eyes, slid the cards I’d taken from him back into his pile and offered him my deck instead as soon as he turned back to me. Before he could continue any protest, or out and out bitching, I said “here, shuffle, we can both play the same deck with random rules.”</p><p>“If I ever doubted this was true love,” Seifer grinned at me, taking the cards, “you just proved it.”</p><p>I punched Seifer lightly on the arm. “You’re an ass. Also, whatever.”</p><p>He leant in to give me a kiss and I swear the moment our lips touched there was a knock on the door. “Damnit,” Seifer said.</p><p>“Timing,” I shrugged.</p><p>Seifer put the cards down, made a show of adjusting his pants to tease me and probably whoever was on spy duty for the day, before he made his way over to the door. I don’t know if he felt like a guard dog or something, going to check out the visitors as soon as they entered. He couldn’t open the doors without the security interface after all.</p><p>“We gave at the off… hello. Um… come in?” </p><p>I saw Seifer step back out of the way of the doorway, looking a little alarmed. I soon realised why as Ward Zabac entered, carrying several packages. </p><p>Seifer was taller than me and comfortably over six feet in height. He was one of the taller people at garden, and he’d often lorded his height over me when we’d been training and sparring even if it was only a couple of inches difference. Of course he had, there wasn’t an advantage that he hadn’t tried to rub in my face at some point or another. </p><p>However, Ward was well over seven feet in height. Even with the Estharian robes that he often wore, you could tell that he was a <i>big</i> guy. He was no slouch, and even with the scars and the injuries that had long since healed and left him almost totally silent, Ward could very much handle his own. I may have had to hide a smirk at watching the very rare occurrence of Seifer feeling very obviously intimidated. It helped that Ward was carrying a tall stack of heavy looking packages with apparent ease.</p><p>I helped Seifer out. “That’s my uncle, Ward.”</p><p>“When you said you had a big family, I thought you meant dozens of cousins,” Seifer joked. He was still on the back foot, giving Ward plenty of room to maneuver without getting in his way. </p><p>“My other uncle is taller than you too,” I said, thinking of Kiros. Not by quite as much height in that case, but yeah, Seifer was not the tallest and I thought that might be daunting given the only people he’d met from Esthar so far had been palace staff and my apparent father, all shorter than him. It’d be good for Seifer to get a little taste of his own medicine. “Feeling intimidated yet?”</p><p>“Just a little delicate,” Seifer smirked at me, trailing after Ward. </p><p>Ward set the packages down on the chair that Loire often used and instead sat on the edge of my bed, ruffling my hair gently and touching my face just as carefully as he checked me out. Finally he gave a nod of approval and signed <i>“You’re looking better, kid.”</i></p><p><i>“I feel better, too,”</i> I signed back. </p><p>Seifer had resisted checking the packages out when he’d seen Ward touch me. He knew very well that I really didn’t like people touching me or messing with me. Let’s be honest, that was half the reason he’d done it so damn often, he knew it was something I rarely tolerated. It made it extremely easy for him to get a rise out of me just by poking me, prodding me and messing with my hair, and yet here was this huge guy doing everything I supposedly hated when I was feeling like crap and looking far worse. And I was taking it.  “You okay?” he asked carefully</p><p>“I’m fine, Seifer,” I said, reassuring him so that he could start looking through the boxes. Thing is, I <i>liked</i> Ward. I liked how he treated me. Not like a kid like my father did, and not like a stranger like pretty much all of the palace staff. Not like an interloper, like Kiros did either. It didn’t matter to him when I didn’t want to be verbal, we had a way around that. He treated me like found family and that was all that I needed. So Ward was allowed to ruffle my hair and check me out, because he’d earned that respect. <i>“What are you doing here, Ward?”</i></p><p>
  <i>“Security checks. My staff are overzealous. Worried about your packages.”</i>
</p><p>“Oh hey, the aquarium,” Seifer said, tipping one of the boxes up to read the side of it. He wasn’t able to read our conversation and so he’d taken to investigating the other interlopers while I’d been distracted. He carried the heavy box over towards the seating area of the bedroom, pretending that he wasn’t still keeping an eye on us. I think in his own way he was trying to give me a moment of privacy with my uncle, even if he was trapped in the bedroom with us. </p><p>“Ward is the chief of security and we’re making people paranoid with our deliveries,” I called after him. </p><p>“Estharians are afraid of pjs, and aquariums?” Seifer returned to grab another box and pulled it open. He started a little at whatever he saw in the box, and fixed me with a glare. “And what in the sweet sticky hell is this?”</p><p>I wasn’t sure why hell would be sweet or sticky - I didn’t remember ordering anything particularly sweet or sticky to prompt that either. “I didn’t exactly leave in the best or most convenient manner. What is what?”</p><p>Seifer pulled something out of the package and dropped it on my lap. The cactuar I’d added at the last moment. “Another chaperone?”</p><p>“Oh god, it followed us.”</p><p>“Is that any way to talk about our son?”</p><p><i>“Son?”</i> Ward asked, looking a little worried about the exchange. </p><p><i>“Long story,”</i> I signed and made sure the cactuar was sitting upright, just because it felt weird having it sit any other way, particularly on my lap. It was a damn sight nicer than the one we’d won at the fair too, the plush much softer and whatever it was stuffed with felt more substantial too. Somehow it looked more offended than before my repositioning. I was already planning to leave it in conspicuous places as soon as I was on my feet again. <i>“Just an in joke.”</i></p><p>“So,” Seifer pulled plastic wrapped packages of clothing out of the box he was working on to peer at them, trying to sound nonchalant as he talked. “If he’s chief of security, how come I’ve never seen him before?”</p><p>
  <i>“We had more important things to worry about when we bought him in.”</i>
</p><p>“I mean, I am notorious,” Seifer waved a hand, fully ensconced in his ramble now. I knew there wasn’t all that much point in encouraging or discouraging him really - he was going to continue no matter what I said or did. “Disliked in several countries.”</p><p><i>“I’m sorry,”</i> I signed to Ward.</p><p><i>“He does talk a lot, doesn’t he?”</i> Ward almost seemed thoughtful as he watched Seifer. I wasn’t sure if that boded well or not - I mean it was Ward, and he was far more patient than Kiros when it came to people anywhere near Laguna. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t do something rash if he felt it appropriate though. </p><p>“He says there were other things going on.”</p><p>“Delegate, man,” Seifer shook his head, freeing the item he was unpacking from it’s box at last. “What the hell is this? It goes in the tank somehow for something. I don’t suppose we can get Uncle Huge to help set this bastard up, can we?”</p><p>“That’s the filter, for the tank,” I said, looking over at him. I remembered the symbols on the box from the store page, and besides, it said <i>filter</i> upside down on the side that was facing me. At least I assumed it was the word filter, since Seifer’s hand was blocking the last two letters. I was a little distracted, however, as  Ward was very obviously watching Seifer and that wasn’t at all alarming. <i>“Everything okay?”</i></p><p>
  <i>“Yes, just observing your boyfriend.”</i>
</p><p>Oh Hyne.</p><p>Obviously I wasn’t ashamed of Seifer, and I didn’t really particularly give a shit that people knew we were together now, I just wished that it had been my decision to actually do something about it. My decision to let people know rather than something forced on me by whatever illness had caught up with me after Esthar. Or while in Esthar, I guessed. Maybe I wasn’t ready to share Seifer with other people, still. It hadn’t been my choice, after all and I’d had enough of other people deciding shit for me without my input. </p><p>“This will weigh a tonne once it’s filled up,” Seifer mused aloud. I couldn’t tell whether he was talking to me or at me. The two often blended together. Always had. “Didn’t we order a stand?”</p><p>“We did,” I said, looking over at him again, trying to puzzle things out. It probably wasn’t a good idea to leave him unobserved as an unobserved Seifer would only find a way to cause trouble. Even if he was trapped in the bedroom with us. And he had a lot of new accessories to cause said trouble, anything that required reading instructions. “Maybe it hasn’t arrived yet?”</p><p>“Well that will suck. Good thing we don’t have the fish yet, either.”</p><p>“They must dispatch those later,” I shrugged. Ward was watching him too, now, his dark eyes narrowed a little suspiciously. I offered weakly <i>“We didn’t order anything weird.”</i> </p><p>
  <i>“Besides an aquarium?”</i>
</p><p>I wasn’t sure how an aquarium was weird. Or was I supposed to ask for permission to have pets, no matter how much of my own money I used or how much I was supposed to live here now? Hyne, if they were expecting me to do that kind of shit we were really going to be having issues before long. Good enough to save the world, not good enough to decide I want a fucking goldfish. <i>“White noise. He thinks it will help us rest.”</i></p><p>Seifer strolled back over to the side of the bed and handed me an instruction leaflet on how to set up the filter. We both knew I was the only one of the two of us that would actually read instructions, especially ones where the entirety of the front page was just a list marked with Warning and Caution dozens of times. If Seifer even had bothered to read it, he’d likely only look upon it as a challenge. “I suppose we could carve carrots into goldfish.”</p><p>“You think they’d trust me with a knife that sharp?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him over the paperwork. He just laughed and went back to unpacking things. </p><p>Ward smirked. <i>“Depends on who else is in the room at the time.”</i></p><p>I gave him a look too. </p><p>“Oh wait, this flat box… Oh nice going, pops, set the heavy assed glass on top… yeah, this is the stand. Some assembly required,” Seifer looked through the box and fished out the instructions for that as well, perusing them briefly before looking up at me again.  “Do you think they’d trust me with a screwdriver, power drill or allen wrench?”</p><p>I had a more important question before we even got to that point. “Have you ever put anything like this together before?”</p><p>“Let’s review,” Seifer suggested as he gestured at me with a piece of the stand for the aquarium, a long piece of dowling that, if we were back at Garden, probably would have been used as a weapon. We’d grown so much in the meantime. “Which of us is the handsome, wildly charismatic rogue, and who is the one who replaced the oil deelies on the bike?”</p><p>“We’re fucked,” I decided.</p><p>“I’d say I can take direction well, but we both know it’s a lie.”</p><p>I tried my last resort of sanity in the room and looked up at my uncle again. <i>“Can we get someone to help him, please?”</i></p><p>A smirk curled Ward’s lips and I got a cold feeling of dread. No wonder my sister was single if this was how they were going to treat Seifer - no lesser man would be able to handle the overbearing uncles. I was looking forward to Seifer’s reaction if he figured it out first. <i>“When he’s tried, sure.”</i></p><p>“On the other hand, how hard can it be?” Seifer mused.</p><p>
  <i>“...we might need popcorn.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I am your Uncle, kid, I get to torture your boyfriend a little bit.”</i>
</p><p>It wasn’t long before Seifer had managed to trap his finger and was swearing very colourfully. Something about Hyne and hand grenades, he always did get so creative when it came to cursing. Ward was shaking with silent laughter and not helping, so I ruined both their fun by saying out loud “In his defense, he used to get sent to help out the doctor or the kitchens while I usually got sent to the motorpool.”</p><p>“You aren’t deaf,” Seifer said slowly, realising his mistake. “Are you?”</p><p>Ward shook his head.</p><p>Seifer his hands up in some sort of exasperated surrender. “Just kill me now.”</p><p>Ward got up from the bed, ruffled my hair again and ambled over to give him a hand, rather than killing him. Thankfully I’d apparently inherited at least a little of my practical skills from him somehow. Though I did have to keep translating for Seifer. I could do that while reclined against the pile of far too many pillows with our new green son tucked in beside me. </p><p>Seifer broke off from the assembly work to come over and retrieve another package from the chair. He paused long enough at the side of my bed to give me a little kiss. It was still weird doing that kind of thing in front of people, but I kind of liked it. Sharing a little bit of intimacy for the two of us. I think he needed a little reassurance but wasn’t sure how to ask, especially in front of someone who was a total stranger to him - not to mention pretty intimidating if you didn’t know him. </p><p>“You okay?” I asked, keeping my voice low when his hand slid into mine to squeeze it tight. It was only for a moment, just a brief thing, but I held onto him as long as I could. </p><p>He grinned at me and gave me a little shrug. “Just glad the pants arrived <i>before</i> the project.”</p><p>“Point. Bad enough my father gets to see you in your pjs,” I kept my tone light and teasing - the last thing I wanted was to cause an argument with an audience. To be honest, I didn’t mind that old crush or hero worship or <i>whatever</i> he had when it came to my father as much anymore. Not when said father wasn’t around anyway, in person could be a very different matter. It just got a little too much when he was doing it while we had the very subject sitting a couple of feet from the bed. Made me feel trapped between the two of them and I couldn’t exactly stalk off to escape at the moment, could I? Hell, if I could, this would be a very different situation. </p><p>Seifer ran his fingers through my hair to straighten it and returned to Ward to keep working. </p><p>When the stand was finally built - with a copious amount of swearing, and not all of it from Seifer - and actually looked like it could take some weight, Ward signed to me again. <i>“Where do you want to put this?”</i></p><p>“Did we decide where we wanted the tank, Seifer?”</p><p>“I think direct sunlight is bad,” Seifer dusted his hands off and looked around the room, pointing to our couch nest. “How about over here by the couch? Can you see it from the bed?”</p><p>I nodded my approval and confirmation on that, and the two of them maneuvered it over to the designated place. They took some time to set it up, digging out the other accoutrements that were apparently required. Gravel, pump, light and chemicals to encourage good bacterial growth. I think the water was supposed to sit for a little while before the fish were allowed into it, so that made sense that they hadn’t arrived. I’d have to read up on it all again to remind myself since as we had covered today already, Seifer didn’t read instructions. </p><p>I kinda wanted to see the guards faces when the fish did finally turn up though.</p><p>Seifer looked at me as he unpacked a few extras, holding up a particularly weedy and fake looking tank accessory at me. What had looked almost normal on the store page had turned up in a glaring neon green bright plastic complete with fake root plug to keep it settled. I wondered absently if I could find a fake cactuar to add to the tank later. “Why a tacky plastic plant?”</p><p>“Camouflage?”</p><p>“For the tiny diver?”</p><p>“For the fish.”</p><p>Seifer eyed the plant again, then eyed me. “If the whole point of an aquarium is to see the fish, isn’t giving them camo a bad idea?”</p><p>“Everyone needs a way to get out of the spotlight now and then.”</p><p>He frowned faintly and, putting two and two together, decided he approved. No we weren’t putting a metaphor for our current situation in our current situation at all. Whatever might give anyone that idea? Especially not before I found the fish their own cactuar. “That’s fair.”</p><p><i>“I’ll keep an eye out for the fish,”</i> Ward added, then continued filling up the tank. </p><p>“Thank you, Ward,” I said and translated for Seifer when I noticed his puzzled look. </p><p>“Yeah… thanks,” Seifer was trying his damndest to be at least close to polite. Must have been because he wanted to impress. I didn’t remember the last time he had been so polite to anyone. Other than the nurses, so far, anyway. When they were both done with the job, Seifer handed Ward a hand towel and asked “You want to stay for lunch with us?”</p><p><i>“Sure. More chance to interrogate you,”</i> he answered when he’d dried his hands,</p><p>I resisted the urge to face palm at least. It was a very close thing, to be honest. “That was a yes.”</p><p>“Any preference?”</p><p>
  <i>“Whatever you guys are having should be fine.”</i>
</p><p>“He says he’ll have the same as us.”</p><p>Ward cleared up the last of the packaging, stuffing most of it into one box and setting it by the door so that the maid could get it easier when she came by next. Seifer ordered lunch and by the time he was done came back to his side of the bed, Ward and I were already playing a game of triple triad. </p><p>“Thank you for sparing me,” Seifer said to him.</p><p>
  <i>“For now.”</i>
</p><p>“Ward,” I said, cutting him a look.</p><p>He grinned widely at me. <i>“What?”</i></p><p>I patted the bed next to me. “Come here and get comfortable, Seifer,” I ordered. Seifer did as I asked to my surprise and settled in his spot next to me again, maintaining at least a couple of inches of distance for the moment. “He’s checking up on you. Family stuff.”</p><p>“Joke’s on him, because I haven’t got any,” Seifer said cheerfully. And all it took was one look from me for Seifer to clear his throat and add “biologically speaking, at least.”</p><p>
  <i>“Laguna said you were at the orphanage together.”</i>
</p><p>“He’s asking about the orphanage,” I informed Seifer, resting my hand over Seifer’s on the bed. I couldn’t say I entirely appreciated all of the emotional drama about family really, but I could kind of fake it if I needed to. I didn’t like the idea of people who didn’t know Seifer well judging him - even about the war. “Apparently Laguna’s been gossiping.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve known Squall forever. Since he could talk. He didn’t, mind you, but he could.”</p><p>I elbowed him.</p><p>“Deny it,” Seifer smirked at me. “If you can.”</p><p>
  <i>“It’s a shame I have to make you interpret.”</i>
</p><p>“I guess this is the most I’ve talked in one day in… a long time. Ward says it's a shame he’s making me interpret for him.”</p><p>“I’ll learn sign language too,” Seifer shrugged. “I learned Squall speak, so why not?”</p><p>“I might never talk again,” I said. I was somewhat delighted at the prospect. </p><p>“Brat.”</p><p>I gave Seifer his first lesson on signing. I flipped him off. Thankfully he laughed and we didn’t scuffle - even though I kind of missed it. My brain was a strange place at times. I wondered why I was so fucked up but then I remembered I was a garden kid and really it came with the territory. “When Elle comes back, she might help. It’s left over from her magic.”</p><p>“You being a brat?”</p><p>“No… Ellone… Sis is a sorceress. Her magic is time based.”</p><p>Seifer furrowed his brows and quite plainly didn’t understand what I was saying. “Okay, I sort of knew that I think… but what does it have to do with you talking or not talking?”</p><p>It took me a minute to remember that not only was Seifer not there in the war, but that he was on the other side as well. Also while he’d been looking for Ellone he’d never experienced her talents first hand. “Oh, right. In the war, Ellone was using her magic on us to show us pieces of the past. Stuff about Laguna, Ward and Kiros but not from the outside. It was as though we were them. I picked up the signing from Laguna’s memories.”</p><p>“All I got was intimate knowledge of hats and a killer pecan praline recipe.”</p><p>
  <i>“He’d better share on the latter.”</i>
</p><p>“Ward wants the recipe. You got me too, Asshat.”</p><p>“You came after. And when you feel up to it, we can go to the kitchen and I’ll make a batch. It’s about the only thing I can cook.”</p><p>“All I got from Rin was shoe shopping and fashion tips,” I shrugged. I didn’t mind that, I loved Rin. I suspected she’d got a little more knowledge in tactics and warfare from me, not to mention her experience in war. She was going to give Galbadia a run for its money to free Timber now. I very nearly felt sorry for them. </p><p>“Between us, we can accessorize like a winner,” Seifer grinned at me.</p><p>I tried to think about how best to phrase it. How to put words to what Ellone had given me in the war.“Elle was… trying to help. So she showed me my father and his friends as they were… she tried to change the past but she couldn’t.”</p><p>“That’s a rare gift, Squall.”</p><p>“Yeah… I got to see my mother too,” I said hesitantly. I hadn’t realised who she was at the time of course. I kind of wished Ellone had at least explained a little more of what she was trying to do, at least told me who the woman I was seeing through someone else’s eyes was. Instead I was just left with questions and empty wishes for more information. I honestly didn’t know how I’d come out of the war alive and even vaguely sane with everything that was going on.</p><p>I just wished I’d known who she was while I still had the chance to see her in those odd dreams. Maybe Elle could give me another chance.</p><p>“What was she like?”</p><p>I didn’t know how to describe her. Ward offered <i>“She was a lot like you, Squall. Firm, exacting. Kind with it. Didn’t suffer fools gladly. We’re still not sure how Laguna managed to convince her to date him.”</i></p><p>“Ward thinks I take after her, apparently,” I said. I could tell I was blushing.</p><p>“Well, you aren’t as… rambunctious as your dad, but you do look a lot like him.”</p><p>
  <i>“Laguna has a picture of her in his office. I will see if he can send it to you.” </i>
</p><p>Ward had one of the portable phones that were used by the very highest echelons of Estharian government, his just allowed him to type messages to send while he was in the palace, which he was doing now. I wasn’t sure if it worked outside of the palace, there were far too many technical things here that I didn’t understand, even if I did appreciate some of them. Like the game machine we’d been playing a lot lately.</p><p>“Laguna has a picture of my mom. Ward’s seeing if he’ll send a copy over.”</p><p>“You should get a copy to put in here somewhere. Personalise the joint a little.”</p><p>My tablet computer beeped when the image file turned up. Seifer handed it to me so I could search it out and open the file. </p><p>I was instantly faced with my mother holding a very young Ellone on her hip, and Laguna with his arm around her. My eyes burned a little. I had so little of my past that I’d never realised how much it could hurt to be faced with it like that. Seeing her now I knew who she was, I took in every detail I could. Her soft features, her dark hair, and the part that made the ephemeral idea of her being my mother more real than any of Laguna’s botched attempts at talking to me about the whole thing. Her eyes. I had the same eyes as her. Somewhere between blue and grey. Something that Shiva would take and turn to silver. </p><p>“That’s great,” Seifer said cheerfully beside me. His voice seemed very far away, somehow, as though when I’d opened that picture, my whole world had focused down completely to just it. A woman I knew and didn’t, all in the same breath. </p><p>“She adopted Ellone,” I said to Seifer. My voice felt thick in my throat so I had to clear it. “So she’s really my sister.”</p><p>“Now all we need is a baby picture of you to tuck in the corner.”</p><p>“I like it as it is…” I didn’t feel like I could sully it with my presence somehow. </p><p>“It is pretty slick.”</p><p>“We don’t have nearly enough pictures.”</p><p>Seifer took the tablet from me gently and offered it to Ward. “Please?”</p><p>I gave my lover an incredulous look. “You want a picture of me looking like <i>this?” </i></p><p>“Before and after.”</p><p>Ward took the tablet and held it up. I pulled Seifer’s arm around me since if he wanted a picture of me looking like death warmed over, he had to be in it too. The tablet made a camera sound and Ward handed it back over. </p><p>I looked at the gaunt figure in the bed next to my boyfriend with more than a little horror. I’d not really seen myself but that… that wasn’t right. I’d not realised I was so weak looking. “Hyne. I look awful.”</p><p>“Baby, you already look <i>so</i> much better. Although you need a haircut,” Seifer checked out the picture. “And so do I, wow.”</p><p>
  <i>“I can get someone in here to help with that.”</i>
</p><p>“Ward says he can get someone in here to cut our hair.”</p><p>“We can have a spa day,” Seifer gushed. </p><p>Ward cracked up. I wasn’t sure whether it was Seifer’s enthusiasm or my extremely doubtful expression that made him laugh. </p><p>I think for the first time, with Seifer and Ward there, I felt a little more at home in Esthar.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A revelation that stems from an offhand comment.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Seven.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Warm my heart tonight<br/>And hold my head up high<br/>And help me to survive</p>
<p>Muse - Liquid State</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 10th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Laguna, <i>not</i> helping!”</p>
<p>“You are not taking him,” Squall growled. He sounded like a roll of thunder, and even as weak as he still was, his grip on me was like a vice, so tight on my shirt I thought he was going to rip it right off me. Fun at other times, but not so much when we had an audience. </p>
<p>Laguna held his hands up like he was surrendering. He probably needed to, so good plan there Mr President. “I didn’t mean it that way.”</p>
<p>The ass had suggested that I might need a break from being stuck in the room with Squall and of course, Squall had gotten the wrong idea. He had few buttons - well, as long as I wasn’t the one pushing them - but yours truly and being alone were definitely among the few that folk seemed to find all too easily. And had the insistence of dancing on as well. They just wouldn’t learn - you didn’t have to treat him with kid gloves, you didn’t have to push him, you just had to tell him like it is and he’d be mostly fine with that. Sometimes you just had to give him a little room to figure shit out, but still in the end he’d be mostly fine with it.</p>
<p>“You know I won’t leave you, Squall,” I tried to sound soothing, rubbing his back with my free hand. He had the death grip on my other sleeve and wrist, half sitting over my lap in the bed in another tangle of blankets and pillows. Laguna had come to play cards and visit again and everything had been perfectly normal right up until he’d gone and said something stupid. “I promised you’d have to get me surgically removed.”</p>
<p>“I’m making sure no one tries,” he said, throwing the briefest angry glance my way. He was deathly pale again, when even just that morning he’d looked like he was getting a little colour back. Fuck, the last time he’d been this pale, he’d fainted on me. I looked over at the monitor readout for his wrist cuff and, as I’d suspected, his heart rate was going insane and more importantly it was flashing a warning. I had to make him calm down somehow, or he was going to get worse. </p>
<p>“Squall. Deep breaths. Your pop was just trying to help,” I tried to make my voice as soothing as I could, keep it low and soft and just for him but it didn’t seem to make a difference. I wasn’t sure it would while Laguna was still in the room, really. He was always a little more tense when Laguna was around anyway - since he’d been feeling better, he hated to sleep with Laguna still in the room as well, he didn’t trust the guy as far as he could throw him. </p>
<p>“Yeah, and look where that’s gotten me so far,” Squall growled again. </p>
<p>“Nearly up and out of bed, that’s almost a win.”</p>
<p>Squall whipped around to face me, with a familiar scowl. I was glad there weren’t any gunblades in easy reach. Or any GFs honestly, because that grip on my sleeve took on a whole new meaning. Hell he’d been less pissed when I’d cut his fucking face in a duel. “Are you taking his side?”</p>
<p>“It’s not about sides, Squall,” Laguna tried to help. Squall back swung around again to face him at least, so I wasn’t the only one to have to face that withering glare. I swear it hadn’t been quite so scary when I thought he hated me. Now I knew better, I was worried that he might change his mind if I pushed too hard. </p>
<p>“I am, as always, the voice of reason,” I joked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, <i>sure</i>,” he practically spat.</p>
<p>“Hyne on a hot plate,” I tried to hug him. Or really, restrain him, since I was kind of worried he might actually go for his old man. Worse, he might actually manage to hurt Loire and I didn’t know if being sick like this would be a valid excuse if he managed to hurt the Hyne damned <i>president</i>. He resisted me, struggling against my far stronger hold until he finally just slumped into my arms and gave up. I pulled him fully into my lap as soon as he did that, tucking his head against my shoulder and holding him tight. He was angry. He was so angry he was shaking, but at least he wasn’t fighting me any more.</p>
<p>“I can’t lose you,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my skin as he spoke. Enough to make me shiver.</p>
<p>“Never happen,” I promised. I had no idea how many times I had to say that before he’d believe me, I had a feeling I’d be saying it for the rest of my life. Maybe I should just get it over with and tattoo him somewhere he could see. Then again, he probably wouldn’t believe it if he couldn’t see me. I’d heard enough evidence of that from the nurses that came to help with lines and meds and whatever - They’d had to sedate him to get him to keep the IV’s in at first, and then to keep him in bed. He’d been determined to try to find me when he’d got even the slightest bit of strength back that he’d been crawling to the Hyne damned door.</p>
<p>“Hyne, I wish I knew why you changed your mind about coming here,” Laguna sighed and slumped back in the chair again. The dark fall of his hair half covered his eyes for a moment, and he looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Probably was. Couldn’t be easy with Squall hating him so much - especially when he mostly seemed like a pretty nice guy. Squall was the only blood family he had left as far as I knew.</p>
<p>“Changed mind?” I echoed. Squall lifted his head just barely, just enough that I knew he was listening too curled up in my lap. Even though for all the world to anyone else he’d almost look like he was sleeping. If they hadn’t seen him fighting me a minute ago anyway. “Wait, that was me. He didn't want to come back. I called you because he was so sick.”</p>
<p>“I mean back in January,” Laguna waved a hand and pushed his hair back behind his ear delicately. Most times when he visited us he tied it back but it was loose tonight, longer than Squall’s had ever been by far. Still, when his hair was down, the connection between the two of them seemed that much clearer to me. “When we were talking about him coming here, he was all for the idea. As soon as he arrived, he changed his mind.”</p>
<p>I felt that cold flush of worry and fear spread through my skin like a tidal wave. I know Squall’s memory was kinda screwy but that wasn’t something he’d have cause to lie to me about. I never would have turned Squall in for the cash and by the time he was sick enough that’d I’d even vaguely considered calling him in -  long before I’d actually called Loire -  I was already in love with the little asshat curled in my lap and couldn’t stand to give him up. “I thought you had him kidnapped,” I said. Off to the side the monitor started flashing again and Squall squeezed my arm. “It’s not a secret, Squall.”</p>
<p>“I… no, we didn’t <i>kidnap</i> him…” Laguna at least looked genuinely surprised. No, horrified. I wasn’t sure how well Loire could lie - after all, he was a politician, an actor and Hyne only knew what that meant for his other skills - but he didn’t seem to be lying now. I guess he still could be, but did he have any reason to? “We’d been talking for over a month before I dispatched a transport to fetch him.”</p>
<p>“Is that true?” I said, tipping my head to look at Squall’s face, half hiding against me. I could already tell by his wide eyes - his scared eyes, that it wasn’t. I could count the number of times I’d seen Squall truly scared on one hand. I didn’t like seeing him scared while he was this gaunt and this weak. </p>
<p>“I have no idea what he’s talking about.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t, now. Your head is full of holes,” I huffed. Not to mention it didn’t sound like something Squall would do - lead his dad on about wanting to stay then changing his mind. He never would have wanted to leave Garden if he’d been given the choice. “But before, when you told me about it, you didn’t ever mention talking to your dad prior to it happening, or making arrangements.”</p>
<p>“My head’s that bad?” Squall asked, in a small, quiet voice. </p>
<p>“It’s getting better, baby,” I promised him. </p>
<p>He slumped against me again, kind of defeated all over again. Twice in one day, he was going to need some time in our couch nest with the adventures of Wot again to distract him later. “Sure. Whatever.”</p>
<p>Laguna had snagged Squall’s tablet while I’d been distracted with my lover and done something to connect his phone to it. I didn’t know what he was doing until he moved around the bed and got closer  - cautiously, of course, since he also mostly appreciated that Squall was volatile - to let me and Squall see the screen and read. “Here, I’m not lying. This is one of the notes he sent - he wanted to come.”</p>
<p>
  <i>delighted to be able to connect with my real family after all these years… more than ready to leave Garden… </i>
</p>
<p>I’d seen plenty of those messages inside of Garden of course, given that we had our bulletin boards and everything that we were supposed to use for learning. Contacts between places so far away was strange and new - I could only assume it was part of Estharian tech, since they seemed so advanced over everything else I’d ever known. </p>
<p>I had a horrible feeling I already knew the answer given how unlike Squall the message sounded, but I had to ask anyway. “Is that you? I mean… it’s signed Commander Leonhart.”</p>
<p>Staying curled against me, Squall took the tablet with one hand and propped it against his legs, reading it over as though he didn’t believe what his eyes were telling him. “That’s my address at the top, but I didn’t send that. That’s not how I write.”</p>
<p>I agreed, it didn’t sound at all like Squall. I mean, there were no whatevers in it whatsoever. “How can that be?”</p>
<p>Squall cast a wary glance at Laguna before he turned his attention to me again. It was uncomfortable for him to talk about, I got that. Still, I think we both needed to hear it. “I had a couple of assistants to help me with the mundane stuff most of the time… We were swamped after the war when Cid didn’t return to work. It was too much to handle on my own.”</p>
<p>“So. Someone was sending emails to Laguna saying you couldn’t wait to come to Esthar, and not showing them to you?” I asked. Not to mention, that someone was plotting against him while doing all of it too, if they were making out like they hated Garden and couldn’t wait to get away. Squall was still seventeen, after all, and although he’d been at Garden for years, his family - his <i>father</i> - would still have final say so on his placement there even if he was already SeeD until he turned eighteen. </p>
<p>Laguna took the tablet back gently, fixing whatever he did as he perched on the edge of the bed and returning the tablet to the bedside table. “That explains everything… why you hated it from the moment you got here…”</p>
<p>“You thought he wanted to come.”</p>
<p>Laguna nodded. He seemed genuinely hurt by the whole thing, nearly as much as Squall. And I understood that - they’d lost months of potential father-son time between them.  “He seemed desperate to get out of Garden.”</p>
<p>“That explains a lot…” I hated to admit it, but things were starting to line up in my head and even for SeeD, the result was starting to sound pretty fucking mercenary to me. “Now, consider, who would want Squall, the <i>Commander</i>,  out of the way and is sneaky enough to screw him over.”</p>
<p>Squall rubbed his scar and gave a heavy sigh. Yeah, he was following my line of thinking perfectly, unfortunately for both of us. He was starting to tremble with anger again, one hand sitting on his lap balled into a fist so tight that his knuckles were white. I rubbed his back slowly, if only to try and comfort him while we were both seriously pissed off. “The same person who ripped my GFs out.”</p>
<p>“Bingo.”</p>
<p>By the look on Laguna’s face, I figured that it was the first he was hearing about <i>that</i> particular event at least. Of <i>course</i> Squall wouldn’t tell Loire or anyone else here what had happened to him. He probably thought Esthar was in on the whole damn thing in fact. One last ditch effort to make sure that he couldn’t escape with magic. Not that he’d needed it, obviously, since Squall was the kind of guy who got cute little animals to help him bust out of D-District so why would he need magic to help him out of anywhere else? “They did what?”</p>
<p>“She forcibly removed Squall’s GF, and had him locked up, restrained and eventually carried out to the transport. The rest is history.”</p>
<p>“GFs are garden property,” Squall explained. He sounded small, and still hurt by the whole thing somehow. Damn, now I had a whole lot more hate for that bitch. “Not allowed to take them with you when you’re kicked out.”</p>
<p>“I… I had no idea… I’m so sorry, Squall,” Laguna sounded honest at least. </p>
<p>“That’s bullshit anyway, since you had Shiva and Quez before.”</p>
<p>“Shiva really didn’t want to go,” Squall lifted a hand to his temple, as though he was remembering the hurt, or her voice, something. It was one of those still rare times when he left everything open, wearing his emotions as plain as the scar on his face. I wasn’t sure if he was too tired to hide anything or if the hurt ran that deep that he just couldn’t handle it, <i>couldn’t</i> hide it. He lifted his gaze to me again and almost whispered “They must have hurt her too.”</p>
<p>I hugged Squall as tight as I dared, letting him hide himself a little longer. He’d hate if he showed this to Laguna even more than he’d hate the bitch who’d screwed him over when he worked through all of this, so I wanted to give him time to compose himself. “That’s why he was outta here the first chance he got.”</p>
<p>Laguna looked like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. And really, he probably couldn’t, hell, I would have had trouble if I didn’t know what Xu was like. Thank Hyne I’d run into Squall in the desert and he’d had me to rely on in the middle of this whole mess. Hyne fuck, he didn’t <i>deserve</i> this. Not after what he’d done. “I...Hyne.” </p>
<p>“Baby,” I prompted when Squall was relaxing again, when I could risk it giving voice to my thoughts, stroking Squall’s soft hair slowly. “You know this means your dad isn’t the bad guy, right?”</p>
<p>“It means we were both played for fools,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Yes. And that I can go back to fanboying.”</p>
<p>That snapped him out of it and he lifted his head to give me a half hearted glare. I took the fact that he didn’t kill me immediately somehow as a win. “<i>That</i> is your priority?”</p>
<p>“I’d go kill  Xu for you,” I shrugged. “But you didn’t want me to leave.”</p>
<p>“Asshole.”</p>
<p>“Love you too.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how to fix this,” Laguna sighed. All along, Laguna had only had his son’s best interests at heart, even if he was a little mixed up on what the best interests were here and there. I mean, I couldn’t blame the guy for being suspicious of me - I had tortured his son, been a complete asshole to him for years, nearly killed him a few times in battle and I acted like none of that mattered, like none of it was real as soon as we’d started falling for each other. Of course it mattered. Of course it was real and it hurt even me, but as long as Squall didn’t care about it, as long as Squall wanted me, I was his. I didn’t care what anyone else wanted or thought and I’d fight anyone who tried to take me from him.</p>
<p>“Xu is pretty sharp, so if you demand Shiva, she’ll twig that we worked it out,” I shook my head. I didn’t see a way out of this right now without hurting Shiva more, or worse. Not until Squall was back on his feet and ready to go claim her. </p>
<p>“If she’s that vindictive, she might even do something worse,” Laguna said. He was pretty sharp. Had to be, I guess. Underneath all the facade. </p>
<p>“We dated. Once,” I shuddered at the memory. “Nightmare. Vindictive is her credo.”</p>
<p>“I thought it was Limes."</p>
<p>See the real problem with Squall and his downright vicious sense of humour was that they were secretly timed to the exact moments that would entirely disarm me or make me choke. Today, I choked. When I caught my breath again I covered the moment before Laguna could ask why I was having a very undignified laughing fit in all of this. “Okay so the plan for now is to get Squall well enough to go personally and get his GF back, with the full support of both Esthar and his lover.”</p>
<p>Squall considered it for just a few seconds before he smiled faintly and said; “Sure.”</p>
<p>“I like the way that sounds,” Laguna nodded. I held up my hand and Laguna fistbumped me. I may have fangirled a little. On the inside. Of course. </p>
<p>I nudged Squall to play along at least. Try to make nice a little with his dad since we both now knew that he wasn’t the bogeyman we’d been worried about all the time we’d been on the run. He looked from me to Laguna, thoughtfully. “Maybe… maybe you were right about Seifer needing some… time out of this room.”</p>
<p>“Asshole.”</p>
<p>Squall elbowed me, gently for once. “<i>With</i> me, dumbass.”</p>
<p>“Ohh, okay then.”</p>
<p>“Where are you thinking of?” Laguna was already back to smiling - smiling suited him a whole lot more than the serious look, I thought. He always looked so damn worried when he came to see us too - for good reason, sure, but that didn’t mean I had to be okay with that. </p>
<p>“The lily garden?” Squall suggested.</p>
<p>“We could have a picnic,” I added.</p>
<p>“<i>If</i> I clear it with the doctor first and you promise to do anything he says.”</p>
<p>“If he says ‘go and have a picnic in the lily garden,” I said. I knew Squall was going stir crazy after being stuck inside for this long, we both needed some fresh air -  it’d let the maids clean the room properly too if we were outside. As long as they remembered not to use any of the non-approved cleaning products anyway. I’d have to mention that to Laguna before we headed out, just in case. </p>
<p>“I mean about wrapping up or time limits or meds or… anything.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” I could see the merit of that, and well, I wanted Squall to keep getting better as much as Laguna did, and I’d learnt to compromise somewhere along the way.   “As long as he doesn’t get to pick the menu.”</p>
<p>“Medicinal cookies,” Squall suggested.</p>
<p>“Good plan.”</p>
<p>“Reasonable requests, I promise,” Laguna nodded along with Squall’s request. I figured it could only help. The more calories the better right?</p>
<p>“We’ll even do sunblock or a beach umbrella, since Squall tends to crisp up.”</p>
<p>“Just like his mom.”</p>
<p>Squall had his mom’s colouring, more pale and delicate than his dad’s darker hair and jewel green eyes. I smiled because I could believe that after seeing the photograph. I’d originally thought he looked like his dad, turns out I was just seeing the parts I recognised. Since they’d shown me the picture of his mom, I realised he was a mix of two very beautiful people. </p>
<p>I shouldn’t have expected any less, really. Squall turned more heads than I was entirely comfortable with. </p>
<p>“Yes, we’ll set something up,” Laguna agreed. “Tomorrow as long as it’s nice, or if not, the day after. Okay?”</p>
<p>“It will give us time to choose our ensembles.”</p>
<p>Squall side eyed me and picked at the corner of the fluffy blanket of comfort we’d been wrapped up in before his little freak out earlier. “Let’s see, the smock or the blanket…”</p>
<p>I resisted the urge to swat him, since I was kind of worried that little tantrum had given him a headache or something. His head hurt a lot from what he’d admitted to me, but the headaches came back in full force when he was stressed still, which is one of the reasons I loathed seeing the doc as much as I welcomed his visits. Squall was far less stressed by the nurses visits at least. “Is underwear optional? How stabby is the grass out there, Laguna?”</p>
<p>“I’m not flashing the palace.”</p>
<p>“We’ll set it up so you won’t have to worry about that. Or anyone disturbing you either.”</p>
<p>I sighed. “Well there goes my plans for the entertainment portion.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to need frozen limes, aren’t I?” Squall murmured softly. </p>
<p>I cracked up. Again. Because Squall’s sense of humour was just outright laser guided to aim at all the things we really shouldn’t be talking about in front of his dad.  “I’ll just whistle.”</p>
<p>Laguna looked between the two of us suspiciously. “I have a feeling I’m missing something, but I’m not going to ask.”</p>
<p>“Wise choice.”</p>
<p>“Is there anything else I can do to make up for this?”</p>
<p>“Well, Squall is going to need someone else to hate on,” I grinned at Squall.</p>
<p>“Yeah, can’t hate you,” Squall rolled his eyes at me. “Can’t hate him, who do I have left?”</p>
<p>“The guy who made tin toys?” I suggested.</p>
<p>Squall’s eyes narrowed and I almost swear ice flashed in them. Even if that was impossible with Shiva so far away. He just hated the tin toys guy so much that he made the impossible, possible. If only for a moment. “<i>Fuck</i>,” he ground out through gritted teeth, “that guy.”</p>
<p>“What’s tin toys?” Laguna asked, looking confused. </p>
<p>“Oh good, we’re back in business. You’ve never seen the amazing movie, Tin Toys Eat Deling? I think it had another name really but that was the whole plot. It featured SeeD.”</p>
<p>“It featured <i>me</i>,” Squall scowled.</p>
<p>“From the nearby hilarious universe,” I added.</p>
<p>Laguna broke out in a grin. “I need to find this movie.”</p>
<p>“Bring popcorn, and candy,” I advised, since copious amounts of sugar and corn were the only way I could see anyone making it through that movie. Well, short of a bottle of vodka but I still wasn’t sure what age you were supposed to be to drink in Esthar. “And maybe some mild sedatives for Squall.”</p>
<p>“It’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen,” Squall grumbled, “and I’m including SeeD instructionals in that.”</p>
<p>“I watched it twice. He made gagging noises and tried to disappear. When that didn’t work, he went to sleep,” I explained before turning to Squall. “You never sat through a chick flick with Rin.”</p>
<p>“Yes I did. One of them was mostly about shoes.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t watch Tin Toys either, you slept.”</p>
<p>“I saw enough,” Squall waved a hand dismissively. “Anyway, I only have a certain bullshit tolerance level, and I had to save that for you.”</p>
<p>“I’m touched. I got dibs.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>“Anyway, Laguna,” I stole Squall’s catchphrase for a moment. “If you can find it that will help Squall in his quest to murder the person who directed it.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure we’ll be able to find it. Anything else?”</p>
<p>“An official pardon for when he tracks the guy down.”</p>
<p>The President of Esthar shrugged. “Diplomatic immunity.”</p>
<p>“You’re golden, Squall.”</p>
<p>Squall rubbed his hands together in pretend glee. “Good.”</p>
<p>“I wonder if they’re making a sequel.”</p>
<p>“I’ll find that out too,” Laguna said, making a note on his phone. “I’ll let you guys know over dinner tonight, about all of it. If you’re okay with me joining you?”</p>
<p>I looked down at Squall to check if he was good with that, and he gave me the tiniest, almost imperceptible little nod. “Sure, Laguna. That would be great. The tin toys can wait if you have presidential things to do though - Squall can’t kick the guy’s ass quite yet.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I have a staff for a reason,” He flashed us a grin.</p>
<p>“Go give ‘em hell, Laguna.”</p>
<p>He gave us a little wave as he got up and headed out. For the first time since I’d met him, he didn’t look like the entire world was sitting on his shoulders. I guess making up a little with your estranged kid was good for the soul. </p>
<p>Squall waited until Laguna was gone and the door was closed to look up at me. “I’m not sure if the staff are going to help him find the movie or do his job, and I’m not sure which I should be worried about more.”</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you what worries me. The fact Xu set you up big time,” I eased him carefully out of my lap and shuffled over to pour him a glass of water. I wanted to get ahead of the headache I knew would be bugging him soon. </p>
<p>His expression totally shut down. Like someone had snapped a mask onto his face, just like that. “Yeah… that’s… yeah.”</p>
<p>Fuck, I shouldn’t have done that. Should have waited until after he’d had more time to process it, instead he’d gone back into robot Squall mode and I hated robot Squall mode. “It’s okay, because as soon as you’re well, we can make the rounds of the people who need asskicking.”</p>
<p>“That’s a long list.”</p>
<p>I put the glass of water into his hand  and coaxed him into drinking it slowly. I helped him take the first couple of sips, then he got the idea and nudged my hand away gently, settling to keep working at the glass. Satisfied, I slipped back to my previous position beside him, stretched out against a mound of pillows to keep him company and keep my eye on him. “I’m only up to two on mine. Wait, three. I forgot the chocobo boy. Bless his widdle pointed head.”</p>
<p>“Who else?”</p>
<p>“Xu and Tin Toysman of course.”</p>
<p>“Just checking,” he smiled into the glass. Like he’d even be on the list right now. I mean not that I would ever want to stop fighting with him, but I wasn’t about to hurt him when he was looking… well. Like this. Hadn’t we left all that behind?</p>
<p>“Oh and that guy in the green car who cut us off outside Crusty Crumbs or whatever that town was.”</p>
<p>“Not the pool cue guy?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure he’s worth a special trip. Besides, didn’t you break his wrist?”</p>
<p>“I can’t remember,” Squall scowled. “I just remember that he hurt you.”</p>
<p>“Minorly. They were losers.”</p>
<p>He nodded, and fell quiet for a little bit, finishing the glass of water and handing it back to me as soon as it was empty. When I set it down and turned back he was doing that thing where he fussed at his fingers more. I didn’t know if I should try and distract him or give him time to deal. I decided to give him room for a little while, let him work through whatever was going on in his head and he solved the problem for me by looking up at me again. “Can… Can I ask for something?”</p>
<p>“Anytime. Always.”</p>
<p>“Can I…” he gestured at my lap. “I just… need you right now.”</p>
<p>I gathered Squall up and pulled him into my lap once more, leaning back against the pillows and letting him curl comfortably against me. He tucked his head against my neck and I tried to remember if he’d ever outright asked for that kind of comforting contact before. I mean I’d definitely dragged him into my lap a lot, since he was shorter and therefore had to suffer my demands, but had he actually asked for comfort and contact like that? Maybe. Some of our days were a blur. </p>
<p>“You know the shittiest part?” he asked, resting his hand on my chest over my heart. </p>
<p>“I can guess, but tell me.”</p>
<p>“If she’d just asked me, I’d have gladly given her the commander role. Or something, at least, it was too much for one person,” I felt him sigh more than heard it. </p>
<p>I knew probably better than anyone that Garden was not meant to be all buddy buddy and sweetness and light. Garden was meant to be cutthroat, a means to an end. Children turned into soldiers ready to kill each other if asked but still after it all they couldn’t break all of us. We still found friends. And even with Xu’s best efforts, Squall had found me and… well. He’d found his real place in the world. “If she’d shown you the messages, you might have agreed to visit Esthar and your dad too.”</p>
<p>“Probably, yeah,” he sighed again. This one I definitely heard, a deep, heavy, world weary sigh. As though he was listening to my thoughts he said “I take it back, the shittiest part is we now have Xu to thank for getting us together.”</p>
<p>“Oh maaaan… can’t we just credit the Trabian brats?”</p>
<p>That at least made him chuckle softly. One of his hands found mine, his thin fingers curling around them and tracing them carefully. As though he were trying to memorise every line, every freckle, every little inch of my skin, he brushed his thumb over my knuckles, just gazing at my hands. “Let’s just credit each other and a nest of Grendels.”</p>
<p>“Good plan.”</p>
<p>“We could just say it was kismet and never tell.”</p>
<p>“Kind of was, really.”</p>
<p>“All good then,” I rubbed Squall’s back distractingly. Just when I felt him start to tense up, getting too lost in his own thoughts all over again, I added “She probably needed Shiva for the limes.”</p>
<p>He snerked at that one and hid his face against my shoulder to muffle his laughter.</p>
<p>“You can laugh out loud. I know I’m funny.”</p>
<p>“Mmmhm, <i>sure</i>.”</p>
<p>“Screw you, I’m hilarious.”</p>
<p>“You’re the only person who I can laugh at.”</p>
<p>“With, asshole, <i>with</i>.”</p>
<p>“Riiiight.”</p>
<p>I pretended to bite him. He got me back by shifting enough to get his hand in my hair and ruffling it. He still didn’t move all that much, still carefully curled against me, head pillowed on my shoulder. I don’t know why I liked that so much, having him in my lap like that, curled up and comfortable. Maybe it was because I could feel so much of him at once, or because I could still convince those skeptical parts of my brain that he was real.</p>
<p>“Is it weird that I don’t feel angry?” he asked, softly.</p>
<p>“About Xu?” I said, tipping my head to watch him. He’d let the mask slip again. Even now after all this time of caring about him, being close to him, he still had to guard himself around me sometimes. I kind of hated that, but I understood. You didn’t get over that shit at the drop of a hat, after all. He nodded at my question. “I’m angry. You can be the mature one.”</p>
<p>“Not mature,” he said, and kissed me softly. “Just… I’m just hurt, I guess.”</p>
<p>“That makes sense. I mean, she fucked you six ways from sunday. She took away your job, your GFs and in a way, she took your dad away.”</p>
<p>“And she knew me well enough to know she could probably get away with it.”</p>
<p>I scoffed. “Not forever.”</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t have been sick?”</p>
<p>He was right. I hated to admit it, but he had a point. We’d have had to keep on the downlow even after he was of age, really. I mean for all we’d known he would have still been a wanted man, even if he was of age.  “We never would have known. We’d have faded into the desert.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, never seeing Loire or Esthar again. Never finding out about the emails.”</p>
<p>“Never seeing any of the garden people again. At least now you can see Dincht and Qusitis.”</p>
<p>“And Irvine, Selphie… Rin….” his voice trailed off, a far away look in his eye. I didn’t know any of them as well as I should, especially since they’d been on Squall’s side through the war. I remembered snippets of our shared childhood, and of course I knew Rin from when she’d been just a summer fling but sometimes I felt jealous that Squall had a whole life I didn’t even know. Even if it only had been a few short months. </p>
<p>“So get well baby, we’ve got people to see.”</p>
<p>“I’m trying Seifer.”</p>
<p>“I know, Baby. I’m not real good at cheerleading. I’m more of a nagging and browbeating kind of motivator. But I’m trying, too.”</p>
<p>“...too easy.”</p>
<p>I blew a raspberry on his neck. </p>
<p>He squirmed and laughed. “Asshole! Not in front of the fish.”</p>
<p>“Or the cactaur.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, he’s watching the fish.”</p>
<p>“Quick, while they’re both distracted.”</p>
<p>I kissed him, because damn, we both needed it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Guna, and poor Squall.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some fresh air at last.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Eight.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From this moment<br/>You will never be alone<br/>We're bound together<br/>Now and forever<br/>The loneliness has gone<br/>Muse - Aftermath</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 12th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Under the escort of my uncle Ward, since Seifer was still theoretically a wanted criminal and we weren’t sure if anyone would freak out about it, we made it down to the lily garden without incident. I’d have preferred to walk to it, but since my body had been in on the betrayals lately, I needed some assistance. I hated that I needed the help, but if it was necessary to make some concessions in order to get some time outside, so be it. </p>
<p>“I can make vroom vroom noises,” Seifer had suggested helpfully when I gave the wheelchair a look.</p>
<p>Of course I’d given him the usual reply. “Whatever.”</p>
<p>The trip down to the garden had been thankfully drama free. It was shortly before lunchtime, and people were too busy to come out and stare at us as we passed. The guards we saw kept their gaze fixed forward when we passed by at least as far as I could tell, with those masks in the way. </p>
<p>It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining in a clear blue sky and the air was pleasantly warm without being too stifling. The gardens were surrounded on each side by various wings of the palace and government buildings, so there wasn’t much of a breeze, but between those and the tall trees that stood sentinel over the area, it kept most of the noise of the city out at least.</p>
<p>The gardens were divided into two sections - one for more public use and one for the president and anyone he deemed worthy. In the family garden, there was a separate little courtyard with some well tended lilies - white star points in a forest of deep green leaves and paler green buds -  from the southernmost area of the Galbadian continent. A small circle of grass sat in the centre of the courtyard, circled by a gravel path. A single bench nestled in an alcove of the walled flower beds, an old ivy plant trailing lazily across the trellis that offered it a little shelter from the sun. In one corner, a waterfall bubbled out of the wall and tumbled down into a twisting little stream to a small pool dotted with the only other flowering plants in the garden, water lilies. They were white too, but with more of a pale pink tinge to them, not like the pure white lilies that adorned the beds.</p>
<p>It was the only place in Esthar I’d found any peace during my brief stay, even if the weather had been considerably worse and the plants had not been flowering back then. I was glad to be able to see it in full bloom. The lilies were beautiful.</p>
<p>So on that little circle of lush grass, there were already a few supplies waiting for us. An overly large umbrella to provide some shade, a blanket already stretched out and a pile of pillows and blankets besides. The doctor had some restrictions for us, of course, no more than 90 minutes outside for our first trip, I had to avoid too much sunshine, and the minute I went back inside I was to be put back on the IV, just in case. </p>
<p>I’d gone from slaying monsters to this in a matter of months. I felt entirely pathetic.</p>
<p>“Hey, this is nice. All we need is a picnic basket,” Seifer said, parking the wheelchair at the edge of the courtyard garden before the path turned to gravel.</p>
<p><i>“I’ll get the help to bring something for you,”</i> Ward signed to me. Seifer watched raptly, his eyebrows knitted together in thought. We’d been teaching him a little of Ward’s language here and there, and so far he’d been picking it up fairly well, but sometimes it was just easier to translate for him.</p>
<p>“He said he’ll have someone bring something out for us,” I offered.</p>
<p>“I almost had that one. Thanks, Ward,” Seifer grinned. Then he helped me out of the wheel chair and into the waiting pile of blankets and pillows. I hung onto his neck a little, and he even stole a kiss as he carried me over. “Careful,” he said when I kissed back. “If my knees go weak, I’ll drop you. And then your giant uncle will smoosh my head.”</p>
<p>“I’ll try to be good. Maybe.”</p>
<p>“You? Good?” Seifer scoffed.</p>
<p>“Are you saying I’m not good to you?” </p>
<p>“Excellent,” he chuckled, “but even better when you are being bad.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want us to get banned from the garden.” </p>
<p>“Or sunburned,” Seifer added. When he set me down, he let me find a comfortable spot in the shade before he took the time to set up the remote feed on my monitor like he’d been shown by the nurse.</p>
<p>“Perfect,” I said. </p>
<p>When he was satisfied that we were all settled in, Ward turned and left us to get some alone time. “Thanks, Ward,” Seifer called after him. Ward lifted his hand in a little wave without looking back and the gate latched shut behind him.</p>
<p>I let out a breath it felt like I’d been holding since long before we even got to Esthar. I reached out to the side of the blanket, just enough to touch the grass, trying to convince myself it was real. The blades slid easily against my fingers and I closed my eyes. It felt like I was hanging on to the world, somehow. “Fresh air,” I sighed, and relaxed against the pillows. </p>
<p>“And look, a bug,” Seifer said somewhere off to the side. I had the briefest flash of a late night bug in a bathroom and Seifer being scared of it. While it was still dark we’d ended up resting on a bench - well, I’d rested, he’d napped on my shoulder and when he woke up, he’d had no idea how we’d got outside. Only worrying because I think he’d driven when we left the hotel. I hoped whatever bug he’d spotted wouldn’t cause another episode like <i>that</i>. “It’s a cute one, though.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t freak out about any bugs,” I opened my eyes to look over at him, still slightly concerned. “I can’t chase you right now.”</p>
<p>Seifer was settled on the blanket beside me but sitting in the sun. The light turned his hair to spun gold. I think I hadn’t appreciated how much all of it had stressed him out while we’d been inside. He was paler than I think I’d ever seen him, the tan he’d picked up on our journey fading fast in the days since we’d been back in Esthar’s hands. He was watching a dragonfly that had perched on one of the pillows to rest a moment - he was beautiful, and I didn’t know what I’d do without him. “This is a non freaking bug. It has little lacey wings and looks like it sips nectar and dances on lilies.”</p>
<p>He always had the most colourful descriptions. I couldn’t help but smile, at least now. “Sips nectar makes it sound like it has a martini glass.”</p>
<p>“It’s a very high class bug,” Seifer informed me, watching raptly as the dragonfly took off again and flew smoothly towards the water lilies. “Sophisticated, even.”</p>
<p>“Ahh. Champagne flute instead?”</p>
<p>“There you go,” he grinned at me and scooted closer, joining me under the shade of the umbrella. His eyes flickered over at my hand fussing at the grass, just enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin. It was like holding a fire spell, the gentle heat spreading without burning. I didn’t do great in the sun, but I still missed it being stuck inside. He didn’t say anything about it, but I got the feeling I was on notice. </p>
<p>“Probably has a monocle,” I mused, distracting him.</p>
<p>“And canapes served by ladybugs.”</p>
<p>“Explains why it’s in a palace garden.”</p>
<p>Seifer laughed softly. A sound that warmed me more than all the sunlight ever would, in ways it would never reach. “Only the best bugs are allowed to chomp on presidential flora, after all.”</p>
<p>“Just as long as it’s only the flowers.”</p>
<p>Seifer leant closer, looming over me a little. I might have gotten lost in his eyes there for a moment, too green, too bright to be real. The anti-magic field was a little weaker in the garden and I could see Helios’ light in his eyes again, just for those few heartbeats. Seifer always seemed more alive with it there, that brighter spark in his jade green gaze. He had to be magical, he made no sense otherwise to me. “I am the only one allowed to nibble on you.”</p>
<p>Seifer demonstrated his point by nibbling on me. His teeth worried at my earlobe, teasing and light, but it was enough to remind me of what we’d had. The closeness we’d had to leave behind when I’d gotten sicker. I missed it suddenly, being able to feel Seifer over me. <i>In</i> me. That little reminder was almost <i>too</i> much. I couldn’t take it.  “Seiferrrr….”</p>
<p>“Yes?” he asked, brushing his fingers lightly through my hair. </p>
<p>“Don’t tempt me.”</p>
<p>He grinned and shuffled the pillows so he could stay close to me, close enough to tangle his fingers with mine as he watched me. If I’d been a little stronger, a little less sickly, I’d have done something, even if we were out in the damn garden. At least let myself get a little carried away. “I'm no good at being good you know.”</p>
<p>“You were always good to me, in the end.” I shrugged, thinking back to Garden and the years he’d been my rival. My foil. I’d never imagined how much it would change during the war. How vicious that smirk had become. “Those few months notwithstanding.”</p>
<p>“Well, I cared about you. I just didn’t know what it meant.”</p>
<p>“Cared?” I echoed.</p>
<p>“Still do, yes, Dumbass,” he nudged me very gently. In the old days he might have smacked me in the head, but thankfully he’d mostly lost that habit at some point. “But we were talking about the past.”</p>
<p>“We were messed up.”</p>
<p>“Eh, we did our best and I guess so did they. It’s over now, and we have the big shiny future before us.” </p>
<p>It was sometimes hard to see the future. I felt like I was trapped looking down at the spot I was stuck in - more than ever now. Well, maybe down was the wrong direction, really I was usually stuck looking straight up at a ceiling, which was probably worse than looking down. At least if I was looking down I’d be on my feet and I could actually start doing something. Still, it was nice to be able to plan things, even if the future was hard to even conceive of right now. “Back to the lighthouse and the orphanage?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Why not?”</p>
<p>“Not a complaint, Seifer. Just planning,” I shrugged. Satisfied with my answer, he stretched out beside me, toeing off his shoes. He had dressed of course, since we were going into more public areas to get to our destination. Lately when he’d been wearing clothes he’d settled for brushed cotton stuff, or linen, even the jeans we’d ordered for him he’d only worn once. I suspected that was my fault since I was so Hyne damn needy at the moment, he spent a lot of time close to me and touching me, and I suspected he was worried about making that a little more comfortable for me. Still, I liked that he was making himself comfortable too.</p>
<p>“Talking of the lighthouse,” he mused, “we should get a real bed.”</p>
<p>“Probably a good idea,” since I wasn’t sure our makeshift sleeping arrangements would do us much good when we were back there again. I was far better than I had been - as far as I could remember - when we’d spent some time there recently, but I remembered far too well the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. </p>
<p>“And some books.”</p>
<p>“Books?”</p>
<p>Seifer grinned at me. “We can’t have sex <i>all</i> the time.”</p>
<p>“True. We need to sleep sometime. And eat.”</p>
<p>“So something to read while you are cooking.”</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure how I had once again landed that job. Mind you, it was probably safer that way. “At least one cookbook then.”</p>
<p>“Good plan. Some books about fixing stuff too, so we can stay there through winter.”</p>
<p>I remembered what those winter storms were like, and to be honest I didn’t much fancy the idea of relying on my own knowledge or lack thereof to fix up anything structural. At least I had people I could contact in Fisherman’s Horizon now, hell, maybe I could even convince Selphie to sweet talk them. She did have a habit of getting her own way. “Some of it we’ll probably need outside help fixing.”</p>
<p>“Most of it really,” Seifer shrugged. “But unless we mooch money from your dad, we can’t afford much.”</p>
<p>“I’ll have the rest of my savings at least. We’ll probably have to do some merc work when I’m back on my feet.”</p>
<p>“I have my nest egg too, but we have to live on it a long time.”</p>
<p>I sighed. “Being a real person is hard.”</p>
<p>“I know. All this grown up crap blows.”</p>
<p>“At least we have each other.”</p>
<p>“Always,” Seifer promised again and found one of my hands to squeeze it. I liked his way of promising, he spent a lot more time touching me to reassure me now. Far more gently now too. “We can coast along here until you are both legal and well, then hit the lighthouse and spend the autumn winterising. And the winter cuddling.”</p>
<p>“Mm. sounds good to me. Maybe do some occasional hunting runs for money. At least the winters down there are wet, not too snowy.”</p>
<p>“We can write porn for money.”</p>
<p>I gave Seifer a <i>look.</i></p>
<p>“Well, practice makes perfect,” he smirked at me. </p>
<p>“If we’re that desperate, we could make porn.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to share <i>that</i> much,” Seifer made a face. “As long as we don’t have to fish for a living. Or eat fish. Or clean fish.”</p>
<p>“If it comes to that,” I promised him. “I’ll lie to you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said genuinely. Looking for a distraction, he cast a glance around the garden. “So, do you know what this shit is? The bushes and bugs and birds and all?”</p>
<p>Despite all of our training, and all of the times we’d spent sleeping out under the stars, I guess he was not really the kind of guy to give a shit about the outdoors. I still wasn’t sure if I was deep down, but I did know more about this place given how much solace it had bought me when I’d first arrived in Esthar. I pointed out the species I knew, most of the plants were native to Esthar, most of them shrubs or trees to provide greenery and muffle the sounds to provide some peace. Finally I pointed at the white lilies that took up most of the attention in the garden. “Those are Galbadian, though. Well, from WinHill, so Galbadian continent.” </p>
<p>“They smell good.”</p>
<p>Thankfully their scent was pleasant as he said, and mild. It was more noticable out here where there were a lot of them, really. It was one of the rare scents that didn’t make me sneeze and it gave me an odd nostalgia for a life that wasn’t mine. I remembered it from the dreams that my sister had given me of my father more than  anything. Perhaps that was why the garden gave me so much comfort - I associated it with the mother I’d never met on a sensory level from those dreams. “They’re a hybrid my mother helped develop, which is why they’re here.”</p>
<p>“Let me get this straight, you have a living parent, a room in a palace and a special flower…. Why do you hang with me again?”</p>
<p>“Sex,” I replied dryly.</p>
<p>“Ahh, yes,” he grinned up at me. </p>
<p>“If you hadn’t noticed already,” I ruffled Seifer’s hair like he did with me when I was being obtuse. I was far less gentle than he had been lately though. “I like you, Dumbass.”</p>
<p>“Can I get that in writing?”</p>
<p>“When we get back upstairs, sure. The lilies predate me by a decade or so anyway, they’re called Storm’s Heart,” I said. Ward had wondered to me whether I was kind of named after them when he’d told me about them. It was a nice idea.</p>
<p>“Even so, that’s pretty damn cool,” Seifer rolled onto his side, all the better to examine me. “You have any botanical talents?”</p>
<p>“....I will not make the joke I want to - I don’t know. Never tried.”</p>
<p>“Well, who knows? Could be worth trying at least once, see if you like that shit.”</p>
<p>“Maybe, we’ll be too busy for that kind of thing for a while anyway.”</p>
<p>“I like how you think.”</p>
<p>I felt myself blush and had to turn my head away. “Well that wasn’t exactly what I was thinking, but yes that too.”</p>
<p>Seifer just cracked up. I couldn’t help a smile, his laugh was too infectious.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sis comes to visit. Seifer is not at all nervous about this.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Nine.</b>.</p><p> </p><p>They'll say, no one can see us<br/>That we're estranged and all alone<br/>They believe nothing can reach us<br/>And pull us out of the boundless gloom<br/>Muse - The Void</p><p> </p><p>June 17th</p><p> </p><p>Laguna mentioned a visit from Ellone a couple of days before it actually happened. After the trip out into the garden, Squall had been exhausted but happy, which meant those kinds of things were on the cards - at least after we’d given him a little time to recover - so I think he’d finally worked out that giving Squall goals and targets worked best. </p><p>I was the only one who could annoy him into doing what I wanted, after all. About time they realised that and accepted that they weren’t as good as me.</p><p>By the appointed day and hour, Squall was feeling well enough to be restless again, and he suggested we ought to meet her in the sitting room. I agreed - partly because it was more comfortable for visitors, and partly because it meant the maid could attack our room again while we were indisposed. Two birds with one stone and all that, so why not?</p><p>I had showered, shaved, and helped Squall clean up. He’d even ditched the fetching backless number in favour of loose sleep pants and one of my long sleeved teeshirts. I suspected he was trying to hide how bad it really was from his sister a little, not that it’d make all that much difference. You didn’t have to see much beyond his face or his hands to realise that he was still really weak. Worryingly thin but already much better than the first day I’d seen him in that huge bed in his room. I didn’t even want to compare him to the ghost I’d nearly let go of in Fisherman’s Horizon. </p><p>With Squall positioned on the couch, I fussed. Ordered deliberately weak coffee and some snacks and pretended I wasn’t nervous. I figured Ellone had as much reason to hate me as Squall did really -with the added slight of me sleeping with her baby brother - so I had to be prepared for her being pissed at me if it happened. I mean I didn’t expect her to just yell at me in front of Squall, but hell, after the war I wasn’t sure what to actually expect. I didn’t think we’d ever really get to be normal. </p><p>“This’ll be interesting,” Squall said, holding his cup in both hands. We were still drinking the low caffeine stuff, since Squall made faces when there wasn’t any caffeine at all - I didn’t know how he could tell, but I could only figure that the addiction wasn’t ready to let go of him yet. Still he seemed pleased to have the little treat. </p><p>“Do we have a script?”</p><p>“I think it’s supposed to be name, rank and SeeD or student number,” Squall joked. Interrogation tactics, I wasn’t sure if he was just teasing me or giving me some genuine advice. Knowing Squall, there was a very good chance of it being both.</p><p>“I can do that,” I said. I was still fussing, making sure everything was just right in the room - plumping pillows, making sure the blankets weren’t sliding off his lap. I could tell he was watching me with some concern, mostly because he was almost always watching me with some concern. My ass was his and he wanted to know where I was pretty much at all times. I was good with that though. </p><p>Squall did surprise me with a question when I was making sure the curtains were letting plenty of light into the room. “Want to play a game until she gets here?” he suggested. Clearly he’d picked up on my nervousness and was wanting to distract me for a moment at least.</p><p>“Sure,” I grinned at him, then glanced around the room. “I spy with my little eye, something… white.”</p><p>“If it’s pasty white, it’s me,” he said, eyeing one of his ridiculously pale hands by lifting the coffee cup and tipping his head. The mug he was holding in both hands was navy blue, which didn’t help matters much - he was practically paper white against it. Still better than the grey I’d seen before. “I was thinking cards anyway.”</p><p>“Great guess, it is you. Cards are good, do we have any? The maid’s between us and your triple triad deck.”</p><p>“I’ll let you off with triple triad today then. Desk drawer, regular pack,” he said, pointing past me. His memory was still patchy as all shit, but Squall had some very clear ideas about his stuff. I guess when you have barely anything to your name, you keep track of your shit. That was why he kept track of where I was in the room after all. It was why he kept touching the thick silver chain of his Griever necklace, too. Even if I wasn’t directly paying attention to him, I’d hear the soft chime of the ring against the chain of his pendant as regular as clockwork - the ring slipped off his finger too easy so we’d compromised by sliding it onto his necklace. There had been comments about Rinoa at that. I figured she’d be glad she rubbed off on him a little. “We can play…. Gin?”</p><p>“You’ve never played regular cards with me.”</p><p>“No, I’m a card virgin.”</p><p>“Oh baby,” I grinned at him as I dropped onto the couch beside him and helped him set his mug somewhere safe. In reach, because caffeine hound, but safe. </p><p>He had a good handle on the rules, and he’d played regular cards before of course, just never with me. One of the real downsides to being on the disciplinary committee, since cards were kind of taboo back at garden. Didn’t mean they weren’t played of course - just not anywhere the DC could see. By the student body, anyway. I shifted to get comfortable, facing him on the couch beside him and shuffled the pack, but I let him deal first. Sometimes he needed the help to shuffle, sometimes he didn’t. I found it easier to do it for him, hand him the cards and then let him grumble at me and shuffle them more if he wanted to. Save him having to ask for help, since we all knew that wasn’t going to happen even if we stayed here until Hyne’s half assed return.</p><p>We played. He fucking won. Of course I’d expected that because Squall was nothing if not a card shark in the making, but he fucking <i>went gin</i> in no more than <i>three</i> draws. </p><p>“Fuck you, and everyone who looks like you,” I growled as I threw my cards down in anger. </p><p>“Not when my sister’s about to visit,” he replied mildly. His lips were turned just the slightest bit up, the tiniest smile of smugness on his lips. I was, of course, far less impressed. </p><p>“You went gin on three draws! I don’t care if you get lost up a hippo’s ass, that’s uncalled for!”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Fine, you deal the next round then.”</p><p>“Of course I deal next round, that’s how it goes!”</p><p>“Is it?” he asked, looking up at me. I wasn’t sure if that was something he’d never known, something the GFs had taken, or something that whatever this illness was had done to him. Still, apparently my expression was sour enough that he decided to agree, hands up in mock surrender. “Fine, fine it is.”</p><p>“Since I don’t cheat at cards, I won’t deal myself gin.”</p><p>“You think I cheated,” he said in his terribly flat tone that meant I’d actually managed to hurt him a little. </p><p>I sighed. “No baby, I think you have Hyne’s own luck, because if you were cheating I could cheat back, but how do you fight luck?”</p><p>Squall gathered up the cards carefully, straightening the sides of the deck until they fit neatly into a pack again. “If I have Hyne’s luck,” he mused, “that explains why half my ass fell off.”</p><p>“Well, I was holding onto the other half, so that wasn’t going anywhere.”</p><p>Squall offered me the deck. This time I was going to shuffle it a lot longer, damnit, maybe I’d have a chance then, get to go a whole five draws, maybe more. Knowing Squall’s luck in all things save having half of his ass fall off, this time he’d get it in two.</p><p>We were interrupted by a knock at the door. I was not relieved at all at the prospect of getting out of having my ass beat at cards yet again, I swear. I set the cards down, stole a smooch from my boyfriend and got to my feet. “I’ll get it.”</p><p>She opened the door since I still didn’t have the tech to do it, but I caught it  and held it open for her. The second I saw her, I recognised her and my breath caught in my throat. She had mousy brown hair roughly around the same length as her chin, and soft brown eyes. It wasn’t like she looked exactly the same as that kid that’d always had Squall’s rapt attention, but I could see that kid in her still. Even now, a good twelve or so years later. </p><p>And she was a sorceress. </p><p>Even with the protections up here, every little layer of magical dampening that they kept on the private quarters of the palace, I could tell what she was. It was like a magnet to my soul, drawing the knight in me towards her. Hell, it took a moment for me to convince myself <i>not</i> to take another step towards her - I couldn’t help it. I was trained like a loyal little dog.</p><p>Honestly, after everything I’d been through, it kinda scared me. Feeling that draw all over again, that way my soul felt pulled despite my intentions, I remembered too keenly the way Ultimecia had dug her claws into the metaphysical part of me. And I couldn’t hide my shudder.</p><p>Then she smiled at me. A soft sweet smile that belied the power in her, that made up somehow for the way her magic greeted me on the threshold of the door. She was in no more control of it than I was. “Seifer.”</p><p>“Sis,” I grinned to hide how damn weird I felt. She was definitely a sorceress, and unconsciously magnetic in that same way Ultimecia in the guise of Matron had been when I’d bumped into them at the TV station whether I liked it or not, but I think it was curiosity on the part of her magic that reached out to me like that. She didn’t need me the way my sorceress had  - She had a knight, her powers were just… familiarising themselves with the new knight around. </p><p>Like I was a spare. Not so comforting in itself, really. </p><p>“It’s been a long time since you called me that”</p><p>“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you,” I said, half turning towards my lover on the couch with a sweeping gesture of he’s over there. “Come in, he’s waiting.”</p><p>“How is he?” she asked, her voice low enough that she thought Squall couldn’t hear. I knew better, from the way his blue-grey eyes flicked up to watch me. Never underestimate the Lion - he will find a way to surprise you. Remember, Moombas and Prisons. </p><p>“He’s well enough to whoop my butt at gin. Would you like some coffee?”</p><p>“I’m fine, thank you” she said, giving me a queenly little wave to all and sundry. Or at least me and her brother. Her movements were so delicate and ethereal, especially compared to the little slivers of memory I still retained of our childhood. Hard to compare the delicate softness of the grown woman to the little girl with skinned knees, a smudge of dirt on her cheek, and her little brother’s hand firmly wrapped in her own. “I thought the doctors said no coffee?”</p><p>“I held Seifer hostage,” Squall said. She finally crossed the room to him to give him a tight hug - or at least as tight a hug as she dared. He patted her back and gave her one of his still painfully rare genuine smiles. Hyne when he smiled like that he was so pretty it made me want to punch bystanders. Just in case, of course. “Was Laguna telling tales on us?”</p><p>“Well… it’s not telling tales,” she said.</p><p>“Not if they’re true,” I added, helpfully. I could see already that I would have to be the ice breaker. A happy Squall was not always a talkative Squall, after all. “So, were you on world tour, or what?”</p><p>She took her place on a chair and I snuggled in on the opposite side of Squall to her. Not like I was trying to keep him as a barrier between us, or anything. I just… didn’t like the way she made me feel for the moment. I wondered if he could feel it too, since his Sorceress was still around and all, just a long way away. I hadn’t really had time to figure any of that out in the war given y’know, trying to kill the guy who was now my boyfriend, helping to rule a country and all. Not enough hours in the day to add research to the list too. “I was helping out with a charity camp in the southern end of the country.”</p><p>“A get city kids out into the fresh air kind of thing?”</p><p>“Yes, for the less fortunate. Laguna asked me to help out,” she smiled. Like Laguna, somehow, even if she was adopted. She had the same kind of feel to her, like a smile made sense on her soft features - like she should never have time to be sad or upset. </p><p>Granted, there was every chance that was the loyal knight in me making demands I suspected my ass couldn’t - or more likely shouldn’t - cash.</p><p>“A short pause while Squall and I both try to imagine you tromping through the woods on a nature hike with umpteen little kids. In high heels,” I paused for dramatic effect, made sure Squall was watching and added “Dunno why the kids are wearing high heels.”</p><p>It worked. Squall hid his mouth behind his hand to pretend he wasn’t cracking up. He didn’t like to laugh in front of people. Hell he barely liked to do it in front of me. I could count the number of actual full belly laughs I’d coaxed from him on my hands. Maybe even one hand. When he was feeling better I was going to have to see about correcting that. </p><p>Elle giggled too, so that was a bonus. “We didn’t make them wear high heels. Not even as punishment.</p><p>“Glad to hear it. I think those things are bad for their feet.”</p><p>“Is that the voice of experience?” she asked.</p><p>“It was a tough school, but they had excellent taste in footwear.”</p><p>“Mostly for licking” Squall added darkly beside me.</p><p>“That was more than I ever wanted to know about Cid,” I said, trying to keep my imagination from running away with me, since I didn’t really need the nightmares. That was harder than it sounded because I too had been cooped up far too long and my imagination had decided everything was cause for another flight into fancy lately. I think Squall feeling better had let my brain decide it had free reign to dabble in weird shit again. Who needs sorceresses when you have abject boredom to play with your psyche instead?</p><p>Squall cocked his head to look at me. I could tell by the tiny smirk starting at the corner of his mouth that he was having fun teasing me and I wasn’t about to deny him that if he was feeling lively enough. I figured <i>family</i> got a free pass to witness the rare occasion since we were an Item and therefore they had to get used to it. “The sweatervest didn’t give it away?”</p><p>“I didn’t realise that they were synonymous, and now I’m worried about why <i>you</i> know.”</p><p>“I was Commander,” he shrugged. </p><p>“Did they give you his diary along with the access codes?” I asked, and tried to imagine him in a sweater vest. Imagination Squall had shredded the garment before it got closer than a gunblade length from him, and honestly I didn’t blame him. Not even he could pull that off, even at peak leather pants. Too many echoes of Cid. </p><p>“Are you kidding?” Real Squall huffed at me and rolled his eyes. “I never got <i>any</i> access codes. It’s a wonder we lived.”</p><p>Honestly I wasn’t surprised from what little I remembered. Garden and Cid himself had not been the most ship shape of arenas despite the front they put out for the press, customers and even many of it’s graduating pupils. No, SeeD mostly lived despite Cid’s best efforts. And all of it leading to one young dark haired, brooding hero type and his band of orphans. Still, I felt I had to point out one salient part of the war that stuck in my memory. “You <i>did</i> crash the garden.”</p><p>“We didn’t know how to fly it,” he huffed at me, all offended. “And for the record, <i>Nida</i> crashed the garden.”</p><p>“Hell I didn’t know the damn thing <i>could</i> fly, so you were still one up on me,” I shook my head. I’d had no idea structures as large as the gardens with so many outreathes were capable of movement. At least they’d saved Balamb thanks to it, but Trabia was always going to be in the back of my mind. One more mistake. More things to pay for. </p><p>“Neither did we, to be honest,” Squall shrugged. </p><p>“Let me guess,” I said to Squall. “Messenger girl said “what does this lever do?” and;” I mimed yanking a huge lever. </p><p>“All the gardens were based on the same technology, weren’t they?” Elle asked before Squall could take offense at what I still suspected was secretly the truth. No maligning Selphie, she just seemed like the most likely one to say fuck it and hit buttons. “Even the White SeeD ship.”</p><p>“Did that fly as well?”</p><p>“Sailed mostly, but I believe they could fly.”</p><p>“I think it pretty much was just pulling levers,” Squall answered a question I’d already forgotten asking. Took me a second to catch up but I grinned at him. </p><p>“You ever think how weird it is that we have giant birds that don’t fly, and schools that do?” I joked. I was not a fan of chocobos - I think Squall knew that since even in our most desperate moments while the bike was being fixed, he’d never once suggested one even though I was sure there was a chocobo forest somewhere fairly close by. Hell, maybe he didn’t know - we’d been wandering around in circles in the great Galbaidan wastes for long enough that even I didn’t know for sure where we were any more until we’d finally hit the coast.</p><p>“And dinosaur monsters in the training centre?”</p><p>“Well, I figured that was how they cut down on orphans,” I joked. Elle shuddered and Squall caught me in the ribs with one of his knifeblade elbows. I took the hint and did what I needed to - changed the subject. “Sorry, Elle. You back for a while or do you have other missions?”</p><p>“I’m here for a while, at least until something comes up.”</p><p>“You any good at decorating?”</p><p>She looked surprised. “Decorating?”</p><p>I waved my hand at the door that led into the bedroom. It was a fairly nice room and all, but the medical part of it had all but taken over. Now Squall was feeling better, I wanted to do something to cut back on that. Make a nicer place for him to deal with day in and day out. Something a little less oppressive. “It’s all hospital chic and just chic in there. We need something more us. Maybe in here too.”</p><p>“Seifer likes colour,” Squall explained.Trying to be helpful but failing miserably. </p><p>“And Squall has no opinion so we go with mine.”</p><p>“In other words, I don’t care much.”</p><p>“In other words, he wears black and white.”</p><p>As though she could sense the squabble incoming - a word almost entirely derived from Squall’s name as he could squabble with the best of them. And indeed the worst of them. And even monsters, if they got between him and his coffee. Well, whatever, anyway, Ellone piped up. “We can do something to fix this place up, certainly. And you should care, Squall, it’s your rooms, your home.”</p><p>“Ours now,” he said, with a quick glance at me. Just to confirm that I was good with that and not going anywhere, because while the word squabble had been invented entirely for him, he was still a paranoid little fuck and hated the idea of being alone. So he looked for his main source of comfort and annoyance - me. I was of course delighted that he still trusted me that much.  “And black and white is perfectly fine, asshole.”</p><p>“But pink brings out your natural beauty,” I grinned at him.</p><p>He cut me a look that could have curdled milk from across the room. I was suddenly concerned about the tea trolley. “No. Pink.”</p><p>“Party pooper.”</p><p>“If not pink, then what colours are okay?” she asked. I wondered if I should be concerned at how quickly and easily she’d slipped back into the childhood role of mediator between Squall and anyone around him. Not that I had concerns regarding the safety of my job - far from it in fact - but it was kind of funny seeing that despite several thousand miles and a little more than a decade, we’d barely moved on. Kind of scary, too.</p><p>“Blue,” I suggested, keeping an eye on him to check for concerns. “Green if it’s not snot green. Red?”</p><p>“Not red,” Squall said, with the tiniest shudder. Kind of a given, I guess. Not bright red anyway - both of us had seen enough blood for a while. Each other’s, other people’s. Didn’t matter, it was all too much of a thing. </p><p>“Cool colours then?” Ellone suggested. Sometimes I could feel the power in her voice, even though her words and tone were soft. Like hearing a giant machine turn on behind me, this uptick in power in the room. Something dangerous that I couldn’t face or deal with. It was still a little eerie, and I guessed it always would be. </p><p>“Yeah,” he nodded a little and winced, grimacing briefly. He ignored my concerned look, of course, because he didn’t want to show weakness in front of his sister or some shit. Stupid shit, but I couldn’t call him on it either or he’d be in a bad mood with me for the rest of the day. “Yeah, cool colours work better.”</p><p>Not least because Shiva would prefer them, even if she was a long way away. I just needed to get away from white, grey and black for a while, at least a touch of colour would help liven the place up instead of leaving me feeling like I was in a cartoon. “I can live with those.”</p><p>She tapped the side of her chin with one slender finger, looking thoughtful. “Give me a couple of days to settle in and I’ll help.”</p><p>“We aren’t going anywhere,” I promised. More was the pity. I didn;t know how long it’d take to convince Laguna to let us have another trip outside, even if the last one had gone swimmingly. </p><p>“Unfortunately,” Squall helpfully muttered beside me. </p><p>“Yet,” I promised him. “Anyway, blue might be nice - we kind of have a theme thing going already since we have the tank.”</p><p>“And the inedible fish.”</p><p>I pretended to be horrified. Kind of was, I didn’t like eating fish let alone eating fish I’d named. “We can’t eat our babies.”</p><p>Elle hid a smile behind her hand. “I never imagined you two would be this close.”</p><p>“We are <i>verrrry</i> close,” I said, cutting a look over at my boyfriend, her brother. He was looking a little sleepy already, I think having to be social with non-seifer people took more out of him than anything else so he wore down so much faster when it was something like that. </p><p>“How do you roll your r’s like that?”</p><p>“You kind of have to purr them out,” I told him as I scooted up beside him. He leant on my shoulder instantly as soon as I was in range, curled against me and closed his eyes with a murmur of contentment. Yeah, he was getting tired pretty quick, at least I could give him the excuse of somewhere to rest. </p><p>“It’s nice to see you two so happy,” she said. I think the tone implied ‘in spite of everything.’ There was a lot of everything to be in spite of. </p><p>“You happy too, Sis?”</p><p>She paused at that, tipping her head in thought, her hand curled just below her chin. The pressure of her power eased back too, as she was in quiet contemplation, soft eyes focused downwards. Was anyone in this family, adopted or not, not hyne-damned beautiful? “Yes, I think I am.”</p><p>“Good,” I replied, honestly. “I know it was… rough.”</p><p>“It’s all over,” she smiled sweetly again, and those tendrils of power reached out from her again, like a shadow spreading across floor. I wondered if Squall could feel it as keenly as me again. Hell, I wondered if Elle knew she was doing it. “Or will be, when Squall is well again.”</p><p>“I keep sneaking him doughnuts but he’s not gaining a lot of weight.”</p><p>Squall made an exasperated noise on my shoulder. “I’m trying, Hyne.”</p><p>“It’s because you don’t like sprinkles.”</p><p>“If you’d just get the strawberry ones, this wouldn’t even be an argument,” he grumbled and I could hear the eyeroll. The kitchens could probably hear the eyeroll, wherever they were.</p><p>“I think your dad has dibs, they are hard to get.”</p><p>Ellone tutted, “I’ll make sure you guys get first refusal tomorrow. Laguna’s not supposed to be eating them anyway.”</p><p>“Poor guy,” </p><p>We talked a little longer than I expected to. She was charming, sweet and Squall’s sister, therefore I really did have to make nice but it wasn’t so much of a chore as it would have been if she were vapid or an ass, or worse, both. I was used to filling in the silence when Squall went quiet so I just slipped back into my old role, doing as much of the talking for him as he needed me to. </p><p>I don’t know when he drifted off but I felt bad that Elle had come to see him and he was out cold, so I nudged him to wake him up. “C’mon baby, your sister’s here.”</p><p>Nothing. He didn’t even stir. </p><p>A cold, familiar feeling filled the pit of my stomach and I turned to him, shaking him gently. “Squall. Wake up.”</p><p>He was dead weight in my hands, lips slightly parted and eyes closed. I swear his skin was grey all over again and I was flashing to a few choice unpleasant moments on our trip through the Galbadian desert and the coast of Centra. “Sis. Go get help.” </p><p>She got up and rushed into the other room, the magic wild around her. </p><p>I pulled Squall into my lap and held him tight. </p><p>Hyne. </p><p>Please, not again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Remember the tags, folks.  Half way through this one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Esthar at night was a weird kind of pretty.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Ten.</b>.</p>
<p>They'll say the sun is dying<br/>And the fragile can't be saved<br/>And the cold, it will devour us<br/>And we won't rise up and slay giants<br/>They’re wrong.<br/>Muse - The Void</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 19th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Esthar at night was a weird kind of pretty. There was far too much light pollution to ever hope of seeing the stars in the sky, but did you need them when countless twinkling lights stretched out in front of the palace windows? </p>
<p>I had the curtains drawn back tonight. Had done pretty much all day in fact, watching the sun get lower and dip behind the world as the city lit up in dazzling colours and blazing lights that were somehow cold. I thought of Balamb, the little town in the bay. On the dark nights we’d sneak down to visit it when we were able to skip curfew, before I was the disciplinary committee leader. How different it all was - Balamb would be bathed in warm yellow light, lanterns still placed in the windows of the houses to light the fishermen home. Despite that warmth, the breeze was always cool and edged with salt, sea air that prickled your skin with goosebumps even on the warmest of nights. A cold that got into your bones. I’d thought there wouldn’t be anything like it, but Esthar felt colder still.</p>
<p>It wasn’t just Esthar, though. Everywhere, every<i>thing</i> would feel cold until this was over, I was sure of it. </p>
<p>The doctor had arrived after Squall had apparently passed out again. We’d gotten him straight back into bed, on the IV and even with all that we hadn’t been able to rouse him for eight hours. It was like the time after Bootsie - he was out cold and there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt as  useless as I had then, but apparently so did the doc and his dad. That had been a couple of days ago and even though he’d kind of been okay for shorter stretches since, he was sleeping longer again.</p>
<p>I just kept holding him whenever I could. Night meant that the president was ushered back to his own bed by Ward, or another ridiculously tall guy they called Kiros. I was pretty sure if given the chance, Laguna would be sleeping in a chair next to the bed but it’s hard to prepare for the worst in your own family when you’ve got a whole country to run, I guess. The doctor and the nurses came by often and checked up on Squall, but I was his constant. I was always there. I’d barely left him long enough to use the bathroom since he’d passed out. I’d only slept short snatches of time - I just kept holding him so he wouldn’t wake up alone and afraid.</p>
<p>Squall murmured, dragging me out of my thoughts and nuzzled against my shoulder, lifting his hand to grip my teeshirt. </p>
<p>“Hey baby,” I said softly, rocking him the tiniest bit. I think matron used to do that for us when we were little, it was supposed to be comforting. I thought it was bullshit frankly but it was <i>something </i>to do with my restless energy at least. “It’s all good. Go back to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Mm?” he lifted his head, looking around the room. His gaze settled on the windows, blinking slowly to take it in before he finally looked up at me. “S’late. Why’re you awake.”</p>
<p>His voice was thick with sleep but at least it was him. Sometimes in the previous painful hours since that escapade on the couch, he hadn’t sounded like himself. Too lost, too small, too broken to be my lover. To be the Lion I knew he was. “Keeping watch,” I said, brushing his hair back from his face gently. </p>
<p>“We need a watch?”</p>
<p>“Not really,” I admitted. We didn’t need anything like it - there were countless soldiers and enforcers to protect us. I just felt like time was running out for him - for <i>us</i> and I was scared that if I wasted it on sleep now, I’d hate myself forever. I couldn’t tell him that, of course. Not that I thought it’d make him give up to know I was starting to feel it was hopeless, quite the contrary in fact.</p>
<p>“So go to sleep,” he replied simply. We could both hear the “dumbass” echoing around the room without him having to say it. </p>
<p>I could shine him on. I could put on a brave face and let him think everything was fine and dandy, lie to him and let him go back to sleeping without any problems but I was just so tired and broken that I couldn’t do it. If he was awake, it meant time with my Squall - the Squall that only came out when it was just us in the room, when he wasn’t scared or worried or wary of others. Damn I needed that. I needed him. “I will. Later.”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked. His voice softened, his grip moved to my wrist, bony fingers curling around my arm. </p>
<p>I didn’t want to talk about it, but nothing pleasant seemed to come to mind as an alternative. Still… there was something I had to say. Something I had to get off my chest before it was too late. “You know, I looked for you. In time compression.”</p>
<p>I felt him tense up. It was something he didn’t like talking about, time compression. I think it still gave him nightmares. “Y… you did?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. But I couldn’t find you. Maybe we were in different eons or something. I…” My voice died in my throat for a moment and I closed my eyes - I could feel the tears burning, pricking behind my eyelids - I couldn’t cry. Not now. Not while he was awake. <i>Never</i> while he was awake “You know it never ends because there’s no time, so part of each of us is still there.”</p>
<p>I felt cold, too thin fingers touch my cheek and opened my eyes again to see Squall looking at me, his brow furrowed with worry. “What was it like for you?”</p>
<p>“Nightmarish. Every time I fell back in just… thick black sludge everywhere. Holding me back, getting in the way, hiding what… hiding <i>who</i> I was looking for.”</p>
<p>He shuddered lightly at that. I should drop it, let him sleep, let him rest but I honestly didn’t know if we had weeks or even days left. I could feel each second ticking louder and louder in the back of my head and I had to know where to look next time. </p>
<p>“Yeah. Different places. I was on an island in the middle of an empty void.”</p>
<p>“That sucks. I’d go back if I could find you. If we… had to part here, I could deal if I knew I could go back and find you again. Someday… somehow.”</p>
<p>He watched me. All dark eyes and too thin lips. His hair was limp now, it seemed like every little bit of life was draining out of him before my eyes, but still there was fight in him. Wouldn’t be Squall if there wasn’t, after all. He lifted his arm to tug at me, pull me down gently. I had to shift down the bed a little but he had me resting my head on his chest. Okay - I could deal. I slipped my arm around his waist and made sure he was tucked in before I let him hold me. “You know what to look for now, anyway.”</p>
<p>“And this time you won’t be hiding from me, I hope.”</p>
<p>“If all else fails, look for me in the closet.”</p>
<p>I hadn’t expected the joke. I muffled a snigger against his chest and squeezed my hands into fists. It wasn’t fucking fair. He’d saved the entire fucking world, for everyone and this was how he got repaid? What kind of bullshit was this?</p>
<p>I felt him shift, and he must have been checking the time because as his hand started to rub my back slowly he asked “You always this thoughtful at 0300 hours?”</p>
<p>“3am is the time to think morbid thoughts. I… You just think weird shit at 3am. Like you know that we’re the focus of the universe. Like the war, time compression, who knows how many times we’ve done this over and over?” I could hear my own voice getting a little shrill as I finally gave voice to thoughts that had been plaguing me for far too long for my own good. “The point is always… for us to be together, somewhere.”</p>
<p>“This is why you’re supposed to be asleep at this time of the morning, you know,” he huffed, but I could tell it was just teasing. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and I looked up at him - he was smiling. His sweet only for me smile and fuck that nearly made me well up. I had to try and blink the tears away. “You make it sound romantic.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m nothing if not romantic,” I grinned right back. ”Do… do you believe in an after life?”</p>
<p>He shrugged a little. Neither of us really followed much of the church of Hyne stuff and if anything he worshipped Shiva, Coffee and Me and probably in that order. Gunblades were in there somewhere too. “I don’t know. Maybe?”</p>
<p>“If… if you don’t get better this time, don’t go where I can’t follow, okay? Just wait for me in time compression or whatever. I’ll never stop looking for you,” I felt my voice break, I had to scrub my eyes with the heel of my hand to keep the tears from falling yet again. “I will never stop loving you.”</p>
<p>Squall was quiet, even for him, but he kept rubbing my back, his thin fingers focusing between my shoulders mostly. It was late, or early, of course he was going to need some time to process. “I love you too. I’m not going anywhere without you,” I didn’t even have a chance to think about what he said because he was pulling the Griever chain up and around his head. It got stuck - tangled in his hair -  and he grumbled. “Can you unfasten this for me?”</p>
<p>I sat up enough to work the chain free. His hair was kind of a mess again, but he was getting too sick again to do anything about it. “Sure, baby.”</p>
<p>“You always going to call me that?” he asked, resting his hand lightly on my chest.</p>
<p>“I figured if I tried snookums or something, you’d stab me.”</p>
<p>“You know me so well.”</p>
<p>“By now, I should,” I said, and finally got the chain off him and unfastened it, setting it back into his hand.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said, and tugged me back down so I was resting against him again.I watched as he fussed over the necklace, taking hold of the ring on it and pulling the thick chain free of it. “After all those times going around together, you really should. Know me, I mean.”</p>
<p>Wait. </p>
<p>Did Squall say he loved me? Before the necklace thing?</p>
<p>I reviewed in my head, wondering if it was wishful thinking, exhaustion or total self delusion that had convinced me he’d said he loved me. Maybe some heady combination of all three. In some ways, I was sure Squall wasn’t <i>supposed</i> to love me. </p>
<p>“That’s what I mean. We’re meant to be together,” I tried to smile but I couldn’t find it in me anymore. I just wished we were meant to be a lot longer than we’d turned out to be. Time compression was forever, we were supposed to be too. </p>
<p>He kissed my hair and rested his hand on my arm lightly, then traced it down until he found my hand. I thought he was going to just squeeze my hand but no - I looked down just in time to watch Squall slide the heavy, silver band of the Griever ring onto my pinkie. My hands were bigger than his had been even at his peak fitness, and it settled snugly on my skin. </p>
<p>I think my heart stopped for a moment. I had to swallow before I could force myself to speak again. “I… I don’t have a ring for you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need one,” he said softly, running his fingers through my hair. “I have you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, twisted around your finger?” I joked, lifting my head enough to look him in the eye without disturbing his hand. I felt hungry for his touch, like I needed it to sustain me. That had snuck up on me, too. Maybe I was feeling it more keenly this time around since I’d had all that time to relax again. “Well, true.”</p>
<p>“No trying to deny it?”</p>
<p>“No point.”</p>
<p>He gave me a lopsided little smirk, very much modeled on my own. It suited him, confidence and clarity despite all the odds. Little shadows of the Lion I loved. That was all we had in the darkness, more shadows. “We both know I own your ass.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you have all of me. It’s a package deal.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” Squall hummed thoughtfully. “I would miss other parts of you if I just got your ass.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Now,” he ruffled my hair lightly. “Close your eyes and let me hold you.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that my job?”</p>
<p>“Part of that time compression thing, always going around and around,” he gestured with one finger in a circular motion, before tracing it along my cheek lightly. His cool skin against my own always made me feel somehow warmer. Like I had to make up for the difference between us somehow. “Sometimes I get to hold you too.”</p>
<p>“Not complaining,” I said, resting my head on him again and closing my eyes. “Did I tell you I loved you too?” I asked. I thought I had, but maybe like so many other times that had just been on the inside, maybe only I’d heard that. Even if I’d been saying it for literally months by this point. I should have said it again after that first flashback, told him how I felt. Maybe it would have made a difference somehow.</p>
<p>“Yes. You said you’ll never stop,” I felt his arm squeeze around me, holding me tighter for just a moment, a loose hug that made my next breath shudder into me for reasons I didn’t want to think about. “It should be proof that I really do love you that I’ll never test that. Even though I’m tempted to ask questions.”</p>
<p>“I mean, even after we’re dead. At the end of the universe as long as some molecules of you and me are floating around, mine will love yours,” I said, risking a quick peek at the ring on my finger. That solid silver flare of metal, the winged lion caught in a timeless, and endless roar. “Anyway, we’re kind of married now so don’t screw it up and flirt with that red headed nurse.”</p>
<p>“Seifer,” I could hear the familiar tone of talking to a dumbass in his voice. Maybe just exasperation. It was pretty late, or early, and something about the way he was touching me was making me feel a little more tired than I wanted to be. “Trust me. It’s always been you. Remember that first field training class a few years back? I was supposed to be paired with Nida for shelter building.”</p>
<p>“The one where it rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock?”</p>
<p>“And the instructor said that would just encourage us to work faster.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I huffed, “because he had a camper.”</p>
<p>“Thinking about it, that’s the first time I remember being attracted to you, even if I didn’t know really what it was at the time.”</p>
<p>“You liked how I bitched about being wet?” I scoffed, remembering the scrawny fourteen year old Squall. Skinny and just as dark eyed as he was now, all legs and attitude. My rival in gunblade training and class alike, even if he was younger. The instructors always put us into groups together, even if we ended up fighting half the time. “Or how I pitched the tent? Or how I pitched a fit, and, as I recall, ditched you and Nida to go into town.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you were walking around in a white t-shirt that was soaked through and I was a quietly raging ball of hormones.”</p>
<p>I felt myself grin. Memories with Squall meant a lot, especially now. His memory had been shot to shit and those little glimpses, little evidences that <i>I</i> was in so many of the ones he held onto, was admittedly flattering. “It was an old shirt, and too tight, too. I wore it to impress you with my muscles.”</p>
<p>“And you did… just not quite in the way you had in mind then, I think?” he chuckled softly. </p>
<p>“No, I wanted you to be impressed and jealous but I didn’t know why. I should have, really,” I laughed too. It had always been about him. Even when we were kids. “I remember a stubborn little kid who was too dumb to come in out of the rain. I thought to myself, someone needs to watch over that kid. May as well be me… so I think it was always you too.”</p>
<p>“So… when we go back to the orphanage, any time it rains? We just stay in and make love.”</p>
<p>“Hell yes. We’ll stock up on food and make love all winter long.”</p>
<p>“Good. Especially on your birthday.”</p>
<p>“All I want for my birthday is you.”</p>
<p>He rubbed his thumb over my finger, just where the heavy band of his ring sat. It was partly affectionate, partly reminding me who owned whose ass here. Let’s be honest, I didn’t need the reminder, I was entirely hooked and going nowhere. “You already have me, Seifer. Now go to sleep, you’re getting all sappy.”</p>
<p>“If I sap in the bed, I’m blaming you.”</p>
<p>He smirked again. “That’ll be fun to explain to the red headed nurse.”</p>
<p>“Never apologise, never explain.”</p>
<p>“Seifer,” I caught the warning in his voice, but I’ve never been much of a one to listen to warnings. </p>
<p>“Yes, Squall?”</p>
<p>“Do I need to smother you with a pillow?”</p>
<p>“Is that a hint I should shut up and go to sleep?”</p>
<p>“Yes, love.”</p>
<p>I gave up the ghost. No point in arguing with him if he was in that kind of mood, no matter how much I didn’t want to sleep. He kept stroking my hair gently, and I rested my hand close enough to my face that I could just see that silver flare across my skin. This was <i>something</i>. This was more than him trusting me with his gunblade or letting me fuck him, or anything else we’d done. Griever was a part of his whole identity, always had been, giving that to me was the biggest statement he’d ever made. He <i>loved</i> me. And I had to live up to that.</p>
<p>I was sure it’d take me forever to fall asleep again, but I was wrong once more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, I cried writing this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Oh c’mon, you could bathe in coffee and still sleep.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>
By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/>
</p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Eleven.</b>.</p><p> </p><p>I want to reconcile the violence in your heart<br/>I want to recognise your beauty is not just a mask<br/>I want to exorcise the demons from your past<br/>Muse - Undisclosed Desires</p><p> </p><p>June 22nd</p><p> </p><p>“Couldn’t sleep?” Squall asked, lifting his head off the pillow to give me his shy smile. “I didn’t think we had that much coffee.”</p><p>“Oh c’mon, you could bathe in coffee and still sleep.”</p><p>“True, and I’d like to try.”</p><p>I was sat in a chair beside the bed, holding Squall’s hand. His downhill slip had turned into a full on careening into the depths of what I was starting to think was the final run of whatever this was. I treasured each minute I had of him awake and lucid, but those moments were few and far between now. He was sleeping so much more than he had, and half the time he was awake he was flashing to another time. I was lucky he hadn’t flashed to anything before we’d started travelling together so far, I guess. I didn’t know what’d happen if he flashed to the war again. Worse still, D-District in particular - I couldn’t imagine how he’d react, and I was petrified he might hurt himself because of it. </p><p>Or worse, I might have to restrain him and hurt him because of it.</p><p>“To sleep?” I asked, confused since he’d only just woken up. Another mostly sleepless night for me, because every time he made the faintest sound, I’d wake up. He had nightmares, even now. That seemed the cruellest part of all of it, that even as sick as he was, as much as he slept and slipped through time, he still had fucking nightmares. </p><p>“To bathe in coffee,” Squall yawned, and stretched minutely. His eyes flickered closed again, revelling in the lazy moment in bed before he had to move, or acknowledge consciousness. I’d seen it before. So many times, and so few times all in the same breath. I wanted to see it every day for the rest of my life, that moment of unguarded peace and tranquility that he showed only to <i>me</i>. To know that trust, that bond between us was unerring, unshakable. </p><p>I forced a smile, and tried to make it reach my voice. I’m not sure how much I convinced myself, but at least he was sleepy enough not to notice how fake it all was. Small blessings and all that. “Might give you that tan you always wanted.”</p><p>Squall huffed a little breath of a laugh, a pretty smile curling his too thin lips. “Only way I’ll get one.”</p><p>“And you’d smell great.”</p><p>“True,” he scrubbed at one of his eyes with the heel of his hand and yawned again. Struggling to wake up again, he always seemed to struggle against sleep, like it was constantly clawing him back into its depths. Lack of coffee, of course. Not that I could do anything about that without possibly hurting him. “Is it time to go talk to the mechanics?”</p><p>“To tune the tub so it gives hot and cold running coffee?” I tried to joke.</p><p>“No, to check on the bike.”</p><p>Not for the first time, my blood ran cold. Shit, When was he this time? I never knew whether I should indulge him or push back on it - the doc seemed to want me to push back and try and ground him but it just felt cruel dragging him back time and time again to the awfulness that was our present situation. Even at the worst points in his flashing so far he’d only been kinda sorta pissed at me. Every time I had to remind him we were in Esthar, I felt like he hated me a little more for it. I certainly hated myself a little more for it. “Bike is good, baby, we’re in Esthar.”</p><p>His eyes got as wide as saucers and he snatched his hand away from my grip. Fuck, I hated when he did that, yet another shot to the heart. “What?!”</p><p>“They have the best doctors,” I offered, weakly.</p><p>“What? What do you mean?” He glanced around, panicking. He grabbed hold of the blankets, ready to throw them off and finally looked at his hands with a dawning horror that would live with me the rest of my life. Those thin fingers that had wielded Lionheart. Barely strong enough to lift a cup now. </p><p>“You’re really sick, Squall.”</p><p>“I just fainted!” he protested, still staring at his far too thin hands and the line in them. I was ready to reach for him, stop him trying to pull it out again. That was becoming a far too common occurrence as well. I didn’t blame him for not trusting it, after all, every bit of training we’d ever received was ingrained in us, written onto every visceral reaction. He didn’t know that it was helping, but damn I hated seeing it. “Seifer, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>“That was months ago, Squall.”</p><p>He lifted his eyes to me, horrified. Eyes wide with the dawning realisation that what I was saying was true. “What did you do to me?”</p><p>I couldn’t stand it any more. I buried my face in my hands and tried not to just fucking sob. My eyes were burning with tears but I swore I wouldn’t cry in front of him. He didn’t need my bullshit to add to everything fucking else that was going on. He’d certainly had more than enough of that. “I think I might have killed you.”</p><p>It might have been a minute. It might have been several. I just breathed through the urge to cry because I couldn’t do it. And then I felt his long slender fingers stroke through my hair. Trembling, far too thin fingers. “Seifer,” he said in a much calmer, flatter tone. “You couldn’t even fucking kill me in the war for Hyne’s sake. And you were trying, then.”</p><p>“Hey now,” I forced a grin and wiped my eyes before I lifted my head so he wouldn’t see how pathetic I was. He was half rolled onto his side, leaning up on his elbow in order to reach me. “I’m not that wussy. Anyway we stopped at an oasis since there was a draw point. I gave you my GF and it rebounded somehow. You’ve been sliding downhill ever since.”</p><p>He looked confused. He must have been flashing to some point before that, then. I was too tired and wound up to even try to figure out when he could be this time.  “When was that?”</p><p>“When are you, now?”</p><p>“What….” he blushed, an unwelcome stain of colour on his far too pale cheeks. His voice was barely above a murmur. “We crashed the bike a few days ago. We stopped to get repairs in Dusty Hollow and last night we…” his voice trailed off and he glanced around as though dozens of spies were hiding in the woodwork or under the bed to find out all about our sex life. The first night I’d slept with him. Pineapple pizza and quietly confident Squall. Introducing me to a world I’d never imagined or known, the two of us losing our virginities together.</p><p>Somehow that seemed like the second most cruel time it could possibly put him. I was surprised to realise there was a hierarchy of potential bad times it could put him, but some stood out above all others. </p><p>“I am fighting not to make a crude comment about sex and brains,” I said, brushing his hair back from his face. I was as gentle as I could be, shifting onto the bed so I could coax him into laying back against the pillows again. “Baby, you are losing time and flashing.”</p><p>He frowned deeply. “Is this time compression?”</p><p>“Not for the rest of us,” I replied. I wished it was somehow, some after effect of that crazy bitch I’d served because at least then there would be a name, a face, a target that I could lay all of the blame down in front of. At least then I might be able to fucking <i>do</i> something about it. I might be able to help instead of just sitting by my lover - my <i>boyfriend’s</i> - bedside and hoping something incredible happened. </p><p>“This isn’t your fault, Seifer.”</p><p>“It probably is,” I joked. Or tried to. I wasn’t sure whether I was actually joking any more. “Most things are.”</p><p>He scowled at me, hand catching mine and squeezing almost painfully. He still pulled these moments of shock on me, just when I thought he was out for the count, he’d grab me with surprising strength.  “Bullshit,” he spat. “And you know it.”</p><p>I wasn’t sure I did anymore. “Thank you. To recap, you got sicker, then way sick. I had to call your pop because we were too broke to afford a funeral, and now we are here in Esthar and your dad isn’t the bad guy. Xu arranged it all, pretended to be you and screwed you over, to the surprise of no one ever dated her. You got better and now you’re getting sicker again.”</p><p>Squall’s eyes got wider as I spoke, trying to cover everything as quickly as I could because I felt my eyes burning again. It was always harder to keep that control when he was awake and talking to me, because I had to face just how far he’d fallen and somehow keep it together. At least when he was asleep, I could let go. “Seifer…”</p><p>“I’m sorry baby, it’s not your fault but we’ve had this conversation so many times already that it’s starting to scare me,” I confessed. Base lie. I’d been scared for weeks. Months even.  </p><p>“Seifer,” Squall said, cupping my cheek with one of his too thin hands. His eyes were focused on me for the moment, Steel blue, fathomless depths. “Tell me the truth.”</p><p>“I’m afraid you’re going to die, Squall,” I admitted. Saying out loud, saying it to him felt wrong. Like I was going to make it more likely to happen if I did.  “I don’t like anything about this world enough to stay here if you’re gone. Selfishly I’m also petrified that before you die, you’ll go back to when we weren’t lovers and you’ll die hating me.”</p><p>“Seifer…,” he reached for me again, both hands trembling even from that effort. I moved to lay down on the bed, cuddling as close against him as I could and letting him hold me. It seemed to comfort him, having a moment to take care of me. “I won’t say I never hated you - we both know that’s not true. But I think you think I hated you a lot more than I ever actually did.”</p><p>“I wanted you to hate me because I was too young and stupid to figure out I really wanted you to love me,” I said, as steadily as I could. It was a stupid thing, but one of the things I missed most about Squall was the way he smelled. Everything now was overwhelmed by the medical side of his care, the sterility of the tubes and wires. The leather notes and warmth of the scent I’d found myself enveloped by every time we’d slept curled up in a bed together seemed long gone. </p><p>“Whatever,” he shrugged, running his fingers through my hair slowly. “You were a dick, sure, but I only hated you for however long I was in… y’know.”</p><p>“Insane?” I joked. I knew what he meant. Only as long as he’d been in D-district. Probably selling himself short, I figure he must have hated me for a while after that too. If he hadn’t, he was more nuts than I was. I had pulled some <i>shit</i> over the past year or so.</p><p>“So you only sleep with crazy people?”</p><p>“No,” I scoffed. I had the most impossibly high standards, in the whole world there was only one person I’d ever give enough of a fuck about to fuck. After Squall, who could ever compare? I’d seen the triple triad cards - he was the other half of my soul, my opposite number. “Far too many of those. I only sleep with crazy lions.”</p><p>“You’re an ass. Glad to see however sick I am, that doesn’t change.”</p><p>I tried to grin at him. It felt like more of a grimace. “I try to be consistent.”</p><p>“Consistently an ass,” he huffed and rolled his eyes. “Is this related to the headaches?”</p><p>“Yeah, they think so.”</p><p>“Nothing to do with you then. Had those since I got to Esthar.”</p><p>“I hope you aren’t allergic to lilies.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>“I really hope you aren’t allergic to me.”</p><p>“You weren’t in Esthar, dumbass,” he punched me lightly on the shoulder. “Well, now you are.”</p><p>“It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live here,” I tried to sound like I was joking. I wasn’t. </p><p>“Me either,” Squall sighed, running his hand lightly along my arm until he found my fingers with his own. He paused for a moment, looking down at my hand and touched the ring he’d placed on my little finger a few days before. Griever’s mouth opened in a silent silver snarl, right there on my hand, proof that a lion loved me for some fool reason. I treasured it more than I did Hyperion already. “I gave you my ring?”</p><p>“Yeah,” I grinned at him, lifting the hand so he could see it properly. My hands were a little bigger than his had been in his prime, so where on him it fit his ring finger, I had to wear it on my pinky. He gazed at it, silently, lips barely parted as he processed that. A Squall who’d only slept with me for one night realising that we’d stayed the course and were enough in love that he’d given me his ring. That night felt like an age ago. “We’re married now, so don’t flirt with the nurse.”</p><p>He huffed at me, distracted by my comment. “I don’t even flirt.”</p><p>“Well don’t start now.”</p><p>“I don’t even know how to,” Squall protested with a faint little pout. “I had to flirt with you by using a gunblade, and even then, I still had to pin you to the floor to get you to kiss me.”</p><p>Damn. For him right now that was just so fresh. If I closed my eyes I could imagine it all, the tang of remedy in my mouth, the smell of his sweat and the desert heat, the vision of him straddling me, pinning me to the ground. “I wish we had more time.”</p><p>“We’ll get through it.”</p><p>“I kind of need you to pull one of your indomitable miracles out of your ass here, Squall.”</p><p>“I’ll do what I can,” he promised. I kissed his knuckles and he blushed. Still far too pretty for my own good. He looked at the ring again, then back up at me in wonder, a little smile curling his lips. “You really fell for me hard, huh?”</p><p>“I’m a sap.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I won’t hold it against you,” he smiled again, wider than before. “Anyway. Don’t blame yourself. Blame Xu.”</p><p>Seems he’d taken it all in after all when I’d been rambling at him. That bitch had a lot to answer for. Even in my darkest moments, I’d never hated anyone as much as I’d hated her. Even more than myself after a half bottle of Vodka and an evening of melancholy thoughts. “Oh I do. And I will get even.”</p><p>“<i>We</i>,” Squall corrected sharply.</p><p>“We will get even.”</p><p>He gave me a little shadow of his old glare, tapping my chin with one finger as if to chide me. “No having fun without me.”</p><p>I kind of loved that he was so demanding, still. Hell, if he hadn’t been an asshole at least <i>sometimes</i>, I wouldn’t even be out of the dungeon yet. “There is no fun without you.”</p><p>“You are definitely the only one who’s ever said that,” Squall hid a yawn as best he could - given how close we were for the moment, that wasn’t very well. Somewhere in the back of my head a clock ticked ever louder, counting each and every second that passed with maddening inevitability. </p><p>“Who knows you as well as I do?” I asked, running my fingers through his hair again. Little intimacies were all we had, after all.</p><p>Squall blushed, red staining the porcelain of his skin and he met my gaze proudly. “...No one knows me like you do, Seifer.”</p><p>“We are meant to be.”</p><p>“Better tell the writers of tin toys.”</p><p>Damn, that had been before we’d slept together. Right. “Are you trying to get me in the sequel?”</p><p>He huffed at me again. “Don’t want to suffer alone.”</p><p>“They will get some little shrimp with threadlike arms to play me. He’ll have a plastic gunblade. It will be horrible.”</p><p>“And?” Squall arched one eyebrow. I mean, at least as the good guy, he’d had a sort of sympathetic portrayal, even if it wasn’t in the least bit accurate. I would not fare so well as the “bad guy” of that conflict, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to see anything I might do to him up on the big screen. At least they wouldn’t know about what I did to him in D-district since I was pretty sure he’d have thrown himself on his blade before he’d tell someone other than his friends and Kadowaki. I was pretty sure Rinoa didn’t know the full details of what I’d done to him at least, or she probably wouldn’t have been nearly as friendly as she had been to me. </p><p>“I’ll make you watch it,” I tried, vainly. </p><p>“Suffering for both of us.”</p><p>“We could make Xu watch it but I think she’d like it.”</p><p>“Probably,” he huffed again. </p><p>“And Zell.”</p><p>He closed his eyes. I could tell he was fading, our time together just kept growing shorter and shorter and I was snatching as many of those snippets of time as I could with both hands. It felt wrong to watch this all over again, the worst kind of torture that I didn’t even have to ask about to know what I’d done to deserve it. I just couldn’t stand that he had to suffer too. For Hyne’s sake, he did <i>not</i> deserve this. </p><p>“Too busy looking for hotdogs,” he murmured sleepily.</p><p>“They need to feed that kid.”</p><p>“Mmhm.”</p><p>I didn’t prompt him further, letting him drift back into slumber. Hoping against hope that when he woke up again, he’d be back to normal, be back to <i>this</i> time. Not that it ever seemed to help. I pulled the covers up around him, making sure he was fully tucked in, that all the lines and sensors and whatever else were fully in place, and I held him. I held him as though someone might try to take him from me if I let go for even just a second. </p><p>I don’t know how long had passed when I heard the door open and heavy footsteps in the carpet. Honestly I didn’t even bother looking up at first - no one was worth my time aside from Squall - but I knew it was his Uncle from the sound of his movement. He wore the long robes almost every time I saw him, and he had heavier footsteps. Not as heavy as his size might have you think, since he was pretty fit for an old guy.  When he approached the side of the bed I finally lifted my head. </p><p>Wasn’t like he could make enough noise to disturb Squall when he was in the room, but I wanted Ward to know I was awake so he wouldn’t worry, or touch the bed. </p><p>I’d picked up a little of the signing, mostly through patience on the big guy’s part and a little help from either Squall or Laguna. Just basics, every day stuff. And since our everyday right now was being worried about Squall, it was enough to recognise when Ward asked <i>“how is he?”</i></p><p>I gave him the so-so hand wobble. I mean, he was calm and sleeping. Even if I never knew when Squall would be mentally when he woke up, I had to take what I could get. </p><p>Ward nodded. He stood by the bed, watching Squall sleep for a moment before he pulled something from his voluminous white sleeve to show me. It took a minute for me to click as to what the metallic almost non-corporeal piece Ward was holding was, since I wasn’t used to seeing them off a heavy duty black leather belt with a silver lion roaring at the buckle. It was a hypersheath. </p><p>Squall’s hypersheath.</p><p>I kinda thought they’d at least wait until after the funeral to kill me.</p><p>In fact, it wasn’t for me. Ward gazed down at the sheath in his hand. They were beautiful pieces of technology and magic intertwined. Old Estharian stuff, from before Adel had been dethroned by Squall’s dad. Offering a physical point between worlds so that a weapon could be carried with ease. Ward’s eyes moved from there to Squall, taking in the broken little figure beside me for too long before he finally tucked it into the bedside table. Catching me watching, Ward signed <i>“for him. It’s his. Needs, if…”</i></p><p>If he didn’t make it. He should have his weapon if he died. As a SeeD, as a warrior, as the kid who’d saved the whole fucking pathetic world. I wasn’t sure it was worth being saved if it meant losing him, but Ward was right. Squall would want three things with him if it came down to that, Lionheart, Shiva and me. I couldn’t get him Shiva, but I could make sure he had the other two at least.  “Thanks. It’ll mean a lot to him, I know.”</p><p>He watched Squall sleep again for a minute or so, before turning to me again. <i>“Thank you.”</i></p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“Coming home,”  he said, gesturing to Squall. Bringing him home. Even if he was dying. </p><p>I didn’t know how much or how little he knew of what really happened. I didn’t know whether Laguna would tell them what happened - I knew they were close but sharing that? Was that something that would happen? “He didn’t want to come. Someone from Garden lied to him and made Laguna out to be a total dick and he had no reason to think any of this was good for him. He thought he was being kidnapped, that’s why he ran.”</p><p>
  <i>“Laguna said. Bullshit, all of it.”</i>
</p><p>“All’s well that ends, I guess.”</p><p>Ward sighed. <i>“Laguna visit later.”</i></p><p>“Thanks,” I tried a smile, but I wasn’t sure it worked. I settled back down, and Squall didn’t even stir for a moment. </p><p>Ward retreated from the bed a few steps slowly, not wanting to risk disturbing Squall even if he was pretty out of it. Then he turned and padded to the door to leave me alone. Left <i>us</i> alone. And I gave up trying not to cry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seifer gets an offer he can't refuse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Twelve.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If we live a life in fear<br/>I'll wait a thousand years<br/>Just to see you smile again<br/>Muse - Resistance</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 25th</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I admit, I was shocked when Laguna floated the idea of me getting the implant for the interface to allow me to use the locks and some of the other tech. Pleased, but still shocked. I mean, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t let me out of the palace, or into any of the interesting places even if I ever wanted to leave my lover’s side, but I never really thought they’d offer.</p>
<p>War criminal, y’know? </p>
<p>Still couldn’t figure out <i>why</i> - maybe they thought I’d want to stick around after the inevitable, or something. I wasn’t about to complain, anything to keep the peace for a few more moments.</p>
<p>I knew better than to tell Squall too far in advance of the actual procedure - his memory was still slipping away from him, and I knew that I’d just wind up repeating myself. It ached whenever I thought about it too hard, so I just made a mental note to come back to stuff like that and it had worked so far.  Ellone agreed to sit with him while I was gone, too, just so he wouldn’t be alone. I was afraid of him hurting himself or trying to come after me if he was on his own, since he didn’t really trust anyone but me and his sister for the moment. He’d half forgotten what we’d learnt about Xu, too, so Laguna was being held at arm’s length all over again. Damn, that was hard to watch.</p>
<p>I also knew they’d be coming for me at three, so I prepped Squall a little before Elle was supposed to turn up. Got him to eat, got him comfortable, made sure the nurse got him on the painkillers so he’d be nice and floaty the whole time I was gone - Laguna had already warned me it’d probably take a couple of hours or so. I still didn’t really like the idea of the whole thing, especially because none of them had really told me all the details, but I kind of figured whoever they were taking me to would be able to enlighten me. </p>
<p>When Squall was settled on the pillows, fussing at my fingers while we listened to music, I broached the subject at hand. “I have to go see a man about a brain. Can you hold the fort?”</p>
<p>He looked around with a frown. He hadn’t left the bed for about a week now, since we couldn’t figure out what had happened to make him pass out on Ellone’s visit, nor the rapid decline he’d faced in the days afterwards. We weren’t taking any risks now. “Not much of a fort. Needs better defenses.”</p>
<p>“That is a drawback,” I nodded, running my fingers through his hair to push it back from his face. “Sis said she’d come keep you entertained til I get back - might be a couple hours.”</p>
<p>He frowned, clearly suspicious. Not of me, of course, but I wondered if he remembered a month or so ago when I had been in the dungeons. If he had even the slightest memory of that, he’d kick his heels in and turn into a stubborn ass over it - probably would without it too, frankly. I mean, it was all because of that stubborn streak that I was even here, doing all this crap, but still. I needed him to cooperate, at least for the time being. “Okay. Maybe we can play a game while you’re gone.”</p>
<p>“Do not rob your sister of all her good cards, you shark.”</p>
<p>He glanced over at the little sitting area. “I meant a videogame, but sure.”</p>
<p>Maybe it was a good idea, maybe it wasn’t. I trusted Elle to be able to keep him occupied enough that he might not want to go play the game system because he’d be talking to her, but at least she had the nurse on call to give her a hand if he insisted. He didn’t talk much, after all, and I don’t think anyone could jolly him along like I could. “Oh, carry on then,” I grinned, then pretended to have second thoughts. “Just don’t overwrite my high score, okay?”</p>
<p>He scoffed at the idea. “Even if we beat it?”</p>
<p>“<i>Especially</i> if you beat it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll just put your initials on it. SL, right?”</p>
<p>“And yours are SA,” I gave him the lightest punch on the arm ever. It would have felt like a daisy falling onto a leaf in a faint, but it was part of how we bantered. How we interacted with each other. If I didn’t occasionally do something like that, he’d think <i>I</i> was sick and that was an argument I wasn’t ready to have. I couldn’t even ruffle his hair like I used to, so tough cookies, it was the lightest bat in the world to show my displeasure.</p>
<p>“I think so.”</p>
<p>“Just so we’re clear on that.”</p>
<p>He smiled, then leaned across to pull something out of the bedside table. When he sat up again, he pushed his hyperjunction point into my hand, closing my fingers over it. “Take Lionheart. Just… in case.”</p>
<p>In case they’re lying to us, in case this isn’t what it appears, in case they try to take you from me. So many possibilities. And he wanted to get ahead of all of them because he was a little paranoid. I didn’t blame him, I’d had my own moments like that while he’d been sick again. I was scared too, but if this was something I could fight, we’d have fixed it all before we’d ever even gotten here.</p>
<p>Still, paranoia or not, this was Lionheart. I think I’d held the blade maybe once since the war, since all the upgrades. Of course before the war I’d handled Revolver more than once, I’d helped set up that weapon with him, practically dragged him and it back to the Garden and the medical centre more than once. This really meant a lot to me and him - not quite as much as the ring he’d slid onto my finger a few nights before, but it was still important. “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>He nodded, squeezing my hand just a little tighter. “I’m sure. Just tuck it under your jacket or something. Just… just in case, okay?”</p>
<p>I kissed Squall softly, cupping his cheek with a hand gently. He felt so frail under my touch, worryingly thin. His skin was like paper. “I’ll take good care of him,” I promised.</p>
<p>“I know,” he smiled, covering my hand with his own, nuzzling into my touch. A rare moment of clarity. I almost wished I could put the appointment off just to linger as much as I could in this golden moment, but in the same breath, I didn’t want him to be stuck with anyone else when he faded again. That took precedence over my feelings entirely. I couldn’t do that to him. </p>
<p>Thankfully at that very same moment the door opened and Elle appeared through it before I could change my mind about going. She held it open for me, the last time she’d have to do that at least, if they gave me the right clearance at least. I mean, I guess they had to at least let me out of the room if they were going to give me this, right? Otherwise, what would be the point in any of it?</p>
<p>“That’s my cue, Squirt. I’m off to see the wizard.”</p>
<p>“Remember,” he gave me a serious look. “No moon knighting.”</p>
<p>The dumb little pun made me chuckle. Nice to see him with it enough to manage some word play too. “Remember, no destroying my high score.”</p>
<p>“Suuuure,” he rolled his eyes, but I could see the little curl at the corner of his mouth. It’d only been a few months since I’d bumped into him in the middle of nowhere, and I could read him now better than ever. </p>
<p>I hopped off the bed and headed to the door. Elle greeted me with a little hug, and I put on a brave face despite feeling that same magic crawling over my skin. She was <i>powerful</i>. Scarily so, and it made sense to me. Time wasn’t the most wholesome magic to deal with, after all, nor the most convenient. It took a lot to manipulate that, and I could tell she had it in spades. </p>
<p>She smiled, letting me hold the door as she stepped further into the room. “The guards will escort you down to the lab, Seifer.”</p>
<p>“There goes all the fun.”</p>
<p>“Laguna was going to do it, but the budget meeting is already overrunning.”</p>
<p>I clutched at my chest as though I’d been wounded deeply. I kind of had. I was incredulous, because, as I’d covered before, I was the best choice in any situation, especially over a meeting of stuffy politicians. “He chose budgets over me? I’m hurt!”</p>
<p>“Not his choice, I think,” she smiled as she pulled up a chair next to Squall’s bed. I wondered if he could feel the power too - I mean, at least he had a sorceress, somewhere out there. Mine was theoretically dead and also not born yet and that was another mess to wrap my head around. Maybe that was why Elle’s magic felt so invasive to me, I was the very epitome of what it did in knight form. Thank Hyne she had her knight in the form of my sort of father in law, I’d hate to see what that magic would do if it was permitted to run wild. “He hates meetings.”</p>
<p>“They are more fun if you add ferrets.”</p>
<p>“Or geezards,” Squall added helpfully from the bed. A better moment of clarity than I’d even thought if he remembered that. </p>
<p>I pointed at him. “Shush, you.”</p>
<p>He smirked at me. “They shit unexpectedly.”</p>
<p>“The geezards, the ferrets, or the accountants?”</p>
<p>Squall shifted to get comfortable in the pile of pillows I’d left him up against, so he could see his sister more easily and, no doubt, try to talk her into some sort of high score shenanigans on one of our videogames. “Politicians.”</p>
<p>“That I believe.”</p>
<p>Elle hid a smile behind her hand. Despite the magic telling me otherwise, she was a very delicate, well mannered woman. I guess you had to be when your knight - and your dad - was the president of an entire country. Even after our extensive training in blending in to situations like that, Squall and I had never really felt the need to be anything but ourselves around Laguna, though. I mean, he was ex galbadian military and I could still pick up on some of those mannerisms when he visited. Little things, like the signals and stuff. I couldn’t imagine him being in any army for long, though. “You should head out, so you can be back in time for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Will do. I’ll bring you back a geezard of your own, Squall.”</p>
<p>“He can fight the cactaur,” Squall nodded at the green plush cactaur who was currently perched on a plush chair, observing the aquarium. The same aquarium where Breaded, Fried and Poached were floating vapidly. The fish had arrived, thankfully, and had settled into their new home without issue. </p>
<p>I mean if he was going to stare at something, might as well <i>not</i> be me.</p>
<p>“Best two out of three.”</p>
<p>Ellone laughed again and waved me out of the door. “Shoo!”</p>
<p>The escort turned out to be just two guards, who didn’t even pat me down, much to my surprise. They even saluted me, and I saluted back more out of shock and habit than anything else. It was kind of weird that they were treating me with respect after my little stint in their lock up. They either hadn’t had a turn down there while I’d been a prisoner, or Laguna’s efforts in moving me up to look after my boyfriend had left far more of an impression on them than I’d realised. </p>
<p>Really, it was kind of nice not to have the magiaxes pointed at me for a change. I got to see a little more of the palace to boot, since we went a different way to the day I’d spent in the garden with my lover. </p>
<p>A couple of floors down, I noticed again when that little ghost of my connections to Helios winked out all over again. It was as strong there as it was in the lock up, and it remained that way until we left the building completely. Damn -  I wondered how it affected Ellone and other sorceresses, like Rin. People like Squall and myself didn’t really have our own magic after all, those anti magic fields killed our connections to the GFs and any other related power so we couldn’t reach for it. Sorceresses <i>were</i> magic, even if they were dormant. So what did it do to them? </p>
<p>I had no time to wonder, though. The guards escorted me out of the palace grounds and into another building adjacent to it. A small building without guards. They hovered at the door until it opened for them, then saluted me. “We will return when the laboratory technician summons us,” one said - I wasn’t sure which was talking with those masks in place. This time, I waved goodbye instead of saluting. Felt better for that. </p>
<p>I didn’t like to think much about the closeness of scientific complex to the palace - there was a history there that I’d seen hints of with my sorceress and I didn’t want to wonder what had happened in the hallowed halls where some crazy evil lady had roamed with only the most evil of hats to hand. Probably. </p>
<p>Maybe all the doofy collars that I’d seen far too many people wearing were actually hats that just got smashed down until they were around someone’s neck.I mean, it made more sense than people wanting to look like a head on a serving platter, right? Were frisbees really that fashionable?</p>
<p>The lab was almost like a doctor’s office, with no reception and seemingly, no doors besides the ones I’d just walked through. Everything in the waiting area was super clean and bleached white. A long rectangular room where there were a few benches to wait on bolted right on to the wall, but otherwise pretty featureless. The entire ceiling was one giant panel that emitted soft light, giving the room a creepy, ethereal feel. It had an almost medical smell to the air too, which is mostly why I thought of doctors. I had no idea whether they usually did this kind of thing here, or whether this was another place that had been seconded into doing a favour for the president given the proximity to the palace - he understood that I didn’t want to go far right now, even if it was doing me a favour. I didn’t want to be away from Squall more than absolutely necessary. </p>
<p>Just as I was wondering how I was going to go anywhere from the office if someone didn’t fetch me or at least direct me, a soft recording of a bell chiming played over hidden speakers somewhere and a door in the wall slid open slowly, revealing the lab itself. </p>
<p>I was not at all creeped out, honest. </p>
<p>I took a deep breath and entered the room that had opened. “I’m here to… you know I was going to say be implanted, but that sounds so, so wrong,” I tried to joke. I was faced with something that looked like it had escaped from a movie about a mad scientist. One entire corner of the small room was entirely devoted to machinery, and it looked like observational tech. I saw dials, readouts, screens. The whole thing presented so that the person who sat in the office style chair in front of it could see any of it without having to turn his head much or move at all. </p>
<p>The majority of the rest of the room was taken up by a table that looked like some guy was going to assemble a monster on top of. There were wires, cables and Hyne only knew what else running into and out of it. In the very centre of the table was what looked like one of the Estharian helmets, more cables snaking into the back of it. Right where Squall had made me feel the scar. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. This wasn’t bordering on creepy at all, was it?</p>
<p>Obviously, I’d never seen <i>anything</i> like it in my life. Estharian tech was fascinating - Squall had proved that with the books being sent straight to his tablet computer and the videogames, but this was something else. Something pretty fucking scary, to be honest. </p>
<p>The tech guy swivelled his chair and turned to face me. He was fairly young, maybe just a few years older than me. He had slightly messy short blond hair, shaved into his neck at the back, and at least a day’s growth of hair on his chin. He was wearing one of the Estharian robes with some sort of insignia on the arm like the doc had, all white, like a labcoat. His collar was smaller though, and a little bit less unwieldy. I guess it’d get in the way of all those screens if it was one of the giant pizza plates. </p>
<p>Might be great for writing notes on though.You could turn the whole thing like a lazy susan.</p>
<p>The tech turned back to the screens for a moment, tapping a few keys. One of the monitors changed to what looked like a list of names before he smiled at me. “You must be Mr Almasy.”</p>
<p>“Guilty as charged,” I tried to joke, but that kind of thing really hadn’t felt like a joke since I’d first arrived at Esthar. “Tell me I get to keep my clothes on. Lie if you must.”</p>
<p>“On a first date, hopefully,” he got to his feet and crossed to the table, moving the helmet thing out of the way and gesturing at the table, which lowered a foot or so at his command. “Please, take a seat over here.”</p>
<p>Ah, no wonder the table had lowered. I braced myself and sat where he indicated, facing him. “Sure. Tell me what all this is, it makes it easier to control the flight instinct.”</p>
<p>Of course, little did he know I only had a flight instinct when dragons or really pissed off lions were involved. Even then it depended heavily on how snarky I was feeling.</p>
<p>“It’s just a few harmless scans first,” he gestured to the helmet in his hand. Okay, that made the contraption slightly less scary. But only very slightly. I was still on some level wondering what parts they would lop off me to replace with crudely stitched on alternatives. Was green even my colour? “When everything is confirmed, I’ll numb the back of your head, make a tiny incision to insert the interface control chip above your spinal cord.”</p>
<p>“How will I know how to use it?” I aked. Squall didn’t seem to do much with his except interface with doors and that tablet thing, but then he’d had it for a while, and even if his time in Esthar had been short between garden and running the fuck away, it was still more time with the tech that I didn’t have. </p>
<p>“I’ll show you as soon as it’s up and running.”</p>
<p>“Okay, go for it.”</p>
<p>He had me lean forward a little so that he could slide that helmet on over my head. It was a fairly loose fit, since I guess anyone who came through here to get one would have to use the same tech. Or maybe they had several, and he’d just prepared for me. Either way, the last thing I heard as the metal slid down over my face was his voice again. “This takes a little while to run.”</p>
<p>It was definitely creepy. The helmet was entirely metal, and I could feel my hot breath steaming up the inside within heartbeats. And of course, it was pitch black too. I felt him position the cables so they would run down my back, the weight of those was just as unnerving as the claustrophobic thing on my head. Like old ghost stories of things clinging to your back. “How long?” I asked, finding the edge of the table and gripping it tight. My voice echoed weirdly inside the casing. </p>
<p>I heard a muffled voice as though I was underwater. I think it told me to hold on. Then something pressed the side of the helmet - I felt it shift on my head and I instinctively reached up to steady it - and I could hear better, as though I didn’t have it on at all. “What was that?”</p>
<p>“How long do I have to wear this?” I repeated. </p>
<p>“Anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour - depends on how deep it has to run to gather information. Might need to go a little further since you’re an outsider…,” the lab guy said, and a soft hum began at the back of the mask, that kind of bone deep hum that only huge and powerful machinery running ever made. Felt weird. Felt like something was breathing right down the back of my neck. Then he said something that made me forget all of the weird sensations and weird things I’d experienced in a heartbeat. “We haven’t seen anyone from outside Esthar since the time of Adel. Just try to stay still.”</p>
<p>“What about Squall?” I asked, cautiously. My mouth had never been so bone dry in my life. “He’s from outside of Esthar, right?”</p>
<p>“The president’s son?” the guy’s voice moved, from the layout of the room I was guessing he was going back to the readouts. After a moment, I heard the chair he’d been sitting in creak as he sat back down again. </p>
<p>“You don’t consider him an outsider?”</p>
<p>“No, he never came through here.”</p>
<p>I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach. A deep sense of foreboding came over me. Shit. Squall hadn’t given me enough details about this thing, or Esthar. Not that he really could with his current state of mind. “He had to have, he has the implant, he can open doors and interface and stuff.”</p>
<p>“Was he one of the SeeD who went to the space station?” the guy asked. Okay, so at least people in Esthar knew he had been SeeD at one point. That made working this shit out a little easier since it gave me a time frame. “He might have gotten an emergency job over at the lunar gate before he was put into stasis.”</p>
<p>“What’s your name?”</p>
<p>“Cody Goodman.”</p>
<p>“Okay, Cody,” I tried to sound calmer than I felt. I had to get as much information out of this as possible - if my suspicions were correct, and I had just happened on a clue as to why Squall was just so fucked up, I didn’t want to cause a blind panic before I could get everything I needed. “What’s this looking for anyway?”</p>
<p>“Anything that might interfere with the chip. It.. er… used to be used to identify potential sorceresses, too.”</p>
<p>The more I heard about the damn thing, the further my heart was dropping. Looking for Hyne’s descendants, right. People like yours truly and Squall. Not to mention Laguna, their own president. Did that mean they knew about him?  “So… what’s it looking for exactly? I’m obviously not a sorceress.” </p>
<p>“Well, Hyne had male descendants too, right? It looks to see whether you have any magic or ability to use magic.”</p>
<p>“Like a guardian force and stocked magic, maybe?” I suggested. </p>
<p>The tech paused, turning his chair back to look at me - his voice grew a little clearer, so that’s what I assumed he was doing anyway. Damn thing keeping me from seeing just when I’d found what I needed. I wished I could see the guy, read him. I felt like I was missing half the information by not being able to clock the guy’s physical reactions to my questions.  “<i>Do</i> you have those?”</p>
<p>I didn’t matter anymore, this was all about Squall. I ignored the question and pushed on, trying to keep sounding nonchalant but there was an edge entering my voice that I couldn’t help. My knuckles must have been white on the edge of the table again, I had to concentrate to hear what he was saying over the sound of my pulse in my ears. “What happens if you have a GF? Does it fuck up the tech?”</p>
<p>“We just adjust the demands of the interface to compensate with the paramagic capabilities,” he said hesitantly. </p>
<p>“What if it’s not checked and they don’t fix it? What happens?”</p>
<p>“It can cause some interference, but we don’t have much paramagic here in Esthar and we haven’t really studied the full effects… It should be fine.”</p>
<p>Should be. Can. Of course. Why wouldn’t my one in a million ass of a boyfriend be the one who bucked the trend - if they’d even had a trend. I mean, it sure as hell didn’t sound like they’d spent a lot of time examining any side effects. “Can you make sure they checked the SeeDs before they were stuck with this thing and sent?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure they checked before they were sent…”</p>
<p>“Can you make sure though?” I pushed. I just had to know. “Since it’s the president’s son.”</p>
<p>It felt like an eternity passed with no answer, the tech tapping away at the keyboard in front of him. </p>
<p>Then it happened. The tech cursed under his breath. </p>
<p>“That’s it. Isn’t it?” I asked. “That’s what’s killing him.”</p>
<p>Cody hit something that made the humming in the back of the helmet die down, and a few seconds later, pulled it off me so he could look me in the eye. I already had to blink against the light of the lab and I don’t think I’d been in there very long at all.  “I don’t think they did the scans. There was far too short a time frame between the three of them checking in and getting put into the capsule to be sent into space. What do you mean, <i>killing</i> him? Is the president’s son sick?” </p>
<p>“He’s dying. He’s been dying since he left Garden. Ever since he lost his GFs.”</p>
<p>“Th...that shouldn’t happen,” the tech pulled at his collar as though it were choking him. I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if it were, the damn thing nearly clocked me when he got too close. “And what do you mean? Why doesn’t he have his GFs?”</p>
<p>“They were stolen before he came to Esthar - we tried giving him mine and the reaction was <i>bad</i>. Fuck, is this why?”</p>
<p>“Wait, wait…,” Cody waved one hand at me to slow down. “What do you mean <i>stolen</i>?”</p>
<p>“Someone at Balamb Garden ripped all of his GFs out of his brain by force before they marched him out to send him here. Even Shiva - the one he had the closest bond with… they both fought the procedure but lost.”</p>
<p>Cody rocked back as though he’d been struck, hand over his mouth. He looked anywhere but at me, trying to puzzle through whatever thoughts he had, muttering almost too soft for me to hear. “If they fought the extraction process, maybe it could have caused some damage to both him and the GF. It could have damaged the tech interface too...”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t be surprised. I know he’d rather have had them take his whole head than his GF,” I shrugged, trying not to hurry him on too much even if I was desperate too. Hell, I knew that <i>something</i> was wrong, there had to be some damage, he’d said he’d had headaches and shit from the second he left Garden for Esthar, right? “Hyne, if Shiva’s gone, Squall will just give up. If you take the antimagic field off the lab, I can ask my GF what happened when Squall tried to junction him.” </p>
<p>He looked at me, sizing me up. I wouldn’t blame him for not trusting me really. I didn’t even know if this guy had the slightest idea who I was, but there had to be some reason I was walked here by guards, some reason the palace had kept me, right? I tried to force a slightly more innocent smile and, of course, I made sure that hyperjunction was safely tucked away under my jacket. Then he went back to his seat, futzed with the panel and I swear I felt Helios yawn and stretch like a cat in the back of my head. He was suddenly real and there again, and I let out a breath I felt like I’d been holding for weeks. </p>
<p>And in that same moment, at my hip, that hyperjunction felt like it jumped to life with the energy of the pulse ammunition. I could practically feel the hum from it. Squall’s blade. Almost made me feel like he was with me, too. </p>
<p>
  <i>“Could you hear us, Helios?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“A fine hello, Little Knight. Yes, I could hear your words, even if you could not hear mine until now.”</i>
</p>
<p>Talking to him felt like lifting your head to face the afternoon sun in early spring. A gentle, calming warmth that spread itself over you slowly. Thankfully, he also knew what I was like after having him with me for so long, he knew I wouldn’t be one for niceties. <i>“Hi. So?”</i></p>
<p>
  <i>“I could not junction to the Lion. There was no place for me to find respite.”</i>
</p>
<p>Fuck. </p>
<p>It was all falling into place at last. Everything that had gone wrong, a little chain of fuckups and fraud that meant my lover, my <i>Lion</i> was dying. One of the litany of failures and he would have been fine, surely, but this was too much even for him. Even if he could work miracles, could he manage it in the face of this much?</p>
<p>“Yeah, Helios says he couldn't even junction with Squall, which if you knew Squall, you would know is nuts. He could junction GF's no one else could get near. He’d have four, five, maybe more at once.”</p>
<p>The tech paced back and forth, talking to himself. The collar bobbed with every step, something I might have found amusing if the situation wasn’t so fucking dire. “The interface should be set up to adjust with power fluctuations in anyone who has paramagic. If it wasn't adjusted, it probably got overwhelmed and was pulling the maximum power it could handle. Even after he lost the GF, it still demanded the same energy and his body had to compensate... On top of that, it got damaged from paramagical feedback when they ripped out the GF… It’s like a tap that’s stuck open...”</p>
<p>I caught his arm, hauling him around to face me. I didn’t have time for all the whys and wherefores - I only had one question for now.  “How do we <i>fix</i> it? Can we get it out of him?”</p>
<p>“If it’s fried like that and he’s damaged like that… fuck, I don’t know. Pulling it when he doesn’t have the magic it was activated with might cause a feedback loop and…” he shook his head with a grimace. “Maybe if you get the same GF that caused him to not be able to junction in the first place? At least it might buy some time to figure it out”</p>
<p>“Like two wrongs making a right?”</p>
<p>“Like the right peg for the right hole - fitting the broken thing back together.”</p>
<p>There was only one possible answer to that. One potential GF that had loved him so much she’d even fight being drawn from him. She wouldn’t have realised the damage it would have caused, but she was the only one I could imagine it being. “I’ve got to get Shiva. We need to talk to the president, <i>now.</i>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I <i>hated</i> budget negotiations at the best of times. It was one of those parts of government that everyone - rightly or wrongly - felt like they needed several hours to bitch about individually before we even thought of putting pen to paper. Usually negotiations took place over a week or so before we started finalising numbers and releasing information to the public. </p>
<p>It’d been tradition to carry out the negotiations in the most private parts of the senate, rooms that had been converted in the early days of my time rebuilding Esthar. Just in case attempts at bribery or any other form of corruption reared their ugly heads around use. Never mind the fact the country had lost most of it’s tradition when we’d sent the previous ruler up into space, we had to make up our own or modify the old ones so they were less… murdery. Less crazy hat, as Seifer would say. </p>
<p>The point was, the negotiations were held at the centre of the part of the palace that was dedicated to the everyday running of the country at large, and as with all negotiation chambers we had, the outside access to them either by people or any kind of recording device was extremely limited. We were under a heavy guard, from the security force, and the head of security himself and one of my closest confidants, Ward. </p>
<p>So <i>of course</i> the senators started having a shitfit when the doors flew open and one of the guards brought a phone into the room for me to answer. I could only imagine the joy that would bring, given the fact the cord would have to be snaked through at least a couple of rooms to be able to get  to me. People were going to be tripping up, it’d look like a slapstick comedy in the place. With several far too nosey and remarkably loud colleagues of mine that had opinions only slightly larger than their egos, being insistently offended behind me, I blatantly ignored them and answered it, because I knew it had to be important if they had to bring it to me here of all places.</p>
<p>“Uncle Laguna,” Ellone’s voice was distant on the crackly line, but I managed at least to pick up the next few words that chilled my blood. “...can’t wake Squall!”</p>
<p>He’d passed out again? Fuck, where was Almasy? Damnit, was he still at his appointment? “Elle, call the doctor, I’ll get Kiros and Ward to come down to you.”</p>
<p>Ward, who had been observing the proceedings silently from a seat by the door was on his feet before I’d even finished speaking. He signed to me <i>“Squall?”</i></p>
<p>I’d not even finished nodding before he was rushing out of the door. </p>
<p>“I’ll call!” she promised, and there might have been a thank you before the line went dead. I felt the shudder in my next breath, the tears stinging my eyes. Damnit, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. First losing Raine, now our son?</p>
<p>To my surprise, as soon as I replaced the receiver, it rang again. I picked it up, wondering if Elle had called back. I didn’t doubt that my very efficient secretary would have set the line up to be sent in to me, knowing that above all else, the rules could go fuck themselves and all of the senators overinflated egos if it came to my son, or my daughter. I needed to give that guy a raise. </p>
<p>“What now?”</p>
<p>“Laguna.. Shiva… Squall’s GF! ...that’s the problem.”</p>
<p>The line to Seifer was no better, and far too many pissed off old men were behind me making demands for me to hang up the phone, just barely shy of making accusations, I could barely hear Seifer on the other end of the line. </p>
<p>“What?” I repeated, pressing the receiver as hard as I could against my ear in a desperate attempt to hear Seifer clearly. </p>
<p>“...all jacked up because of Shiva!” </p>
<p>“If this is Shiva’s fault, I will contact Garden tonight and have her destroyed. Seifer, I do not have time for this right now.” </p>
<p>I hung up the call and turned on the cabinet to tell them negotiations were cancelled. There was something far more important going on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I couldn’t get the line back, no matter what I or Cody tried. </p>
<p>I stared at the dead phone in my hand in disbelief. I don’t think the world had ever been so eerily silent. The machines, the distant hum of electricity, even my own pulse and breathing had faded into nothingness. I felt faint. The world tunnelled, focusing down to a small, single point and I think I swayed on my feet a little “I… I think I’ve made a huge mistake.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“He got the wrong end of the stick,” I clarified, setting the receiver down again and resting my hands on the terminal until I could steady myself, get my heartrate and my breathing under some modicum of control at least. The metal was faintly warm to the touch, oddly, and I found that just as creepy as I found half the crap I’d encountered. I had fucked up so badly. So very badly, and if I didn’t do something about it, the consequences were… unthinkable. “He thinks it’s <i>Shiva’s fault.</i> He... he’s going to have her destroyed. Squall will die! I have to stop him.”</p>
<p>The lab tech paced back and forth, muttering to himself all over again. This time it was far too soft for me to hear over the pounding of my pulse in my ears. Then he paused. “Do you know where Shiva is right now?”</p>
<p>“Balamb Garden, I think. Has to be,” I couldn’t begin to imagine her being anywhere but there. Xu wouldn’t have risked releasing her, or she’d have come to find Squall somehow, I was sure of that much. So either she was in junction or in storage at Balamb Garden and that felt like it was half a world away. </p>
<p>The tech - Cody - nodded to himself and then looked me straight in the eye. “Do you know Balamb Garden?”</p>
<p>“Lived there since I was six years old.”</p>
<p>Then Cody said the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard. “So go get her.”</p>
<p>I could do that. I could very cheerfully go and find Shiva and bring her back to my lover even if it wasn’t going to do anything more than cheer him up. The problem was that Balamb, and therefore Balamb Garden were pretty much an ocean away. Not to mention the additional fact that I was currently in the centre of a city whose very tech did not recognise me, in the most effective prisonI could imagine. “How? They won’t lend me a transport, I can’t even open the doors! I have to talk to the president.”</p>
<p>Cody rolled his eyes at me. Almost reminded me of my lover for a moment, which I admit, kinda helped in a weird way. “How will you even get to him?”</p>
<p>“Run?” I suggested. That hyperjunction at my hip was another good way of getting there but I was pretty sure Laguna would not be pleased with me killing people in order to reach him. The guards might be pissed off about it too. </p>
<p>He scoffed. “Do you have any idea how much security is around the president day to day? How many guards? Not to mention the fact that it’s the budget negotiations today, half the damn security forces will be around the negotiation chambers, they’d shoot you if you even tried.”</p>
<p>“Shit. If Lag… President Loire says to destroy Shiva, Xu - the current commander -  will do it. She has nothing left to lose,” I almost spat. </p>
<p>Cody rubbed his chin for a moment, eyeing me thoughtfully. “...<i>If</i> he can get the message to her. What if you made sure he couldn’t, at least for a while?”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>He practically threw himself back into his chair and started typing, pulling up various maps of the city on the monitors he had. I watched them suddenly pop into life tracing roadways and sky bridges with my eyes. I might not have made SeeD, but I damn sure knew how to read maps and these images were even better than the datascreens we’d been using for maneuvers and exams. </p>
<p>“This is us,” he pointed at the building I recognised as the palace - and the small lab close to it, practically in the centre of the city. Then he tapped another couple of keys and highlighted another building on the northwest border of the city. “This is the communications array that manages data into and out of the city. It allows messages to be sent to key targets and recipients. Balamb Garden is one of them,” Cody said.</p>
<p>Since Loire worked out he had a son, at least. I don’t think they’d had contact with Garden before that, had they? If so, how on earth would Garden move? “Okay.”</p>
<p>“If you fry that, it’ll take at least four, five days to fix. Maybe longer.”</p>
<p>“Why doctor, what a devious mind you are hiding under that mild mannered exterior. You think a nice Thundaga would do it?” I smirked at him. Okay. This was doable. If I could get to Fisherman’s Horizon, I could hop a boat going to Balamb at least. </p>
<p>“Maybe a couple, just to be on the safe side.”</p>
<p>“Double tap. Got it,” I looked at the map again, tracing the lines of the sky bridges, planning a route. Helios chuckled softly in the back of my head, stretching again, he knew I was going to have to raise hell and he was ready for it. He always was the adventurous type. He’d have to be to keep up with me. “How do I get there? You got a ride I can steal?”</p>
<p>The guy was typing away on another keyboard, barely paying attention to me. “I have a bike in employee parking,” he reached back to the first keyboard and hit a couple keys, bringing up another glowing spot on the map for me to make a mental note of. “I’ll give you the starting credentials for it as well.”</p>
<p>Back to the second keyboard. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until something beeped and a tray slid out of the computer. I swear there hadn’t been any sign a tray was there even moments before. In the center of it was a tiny black microchip. He picked it up with tweezers and slid it into the workings of a watch he pulled out of a drawer, snapping the back on. At least, it looked like a watch. It was bigger and bulkier than any watch I’d seen and when he held it out to me, I was a little hesitant to take it. </p>
<p>“The energy in this will only last four or five days but you shouldn’t need much more than that to get out of Esthar, and back in when you’re ready. I’ve given you override permissions for as much security as I can, and the bike. It’s up to you to get to Balamb and get the GF,” Cody said, watching to make sure I strapped it on right. “Keep it touching your skin and you’ll have the access.”</p>
<p>I could have hugged him. I could have kissed him but a pissed off lion wouldn’t be so good with that, later. “Should I tie you up? So they don’t think you’re aiding and abetting? Because I’m about to be a very bad boy.” Since I was pretty sure giving me all that would probably amount to treason, I didn’t want him getting the blame from the wrong people before Laguna knew the truth.</p>
<p>Cody definitely looked relieved at my suggestion. He looked far too young to have been around in Adel’s time, but that didn’t mean the stories went away at all. I did wonder what kind of stories got told about Laguna given his continued position as the President. “To be safe, yeah. Good luck.”</p>
<p>I grabbed the cabling and tied him to a chair as comfortably as I could, thankfully he had a handkerchief hidden away in the voluminous robes that I could use for a gag. I was holding it in my hand, ready to tie it on when I asked for one last favour. “Let me know if it’s too tight. And… give me ten minutes before you spit out the gag and yell for help, okay?”</p>
<p>He grinned at me. “It’s fine. Just hit play on the music program on the desktop and I’ll give you until the guards were supposed to come and collect you.”</p>
<p>Damnit, I actually liked the guy. He had been stupidly helpful, he’d given me a little more hope than I’d felt in months. Speaking of hope - I hoped he wasn’t going to get shot for treason before I could get back and fix everything as I snuck my way out of the doors, marvelling at how they just whirred open automatically as soon as I reached them. </p>
<p>Squall had saved the world, damnit, now I had to see if I had what it took to save him. </p>
<p>I felt that was a far more important mission, frankly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please forgive any minor anachronisms. Seifer's on a mission!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I,” I told myself, standing in the harbour and looking up at the old hotel and the hill that led past it into Balamb town, “am an idiot.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Thirteen.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes a leap of faith<br/>To awake from these delusions<br/>Muse - The Void</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 27th</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So basically, I did it. </p>
<p>I made my way out of the lab as nonchalantly as I could, found the bike, found the road I needed and made my way to the communications relay. Kinda reminded me on the inside of the set up of the tower we’d been to on our SeeD Exam all those months before. Kept expecting some dark haired brunet to appear out of nowhere in a student’s uniform and fuck things up.</p>
<p>I would have killed for that to happen. </p>
<p>Only this time, unlike our impromptu trip to the tower in Timber, I was carrying enough high level magic spells to fry the fucker. Ozone smell, sparks and everything - it might have had some surge protection on the configuration, but that’s easily bypassed when you’ve got a knight casting directly into the electrical control panel itself. That part of the mission completed, I hightailed it out of there, planning to head to the bridge that I knew led to Fisherman’s Horizon. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I wound up gathering quite a little party on my way out of the city. It took me a while to lose them since I was actively trying <i>not</i> to kill anyone because as much of a pain in the ass as they were, they were only doing their jobs and I had the idea my future father-in-law would not be all too pleased about the killing thing. Still, it was time I didn’t really have, and despite my best efforts to make it sooner, I wound up getting to the first stop in my journey to Balamb around midnight. </p>
<p>It was probably purely luck that let me spot a few fishing boats I recognised from Balamb harbour. I felt like Squall had lent me a little of his luck since he always did seem to have it in spades. Dropping a couple of names - mostly Ma Dincht’s, sorry chickenwuss - got me pointed in the direction of one particular boat that was thankfully leaving soon enough for me to get back to Balamb by mid morning. </p>
<p>So that was it. I had definitely borrowed a little of Squall’s luck along with the hyperjunction. Or maybe it was rubbing off with the ring. Didn’t really matter because somehow despite not having any food, water, or money, I had managed to score a ride to Balamb. The captain was kind enough to give me something to drink, at least, and the crossing was okay. It wasn’t luxury and I had to help out a little to pay my way, but that was understandable. It also meant that I didn’t get any rest on the journey over, either. </p>
<p>The sea would have been far too rough for me to get any sleep anyway.</p>
<p>By the time I was back on solid ground - or at least the quayside at Balamb the next morning, I was dead on my feet. I’d only been sleeping in short snatches of time since Squall had started going downhill again anyway and by now I’d been conscious for over 24 hours with no coffee, nothing to eat since around noon the previous day and not a hell of a lot to drink either. I had no money, no plan, and little to no hope remaining. </p>
<p>“I,” I told myself, standing in the harbour and looking up at the old hotel and the hill that led past it into Balamb town, “am an idiot.” </p>
<p>The seagulls cried mockingly along the harbour wall as though echoing the fact that I was an idiot, occasionally swooping down to check out the boats, thankfully mostly avoiding me. </p>
<p>Myself agreed with I. I was going to get myself and I killed doing something stupid while I was too tired to think, then Squall would die and that would all be my fault too.  How in the hell was I supposed to break into Garden and find Shiva? The idea had seemed so plausible just the day before, in that lab. Now I was here and the familiar scent of salt air and all the less pleasant smells of a working harbour were filling my nose and stirring old memories again, it seemed impossible. </p>
<p>Still. I had to try. So I staggered like a drunk up the hill past the hotel, trying to remember how to walk on land after several hours in the boat. I paused at the town wall, leaning against it for support, parts of me aching from exertion that I didn’t even know the <i>name</i> of. I was dead on my feet.</p>
<p>Then, Squall’s luck kicked in again, and  a miracle happened. </p>
<p>“Seifer Almasy, is that you?”</p>
<p>To be honest, I could have sworn my heart stuttered to a stop for a moment there at someone recognising me. But, given that in the five seconds after that as I tried to locate the owner of the voice, I was not shot, stabbed, whipped or generally struck by any weapon I didn’t care to remember, I figured maybe it was a good thing. I looked around to find Ma Dincht herself was watching me, her eyebrows knitted in worry, from the doorway of the corner store, a covered basket hooked over her arm.</p>
<p>I wondered briefly if I could get away with claiming I’d dropped out of time compression in the wrong place, but my clothes would have given me away. I was very much <i>not</i> in my old trench, after all, I was in what I wore to keep Squall company, a long sleeved tee, brushed cotton jeans and some sneakers that he’d bought me. Softer stuff for me to hold him in. Comfortable things.  “Ms Dincht,” I tried to smile and nod in greeting but I was so loopy from lack of sleep I couldn’t even tell if the words had left my mouth right. It really felt like I was slurring, but I couldn’t tell that either. </p>
<p>“You look like something the cat dragged in,” she hitched the basket further up her arm and bustled over to me. Now, I <i>liked</i> Zell’s ma. She was one of those no-nonsense types who ruled the roost, and yet somehow her adopted offspring had wound up a T-boarder. Must have been why he’d come to garden, to be able to sneak in shit like that. </p>
<p>“I wish the damn… er.., dang cat had carried me part way,” I rubbed a hand over my face and tried to <i>think</i>. Dincht wouldn’t listen to me, surely, and messenger girl was from Trabia Garden, so that let her out. I went for the most sensible head among us as my attempt to get some information. “Have you seen Quisty?”</p>
<p>“Not this morning, dear,” she looked me up and down, the very picture of motherly concern. Or at least wondering what I was going to do to fuck things up <i>this</i> time, maybe. Still, she must have at least felt sorry for me or something, since she decided I might be worth saving somehow. She beckoned for me to follow her and strolled off to her house. Never even looked back to check if I was following. </p>
<p>I was. I didn’t know <i>why</i> but I definitely was. I mean she ruled the roost after all. And she was pretty much my only point of contact other than sneaking in, right? “Okay… I… ah... “ I stuttered. I had no words left. I was far too tired to be making decisions at that point. </p>
<p>She held the door open until I could catch it, then bustled into the kitchen. Like a stray cat, I followed her curiously. </p>
<p>Ma Dincht pointed me at the small kitchen table and pulled one of the chairs out. “Sit,” she ordered. “I’ll make you some coffee dear, how do you take it?”</p>
<p>“Cream and sugar, please.”</p>
<p>Somewhere, Squall would be shuddering, but I needed the calories. </p>
<p>I leant on the table and suddenly remembered to check if I was dusty. I felt dusty. Estharian plains driving was not for the faint of heart - dustier than the Galbadian desert - and I didn’t want to mark up Ma Dincht’s kitchen table because she was being nice to me. It didn’t look like I’d left a mark at least so hopefully that would be okay? I didn’t really know how to talk to a mother. </p>
<p>I still wasn’t sure about my clothes, so I sat as nicely as I could, and willed my eyes not to close. </p>
<p>I was less than successful, apparently, given I jerked awake when she set the mug in front of me and the coffee pot and accoutrements nearby so I could refill. She knew us garden kids, even if Dincht was the only one who’d mostly escaped the addiction unscathed. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” I said to her, the most genuine, heartfelt sentence in my life aside from telling Squall I loved him. </p>
<p>Ma Dincht pulled out the other chair and sat opposite me, folding her arms on the table just like I had tried not to and eyeing me. Again, I think it was concern. Maybe a little suspicion but hell, I had form. She had plenty of reason to be the latter, but I worried about the former. </p>
<p>“I haven’t seen you around Balamb…” she paused a moment but I knew what she was getting at. Since the War. Since I fucked up. She tried to smile but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, so she sure as hell wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t blame her, I had a lot of fuck ups to make up for. “In an age, dear. Where have you been?”</p>
<p>“Lately, Esthar, with Squall,” I said. I clutched the coffee mug with both hands, hanging on for dear life, which is mostly what it contained for me at this point. Okay, so I knew Zell believing<i> me</i> was the longest of long shots in the world, but I didn’t really have a choice now, did I? I had very limited opportunities and if nothing else, I couldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth at this point. If it was for Squall, I was sure Dincht would do anything - and I had the key to talking to him sat in front of me. “Ms Dincht, I need to get to Garden and I’m most likely shoot on sight.”</p>
<p>“With Squall?” she looked surprised. She had soft brown eyes and I felt like she was examining my soul when she looked at me. “I don’t know about shoot on sight, Seifer, but you certainly wouldn’t be welcome there.”</p>
<p>“Squall is…” I took a big swig of coffee to brace myself for it. Had to get it out quick, but I could already feel the tears pricking at my eyes at the thought of it. Like I could make it real by saying it, like when they first taught us how to draw and cast magic. Putting power into something. “Squall is dying. He’s dying because Xu ripped Shiva out of him and it messed up his brain or his nervous system or something.”</p>
<p>Ma Dincht sat back in her chair, hand over her mouth. “And you need Shiva back?”</p>
<p>“I gotta take Shiva back to him before it’s too late.”</p>
<p>Ma looked me over again and got up to grab a notepad. She must have found something she liked in me or at least realised I looked like death warmed over myself and realised I was in no fit state to lie to anyone. Part of me would have liked to believe she knew I wouldn’t be lying about this, about Squall, but the asshole I’d been before I’d had my ass well and truly kicked might have had a different idea about that. “I’ll have one of the children run a message up to garden for Zell to come here and talk to you. It might be an hour or two, he teaches a class in the mornings.”</p>
<p>“As soon as he can please. I don’t know how much time Squall has left.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I’ll get him here, you finish your coffee and you can tell me all about it while I make you some breakfast.”</p>
<p>“It really is good coffee,” I said, already working on my second cup. Then I realised she probably wasn’t talking about that. “Oh, you mean about Squall? Sorry - long trip. I’m a little goofy.”</p>
<p>“I can see that.”</p>
<p>She slipped out for a moment, and I could hear her talking to some kid. Telling them to keep to the road and not come back until they’d spoken to Zell. When she came back she started pulling things out of the fridge and I figured it was as good a time as any to start while she cooked.</p>
<p>“Laguna Loire is Squall’s father but he didn’t have Squall kidnapped, that was Xu. Squall didn’t know either at first, so he bailed, we ran into each other, hung out and fell in love. He got sicker and sicker, so we went back to Esthar. They can’t do a damn - er, dang thing. Figured out yesterday…,” I paused, trying to remember what exact day it is, given timezones shifted from Galbadia, to Balamb and then to Esthar. “Was it yesterday? Wednesday - that he has to have Shiva but Laguna got the wrong end of the stick and thought Shiva caused it, so he was going to have her destroyed. Then I wrecked their comms and came to fetch her. Did any of that make sense?”</p>
<p>“Well… I think it does,” Ma set a plate in front of me with a bacon and egg sandwich on it and I think I inhaled the first half. Apparently I’d gone on long enough for her to be able to finish cooking. Even when I was talking, the seconds seemed to rush away from me. “Zell told me when Squall had to leave, Xu replaced him as Commander. So you’re saying she orchestrated the whole thing?”</p>
<p>“I think so. Laguna had messages that weren’t from Squall talking about how he couldn’t wait to come to Esthar, they didn’t even sound like him,” I thought I should probably say something about the food given she’d been kind enough to feed me. “This is the best sandwich I’ve ever had, by the way.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you like it, dear,” she smiled at me, all mom warmth again. “And… you said that you and Squall fell in love, did I hear that right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Strangest thing, but we clicked and it was like… coming home.”</p>
<p>She took the plate from me when I’d finished the second half of the sandwich and took it to the sink. “You’re sure that Squall needs Shiva?” she asked, cautiously. I kinda got the feeling she was getting as many details as she could. Maybe in case I passed out or something since I was dead on my feet. Made sense. Didn’t mind talking to her either. </p>
<p>“Yeah. Helios - that’s my GF - made him <i>much</i> worse,” I gestured at my head in a way I hoped was informative and not just wild flailing. “Doesn’t fit, the same, you see?”</p>
<p>I wasn’t convinced by her nodding, really. I mean how much did she understand about GFs - she must have known a little bit from Zell at least, right? Did she know that they took memories and lived in the space they created? Would she have even let him go to Garden if she knew about that? </p>
<p>“When was the last time you slept, Seifer?”</p>
<p>“...Tuesday night? Wednesday morning some.”</p>
<p>She tutted. “No wonder you look dead on your feet. You come through and I’ll get you a blanket. You can at least sleep until Zell gets here.”</p>
<p>I should have said no. I should have stayed awake, in case, but she was right and I knew it. At least snatching a little sleep now would mean I would be a little more fighting fit when Zell got his ass in gear. Who knows, maybe even enough to take him on if he didn’t believe me about Squall. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>She led me through to the living room - of course I took my shoes off at the door -  and had me lie down on the couch. I was so tired that the second I was horizontal, I fell asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I got the message from Ma just as I’d dismissed my morning class. Said I was needed urgently back down in Balamb, to get down there as soon as I could. I slipped the kid who’d bought it to the gates so they could pass the message on to me ten gil to thank them,  since I knew I’d be a damn sight faster getting down to Balamb town than they would be. That done, I went on ahead. Junctioned for haste, baby.</p>
<p>Nothing looked like it was on fire, at least. I figured that was a good thing, but still if Ma had called me down, it couldn’t be a little thing. She knew better than to call me back down over something minor. So I rushed into the house, the door hitting the wall with a bang.</p>
<p>Ma was in the kitchen, like always, and she looked fine. </p>
<p>What worried me was what I saw in the living room. A man disturbed by the bang of the door on the wall, rolling off the couch and to his feet, hand going to a hyperjunction point on his hip. I knew the figure, I knew the stance and neither of them made me happy. </p>
<p>“What the <i>fuck</i> are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Zell Dincht! Such Language in my house!”</p>
<p>“Ma! He’s a war criminal!” I yelled back. I was old enough to kill folk but I still wasn’t old enough for the F word in ma’s eyes. Then Seifer Almasy drew the gunblade - okay he kinda drew it as I was saying the stuff about him being a war criminal. My eyes nearly fell out of my head and my voice went up at least an octave. That was <i>not</i> Hyperion. That glowing blue blade had always been opposed to Seifer, so I barely understood what I was seeing in <i>his</i> hands. It just didn’t make sense. “Why the hell have you got Squall’s gunblade!?” </p>
<p>The soft blue glow lit up the living room and Seifer’s eyes narrowed on me, then glanced over at the door, judging his odds. I braced up, sure to block his route out. I wouldn’t let him get by me. </p>
<p>“Both of you, put your weapons down and <i>sit!</i>” Ma ordered. </p>
<p>I hadn’t even realised that I had my fists up but I was already bouncing from foot to foot, ready for the fight. I couldn’t risk even a glance at my mother, I couldn’t give Seifer the advantage here. “Ma, you don’t understand!” </p>
<p>Then, to my utter surprise, Seifer did as he was told. He lowered the blade, glancing at Ma once more, giving her a nod. He sheathed the blade again, the shimmering blue glow fading as he stepped into his sneakers that were resting beside the couch. Hyne, when did Almasy start wearing sneakers? I wasn’t even sure the guy had feet, I thought he just naturally ended in boots. </p>
<p>“Neither do you,” Ma assured me. When I finally took the risk of looking over at her and taking my attention away from Seifer, she pointed to the living room with a glare that I knew was an order. And one I couldn’t ignore either, so I paced into the room and stood far enough away from him that a quick swipe of Lionheart wouldn’t reach me, just in case. </p>
<p>“Squall gave it to me,” Seifer said in a small, broken voice and sat down on the couch, shoulders hunched and hands clasped together tight on his knees.</p>
<p>Fuck. I Was not made for this kind of crap. “Willingly? Or did you tie him to a wall somewhere again?”</p>
<p>Seifer flinched as though I’d hit him.</p>
<p>“He’s dying, Dincht.”</p>
<p>Wait. Did I hear that right? Squall couldn’t be dying. Not unless… “What did you do to him Almasy?”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t me. It was Xu.”</p>
<p>Okay. That got me. Wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t going to know about that kind of shit from anyone at Garden, and really only certain SeeDs seemed to be pissed off with her anyway. People who would be even less likely to talk to Seifer Almasy after he’d betrayed us. Of course we had kept as much of it from the Kids as we could, given how many of them looked up to Squall, and the rest of us. Didn’t want to cause drama in Garden, they were supposed to be able to trust their commander. “What do you mean, Xu?”</p>
<p>“Zell… Squall,” Seifer ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it. Like Squall pinching the bridge of his nose, I figured it was one of Seifer’s stress tells. Hyne, did that mean he was telling the truth? “When Xu - when Shiva was ripped out of him, it damaged him somehow. His nervous system is all fu…,” his eyes flicked over to Ma and back to me. “Effed up. It’s killing him.” </p>
<p>I could tell that the more he talked, the more focused he got. There were heavy dark circles under his eyes and I swore he’d lost weight since the war. He definitely looked a little leaner than I remembered, at least. Not like the asshole that had faced us at the start of the war especially. Maybe kinda like the guy in the tattered grey remains of a trench coat from closer to the end of it. </p>
<p>“I <i>have</i> to get Shiva back for him.”</p>
<p>I was shaking my head before he’d even finished speaking- I didn’t want to hear it. Couldn’t hear it. Couldn’t face it. No, after everything, Squall didn’t deserve any of that. “Xu said he wanted to take a leave of absence, get to know his family! He’s in Esthar, he... He can’t be...,” dying. I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. Not about Squall. We’d almost lost him at the close of the war when time compression kicked us all out all over, and that was bad enough, but for Hyne’s sake the guy wasn’t even eighteen yet. </p>
<p>The things he said about Xu though, they made sense. I’d known something was off from the minute I’d come back from that mission we’d been sent on to find Squall gone. I always felt like she’d been trying to get us out of the way so she could pull something. I’d hoped we were wrong. </p>
<p>“He’s in Esthar, yeah, because they have the best medical tech. It isn’t helping... “  Seifer paused, rubbed a hand over his face. “He didn’t want to go, Dincht. Xu practically had him hogtied. She had him under a guard and everything.”</p>
<p>“But… no one <i>said</i> anything.”</p>
<p>“She planned it. She got the whole ball of wax, right? Got you out of the way and got rid of him. You guys had no reason to doubt that Squall might be curious about his family, he doesn’t talk about that stuff anyway. Never did,” Seifer waved a hand dismissively. “Only she didn’t tell Squall his dad had been making regular contact trying to work out a visit, she just put Squall under house arrest, marched him off under armed guard and sent him to Esthar. She screwed Squall over, she screwed you guys over and she screwed Laguna over. “</p>
<p>“Someone <i>had</i> to have seen it though!” I repeated. It wasn’t like you could keep a hell of a lot of secrets at Garden. Maybe after curfew. Then any one who had seen it wouldn’t be able to share with us for fear of giving away themselves for being out after hours. Still… if it was for Squall, I would have thought they’d have at least told one of us. “Why didn’t one of the kids tell us or something? Or the other SeeDs? How do I know this isn’t all some fu… screwed up trick to make me take you to garden?”</p>
<p>“Oh please, take me to a place where everyone knows I fudged up and hates my guts, that sounds <i>delightful</i>,” Seifer gestured with his hand and I spotted something that made me go as cold as Shiva’s diamond dust. </p>
<p>Seifer was wearing Squall’s ring on his little finger</p>
<p>I couldn’t say anything, just stare. </p>
<p>Seifer followed my line of sight and actually flushed with embarrassment, rubbing one hand over the other as though he could hide it from me now. It was way too late for that. “Er… did you know I was gay? So is Squall.”</p>
<p>I just stared at him. “...What?”</p>
<p>“Squall and me,” Seifer shrugged, gazing down at the ring on his finger, tracing the surface I knew as well as Squall did with his thumb. “We’re an item. A couple.”</p>
<p>“...<i>What</i>?” I repeated.</p>
<p>“Lovers, Dincht.”</p>
<p>Okay I was obviously having some kind of crazy nightmare, but I was pretty sure when Squall had left Balamb Garden, he hadn’t been sick or gay. “But you <i>hated</i> each other! You gave him a hyne damn head wound.”</p>
<p>“You know,” Seifer said ruefully, “sex worked a lot of that aggression right out.”</p>
<p>I could feel my cheeks getting red hot. Oh Hyne, not in front of my mom. Swearing I could make an argument for maybe but sex stuff was not supposed to be said in front of moms. “What the hell, Almasy?”</p>
<p>“What can I say? I need your help to get Shiva.”</p>
<p>“You’re expecting me to believe that Squall got forced to Esthar, is fucked up, dying and dating you,” I heard Ma’s tutting as she abandoned us now she was pretty sure we weren’t going to kill each other at least, and headed back into the kitchen to get away from my language. I’d apologise later but how else was I gonna get her away from all this stuff without telling her to go away? She’d never listen to me! “Okay the fucked up part would explain the dating part. And the gunblade and the ring, come to think of it.”</p>
<p>“He gave them to me because he thinks he is dying, and so do I. But I talked to a guy that thought if Squall had his GFs removed by force it could have jacked up Squall’s brain and the Estharian tech that they use, so I need to get Shiva back into Squall’s head before he <i>dies</i>.”</p>
<p>“We didn’t even know Shiva was in Garden, Seifer.” I crouched down, rubbing my hands over my face. This whole thing was ridiculous and I was probably an idiot for going along with it. “Hell, she isn’t anywhere on the network for us to pull - we thought Squall had taken her.”</p>
<p>Seifer actually looked alarmed. No, he looked downright scared. “You don’t think she was destroyed or released, do you?”</p>
<p>Okay. So maybe I really was starting to believe him. Seifer wasn’t <i>that</i> good of an actor, and he genuinely looked pretty fucked up by the idea of Shiva being gone. Besides, I knew Squall was no slouch and not even Seifer would have been able to take that ring without Squall cutting his head off. “Xu’s too mean to release her and the only person more stubborn than Squall is Shiva. If Xu had left her on the network, we’d have known something was up because why the hell wouldn’t Squall take her? She’s practically his GF.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Seifer nodded, seeming to relax a tiny bit. “Shiva wouldn’t go down without a fight, so Xu must have stored her someplace.”</p>
<p>“Someplace we can’t get to without her knowing,” I said, starting to get an idea. “Someplace like the Commander’s office.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“Which means I have to walk you past <i>everyone</i> to go look for her.”</p>
<p>Seifer smirked, a little bit of his old arrogance showing through. “Take me there in cuffs, I don’t care. I can cast Stop on Xu and you can kick the truth out of her.”</p>
<p>I rubbed my temples, thinking. I’d gone from total disbelief to planning a coup on my commanding officer in less than five minutes. Was that wise? Probably not. Was this how Seifer had taken over Galbadia Garden? Again, probably not. He wouldn’t try that kind of crap at home where everyone knew him, right? “We should do this after curfew. Because if I take you in in the daytime, even in cuffs, you’re going to get a huge crowd and this is going to be a thousand times harder.”</p>
<p>“You can sneak in through auto park,” Seifer shrugged. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure he knew that from his days as disciplinary committee. Probably. I knew he’d caught a few of my fellow classmen sneaking in one night without release passes. Kids who weren’t able to come and go to Balamb like me and the others who came up from the town. “We’d still have to get you to the elevator and up to the office.”</p>
<p>Seifer tipped his head, his gaze going a little hazy as he checked through his stocked magic. “I don’t really have any spells that’d help.”</p>
<p>I knew I was going to need help for this, which meant I needed the others. Irvine and Quisty were off doing a training camp with some of the younger cadets, out in the field. Selphie at least was at Garden for the moment and I could rely on her to help me set things up. I had to stash Seifer somewhere near to Garden, somewhere safe so we could do this after dark and try not to cause too much chaos. We’d already been through one clash and I didn’t much fancy killing off any more students or other SeeDs, even if it was for Squall. At least no more than I absolutely had to. “Let’s get you to the hangar. I’ll take you in after curfew and we can trash the office until we find Shiva.”</p>
<p>“I’m down with that,” Seifer nodded, getting to his feet, already ready to leave.</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure I was ready for this myself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The hangar, it turned out, was a study little structure erected beside Balamb Garden to store the Ragnarok ship. The entrance was close to the back end of the auto park I’d mentioned to Dincht, too, so I guess we had our safe way in. I knew Balamb Garden pretty much like the back of my hand with very few exceptions, so I knew exactly what I was talking about for an easy way in. </p>
<p>Dincht powered up the ship enough to let me on board and showed me past a storage room, grabbing a couple of blankets on the way, and then we went up to the passenger gallery. In the half dark of the hangar, I couldn’t see much out of the windows, but I could feel the hum of power under my feet. Kinda reminded me of Cody’s machine back in Esthar, that distant hum of something very powerful that you could feel more than you could hear.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know they let Garden keep the ship,” I said, looking around and trying to imagine <i>my</i> Squall here. He’d said there were monsters when he’d originally found it, abandoned in space. Again, the whole thing was proof of his ridiculous luck - how many people can find a damn spaceship that easy?</p>
<p>“I don’t think Squall offered them much of a choice,” Dincht smirked at me. Yeah, that sounded like my stubborn lover. </p>
<p>“Wonder why they didn’t just take it back with him. Maybe afraid he’d steal it and flee.”</p>
<p>If they had, he would have. And I never would have run into him in the desert. Small miracles and all. </p>
<p>Sadly, I was dead on my feet still, and struggling to stay upright. I think Dincht might have noticed because he nudged me towards one of the chairs. I think it was the first time he’d actually got close enough to touch me since he’d first seen me in his mom’s living room. Not that I blamed him, hell, I hadn’t give him much reason to trust me, and I’d be skeptical if someone turned up saying they were now Squall’s boyfriend and needed help. </p>
<p>“Pretty much no one comes here, since the only people who can fly it are Squall, Selphie and me. So you’ll be safe here. I’ll bring the others by this evening so we’re ready to move after curfew.”</p>
<p>“What kind of security are we talking here?” I gestured at the room around us. “Anything going to pick me up snoring?”</p>
<p>“Nah, you’ll be safe,” he pushed the blankets into my arms and backed off as quickly as he could, as though I were infectious. Or maybe just dangerous. Probably the latter, I mean he did seem to keep just about the safe from gunblade distance as much as possible from me. It was a little harder when we were indoors though. “Get some rest.” </p>
<p>He turned and left abruptly. I perched in one of the chairs, covering myself up and setting a bag Ma Dincht had pushed into my hands as we’d left her house beside me. She’d filled it with snacks and a couple bottles of water - she was a saint and I owed her at least a bunch of flowers when this whole thing was over. At least. Probably a hell of a lot more besides. </p>
<p>I reclined the chair until I was comfortable and let sleep claw me back into its clutches. I hoped this time, I’d dream of Squall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A plan enacted.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Fourteen.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>War is all around<br/>I'm growing tired of fighting<br/>I've been drained and I can't hide it<br/>But I have strength for you, you're all that's real anymore<br/>I am coming home now, I need your comfort<br/>Muse - Aftermath</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 27/28th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last thing I was expecting when we had the kids setting up camp was for Selphie to ride up on a chocobo. I was pleased to see her as always, but still the sight of her made me oddly uneasy. At first I thought something must have happened, maybe an accident or something worse, but I put on a smile and jollied the kids along. Thankfully, the birds always make good distractions for the younger ones and she could pull me and Quistis aside for a little chat while the students were feeding and watering the bird. My class were already experienced in handling chocobo, so I could trust them to look after it unsupervised.</p>
<p>When we were safe out of the reach of little ears, she told us Zell needed us back at Garden by curfew. That he’d explain once we were all together and safe somewhere we couldn’t be overheard by others. </p>
<p>I have to say, my hackles were raised. We’d all been pretty antsy since Squall had left, even then some of us more than others. We’d tried to be happy for him, but something about the whole damn thing never quite sat right with any of us.</p>
<p>Even our quiet little introvert wouldn’t have just up and left without saying goodbye. He knew what it was like to be scared of being alone, after all, he wouldn’t have just abandoned us like that. Not Squall.</p>
<p>Still, whatever Zell needed sounded fairly pressing, and he hadn’t breathed a word of whatever it was to Selphie, so we were all curious. While the kids were still distracted, the three of us worked out something to give us an excuse to take them all back. </p>
<p>Selphie “headed back” to Garden first.</p>
<p>You summon Leviathan high enough, and he just feels like a rainstorm to everyone who’s down below. Especially when you give Quezacotl room to stretch their wings after it, the distant rumbles thunder and lightning more than we’d want to subject the kids to on their first trip, of course. They were too little for that kinda risk, and we weren’t equipped for a night of heavy rain. Wouldn’t want to stick around and take the risk of it getting worse either.</p>
<p>Selphie had headed up the mountain pass on Chocobo to give us the excuse we needed to pack the kids up and trudge back in fear of the weather which of course had already cleared behind us as we’d left. We got them all dried off and settled in the cafeteria with hot chocolate before we taught them how to check and dry their equipment after a turn in the weather. One or two other instructors might have raised eyebrows at the blue skies behind us, but all the paperwork would be in order, and of course the kids were good with being back home with stories to tell their classmates, and drinks on their instructor’s gil. </p>
<p>And if anyone questioned Selphie’s visit, well, since we were dating and all, only natural for her to want to check up on me. She wasn’t on duty, after all, why wouldn’t she take a little ride out to the foothills of the Balamb mountains?</p>
<p>If anyone questioned our efforts, they certainly didn’t do it to my face. So the four of us met a little after curfew at the hangar. Ragnarok was theoretically Garden Property now but frankly it might as well have belonged to us. The only people who could fly it were in our group, though Nida was itching to have a turn at the helm. </p>
<p>Zell might have muttered something about crashing and Fisherman’s Horizon when he last asked, so I don’t think he was <i>quite</i> ready to play flying instructor yet. </p>
<p>Still, since it was <i>our</i> place, it meant we had somewhere to talk freely other than Ma Dincht’s down in Balamb itself. The nicer thing about the hangar was we had a reason to be there to keep up with the maintenance on the powerful ship, and it just so happened to be somewhere we could check who’d been in and out on the access codes. </p>
<p>Paranoia, or just keeping ourselves safe and protected, who could say?</p>
<p>I was surprised to see the ship was on when we reached her, just running on low power. Enough to keep the lights on and the air circulating at least. Like a purring cat, low enough for you to feel the hum. </p>
<p>“You said you’d explain when we were all here, together,” Quistis said fretfully. She’d barely been able to stay silent the whole time we were sneaking out of Garden, I could feel the tension in her from three feet away. She was as taut as a bow string.  </p>
<p>“Upstairs in the gallery,” was all Zell said, lowering the ramp for us to climb into our ship. Zell didn’t feel much better to me, if I didn’t know better, I’d almost swear someone had told him what goes in those hotdogs.</p>
<p>Selphie, as always, bounded ahead, the very definition of excited energy, just as infectious as her smile. We filed after her, not quite so enthusiastically but we found more reason to be nervous as she got to the doorway of the passenger gallery. Selphie screeched to a halt right there, in her defensive position, hand ready to grab her nunchaku from their weapon junction point in a moment.</p>
<p>A voice I hadn’t heard in months drawled from inside. “Hey messenger girl. Want a cookie?”</p>
<p>“Seifer?” </p>
<p>Seifer Almasy was sitting sprawled in one of the seats as though that were naturally his place in the world. The smirk was there, just as vicious and handsome as he’d been on the parade float, but it looked different on him now. Less feral, somehow. He’d lost a little weight, he needed a shave at least, maybe a haircut, but he looked like he was the one in charge of the room already. Very much the arrogant asshole I’d heard he was from my friends. I’d had little dealings with him in the field, but the others had talked about him often enough for me to paint an unpleasant picture for him in my head. “In the flesh.”</p>
<p>“What’s goin’ on here, Zell?” I asked, naturally preferring to hear the story from a comrade rather than the enemy. As long as Zell <i>was</i> still on our side anyway.</p>
<p>“Seifer will explain it better,” Zell waved his hands dismissively, then shoved them back in his pockets, hunching up like he was guilty of something. “Long story short, Xu screwed Squall over, big time.”</p>
<p>Selphie seemed to forget instantly that months before this guy had been trying to kill us all, just at the mention of Squall’s name and just strolled into the room. Like nothing had ever happened. </p>
<p>Quistis and Zell followed, leaving me for last. I kept a good angle on Seifer just in case - I trusted Zell’s judgement in a good many things, but I wasn’t so sure I trusted Seifer. Besides, I didn’t need to be close to do my job. Exeter lay heavy in her junction, I could feel her weight like a ghost on my back. </p>
<p>“Seifer, is that true?” Quistis asked, perching delicately on a chair near Seifer, where she could give him her full attention. I noted that she sat up, ready to move at a moment’s notice, her body partly turned away from Seifer. Ready to run for the door, or cover it as necessary. I wondered if Seifer saw how all of this scene was building around him. </p>
<p>“In spades,” Seifer nodded, offering the bag he was holding to Selphie. “Really, have a cookie. Ma Dincht made them, they’re great.”</p>
<p>Naturally, Selphie did, and perched in another of the passenger seats, cross legged. I didn’t doubt that my sunshine could hold her own in a fight and would be out of that chair before any of us could even blink if she needed to be, but I admit, I did sigh a little. </p>
<p>“Before we go any further,” Seifer said, looking at each of us in turn, one by one. He was checking us out. Not looking for an edge, just giving us a chance to look him in the eye before he continued. Before he held his hand up to show off a familiar silver band wrapped around his little finger on his left hand. “Yes. I am wearing Squall’s ring, and yes, I am packing Squall’s blade.”</p>
<p>“And you’re going to tell us why,” Quistis said tersely.</p>
<p>Seifer looked at the ring on his finger, fascinated. As though he’d only just realised that silver flare of metal were there. “We’re a couple.”</p>
<p>Selphie nearly choked on her cookie. She beat her chest with a fist and coughed.</p>
<p>“I love him, he loves me,” Seifer continued. “We’re gay. Who knew?”</p>
<p>Quistis cast a look over at me that told me she was struggling not to raise her hand. I could see her trying not to smile at the whole thing, too. Selphie cleared her throat enough to gasp “Oh thank Hyne,” and I tipped my head for a moment to hide my smile. </p>
<p>I think Zell was the only one who wasn’t clued in, about Squall especially. I’d been wondering since the first time I looked our commander up and down with his black leather and brooding silence. I’d pretty much had confirmation second hand from Selphie about some of the stuff Squall had talked to her about after Rin’s departure and before our little lion had up and disappeared to Esthar.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Seifer shrugged, moving on quickly. I got the feeling that maybe he was a little embarrassed about being a little slow to get it himself. “Squall didn’t want to leave you guys and Laguna didn’t want him shipped off like a criminal.”</p>
<p>“I figured he wasn’t the type to leave, but I thought he’d come back when he was eighteen,” I offered. Hell, wasn’t sure I would have if I had a family and a life outside of Garden and all, but Squall was always a little different to the rest of us. Quieter, more thoughtful. Just kinda seemed like he felt that he owed Garden, once he was made Commander. Shouldered all that responsibility as though it were nothing. Unless you knew him like we did. We saw him differently.</p>
<p>“I think he was planning to,” Seifer nodded to me. </p>
<p>“They shipped him like a criminal?” Selphie covered her mouth in shock, and then I saw the anger bubble up on her pretty face. There was one person you did not want to piss off. Squall’d kill you if you did, sure, but Selphie would <i>really</i> make you suffer before she let you die. “Really?”</p>
<p>“I told you,” Zell huffed from across the room. “We didn’t know any of this, Seifer.”</p>
<p>“Okay okay. Fast and dirty version. You know Laguna is Squall’s biological dad. He wanted to get to know his son better, so he reached out via whatever comms he was talking to you guys on, and made plans for Squall to come and stay with him. Only it was Xu, intercepting all the message. Squall knew nothing about it.”</p>
<p>I wanted to pretend I couldn’t imagine Xu doing that but I could. Far too easy in fact. She wasn’t one of us, after all. She, like several of the older SeeD only looked out for one person. Since she was older and more experienced than Squall, I could see why she’d be pissed off at him when he was put in the commander role before her, but she never said a damn word about it to any of us. “That’s… downright dirty.”</p>
<p>“So Esthar sends transport with honour guard. Xu meanwhile has Squall arrested while you all are gone so you can’t help, rips out his GFs - which they fought, especially Shiva - and has Squall frogmarched off like a war criminal. Result, Xu is in charge, Squall is helpless and hates his father’s guts.”</p>
<p>“She did what?” Selphie was utterly incredulous. I think we were all shocked. Squall was always junctioned. <i>Always.</i> Don’t think I hadn’t noticed him checking all the GFs before he let any of the rest of us junction them. He’d only let us junction them without testing if we’d pulled them from a person instead of finding them out in the field or monsters. </p>
<p>“Get to the point, Almasy.”</p>
<p>“There’s more?” Quistis put a hand over her mouth.</p>
<p>“I think Xu thought them fighting would keep Squall occupied while she got you guys under control.”</p>
<p>Zell started bouncing from foot to foot, his nervous energy finally getting the better of him. He had to move when he was wound up like that, he couldn’t concentrate without <i>moving</i>. “That’s why she’s been sending us out on every Hyne damned mission she can ever since Squall left. She’s keeping us too busy to <i>think</i>.”</p>
<p>“So Esthar has this gizmo they put in the back of your head,” Seifer gestured at the back of his neck, “to be able to interface with all the tech, Squall had it done in the war when he went up to Adel with Rin, right?”</p>
<p>“I have one too,” Quistis offered. “I went with them.”</p>
<p>Instantly serious, Seifer focused on her. There’d been this air of arrogance around him a moment before, playing the showman, maybe even enjoying the attention a little as he’d held court, though he was serious. You could tell it was a subject that was close to his heart, given the subject, but the moment he heard that he was laser focused on Quistis. I could see how he’d be a good match for Squall. “Do you get headaches when you don’t have a GF?”</p>
<p>Quistis looked alarmed but Zell interjected “Doomtrain was never taken from her by force, though.”</p>
<p>Seifer nodded, snapping back to the king holding court side of his personality. “Right, right. Be careful with it anyway. So, when Shiva was removed, according to the tech I talked to, it must have damaged the interface <i>and</i> caused neurological damage. Squall’s dying. If I can get Shiva back into Squall’s head there’s a chance… it might stop some of the feedback that’s jacking up his nervous system right now.”</p>
<p>“And it has to be Shiva?” Selphie asked. </p>
<p>“I think so. We tried my GF and there was an awful backlash.”</p>
<p>“Shit,” I hissed through my teeth. </p>
<p>“He’s running out of time.”</p>
<p>Selphie hopped to her feet in one movement. Not even Zell could do that from sitting cross legged. “So, why are we waiting around here talking so much? Let’s go find Shiva.”</p>
<p>“Do you even know where to look?” Seifer asked. I saw a little of the desperation in him at that, how eager he leant forward, looking eagerly for more information the instant he had a lead. He put on a good show, sure, but he wasn’t able to hide everything from us. Or at least, from me. </p>
<p>“Well Shiva’s definitely not in the network, I’d have seen her. So either she’s in a super private area even I don’t see - highly unlikely - or Xu has her stored offline. And if Xu is that much of a bitch, she must be in the office like a sick trophy…” I could see Selphie thinking it over, one finger tapping the side of her chin thoughtfully...  and then she started swearing colourfully under her breath.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Seifer prompted. </p>
<p>“There’s a safe in there. Y’know, for safety,” she shrugged at him. “It’s right across from the desk so the commander or headmaster can see it at all times. I saw Squall use it once when I was helping him with something - but I don’t know the number.”</p>
<p>Seifer got to his feet and brushed his hand over the hyperjunction at his hip. I caught the flash of far too familiar cerulean blue, just for a second as the weapon reacted to his touch, briefly phasing into and out of reality again. So it was true, he was carrying Squall’s gunblade. That was… kind of amazing. Squall guarded that gunblade as closely as his heart, so I could kind of see why if Seifer got one, he got both. “Can the safe withstand pulse ammo?”</p>
<p>“Let’s go find out,” Selphie said, cheerfully. </p>
<p>“Wait,” Quistis got to her feet as well. “It might hurt Shiva or any other GFs in there.”</p>
<p>“Depends how many she has, I guess. Shiva for sure,” Selphie rocked on her heels, a sure sign she was checking her GFs or junctions. “Maybe Diablos too? He’d be pissy about being taken from Squall like, and I have a pretty good bond with him. Haven’t seen him for a long time, either.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to get you into trouble,” Seifer said. </p>
<p>“I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself,” Selphie huffed at him. “Someone should stay here, start warming up the engines and doing preflight.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, in case the whole school’s on our ass on the way back.”</p>
<p>Zell looked over at me expectantly and I sighed. Yeah, one of us was the obvious choice - yours truly. Exeter was not quiet about her job by any means, and this was going to be a job that required stealth for a good deal of it. I didn’t have a silenced weapon on me to be able to play sneaky like the others. </p>
<p>“I’ll do it,” I said. </p>
<p>Selphie blinked owlishly at me, I could already see the pout beginning to form. “You sure Irvy?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I said, straightening. Seifer watched me as I moved - I guess in the group, I was kinda the unknown for him. I’d joined long after the others, and I’d never really been around him except on the other side of a battlefield. “Exeter always draws an audience, and you don’t need that if you’re breakin’ in.”</p>
<p>Selphie threw her arms around my neck in a hug, and I held her close for a moment. “We’ll tell you all about it when we get back,” she promised. I gave her a quick kiss as first Zell then Quistis passed us to head for the ramp again. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to kiss <i>me</i>, Cowboy,” Seifer smirked.</p>
<p>“I don’t <i>have</i> to, no.” I grinned right back. </p>
<p>“Nope. I don’t cheat,” Seifer declared, and shooed Selphie along. “Be back soon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>We snuck in to Garden as quietly as we could. Which, given the fact I was accompanied by no less than three SeeDs, was pretty quiet. Who knew Zell had learned when to shut his mouth? That had definitely happened after the exam. </p>
<p>It was kind of eerie being back home after all this time. Not much had changed, of course. Well, not much of Garden. I felt like a totally different man. Come to find out they lowered the lights a little in the night now, to encourage curfew. I just thought it’d encourage people to try and sneak around, much like we were doing right now, but we saw barely anyone around. Not a single student among the ones that we did see either. </p>
<p>It was easy enough to sneak past the few SeeDs and faculty who were around to enforce curfew and head over to the lift. Not like the guys with me had to obey curfew, we just didn’t want anyone getting a good look at yours truly. Even in the flatteringly soft light, I wasn’t going to be at all welcome. I dreaded to think what the others might be subjected to if we were caught now. </p>
<p>I was worried that the chime of the elevator would alert some of them, but Selphie opened up a panel beside the thing to disable it before she let any of us call the damn thing down. We waited until as many of the people patrolling were as far away as possible before we hit it, climbed on, and headed up to our destination. </p>
<p>The office was the first thing that had changed, really. I kinda felt better that there at least was some sign that time had passed, that it hadn’t all been a beautiful dream sandwiched between two horrible nightmares, it made everything feel a little more real. There was a short reception or antechamber before the headmaster’s office now, room for someone to play secretary and a place for clients, students or SeeDs to wait before they were permitted in to the office itself. A door at the back of the room proceeded to the desk and the rest of what had once been Cid’s office, and it was currently standing open just a couple of inches, the bright light inside streaming into the dark of the office. </p>
<p>Someone was home. Shit.</p>
<p>That was all we needed.</p>
<p>Quistis signalled for us to hold position, and rapped sharply on the door, slipping inside and leaving it just open enough for us to hear and get a glimpse of the situation. She faded right, and out of our line of vision, but I could get a glimpse of the desk, and Xu seated at it. “You’re working late.”</p>
<p>“Time just runs away on me, sometimes,” she replied, her tone cool but flat. I was pretty sure she’d been expecting us. She wasn’t at all surprised Quistis was there. </p>
<p>“I’m looking for Shiva - she isn’t in GF storage.”</p>
<p>Xu set the pen she’d been using down on the desk in front of her and sat back in her chair, I could see the chair tip. A position that would let her watch Quis wherever she was and the door, I figured. “Why would she be?”</p>
<p>“Squall left her behind, didn’t he?”</p>
<p>“Whoever told you that?”</p>
<p>“Why would he need a GF if he was retiring?”</p>
<p>“He might have still wanted to hunt.”</p>
<p>Zell ran out of patience before I did thankfully. He always did have a short fuse. He stormed into the room, throwing the door open with a bang, heading left so they had Xu covered on both sides. Selphie and I had to duck back from the door enough to avoid the pool of light spilling from it, not to mention Xu’s gaze. Put us in an awkward position, but we had the lay of the land by then, so it was fine. The door was shuddering back towards closed anyway, from the force of his dramatic entrance.  “Why is everyone answering questions with more questions?”</p>
<p>Selphie nudged me with a wicked smile and whispered “Why did he join in? Why am I joining in? Oh Hyne, will we ever stop asking questions?”</p>
<p>I had to hide a smirk. I didn’t want to encourage her.</p>
<p>“I’m just looking for Shiva,” Quistis said calmly. </p>
<p>“Why do you want her?” Xu pushed.</p>
<p>“She’s one of our most experienced GFs.” </p>
<p>“Hyne on a hotrod, Xu!” Zell slammed a fist on her desk so hard I wondered if the pen did a little backflip. “Do you know where she is or not?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I do, SeeD Dincht,” she snapped back at him. “After Squall left her behind she refused to be junctioned. Rather than risk her causing any problems with the students, I put her into a stasis point and kept her somewhere safe.”</p>
<p>“Well, hand her over.”</p>
<p>I’d had <i>enough</i>. I summoned a firaga, kicked the door open the rest of the way and strode through it. The door was so shocked and stunned, it did not shudder closed, therefore I had the better entrance. Also, I had fire. So there. Squall, sadly, was still not here to rate my asskicking or entrance with little score cards, as I had hoped. He would be soon, I was determined.</p>
<p>“I don’t under…,” Xu leapt to her feet, pulling her side arm out from under the desk in the process and levelling it at me. Wasn’t the first time someone I knew had me at gunpoint, didn’t think it would be the last either. I just had that kind of face, I guess. “Seifer Almasy?!”</p>
<p>“You have five seconds to hand Shiva over,” I fed a little more strength, a little more focus into the firaga, making it burn hotter and brighter. All show, since I knew Xu was a far more physical fighter.  “Or it’s going to get very hot in here.”</p>
<p>“I still don’t know why you want her if she refuses to junction,” Xu spat, backing off and bumping into her chair. She was keeping the three of us in her sights as best she could. The gun stayed trained on me, of course. Sensible. I had the fire, <i>and</i> the gunblade, but she hadn’t seen that yet.</p>
<p>“We want some snow, okay?” I said sarcastically. </p>
<p>Xu’s free hand was going for something else under the table, but Zell leapt closer and grabbed it before she could reach it. Immediately she swung the gun around, pressing it directly to Zell’s forehead. “Let go of me, Dincht.”</p>
<p>Zell grinned ferally. “You gonna kill me in front of witnesses, Xu?”</p>
<p>“If you assault your commanding officer, I feel it would be justified, Dincht.”</p>
<p>The way she said his name was like an insult, like she spat it. Zell wasn’t biting though, it took far more finesse, far more skill to piss him off like that. Something far more… me. Zell huffed, keeping hold of her wrist despite the threat. “You are not my commanding officer. You took command from Squall.”</p>
<p>“For Hyne’s sake, Squall needs Shiva back, stop with all the dramatics,” Selphie brushed past me, diving under the desk to deal with the other threat. I only realised it must be an alarm or something similar when she came back up with a bundle of wires in her hand. </p>
<p>“Yeah, so just hand her over and I’ll be gone like a bad smell. You can get back to abusing your SeeDs or whatever it is you do.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Quistis said sharply. “We’re quite done with that.”</p>
<p>“Squall is sick and he needs Shiva to make him better,” Selphie pushed the point for me. “That’s all we want.” </p>
<p><i>For now.</i> Two words that hung in the air without having to be spoken. </p>
<p>Xu looked me up and down, then lowered her gun. In all the years I’d been at Garden with Squall and all through the war, he’d been able to do the empty expression so well. The thing was, Squall looked like ice when he did it. Untouchable, beautiful ice. Xu looked more like some giant insect. Entirely devoid of sympathy and humanity. Almost made me shudder. Especially when she smiled. “Why didn’t you say so. For Hyne’s sake, he’s welcome to her.”</p>
<p>I could practically see Zell bristling at that. I didn’t like her sudden change in tune any more than he did, but I was willing to play along if only because it’d get us closer to Shiva. We might be able to get into the safe without having to blow it or worse, not be able to get into it at all. It’d help us to not have Shiva hurt before we headed for Esthar.</p>
<p>Xu looked at him disdainfully. “You have to let me go if you want her back.”</p>
<p>Zell reluctantly dropped her wrist, held his hands up at chest height and stepped back. </p>
<p>Xu brushed past all of us to the safe, though naturally every one of us turned and watched her suspiciously. She pulled out a GF stasis point device and rather than turning it and handing it to one of us, she thumbed over the draw connection to pull Shiva out.</p>
<p>I cursed colourfully and dismissed the firaga, afraid of hurting Shiva when we needed her. That was all we fucking needed. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand the urge to strangle Squall sometimes, but damn, dooming him to this slow, terrible death purely out of spite and wanting Garden? I couldn’t understand that. At least Squall and I had tried to kill each other for more interesting reasons, like unresolved sexual tension and because it was Thursday. </p>
<p>“Won’t junction my ass,” Dincht spat. </p>
<p>“No,” Xu rolled her eyes as she turned to face us properly. “I was lying, Dincht. Try to keep up.”</p>
<p>I had no idea if she’d be able to hear us from inside the evil bitch, I know Helios could hear people talking to me most of the time, but I had a deep bond with him. Xu’s junction, being fresh, would be about as deep as a puddle of coke on the carpet, but Shiva was special. She had to be, to match Squall, I was sure of it. “Shiva, Squall is dying, he needs you!”</p>
<p>I swore I saw Xu smile wider at that. </p>
<p>The temperature in the office dropped like a stone. One breath I took was fine, the next I could see hanging in the air in front of me. The lights flickered and I saw Xu prepare to summon. Then she stopped, confused. </p>
<p>“What the hell? No… no! Get her out of me!” she screeched. Shiva was already here, and she was inside the person who had taken her from her favourite boy by force. She was inside the person who’d betrayed her darling Squall. A rime of frost started to coat her clothes, dripping ice crystals and snowflakes, like a kid’s project dripping glitter. We were struck dumb by the sight before us, unable to move as a cold, swirling wind seemed to fill the office from nowhere, the breeze whipping at papers on the desk, rattling pictureframes on the walls.  </p>
<p>“Xu!” Quistis yelled at last, struggling to be heard over the noise. “Unjunction!”</p>
<p>“She’s attacking her host…” Zell sounded stunned. I couldn’t even take my eyes off Xu long enough to glance at him. “Can they do that?”</p>
<p>I resisted the urge to point out the ridiculously obvious fact that apparently they could and apparently it was happening to Xu right in front of us. The ice was getting thicker, crawling further along her clothes and starting to reach skin. It grew far more quickly there, spreading out over her hands in a flash. It was starting to crawl up over her face too, inch by terrible inch.</p>
<p>She tried to stop it, tried to force Shiva back into the stasis point but it was too late. In a moment, the ice that had crawled across her skin exploded outward like the first stage of a diamond dust attack. </p>
<p>It was tinged pink with blood. Made it hard to see the figure inside anymore. </p>
<p>The wind died down, the ice did not turn to diamond dust.</p>
<p>It was over. </p>
<p>“Hyne!” Zell gasped.</p>
<p>Selphie said with an eerie calm “No, just Shiva.”</p>
<p>Quistis pulled a curaga, stepping towards her but I put a hand on her shoulder and shook my head. There was nothing we could do without full life or something, and even then I was pretty sure we’d have to defrost her or whatever at least first. Otherwise… well, I wouldn’t want to regain consciousness in there. “I know, but…”</p>
<p>“We don’t want her lashing out at you too, Quisty,” Selphie said, taking her arm. She turned it into a hug in that weird way that girls can that fascinates straight teenage boys - suddenly made sense why I hadn’t been interested. Quistis rested her chin on Selphie’s hair and we all pretended that she wasn’t trembling a little. </p>
<p>“Yeah, all the cells must be blown, Quis. not going to be able to cure that much damage,” Zell reassured her. </p>
<p><i>“Get ready, Helios,”</i> I warned him. I wasn’t kidding myself, I knew this would hurt and hurt bad. She had as much, maybe more reason to hate me I figured, but I targeted her and drew her anyway. I had to, for Squall. Even that was already cold, like trying to pull dead weight out of an icy river somehow. She didn’t want to come to me at all. “Hear me out, please, Squall <i>needs</i> you.”</p>
<p>And then she rushed into me like a winter storm. All in one breath, enough to make me stagger back and almost fall on my ass. A stabbing pain ran through my head and a vicious, distant hiss whispered all around me. <i>“You hurt him too.”</i></p>
<p>
  <i>“I know, I know! I’m sorry and he forgives me. You can ask him when you see him but he’ll die without you. I need to take you to him.”</i>
</p>
<p>Shiva’s cold ran through my blood, through my bones, and it hurt more than anything I’d known before. It drove the breath from my lungs and I had to wrap my arms around myself, almost bent over double trying to keep my core warm. My vision was fading. <i>“You almost broke my Lion.”</i></p>
<p><i>“Shiva, if I’m wrong, if I’m lying, you can kill me</i> after<i> I get you to Squall.”</i></p>
<p>Helios’ voice boomed even louder in my ears, his warmth and heat trying as hard as it could to push back on the cold. He sounded as desperate as I felt, reaching out to her, trying to make her understand. <i>“Listen to the Knight, Shiva! He speaks the truth and your Lion will die without you.”</i></p>
<p>For a moment the cold broke, and it was like surfacing out of that same ice river I’d had to pull her from. I gulped down air as though I’d been drowning. The warmth from Helios spread more as Shiva faltered in her attack. </p>
<p><i>“It’s the junction seat, when Xu took you from him, it hurt him,”</i> I tried, thinking it felt more like trying to shout over the roar of a winter wind. <i>“I need to get you back where you belong, with Squall.”</i></p>
<p>For a moment, I could see her form before me like a ghost. Far too beautiful to be human, far too angry to fight, an intangible, ethereal figure staring me in the eyes. The same colour that Squall’s eyes would be when he junctioned her. I could almost feel the pressure of her hand on my throat even though she wasn’t physically there and wasn’t even reaching for it. <i>“You will take me to him, now.”</i></p>
<p><i>“Yes, of course…” </i>I promised her silently.  I gathered my wits, and straightened again. The cold did not dissipate. Not entirely, anyway, but it at least eased back enough for me to be able to breathe fairly evenly. “Time to rock and roll, kiddies.”</p>
<p>I turned to leave and almost ran right into Selphie who was still staring at Xu, still holding Quistis. “If someone finds her here…”</p>
<p>“I’ll stay and… come up with a story,” Quistis said, looking uncomfortable about the whole thing. I’m not sure anyone could be comfortable around a flash frozen figure for long, but Quistis almost looked queasy. I guess it was a little much.</p>
<p>“You sure?” Zell asked. “I mean, it’s not like she’s going to go over any time soon.”</p>
<p>Selphie eased away from Quistis and punched Zell in the arm hard enough to make him pull back and rub the spot, saving both me and Quistis the trouble. She took Quistis hand and squeezed reassuringly, looking my former instructor in the eye. “Go wake Nida up. You know he’d do anything for Squall - and you too.”</p>
<p>“I will,” Quistis nodded. She tried to smile, but it didn’t quite work. “Go. I want to hear all about it when you get back.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I prompted. “Shiva’s in a rush and I’m freezing.”</p>
<p>Selphie helpfully grabbed me by the wrist next and dragged me back to the elevator. “C’mon Zell. Damn, Seifer, you’re freezing!”</p>
<p>“I’d ask for a coffee but I’m afraid to piss her off now.”</p>
<p>“Let’s get the ship in the air and get you warmed up a little.” </p>
<p>I was only dimly aware of what was going on as I was dragged back to the hangar. Shiva was alive and awake in my head, a bright, cold presence that I’d never expected or experienced before. After about six months cooped up, without her favourite ride, I guess she was in the mood to stretch her legs. I tried to focus as she combed through my memories of the time I’d spent with Squall. How sick he was. How he’d suffered. How he needed her back. </p>
<p><i>“You finally care about him,”</i> she said as Selphie dragged me up the ramp onto the ship. I got a flash of the first time he’d flashed, him hanging the belt over the corner of the headboard and crawling into bed with me. Me telling him it was true love. Even then I’d known. I should have said it again, sooner. Hyne. </p>
<p>“I always did,” I muttered, not sure whether I was saying it aloud or not anymore. From the concerned look Selphie gave me, I had an idea though. “But I was young and dumb.”</p>
<p>
  <i>“You still are, pet.”</i>
</p>
<p>“Okay, yeah. But we figured out something better to do than fight.”</p>
<p>I flashed again. For a moment I was back on the road, a damp little hole of a motel, but Squall was in my arms, warm and alive and kissing me in his soft, sweet way. My fingers were in his sweat dampened hair, that exhausted elation that comes after sex swamping me, dampening every trace of the cold if only for that single moment. Squall’s eyes on me, Squall actually deigning to snuggle in the afterglow. How he just fit with me far too well. </p>
<p><i>“So I see,”</i> Shiva chuckled, then Selphie was pushing me into a chair in the passenger gallery, tossing my blankets back over me. </p>
<p>It was okay. Or going to be okay. Squall would get Shiva, they would figure it out and she’d make things better again, balance things out. </p>
<p>And Esthar would kill me as a traitor for what I did to the communications array. </p>
<p>“Shit.”</p>
<p>Selphie paused in her action of tucking me in. “What?”</p>
<p>“Selphie… I should mention that I think I’m kind of shoot on sight in Esthar right now.”</p>
<p><i>“What?”</i> Selphie repeated, rather more incredulously.</p>
<p>“I tried to explain to Laguna about Shiva - he got the wrong idea and thought she caused the problem. He was going to contact Xu and have Shiva destroyed so I kind of blew up Esthar’s external comms.”</p>
<p>Selphie facepalmed. “Oh Hyne. ...okay, okay. You stay here and I’ll figure something out with Irvy and Zell. And don’t piss Shiva off before we get to Esthar, okay?”</p>
<p>“I think we’re working it out,” I grinned at her. I was only half sure about that to be fair, but it was better than nothing. I was pretty sure given the memories Shiva had pulled up she wasn’t going to make anything vital fall off through frostbite any time soon. “Squall’s suite is in the north west corner of the palace, on the 38th floor. If that helps?”</p>
<p>Selphie left the room and moments later there was a bump. Gravity tipped the chair and I looked out of the windows to see the ground retreating from the ship rapidly. </p>
<p>I closed my eyes, and tried to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was in a cave of ice. No rock, no life seemed to appear, it was all just ice, tunnels stretching off into the darkness leaving vertical icicle columns to support the unreal structure. Everything was blue, lit with an eerie distant light behind the walls themselves that I couldn’t pinpoint or put a name to. </p>
<p>I turned fully around in place, trying to get my bearings, trying to remember how the hell I’d gotten here, since there seemed to be no obvious entrance or exit, and worse, no footprints to show me where I’d come from, when suddenly I saw <i>her. </i></p>
<p>Shiva. </p>
<p>She was reclined upon an ice chair. Maybe it qualified to be called a throne, I wasn’t entirely sure of the difference, but I knew it hadn’t been there a moment before when I’d turned around. At least I think it hadn’t - I wasn’t really fully sure which way was which in the cave. Every time I turned my head I swear it shifted and changed when I looked back.</p>
<p>Right. We’d gotten Shiva. Things would get better... We had a chance to make it all alright again. We had a chance to help Squall. </p>
<p>I looked at her, holding court from her throne, her ice blue skin the same colour as the light that shone through the ice around us. Her blue and yellow hair flowed longer than I’d ever seen it when Squall had summoned her, spilling over the arms of the chair and trailing along the ground. </p>
<p>I figured I should at least bow, so I did that. “Thank you for trusting me.”</p>
<p>She tipped her head, narrowed her eyes and stared at me. “I do not trust you yet, Knight.”</p>
<p>A familiar voice, distant and a whisper beside my ear all at once reached me. “You are on your own for this, my friend.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Helios,” I sighed. Well. Made sense. This was just as like meeting Squall’s dad for the first time as his boyfriend, right? Shiva was practically family and all, or might as well be. “It’s okay if you don’t trust me, Shiva. As long as you stay with me until I can get you to Squall.”</p>
<p>She stood, drawing herself to a height greater than that of any person I’d ever seen. Her limbs moved with a deliberate, beautiful grace that she made seem effortless, her hair flowing like water as she moved. And as she stood, for one moment I swear I saw Squall standing beside her. The Squall I remembered from the war, my dark eyed lover in leather and fur. A shadow, a flicker for just a heartbeat, but I couldn’t stop staring, hoping he’d come back. It’d only been a day and a half or so since I’d seen him, but it already felt like a lifetime.</p>
<p>“I would not put The Lion at risk,” she said. I wondered about their nicknames for us. Helios and Shiva both called him the Lion, they both called me the Knight, though their tone seemed pretty damn different when they did. Not that I blamed Shiva - I had hurt Squall, I’d done shit to him that was unforgivable, and yet, somehow he’d managed that too.</p>
<p>“I know,” I nodded. “He’s missed you.”</p>
<p>She looked almost pleased at that. Maybe it was as nice for the GFs to have confirmation on that kind of shit as it was for us humans. “I have missed him, as well.”</p>
<p>“If this doesn’t work…”</p>
<p>“If this doesn’t work, she won,” Shiva said sharply, cutting me off before I could say something stupid. “The Lion… Squall would not let her win, I think.”</p>
<p>“Good point.”</p>
<p>She leant down enough to look me in the eye. There is a genuinely fearsome thing about looking into something <i>that </i>ancient and <i>that</i> powerful’s eyes. I held her gaze even though I felt it’d burn me out from the inside with frost if I did it for too long. It was the kind of look that made you realise you were nothing but a speck of dust compared to a guardian force’s lifetime. “Allow me to make but one thing clear to you, Seifer Almasy. If you hurt <i>My Lion</i> again, you will answer to me.”</p>
<p>“Yes ma’am.”</p>
<p>“I will take far longer for you to deal with than I did in the office.”</p>
<p>I might have squeaked at the idea. “Gotcha.”</p>
<p>“However, treat him well, and I will protect you both, Shiva straightened again and looked back to that point where I’d seen the flicker of Squall. He reappeared, like a photograph in time as he’d been at the height of the war, carefully guarded but I knew what to look for. Now more than ever. I could see his anger, and pain.</p>
<p>“Just him, he’s the important one,” I said firmly, my attention caught up entirely by that eerie echo of my lover. </p>
<p>“I will tell him that you said that.”</p>
<p>I grinned. Couldn’t help myself. “He knows it.”</p>
<p>“I suspect that he does not agree.”</p>
<p>“He’s stubborn. You know that.”</p>
<p>Shiva looked amused. “If he were not, neither of us would love him quite so much.”</p>
<p>“You got me there,” I smiled. Yeah, okay, there was not one bit of Squall that did not make me love him now. Sure he could be the most annoying asshole, the most stubborn fuck in the world, but he was my stubborn fuck and I’d kill anyone who tried to hurt him. </p>
<p>“Now, you should wake up. Tilmitt has come to see you.”</p>
<p>I didn’t even get the chance to thank her before everything went black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Oh good!” she grinned at me. “You’re awake.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Chapter Fifteen.</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Be brave<br/>I'm coming to hold you now<br/>When all your strength has gone<br/>And you feel wrong<br/>Like your life has slipped away<br/>Muse - Follow me</p>
<p> </p>
<p>June 28th</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I jerked awake just as the harnesses Selphie was holding hit the floor. “Oh good!” she grinned at me. “You’re awake.”</p>
<p>I looked down at the mess of straps, carabiners and buckles  and felt a cold fear fill the pit of my stomach. “I hope I’m dreaming this.”</p>
<p>Selphie crouched down, pulling at one of them to straighten out the straps and untangle it. She held it open, ready for me to step into without even asking me if I’d rather invade or something. I mean, I kinda would rather invade. I’d done it before and it didn’t involve abseiling from a spaceship that had been abandoned for the best part of twenty years or so in space, over a place that already had me as shoot on sight <i>before</i> it looked like I was trying to invade the palace. Four of us against an entire army seemed like much better odds when you had to go up against that.  </p>
<p>Selphie grinned up at me, as though she were reading my mind. “Nope, no dreaming. Put your feet through these holes, Seify.”</p>
<p>“You know the engineers who design these things are all women, right?” I asked, complying with her evil plans. Shiva was bemused in the back of my head - I got the feeling she wouldn’t let me die until I’d at least gotten her to Squall. Helios stayed very quiet. </p>
<p>“That’s why they work.”</p>
<p>“They are hard on the nutsack though.”</p>
<p>“Not as hard as doing this without them.”</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure whether she meant without the harness, or without my nuts. Never really could tell with Selphie. Flashbacks to my poor melted knight notwithstanding. Besides, I really didn’t want to think about that more than necessary either. Helios retreated even further into the back of my mind, seems he wasn’t too keen on this experience either. I didn’t blame him one bit. “Okay, you win.”</p>
<p>She was not exactly gentle about strapping me in or tugging things to test them, and I was going to be talking a good octave higher than usual while it was in place. For a tiny thing, she was able to pull me a step forward when she tested the damn thing too, and I didn’t even think she was junctioned for that strength. Must have taken a lot of muscle to swing those nunchaku. “So, both of us are going to be lowered while Zell keeps the ship steady. Since we can’t get you in on land, we’ll go in from above and hope they won’t fire on a peaceful ship.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” I squeaked, hoping I’d have a moment to at least adjust <i>some</i> vital parts without her watching. </p>
<p>“Irvy’s gonna handle the equipment from up here. I’ll stay with Squall to make sure no one else tries to take Shiva, and you’ll get pulled back up into the Ragnarok since, y’know, shoot on sight.”</p>
<p>“Then what?” I asked, still squeaking. </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she turned away from me to clamber into her own harness, giving me a chance to at least rearrange myself so I wouldn’t be permanently maimed. “We can’t really take you back to Garden - what do you want to do?”</p>
<p>I hadn’t thought about it before. I’d been so focused on how to get Shiva, how to get her to Squall and how to help my lover that I’d never imagined there might even be something after in any real capacity. My first thought now was of the lighthouse of course. But it had been a pain in the ass to get from there to Fishermans’ Horizon again when Squall was super sick, not to mention it seemed so far away right now. Anyway, without the bike, which was probably long gone by now since I’d left it there a couple of months ago, I would be kinda shit out of luck if I needed anything. And if I needed to get back to meet Squall somewhere when he was better. Somewhere closer made more sense, right? “I don’t want to go too far away. Maybe just somewhere safe, wherever’s closest.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure the boys will take you anywhere you want to go when you’re out,” she said, turning back to me so I could check her set up too. It was weirdly like being in a class at Garden - even if she’d only transferred in shortly before the exam, she was still someone I’d seen there enough, and the situation was weirdly similar enough, y’know, chatting about other shit when we were setting up equipment together, just like we would in class - that it struck a chord in my head that was almost nostalgic. Of course, Squall was never one to do the chatting shit part, he was far more quiet than the rest of us ever were. </p>
<p>“What about you guys?” I asked, skipping over the thought as quickly as I could. Garden wouldn’t ever be a home to me again, even if Xu was gone. It wasn’t my place in the world, and I could respect that now. My fuck up, so I had to pay the price. I was just lucky I got Squall out of the deal too. If he didn’t want to go back, anyway.</p>
<p>“The boys are going to go check in with Quisty and rendez-vous with me in a few days if they can get into Esthar then. Otherwise, soon as Squall’s awake, I’ll sneak out and head home.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for taking the heat, Selphie. I don’t think anyone is going to be too thrilled until Squall is able to just tell them to knock it off.”</p>
<p>“I know,” She smiled brightly anyway. “But Zell doesn’t quite have my range, and if Squall’s sick I figured it wasn’t a good idea for Irvy to go. Gun and oxygen and all, and the risk to him.”</p>
<p>“Right,” I nodded. At least they hadn’t had him on oxygen last time I was there, but I could see not wanting a shotgun around someone who was sick. They didn’t know that, either, but I guess words like ‘dying’ conjured up a certain mental image. “And Laguna likes you.”</p>
<p>“And I like him,” she ran her hands over herself, checking junctions and equipment, and making sure the harness was in place even after I’d checked it. I wasn’t offended, it was gonna be a pretty long way to fall if I fucked up, so I was almost relieved she did it. I was doing the same now I wasn’t in danger of losing vital parts anyway. “So he knows I won’t hurt him, or Squall.”</p>
<p>“Darlin’” Irvine’s voice crackled into life over the intercom, his easy Galbadian drawl sounding extra purry over the speakers. “We’re ready to start our final approach. Head for the drop room.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” I said, hoping my confidence sounded convincing. It certainly didn’t feel all that convincing. “Let’s do this.”</p>
<p>She beckoned me after her and I dutifully followed. Shiva was alive and ready in my head, eager to be returned to her favourite pet. Her nervous energy was even more palpable than Selphie’s next to me and it was making me edgy. It was weirdly closer to being a SeeD than I’d ever been in all of the training missions and exams. Of course I’d done descent training and climbing but the thought of putting it into practice over a huge city like Esthar did not exactly fill me with the greatest confidence. It was a little different to a cliff wall in the backwoods of Balamb.</p>
<p>Selphie seemed to pick up on my nerves when I started humming the music from the fight scene in the Sorceress’ Knight. “So…,” she grinned, wickedly, fully in distraction mode. “What did you think of Laguna?”</p>
<p>“You know, I know he doesn’t use a gunblade for real, but other than that… he’s pretty damn slick,” had to give it to him, he was a nice guy. Wound a little tight sometimes but with Squall’s state, I could more than forgive that. If Esthar ever forgave me for what I’d done, it might be nice to get to know the guy when someone we both loved wasn’t… well, y’know. Usually he seemed so laid back he was horizontal, but he’d had to keep that to a minimum before we’d figured out what had happened with Xu, it was clear to both of us that it didn’t sit well with Squall. He’d been a little more forgiving when he’d been less offended, too.</p>
<p>“And kind of ridiculously hot.”</p>
<p>“Hyne, I know,” I admitted. I could count the guys I’d been attracted to literally on one hand. On two fingers! Because one was Squall and the other was his dad. But I was gay. I wondered if I was supposed to be worried if I hadn’t been attracted to other guys at any point, but did it really matter if I had the best one? I hadn’t really had all that much time to think this over, and I didn’t think I’d be getting any time for the foreseeable future either. “Which is weird because, y’know, I’m in love with his son. But Squall is still going to be gorgeous in thirty years if the genes hold true.”</p>
<p>Selphie rolled her eyes. “Like that was in any doubt.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>Fan moment aside, Selphie showed me the controls, which she attached to my harness. “This button will send a signal to start and stop the lowering of the lines. Be careful not to get tangled with my line when it’s retracting. When you’re safe back on board, stop the line and hit the green button there,” she pointed to a button on the wall inside the drop room, “to close the doors, that’ll send a signal to the cockpit and as soon as that’s done, Zell is going to head off.”</p>
<p>The next few minutes passed almost like I was watching someone else control my body for me. I stood ready as Selphie used the intercom to run over last minute stuff with Zell and Irvine. I listened to my heart thundering in my ears. The doors lowered, and the wind howled around the chamber like a monster looking for a meal, even louder than the ice winds that I’d witnessed only hours before in the office in Garden. </p>
<p>It was far too loud to hear, so Selphie signaled the ‘okay’ using a hand signal from Garden. We paced to the edge of the lowered ramp and eased ourselves into free air. I hit the button and we began lowering. </p>
<p>It wasn’t a leisurely pace by any means. I wasn’t sure whether I was thankful for that given the height we were approaching from, but the less time staring at the ground in order to judge our position, the better. Still made the heart pound to drop like that through thin air. </p>
<p>Thankfully since Squall’s suite was on the topmost inhabited floor of the palace, and since I’d spent weeks looking out of those windows, it was easy enough to spot. We started swinging when we were close, enough to grab the ledge, and to my surprise, the window hummed open for us. </p>
<p>Then I remembered, I was still wearing the watch that the lab tech had given me. I owed the guy a beer <i>and</i> a bike when this was all over. </p>
<p>Selphie dived in first while I gave the lines enough slack that I wasn’t worried about reattaching, and followed her.</p>
<p>I was surprised to see a lack of Guards. I wasn’t exactly surprised to see Laguna Loire standing at the door of the suite. Selphie already had her nunchaku out, braced under one arm as she unhooked the harness with her free hand. As soon as it was free, she moved between Laguna and the bed. I wished I could read his expression, but he was doing a Squall look, cool and blank. </p>
<p>“Don’t shoot the messenger girl,” I joked at him. He said nothing, but held his hands up as though he were surrendering, and the expression never changed. If I’d had more time, I’d have told him how much he reminded me of his kid, but I had more important things to worry about. “I… I’ll be out of your hair in a sec.”</p>
<p>I left her to deal with the president while I crossed to the bed. Squall was back on all the IVs and lines. He almost looked as skinny and pale and broken as that time I’d held him in Fisherman’s Horizon. Damnit. It was just a couple of days, how did he go downhill so fast? What had I missed? Had he realised I was gone and done something stupid? Was it just because I’d been away from him from a couple of days and I’d forgotten how <i>bad</i> he was somehow? </p>
<p>Maybe a little of all of them. “Oh, baby,” I said. My eyes were already burning with tears, I was determined not to shed them because I just <i>couldn’t</i>. I was shocked when he tipped his head towards my voice, eyelashes fluttering the tiniest bit. “Squall. Baby, I bought you a friend. I can’t stay with you but she will, okay?”</p>
<p>I bent down over the bed, kissing the scar I’d left on his pretty face all those months before. I didn’t so much as transfer Shiva, as wave a mental goodbye to her as she just leapt into Squall with a feeling of utter joy in her wake. She was home. He had her again. That was all I could do. I ran my hand down his arm to find his hand, clasping his too thin fingers gently in my own.</p>
<p>The ice was already crawling over him, I could feel it across the skin of his fingers already, but it wasn’t like it had been with Xu. It was gentle, careful. Almost loving. Shiva was home and she was going to help, and she had him in her embrace already. All I had left to do was trust her to make it right, at least long enough to fix everything. </p>
<p>I thought he was too far gone for anything more, but ever full of surprises, Squall tipped his head toward me and murmured “Seifer?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s me, baby. Shiva’s going to help you, okay?” I lifted my head to look at all the readouts and crap I’d been so familiar with and I saw the Griever pendant. Someone had hung the pendant around the neck of a vase of white lilies which stood on one of the nightstands. Storm’s heart, his mom’s lilies. Okay, I was pretty sure it had to be Laguna. He’d know about the lilies and their significance, maybe Ward but… let’s be real, it was far more likely to be Squall’s dad. </p>
<p>The ring on my little finger had never felt nearly so heavy, nor so precious. Even on the night he’d first given it to me. </p>
<p>Barely realising what I was doing, I reached up behind my head to unclasp the choker. It wasn’t the same, I fucking knew that. It was a dumbass piece of jewelry I’d picked up to show off. It didn’t mean the same his things did, didn’t have the history he did. Still, it was all I had to give him that was mine and mine alone, and before I knew it I was tucking it into his too thin hand and closing his fingers around it. “I’ll see you soon,” I promised.</p>
<p>He squeezed his fingers around the necklace and shook his head the tiniest bit. His eyes were back to that silver-blue of the Shiva junction already, as though they’d never spent a moment apart. “Seifer… what about you?”</p>
<p>I remembered that night. That horrible perfect night when we held each other, when the ring had been slipped onto my finger. The first time he’d told me that he loved me out loud, when I’d told him the same. It was a night worth echoing. “I don’t need one,” I said softly. “I have you.”</p>
<p>He smiled. That beautiful perfect smile. Still my beautiful Squall, no matter what happened. I think he remembered, because he whispered “Love you.”</p>
<p>“Love you too, baby.”</p>
<p>Sadly real life had to cut into our moment. “For Hyne’s sake Seifer, kiss him and get out of here!” Selphie hissed.</p>
<p>For once in my life, I obeyed a SeeD’s direct order. I kissed Squall, softly and sweetly, and he kissed back. </p>
<p>“Wait for me.”</p>
<p>“Always,” he promised.</p>
<p>And with that, I dragged myself away. I didn’t look back, I didn’t dare to. I was too afraid I’d do something even more stupid, if that were at all possible. Whoever that guy who’d been piloting me before the drop was took over again and got me hooked up and checked again, and next thing I knew I was on my way back up to the Ragnarok. I felt hollow, and lost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Seifer didn’t make his way up to the cockpit as soon as the hatch doors were closed, I went down to fetch him. Zell was busy, after all, so of course it was up to me to go check on him. I found him crouched down under the hatch controls, back against the wall just staring blankly into nothing. I could tell there’d been tears but whatever had happened, it was over now. “C’mon darlin’, let’s get you out of the harness and up to the cockpit.”</p>
<p>He nodded dumbly, letting me pull him to his feet and take care of all that, so wrapped up in his own thoughts I swore he was far more like Squall than anyone had ever let on for a moment. He only snapped out of it when I took his arm to lead him up to the cockpit again and looked at me in surprise as though wondering where I’d come from. </p>
<p>“Laguna was there,” he said, turning his head away so he could wipe his face. “I think Selphie will be okay.”</p>
<p>“She’ll be fine. She’ll have them all wrapped around her little finger before the day’s even out darlin’,” I said, letting him go so he could follow me under his own steam instead. Wanted to give him a moment to pull himself together before he saw Zell, I got the feeling Seifer would want it that way. It wasn’t that far to the cockpit so I took it as slow as I could manage. Soon as we walked in, I decided it was time to ask a distracting question and turned one of the chairs so he could take a seat. Not the one beside the pilot, since I figured some distance between them would be good. “Question is… what’re we gonna do with you?”</p>
<p>“Fuck, I dunno,” Seifer collapsed into it and sighed. “Just drop me off somewhere I can get back to Esthar if I need to and I’ll just bide.”</p>
<p>“How about close to Timber?” Zell suggested. I took the seat beside him so I could turn and keep an eye on Seifer without crowding the poor guy. He looked… drained. Exhausted. Zell had told me he’d turned up exhausted at his ma’s house somehow, all the way from Esthar. He must have had Diablos’ own luck to make it that far from Esthar without a ship and that fast. “The old rail bridge to Esthar comes out just south of there, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t think they hate me there, yet.”</p>
<p>Zell and I exchanged looks. I sat up a little straighter, worried by his defeated tone. “Seifer…”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he shook his head, not even looking up at me. “He just looked so… sick.”</p>
<p>“Hey, he’s got everythin’ he needs now to heal up, right?” I tried. Never expected I might wind up reassuring Seifer Almasy like this, but he was one of us, just as much as Squall was. So someone needed to look out for him, especially given how low he seemed right now. “You just gotta give him time. You know he can pull off miracles.”</p>
<p>That seemed to help a little. Seifer ran his hands through his hair and took a slow, deep breath before lifting his head to look at me with a smirk. “Right. And I owe a guy a bike.”</p>
<p>“You… what?” Zell craned his neck to look at Seifer. </p>
<p>“Motorbike. I stole a guy’s bike to get out of Esthar. Need to make some money, pay him back.”</p>
<p>I remembered Squall stealing a car to attack the parade. They were definitely made for each other then, good to know. I shook my head with a chuckle. “You sure don’t do anythin’ easy, huh?”</p>
<p>He grinned, a little more like his old self. “Easy is for wimps.”</p>
<p>“Plenty of monster hunting out near Timber,” Zell cut in, thankfully turning his attention back to flying the damn ship. “If you think you’re man enough for it.”</p>
<p>Seifer’s head snapped towards Zell, anger flickering over his face for a moment before he realised what was going on. Seemed like a good way to get Seifer to do anything, challenge his masculinity and push him into it. I hoped we’d see at least a little of him and Squall, once everything was good again. I wanted to see what they were like together now. “Ohh nice one, Dincht. Yeah, I can handle it. Good thing I like cats.”</p>
<p>Zell barely had to adjust our heading, it’d seemed like a logical place for us to head for when we’d gotten back out of Esthar’s borders, into Galbadian territory. I was still surprised we hadn’t been fired on while we’d been over the city, if Squall was as bad as Seifer made out, I’d be paranoid as hell about anything coming close if I were Laguna.</p>
<p>“You gonna stay around there, so we know where to find you when Squall’s doin’ better?” I asked.</p>
<p>“If you want, you can put a tracker on me.”</p>
<p>“It’s all good. If I know roughly where ya are, I can track you down,” I grinned at him. I figured that eventually, Squall would be well enough for me to need to help him find Seifer again, anyway. </p>
<p>He hesitated before speaking. “Any updates would be appreciated.”</p>
<p>“We’ll keep it to the important ones.”</p>
<p>“Listen, guys... “ Seifer took a breath, trying to appear nonchalant but I could see his knuckles as white as chalk on his knees. “He’s been through a lot and if he… if he has some lasting damage and is happy and doesn’t remember me, that’s cool, okay? Just let me know he’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Seifer,” Zell said with a huff. “You’ve had a few days from hell, without enough sleep or food, or caffeine… or you wouldn’t be doubting him.”</p>
<p>“Kinda got a point,” I nodded, agreeing. “If anyone can do it, Squall can, right?”</p>
<p>Seifer seemed to sag into himself. “Yeah, I’m being a dumbass, Ignore me.”</p>
<p>Zell muttered under his breath. “Tried that for years, doesn’t work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t long before we got to land in the fields south of Timber. Close enough to the town for Seifer to walk, but far enough out we wouldn’t scare the locals. We walked Seifer out of the ship, the engines rumbling away on low power. He was putting on a confident air but you didn’t have to know the guy well to see it was paper thin. I didn’t want to call it into question - man has to have his pride after all - but I was worried about leaving him alone.</p>
<p>“I won’t ever forget this. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah well,” Zell kicked the ground, embarrassed. “We’re doing it for Squall too. So don’t go causing trouble and making stuff shittier for him, okay?”</p>
<p>I personally was of the opinion that Squall would be far more likely to be right alongside Seifer, causing the trouble, if I was honest. Zell always was a little starry eyed around Squall. </p>
<p>“Yeah. Give my best to your mom, she’s awesome.”</p>
<p>“Damn straight,” Zell puffed up like a peacock. </p>
<p>Since they obviously had a whole history keeping the two of them apart, I crossed the barricades and threw an arm around Seifer’s shoulders to give him a manly hug. Poor guy clung to me for a second, long enough for me to slip a couple hundred gil into his back pocket. Just enough to cover him for a few days while he processed what he’d been through and got his head on straight.</p>
<p>I did not cop a feel. I feel like the poor guy would have snapped in half if I’d tried. </p>
<p>Soon as he had time to brace himself up again, he pulled away from me with a smirk and gave Zell a friendly shoulder punch. Then he turned and headed for the town. </p>
<p>Soon as he was out of earshot, I murmured “Now the hard part, waiting.”</p>
<p>“Nah,” Zell grinned up at me. “Hard part’ll be getting Selphie to leave Laguna’s place again.”</p>
<p>He had a point.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shiva's back.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Sixteen.</b>.</p><p>The sunshine trapped in our hearts<br/>It could rise again<br/>But I'm lost, crushed, cold and confused with no guiding light left inside<br/>You were my guiding light<br/>Muse - Guiding Light</p><p> </p><p>Date Unknown</p><p> </p><p>When I opened my eyes, the first thing I became aware of was the snow. Thick, heavy snowflakes slowly drifted downwards in a constant, but gentle flurry. </p><p>The snowflakes were all I noticed at first. The delicate dance was so soft and slow that I wanted to reach out and touch them, to feel the fleeting beauty as they settled in silence against my skin. I didn’t have the strength to do more than watch though - not yet at least. However, every slow, deep breath seemed to come a little easier, seemed to offer a little more strength to my body. And with each breath, the details of the world before me grew that little bit clearer. </p><p>The thick snowflakes were falling out of a pitch black sky. No, wait. It was as though as I watched, the sky coalesced into those heavy, purple-blue velvet clouds that came with the deepest, coldest winter nights. The nights that quickly covered the world with a blanket of pure white snow. </p><p>Even before Shiva, I’d always loved nights like that. They were few and far between in Centra, but in Balamb, far closer to Trabia, we’d sometimes get those colder nights in the deepest depths of winter. I fell in love with the way the world slipped into a new guise with barely more than a whisper. She’d just given me even more reasons to love it, with the way she sang in my head on those chilly nights. Especially when I snuck out to the quad to watch it come down thick and fast, blanketing everything in silence.</p><p>As I focused, I noticed snow covered pine trees in the distance, silently waiting sentinels lit as if there were streetlights somewhere nearby. I just couldn’t see the lights themselves. It was odd, as though I was watching a world be built, piece by piece. Like it wasn’t there until I noticed a component. Like the long, rolling fields of snow that stretched between us and those distant trees. </p><p>Wait…</p><p>
  <i>Us?</i>
</p><p>Yeah… us. It wasn’t just me there anymore. Sometime in the middle of all that wondering, I’d realised my head wasn’t in the snow itself, it was resting on a blanket covering someone’s legs. They were sitting on their knees and my heart was in my mouth for a moment. I didn’t know who it was. I didn’t know how I’d gotten here. I didn’t even know <i>where</i> I was, or worse, <i>when</i>. It wasn’t somewhere I knew even if it felt painfully, eerily familiar. </p><p>A hand gently ran fingers over my hair lightly, smoothing it back from my face. That was familiar too, but I knew that it wasn’t Seifer. Seifer was careful with me, but not even he was this gentle with me. No. This was someone far more powerful and dangerous. Someone who had to give all of their attention to being gentle with me, lest they hurt me.</p><p>I took a slow breath, my lungs filling with air colder than anything I could remember before. It seemed to swim through me, swim into my veins, crawling into every inch of every limb and filling me little by little until I lifted my head to look at… her.</p><p>Shiva watched me, her vibrant silver threaded blue eyes as bright and cold as a clear winter sky. She looked sad, maybe even worried. I got the feeling it was supposed to be hard to read her face.</p><p>I’d had an idea of what she looked like before, of course, but I’d never actually <i>seen</i> her face myself. At least, not so clearly and so closely. She’d always been a distant, though beautiful presence in my mind. A sly sense of humour whispering comments when our bond was strong enough, a more positive icy shadow besides. She’d been with me, through every step of the way from the morning of the exam that had made me SeeD, until I was decommissioned by force. She hadn’t left me for a moment.</p><p>I took another shuddering breath, willing my mouth to move, to form a word. “Shiva?” I gasped.</p><p>“Yes, my love?”</p><p>Just like the world slowly rebuilding itself around me, once I had one little part of it, I found the next words to speak a little easier physically to attempt, though they still hurt. “Am I... dead?”</p><p>“No,” she smiled gently. I’d seen images of her, drawings in text books and on shrines around the darkest winter months, but I’d never seen her depicted smiling. I wasn’t sure if people thought being the ice goddess would make her serious, or they just knew they could never hope to make her as beautiful as she was when she smiled. “Though you were closer to it than I would care to think about.”</p><p>“So I’m dreaming?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>I remembered Seifer taking me to Esthar because I was getting sick again. I remembered some of what had followed, though it seemed as hazy and distant as the pine trees in the distance. There were little flashes of memories dotted here and there in my mind and they came to me jumbled and confusing. I didn’t know which to reach for first, or what they meant. “What happened?” </p><p>“You do not remember?” she asked, concerned. When I shook my head the tiniest bit, she touched my hand lightly. “This may give you answers.”</p><p>As soon as her fingers touched mine, I realised that there was <i>something </i>in my hand. I lifted it as though it weighed as much as my gunblade, bracing my wrist against my chest so I could stare at my hand and the item in question. It was almost fuzzy at first, and I couldn’t place it… and then again, as I focused on it, the object seemed to come into being just like before. A silver choker. A very familiar silver choker with a thick chain. It felt good in my hand, but the words felt difficult in my mouth, because I knew he’d had to leave for me to have it. “Seifer… Seifer fetched you.”</p><p>“He did, yes. ”</p><p>“But then he left again.”</p><p>“He risked much to save you,” she frowned faintly. Her voice had an odd musical quality to it, so far from human that it was obvious in every word she spoke. “Sadly I think that he has to wait somewhere safe for you to be strong enough to rejoin him, or face dire consequences.”</p><p>Yeah, that lined up. I clutched his choker tighter in my hand. My mouth felt dry - we’d hardly been apart since the middle of March, and now I didn’t think I’d see him for quite some time. “He always was into the romantic drama,” I sighed. </p><p>“I had noticed,” she chuckled. “Everyone noticed.”</p><p>“Everyone?”</p><p>“Your friends aided him in liberating me and bringing me to you. They know that you are in love with him, and he with you.”</p><p>I couldn’t imagine how that had gone down. If Shiva had been at Garden, that meant he’d had to go to Balamb to get her. He’d gone back home, somewhere everyone would hate him, just for me. On the one hand, I was stunned he’d done something so brave and stupid. On the other, I suspected I’d be hearing about it for decades to come. “...Oh hyne.”</p><p>She stroked my hair again gently, her fingers cool and soothing. “Do not worry. They would not have helped him if they minded.”</p><p>“So… You can make me well again?”</p><p>“I can help you,” she corrected gently. “Your body is weak, and there will be a long journey to recovery for you, but I will assist you.”</p><p>“Why was I sick?”</p><p>“The machine that removed me by force did not leave either of us unscathed. Your junction seats were damaged - Helios told me that he could not gain purchase when Seifer tried to offer him to you. I believe my tangible form would have shown some evidence as well if someone had summoned me,” she said, choosing her words carefully. I got a mental image, just the faintest flash for half a second of her summoned form, her fingertips bloodied from holding on. It’d been months since she’d been ripped from my head, so of course she’d healed. I hadn’t been quite so lucky.</p><p>“I thought she’d hurt you,” I said, lifting my free hand to touch hers lightly where she was stroking my hair. She faltered, looking at me in surprise. I had a feeling I wasn’t <i>supposed</i> to do that, but I felt like she needed comfort too. She was one of the few people that I loved unconditionally and I didn’t care what I was or wasn’t supposed to do. “I heard you scream.”</p><p>“She is dead now, and that does not matter,” Shiva said, rather proudly.</p><p>“You killed her, didn’t you?”</p><p>“She hurt both of us, my Lion,” she turned her hand, taking mine and holding it tightly. “And worse, she tried to keep me from you knowing that you very well might die without my aid.”</p><p>I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t feel anything about the woman anymore - literally, when I thought of her I just felt… emptiness. Xu had taken something precious from me, but she’d also thrown me into Seifer’s arms - so there was a part of me that would owe her for that no matter what. She’d given me hell, and I’d found something incredible because of it. I just shrugged. “Glad you killed her then.”</p><p>“The Knight believed that it had also damaged the technology that Esthar gave you,” she said carefully. She didn’t seem to fully understand what she was talking about, more repeating what she’d heard at first, but she got a little more confident as she continued. “He was right. It was draining you. I can share my energy until they are able to find a way to repair it.”</p><p>“That makes… a lot of sense, actually.”</p><p>“There is one other thing I must tell you,” she squeezed my hand again, and I returned the gesture. She was cold, of course. Colder than the air around us, and her hands were so soft and gentle despite how much power she held. Every movement she made was deliberate and careful, because I knew damn well she’d be able to kill me if she chose to, and she didn’t want to hurt me at all.</p><p>I nodded. “I’m listening.”</p><p>“The harm that she caused to you when she removed us means I cannot leave you again… To repair your mind and the part of the magic that allows you to junction, I had to make my home in that point that was most damaged and I must heal it around myself.”</p><p>I listened to everything she said, and closed my eyes. Shiva <i>couldn’t</i> leave me again. I wondered if someone tried to draw her from me, if they’d even be able to target her. “What happens when I die again?”</p><p>“Then I will be released, and not before then,” She sounded almost sad.  “Though when my work is done, you should be able to junction other GFs again.”</p><p>“Do you mind being stuck with me that long?” Even if they could try to draw her, or pull her out of me, I wouldn’t let that happen again. No matter what, I’d never let anyone even reach for Shiva as long as there was breath in my body, but it meant nothing if she didn’t want to stay with me. </p><p>“Of course I do not mind, my Lion. Though I had thought perhaps….”</p><p>Perhaps I wouldn’t want her, perhaps I’d found a different way of living. “You’re as much a part of my life as Seifer.”</p><p>She smiled at that again. “You have a little romantic drama yourself, my Lion.”</p><p>“Maybe just a little,” I shrugged. Maybe I did. I’d pulled enough dumb shit even before I’d started travelling with Seifer that I couldn’t excuse <i>all</i> of it. Still, at least most of the time I was a little more subtle with it, unless I couldn’t be. “Seifer’s always been a bad influence.” </p><p>“I do not know what it means for your memories.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Shiva. I have plenty of bad ones that I’d be happy to give up.”</p><p>She smiled fondly, “Then rest, love. We have much work to do to make you well again.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I was sure someone was calling my name. Through the distant haze of sleep I could hear a soft voice.</p><p>“Laguna…. <i>Laguna?</i>” </p><p>I jerked awake and looked around for the source of the voice. I was in my son’s suite, at his bedside. I’d been there pretty much constantly since not long after Seifer Almasy had disappeared from the lab and led half my army on a merry dance. Seifer had brought Shiva back to Squall at last after they’d been parted in early January, and from the minute Seifer had escaped afterwards, Squall had been covered in a thick layer of ice. </p><p>It’d taken a little while to talk Selphie down from her guard position, but once I’d managed to convince her that I wasn’t planning on taking Shiva away at all, she’d been a little more amenable to negotiations. Shiva had continued to work and - from the few readouts that we could still get while he was coated in a several inch thick layer of ice - we could see he was getting stronger. It had given me a little pause to see the briefest glimpse of his Guardian Force, one of the few times I’d left. When I’d returned, I swear the whole wall of his bedroom was a pair of silver-blue eyes glaring at me as though warning me off. </p><p>The temperature in the bedroom had been practically Trabian the whole time too, despite it being summer outside. I guess Shiva liked to work in the cooler temperatures - We’d had to move the fish out so they wouldn’t be frozen solid.</p><p>“Laguna,” the voice repeated. </p><p>I looked down at the bed and realised three things. First, the ice that had been covering my son - I refused to think of more ghoulish synonyms because that seemed like tempting fate - was gone. The second was that the air was full of little particles of ice, Diamond Dust, just like Shiva’s attack, she’d completed her work and she’d released the spell to go to dust. </p><p>The third, and most thrilling thing I noticed was that Squall… Squall was awake. His eyes, sharp and focused on me, were the same they’d been in the war. The silver-blue of his Shiva connection. Eerily similar to Shiva’s eyes when I’d seen them on the wall in that brief moment of threat.  “You’re awake,” I breathed, as though saying it too loudly might make whatever illusion I was seeing fall apart and abandon me just like that.  </p><p>“I’m awake,” he gave a short nod to confirm. His voice was dry and soft, and far too small for him as he had been. “I’m also thirsty. And hungry.”</p><p>I was amazed. I don’t think he’d said anything like that the entire time he’d been in Esthar. He’d barely talked before he’d run away at all. I was ecstatic, but I tried to keep as cool as possible “I’ll call the kitchens… no, I should call the doc first, have him check you out.”</p><p>He grimaced briefly but to my surprise, he nodded his acceptance. “That’s fine.”</p><p>“It is?”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t it be?”</p><p>“You’ve not exactly reacted well to the doctor before,” I said carefully. When Squall had been awake enough to cooperate, he had a mixed reaction to the doctor. He certainly didn’t trust the man all that much, and having Seifer around had helped so much with that. </p><p>He frowned deeply. “...I see.”</p><p>“He did keep calling you by my surname, though,” I offered. We’d thankfully put a stop to that after the second session, and Squall had been calmer. Still hesitant, but not outright trying to hurt the man at least. Raine had never liked doctors either. </p><p>Squall gave me an arch look. “Did you set him right?”</p><p>“After you tried to break his wrist, yeah.”</p><p>“That sounds vaguely familiar,” Squall closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He hadn’t moved, I wasn’t sure he had the strength to drag himself up the bed to a sitting position or anything else, but considering he’d not even woken up since he’d fainted under Ellone’s care almost a week ago… I really was happy with just that much. “Tongue depressor… Seifer stopped me.”</p><p>“He did.”</p><p>“I think you need to tell me what I missed before anything, then,” Squall said. Now he wasn’t hurting as much, or as hazy as he had been during his lowest ebb, I got to appreciate the man my son was going to become a little more. Even flat out in bed, thin as a rake, he had an air of command about him that I’d rarely witnessed even in my army days. Control. He definitely got that from his mom, not me. </p><p>I told him what I could. Some of it was clearly just reminders, from when he’d been on his first recovery, though he seemed far hazier about the time of his sudden downturn. I told him about Seifer going to the laboratory, Seifer destroying the external communication array and running off to Balamb to save him. He stayed fairly quiet through the tale until I told him about Seifer returning to bring him Shiva.</p><p>He looked down at the silver chain clutched in his hand and smiled. “He always had a flair for the dramatic.”</p><p>“I mean, he did destroy millions of gil in equipment when he could have waited a few hours to talk to me properly,” I joked. It was a mix up, but the property damage meant that I couldn’t have him in Esthar where he could be a “threat” without really pissing off most of my cabinet. Even if he had saved my son.</p><p>“We don’t exactly have a lot of history with competent command,” Squall shrugged as though that were a normal every day thing for him. Hell perhaps it was, I knew a little about SeeD, but it was just that. A little. “And he has a very short fuse.”</p><p>“No kidding.”</p><p>“It’s what got him caught by Ultimecia, too,” Squall settled the hand with the choker over his heart and turned his attention back to me. “He came to warn me and the others about the trap at the TV station that started the war, and she was waiting.”</p><p>I shuddered. It could have been the other way around so easily, Squall could have been the one that had been on Ultimecia’s side. If it hadn’t been for Seifer… “I don’t want to think about that.”</p><p>Squall sighed and shook his head. “Neither do I. Not sober, anyway.”</p><p>“You drink?”</p><p>He gave me another arch look, raising an eyebrow. I knew that Ellone had given him dreams that had shown him parts of my past, was that where he’d picked up one or two of his mom’s mannerisms? Because damn, that was Raine all over and it made my eyes sting a little thinking of her like that. “Is this going to turn into a father son moment where you scold me for underage drinking?”</p><p>I couldn’t help laughing. Never thought he’d admit to being my son out loud even after what we’d been through. “This is the most we’ve ever talked, you know.”</p><p>“I know,” he paused, chewing his lip. A moment before he spoke again I saw his fingers tighten around the choker in his hand, as though he were drawing strength from that somehow. “I’m sorry. For being an asshole.”</p><p>Not only had the betrayal by one of his fellow SeeDs hurt him physically and mentally, it’d screwed up what chance we had to get to know each other. We’d lost more time together because of everything, and that was going to be twice as hard to forgive as the physical damage.  “I’m sorry I didn’t try to figure out why you were so cranky. I mean… I’ve never really had to deal with teenagers. I thought… maybe it was normal. I mean, you were a stranger in a strange land, right?”</p><p>“I was, but it didn’t justify some of the shit I said. I’ve no excuse.”</p><p>He was so serious. Not to mention he looked embarrassed by the whole thing, too. I smiled, hoping it would be a little more reassuring but his expression never changed. “Except for all the headaches and crap?”</p><p>Squall shrugged, averting his eyes.  “I should have better self control than that.”</p><p>“Son, you’re seventeen,” I said gently. He was just a kid. A kid who had been killing for years, a kid who had faced down everything that I couldn’t finish in my own time, a kid that had saved us all, but just a <i>kid</i>. I couldn’t stop thinking about how young he was, how he didn’t deserve any of this. “You should be learning to drive, going on dates, not having GFs ripped out of your head.”</p><p>“He told you that, hm?” Squall frowned. I guess that was part of our recent discussions that was lost to him as well. </p><p>“Yeah. And discussed it with the lab tech who came to me the day after Seifer’s escape,” I shook my head. “Seifer really was shoot on sight at that point. I guess the tech’d been listening to the orders across the network, and he wanted to get ahead of any info. Appeal to me directly to not have him shot too for aiding and abetting.”</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“Told me about what Seifer and he had figured out, that you needed Shiva, that the interface was fucked. So I knew he’d be back. When we got reports of the Ragnarok being spotted at the borders, we lowered the antimagic field up here. Tech figures that the interface draws from the body’s electrical energy in normal humans. In Hyne’s descendants unless you set it to act like it’s a normal human, it takes the more powerful magical energy, kind of like another junction, and it might have been damaged when your GFs were extracted. So, when you lost all that…”</p><p>Squall made a sound of understanding and sighed again. “It went out of control since I didn’t have much any more, with Rin being so far away,” he said. If he hadn’t been a knight, I don’t think he’d have even made it back the first time. We’d stabilised him without even realising what we were doing, forcing everything he needed onto him and getting Seifer to keep him calm while we did it. But it was a losing battle from the start. </p><p>“Right. Every time you healed with magic like the potions, it kept it demanding more. If you weren’t a knight...” I let my voice trail off. It didn’t bear thinking about the alternative, but it was on my mind constantly. </p><p>“That’s why I fainted after Ellone visited though, isn’t it?” He rubbed a hand over his face. I was surprised he even remembered it. “I felt her power reach out to me when she came to visit.”</p><p>“You did? That’d explain why any time she was around you for a while, you passed out.”</p><p>He gave me a hard look. “We <i>can’t</i> tell her that.”</p><p>I agreed. Ellone was a powerful sorceress, even as a child. Even before I’d realised what she was, and what I was. There were fewer of Hyne’s descendants in Esthar, so thankfully it wouldn’t be quite so noticeable. Especially given she’d be living in the palace going forward. “No, we can’t.”</p><p>“And now it has Shiva to draw from,” Squall shifted a little in the bed, tugging the covers up absently. </p><p>“The tech Seifer spoke to thinks he can fix it when you’re a little stronger too, so it’ll never happen again.”</p><p>He nodded, but didn’t seem too concerned. I guessed with Shiva being back in charge, he didn’t plan on letting her go any time soon. At least with her, he’d be able to fight harder. It’d reverse the decline, we could build him back up and put it all right. We’d never let it happen to anyone again. “Should check in with Quis and Rin too - theirs might be the same.”</p><p>I patted his hand where it lay on the covers and got to my feet. “Look, I promised Selphie I’d let her know when you woke up, and I should go talk to the doctor and the kitchens. Any requests?”</p><p>“Coffee.” Squall said, as though it were a reflex. “The real stuff, this time, not that weak crap you guys kept giving me.”</p><p>“We’ll see what the doc thinks.”</p><p>He huffed. “Maybe Selphie can be bribed.”</p><p>“To get you coffee?”</p><p>He raised that eyebrow at me again, a faint little smirk curling his lips. “Are you underestimating Selphie after what Seifer did?”</p><p>“Never son,” I chuckled, heading for the door. </p><p>I wouldn’t underestimate him, either.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A brief interlude before the end.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Seventeen.</b>.</p><p> </p><p>Ten thousand miles left on the road<br/>Five-hundred hours 'til I am home<br/>I need something human, human<br/>Muse - Something Human</p><p> </p><p>July 25th</p><p> </p><p>I’d spent about a month in and around Timber, trying not to get a cat. There was a long legged teenager of a cat that kept sneaking into my hotel room when I stayed in town to sleep on my ankles and attack my feet in the morning as I walked around. He’d flirt with me afterwards to try and make up for it. It was like having a mix between Squall and Irvine in the form of a sleek black cat with very green eyes. </p><p>I nicknamed him Tin to cover the Squall side of the influence. It seemed appropriate.</p><p>When I was not in Timber, I was monster hunting. There were plenty of useful things you could get around the area to sell off, so I was making a pretty penny just running around doing that without the few requests I picked up from townsfolk. Not many people out hunting lately, so I had plenty of time to myself to think, and breathe. </p><p>And worry. There was a lot of worrying. </p><p>It was on a warm, slightly cloudy evening that I made camp for the night out in the wilds. I certainly did not miss the desert and the sand that seemed to creep into all of our equipment no matter how careful we were. I certainly did miss Squall being stretched out beside me, or taking turns keeping watch with me. It felt like I’d already forgotten how his voice sounded. Even if half the nights I spent alone I spent dreaming of him. </p><p>I had just got the tent set up and fire going when I saw something moving in the darkness, just out of reach of the light. </p><p>Of course I reached for Lionheart. The ice blue glow was a terrible giveaway all in all, but hey, maybe that was why Squall was so damn scary. You saw that coming out of the night, you knew you were fucked. I at least had some semblance of stealth if I used Hyperion, but then I’d run around in a full length pale grey leather trenchcoat so what was my fucking excuse? We were pretty messed up little fucks, really. I rose to my feet slowly, keeping my eyes on the movement, the gunblade lowered ready to attack or defend at a moment’s notice.</p><p>As the shape came closer, the shadows coalesced into something more substantial, more familiar. Someone on a chocobo, at least, not a monster. Not that it put me off my guard until I finally recognised the cowboy hat and lowered the blade again.. “Irv?”</p><p>Irvine Kinneas rode up close enough to the fire for me to see him better, tugging the reins to hold the chocobo he was riding to a halt. He tipped his hat and gave me the same flirty smile I had last seen weeks before. “Almasy. You don’t make it easy to find you.”</p><p>“Kind of the point,” I shrugged. I’d been plenty easy for Rinoa to find, but then she knew Timber like the back of her hand and I’d not exactly been all that sneaky about turning up at the hotel. I was just glad that if anyone <i>had</i> recognised me other than Rin, no one had been an ass about it or attacked me or anything. Made life a damn sight easier that way. Gave me more time to mope and shit, too. </p><p>Irvine opened a saddlebag on the ‘bo and pulled out a black plastic box with an aerial, about the size of a house brick. He fiddled with it one handed, as the  Chocobo warked and started looking around for more entertaining company, or at least food.  </p><p>“What’s this?”I asked, nodding at the box. Trackers had only worked in very short distances until very recently but the box he was holding was far too big to be a tracker. </p><p>“New communications tech, now we don’t have the interference,” his eyes flicked upward briefly. Yeah, since there was no prison holding Adel in space, the interference would be gone, right. “Doesn’t reach far enough for us right now, but we have the Ragnarok halfway between here and Esthar actin’ as a relay.”</p><p>I connected the dots and my heart leapt into my throat. “I can talk to Squall?”</p><p>He pushed a button and held it out to me, grinning. “He’s on the line now. We can only keep it up for five minutes though, so be quick.”</p><p>I was so eager to grab it, I nearly dropped it. I somehow fumbled it to my ear and said “Squall?”</p><p>“Hi dumbass,” a familiar, though odd voice said. I hadn’t forgotten his voice after all - I just needed to be reminded a little. Even though it sounded off, I could still hear <i>my</i> Squall under it.</p><p>“Hi yourself. What’s with the funny voice?”</p><p>He made an annoyed sound and sighed. I could almost imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose, pissed off at whatever had happened. “I caught a summer cold, because I’m still kind of a wuss right now. Last time I had one, I think I caught it from you.”</p><p>“Yeah, when you were six! I expected better care at a damn palace,” I huffed. I could understand him being a little more vulnerable right now given how messed up he still had to be after so long stuck in bed and everything else. Curative magic and potions could do a lot to help a broken bone or an open wound, but when it came to muscle wastage or an ongoing infection, they were comparatively useless. Not to mention the palace had a lot of people in it, anyone could have picked up something and passed it along without meaning to. “Tell your dad no tip.”</p><p>“They can’t help it,” he said, sounding a little sad. “I’m just… susceptible at the moment.”</p><p>Yeah, that made sense. I mean he’d been laid up for weeks, so of course it made sense. The GFs might have offered some protection, but Shiva would be busy with more important things now, like keeping him alive. “We only have a couple of minutes, so - I still have your blade, it’s doing fine but I miss the range when hunting. I am great. We may have a cat. I love you.”</p><p>“Try using both hands,” I could practically hear the roll of his eyes at that one. Some of us weren’t afraid that we were going to fling our blades for distance if we didn’t use both hands. “I got Hyperion back from the lock up, and I’m going to take her in for some TLC when I’m better. You are great, yes, no cats yet and I love you too.”</p><p>“You sound pretty good, germs notwithstanding. I’m counting the days ‘til your birthday. You’d better be able to ride a bike by then, Squirt,” I said. I didn’t know where I’d manage to get a bike between now and then, but hey, we’d managed it once, so why not? I’d figure something out as soon as he was with me. </p><p>“We’re still working on that as the deadline for me to escape, hm?” He didn’t even react to the nickname, that was how much he loved me. Proof that we were the best together, even if we weren’t in physical proximity. “I’m working on it, I promise. I’m up out of bed and everything. I’m being good.”</p><p>“I would pay money to see that.”</p><p>“Yeah…,” he paused and lowered his voice - so I guess he had an audience too. I could see that, I mean… Squall was a pretty private person, even when he didn’t have to deal with doctors poking and prodding him, so I knew it wasn’t going to be family hanging around. Given the fact I had Irvine here with me, I guessed it was one of the others, and he didn’t want them knowing the sordid details of his new rehab regime. “I bet you would, they have me exercising in a pool.”</p><p>“Ohhh,” I could see the mental images already. Squall always did look extra pretty when the water slicked back his hair and beaded on his skin… I was going to have to stop thinking about that before I had a predictable reaction. “In a speedo?”</p><p>“Is that what you’re imagining right now?”</p><p>“Yes,” I said. Even though I was trying very hard not to, I could just picture it. </p><p>He chuckled at that then paused. “Fuck, I miss you.”</p><p>So that was it. They’d rigged this up because Squall needed a little more help. I mean we’d spent so much time together and all, it made sense he’d miss me. I couldn’t imagine any one of our instructors and tutors over the years ever believing that though, given how we’d been at each other’s throats. We’d come so far in just a year. “I miss you too, baby. Hang in there. Only a couple of weeks to go  and then you’re eighteen.”</p><p>“I know,” he said, his voice very small and young. I somehow forgot how young he was - how young we both were, really. And yet time compression… well. The less said about that, the better. “But still...”</p><p>But still he missed me. But still he hated being alone. Even if he had Shiva with him now, he wanted me around and I felt the same about him. Every minute I’d spent apart from him since I’d left Esthar for the last time weighed on me. I felt his absence more keenly than a gunblade strike because it felt like there was something missing out of my <i>soul</i>. Even so… I was the well one. I was fine, out in the fields around Timber killing monsters to deal with my frustrations, he was the one who had shit to do to be well again. “You can do it, Squall. I’m counting on you.”</p><p>He sighed. “I guess you pulled off the indomitable miracle, so I have to keep up my end of the bargain, right?”</p><p>He remembered that much at least. I laughed. “You mean Shiva and the gang? Yeah.”</p><p>“Already thanked them,” Squall huffed as though offended I might imply that he hadn’t already thanked his friends and his goddess for helping him. “I’m saving my Seifer thank yous for in person.”</p><p>“I should hope so. I’m pretty sure this thing would melt.”</p><p>“You’re fire, I’m sure you can take the heat at least.”</p><p>“You know I can, baby,” I dropped my voice low because I could just imagine him, sitting somewhere all curled up, the communications device cradled against his ear. I’d bet good gil he’d be facing away from whoever was with him to set this up, trying to get as much privacy as possible. So I used the same tricks I used to when I was taking care of him in Esthar. Make my voice softer and lower so he’d listen to me more, so he’d focus on me more. </p><p>“Always could,” he rumbled right back, then sighed again. “I’m getting the one minute warning. Guess we’d better say our goodbyes for now?”</p><p>“No goodbyes,” I said firmly. We’d come way too close for any goodbye to feel right anymore. “I love you, and I will see you soon.”</p><p>“Love you too, Seifer. Just about a month to go, right?”</p><p>He’d actually said it in front of someone else. So had I. That was a weird step. Even if I’d run halfway across the world to get what he needed to save his life and proved to all his friends we were in love, he’d never actually said it to me in front of anyone. Selphie back at the palace didn’t count, he didn’t know she was there and she was distracted. I felt weirdly proud at that new height in our relationship. “Longest month ever, but we can do it.”</p><p>“Second longest,” Squall corrected me. “The last month was worse.”</p><p>He had a point, and I didn’t even know what he’d been through on his side of the coin. I wish I could have been there for him. Instead I’d had a month of lonely nights, feeling like I was missing half of my soul. That ring and Lionheart were all I had of him, all I had in the world at that point, and I wasn’t afraid to admit I’d lain awake night after night just begging Hyne, Shiva and anyone else who might listen for him. The world could go hang, I just needed <i>him</i>. “Right.”</p><p>“Okay. got to go, Seifer,” he said softly. “Stay safe.”</p><p>“Eat your veggies Baby. Love you,” I repeated, because if I wasn’t going to hear from him for a month, damn sure the last thing he’d hear from me was that. No fooling around, no teasing, just the fact that I loved him and wanted him to know it. </p><p>“I’ll make sure to go after plenty of grats,” he joked. “Love you too, Seifer.”</p><p>And the device went silent. </p><p>He still loved me. He still wanted me and wanted to be with me and he was getting better. It hardly seemed real. His luck must have rubbed off on me after all. </p><p>I stared at the now silent communications device for a moment before handing it back to Irvine and forcing a smile. “You need to get off the bird for a bit? I can feed you dinner.”</p><p>He stashed it in his pack and looked me over. I kinda liked the sniper, he seemed a little less tightly wound than Dincht, and he seemed to appreciate what I was saying more. “You need some company, darlin’?”</p><p>I did. I could admit that, after a month of just occasional contact with folks, I needed something at least to stop me from listening to all the voices in my own head yelling at me about what I could have done differently, better, or whatever. “Yeah.”</p><p>Irvine smiled and swung down off the ‘bo. “Sure.”</p><p>I didn’t even realise I was so lonely until I heard that voice. That voice that was thousands of miles away in a place I couldn’t reach anymore. Squall was going to be fine, but that didn’t make missing him any easier. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Booyah!” Selphie punched the air and danced in place as the connection died. I held onto com tightly for a moment longer, my brief little connection to Seifer feeling somehow all the more delicate now it was gone again. </p><p>I’d caught a summer cold and been laid up in bed for three days, feeling like crap and generally feeling sorry for myself - not that I’d ever actually admit it out loud, of course. Just when it’d felt like I was really getting somewhere in my physical therapy, I’d had to stop again, much to my aggravation. I’d been a little downhearted after all of that and suddenly several of my friends from Garden had turned up with an idea of how to let me talk to Seifer, even if it was only briefly.</p><p>My father wasn’t nearly as sneaky as he thought he was - I knew it was him that had gotten them to Esthar to visit me. Hell, he might have even had the idea of getting me some Seifer contact time. After everything, he liked Seifer Almasy, and he mostly respected my choice in partners. Even if he did blow up communications arrays based on misunderstandings. After all, if it wasn’t for Seifer, I didn’t think I’d be here right now. </p><p>I’d really needed just to hear Seifer’s voice again, even if in some ways, the coming month felt harder with that reassurance. A reminder of what was still so far away. Of everything I had to do to be ready.</p><p>“Thanks, Selphie,” I finally held the com out to Selphie, ready to let go of that tenuous connection to Seifer for the moment. It was okay. The end was in sight and I didn’t need to worry about anything other than getting better, building up my strength and my stamina. Besides, I had a much more substantial link to my lover in the choker I wore around my neck and Hyperion’s hyperjunction, though I wasn’t wearing that for the moment. Maybe I should have been, wouldn’t be the first time I’d worn a hyperjunction with pjs. </p><p>Selphie took the unit, practically dancing to the nearby table which had her kit bag on it. She tucked it away inside, grinning widely. She’d not even pretended one bit to not be listening, but I had been desperate enough for a little contact with my boyfriend to tolerate it. After all - they all knew we were together and I refused to hide it anymore. No one could question it now. </p><p>“So. Did I hear declarations of loooove?”</p><p>I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Oh Hyne, I had said that outloud, hadn’t I? I’d changed in the time I’d spent with Seifer. “Maybe.”</p><p>She flopped down into the chair beside me, picking up on the conversation we’d been having before the signal had come through to tell us that Irvine had tracked Seifer down and that the call was about to be patched through. It was a conversation echoing one we’d had back at Garden, about sexuality. “You can be bi, you know. Irvy is,” She grinned. “Well, so am I.”</p><p>Honestly I don’t know why I’d picked Selphie to talk to in the first place, even before. Maybe because she felt safe for that kind of stuff. Irvine was too flirty, Quistis too close, and Zell… well, Zell was too Zell. I’d been confused and for once I’d actually wanted someone with a little more experience to talk things through with. It’d worked, I’d come to accept a few things about myself that I hadn’t been prepared for before - things that had definitely helped in a little town out in the middle of nowhere when Seifer had first kissed me. “It’s just Seifer.”</p><p>“Just?” Selphie echoed, tipping her head to try and prompt more details.</p><p>“When he kissed me…,” I said, pulling my knees up and making sure the blanket still covered my legs. “It felt <i>right</i>.”</p><p>I was perched in the window seat in the sitting room with a mess of pillows. After escaping the bed once and being dragged back to it by the damn cold, I’d tried to leave it behind again it at the first available opportunity. I didn’t want to go too far since I didn’t want to get get anyone else sick, and besides, I was once again getting tired so easy that staying close to ‘home’ made sense, so I’d made my nest in the window seat with some of the blankets that Seifer and I had purchased while he’d been with me. At least there, in that small space, I could watch the sun set while we’d waited for Irvine to track Seifer down. </p><p>I didn’t think Selphie had noticed that I was wearing one of the pairs of pjs that Seifer had worn. They hung on me like a tent, too big really to be comfortable, but now I was starting to get my sense of smell back, I wanted that little extra comfort. I just didn’t mention that to anyone. </p><p>“When, how, where?” Selphie asked, leaning forward on her chair eagerly for details. </p><p>“What?” I joked.</p><p>She punched my arm lightly, huffing at my brief obtuseness. “Your first kiss!”</p><p>I kept the details as limited as I could without disappointing her. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of it or anything - it was just… hard to explain. It would be a long story and a weird one that I wasn’t sure I remembered all of the details of, so I kept it as concise as I felt I could get away with. “Outside a little town called Dusty Hollow. A few months ago - I cured him of a status effect and he kissed me.” </p><p>When I closed my eyes and remembered it, I could still feel the adrenaline of that encounter. His lips still tasted of the remedy I’d had to make him swallow to cure the status effects. I’d been so worried that he might still be confused. </p><p>“Okay, I can kind of see that, but it isn’t really romantic.”</p><p>Maybe it wasn’t romantic, but fighting - even if it was because of a status effect - and then kissing was the most us thing we’d ever done. “Maybe not, but it worked.”</p><p>“You guys fell in love on the first kiss?”</p><p>I stared at her for a moment, trying to process that. I didn’t know when we’d fallen in love. I didn’t know what particular moment had started to change things. It wasn’t just one thing though, it was a thousand little things that had made me unwind and admit to myself I actually loved him. I’d fallen in love with him somewhere along the road and that felt so strange to think about now, when he wasn’t around. “I think it took a while. It was… hard to figure out what we were supposed to do.”</p><p>I wasn’t the type to read romance novels and all that stuff, I had no manual on how to fall in love. Maybe at the fair ground, playing the carnival games and sitting next to him on the ferris wheel had been the turning point. It was certainly a warm, beautiful memory that even my illness hadn’t been able to take from me. </p><p>“You did though, right?” Selphie misunderstood. “I have porn if you need tips. Or Irvy will -” </p><p>Cutting her off before it got even more embarrassing, I shook my head. “I didn’t mean physically. I got that. I meant about the falling in love stuff.”</p><p>“Ohhh, yeah, that’s trickier, it’s not like in the movies,” Selphie leant back in the chair, setting her feet on the window seat next to me and sinking down. She was grinning still, enjoying this little moment where I was willing to share at least some details entirely too much. I’d been far too sick to talk much when she’d been here just after Seifer had returned Shiva to me, so now she got to interrogate me properly. “But it is love. You are gobs better than before you heard his voice, aren’t you?”</p><p>The choker suddenly felt heavy on my neck. I lifted a hand to touch it, one of the few solid connections I had to a boyfriend hundreds of miles away. Was it that obvious? Did it make that much of a difference, just a few short moments of his voice in my ears again? Of course it did. Most of my illness had been a blur and while I could remember a few shining moments of it with a sort of hazy clarity, I felt like most of the last couple of months had been lost in a dream. “Yeah. I do feel better. Thank you.”</p><p>“He’ll wait for you. You guys are meant for each other,” Selphie grinned at me. Honestly, Seifer not waiting for me wasn’t something I worried about at all - Seifer had proved himself if there even was such a thing. I knew he loved me even before he’d saved my life. I didn’t even have to hear him say it in the end, I just knew. Though I swore he’d hear it from me every day once we were back together physically. “I mean… who else uses a gunblade?”</p><p>“True, and I’ve got Hyperion.”</p><p>“What happened to Lionheart?” </p><p>“Seifer’s got him,” I shrugged. She sat bolt upright, mouth open. I thought she’d known about Seifer having Lionheart so either she’d forgotten in the month we’d spent apart or she hadn’t realised at the time. “What?”</p><p>“Now that’s true love,” Selphie smiled. “Irvy gets tense if I even move his gun case.”</p><p>Honestly I think Irvine was only concerned that she might decorate his gun. Which was definitely a concern I would have had on dating her as well. Especially when she wasn’t otherwise distracted planning events for Garden - a bored Selphie was just as dangerous as a bored Seifer, only twice as chaotic. Not that I’d ever tell him that, because I had a feeling he’d look on it as a challenge. </p><p>“We didn’t have much of a choice,” I shrugged. “They had Hyperion locked up.”</p><p>“Well, Sir Laguna isn’t a dolt. Seifer with his blade is dangerous.”</p><p>Totally understandable - Seifer had been a prisoner after all, both before and after he’d been placed with me. I think if I hadn’t been quite so close to the end, he wouldn’t have even had Lionheart with him. “Ward thought I was going to die, so he gave me Lionheart. I made Seifer take him.”</p><p>“Squally,” Selphie huffed. Her voice took on that same long suffering tone that Quistis used on me when I was being a particular asshat about stuff. “You looked half dead when I got here. Maybe three quarters. Fifteen sixteenths.”</p><p>I held up my hands in surrender. “I didn’t say he was wrong.”</p><p>“Well, you have to get better now!”</p><p>“I am, Selphie. Look, I’m holding a conversation and everything.”</p><p>“I know! And out loud, too!”</p><p>I feel I shouldn’t be blamed for smacking her with a pillow while she cackled. I mean I could have hit her with far worse, a pillow was entirely justified. </p><p>“Anyway,” she said, tugging the pillow out of my hands and tucking it in behind her on the chair as she made herself comfortable again. “If you need advice, here I am. Unless you’d rather have Irvy’s. I think Zell would blush himself to death and Quisty’d probably give you a tutorial.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome. We do like you, you know.”</p><p>“That’s nice to hear. I like you guys too.”</p><p>Apparently that was an invitation to be hugged. Selphie practically flung herself out of the chair and piled onto the window seat beside me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. Even with Shiva, there was nothing I could do to stop Selphie. She was simply a force of nature. “You are our Hazel. The quiet thoughtful bunny who is really in charge.”</p><p>I also knew better than to try and talk her back into her chair once she had her hug attack engaged, so I just put an arm around her. That way she wouldn’t fall off the seat and probably drag me with her. I was still underweight and weak as a kitten “You going to be okay if I don’t come back to Garden?”</p><p>“We will, but you still have to visit us, even if you don’t want to see the whole school.”</p><p>It was nice to hear. I knew more about what had happened after my departure now. Xu had, of course, quickly taken over, and the story had been put out that I’d willingly gone to visit my family. By using only other disgruntled SeeDs and people she trusted in order to remove me, the story had seemed almost believable, though it had never really sat right with the people who knew me best. Then she’d kept them too busy to even think about coming to Esthar to check up on me. Of course, Galbadia Garden was mostly handling things in their territory, and the newspapers reporting on ‘the prince’ just never made it to Balamb. “I’ll visit when I’m back to full strength, okay? I need some time with Seifer when I get out of here.”</p><p>“Right, you guys need a honeymoon. Where will you go?”</p><p>“Irvine said he knew where Seifer was - I think he’s not telling me so I don’t try and sneak out ahead of time.”</p><p>She tipped her head to get a better look at me, bright smile still in place. I felt like she wanted to make sure I had a plan, so she could crash it if she needed to. She’d find an excuse. “And after that?”</p><p>“The orphanage until we get bored, I think.”</p><p>“Isn’t it kind of a mess?”</p><p>“We’ll fix it,” I shrugged again. </p><p>“It’ll give you something to do!”</p><p>“Other than each other,” I muttered, not quite low enough for Selphie to not hear. I caught sight of her wicked grin and decided it was best to change the subject immediately. “Want to order something to eat and play video games until they come and pick you up?”</p><p>She was distracted - at least for the moment. I didn’t doubt that there would be more questions, more probing but if we were going to continue down that road, I wanted to do it over coffee and maybe a doughnut. Though giving Selphie something high in sugar was probably asking for more trouble. “Heck yeah. Do they still have that cake thing with the peaches and raspberries?”</p><p>I nudged her over so I could reach for the phone. “Just for you, Selphie, I’ll ask.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The last two entries are a little short but we're nearly at the end! I hope you've forgiven us for all the angst.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p><p><b>Chapter Eighteen.</b>.</p><p> </p><p>Five thousand miles left on the road<br/>Two-hundred hours 'til I am home<br/>I need something human, human<br/>Muse - Something Human</p><p> </p><p>August 23rd</p><p> </p><p>I knew I wouldn’t get away with turning eighteen without a party. Not with Selphie involved anyway. </p><p>I let her go wild, because it was easier that way. And I admit, I did have fun. The music was good, the food was great and the company was excellent, it was just lacking one very specific blond asshole and I felt it more keenly than I wanted to talk about. Every time I looked around the room I felt like I was just looking for him. Even if I knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t be there, it felt like I had to look for him anyway. </p><p>Everyone was having fun, so just as I had all those months before at the celebration after we returned from time compression, I took my turn to sneak out. This time, I was not going to be kissing Rinoa, though. </p><p>From the moment I’d been strong enough to make it out there on my own, I’d been sitting in the lily garden for a little while each day. Time to decompress, time to think. Time to appreciate the little things and let myself miss what I’d lost even if it was only briefly. It was a beautiful place and I knew that the only people who were permitted in that particular part of the gardens were family, so I had no fear of being disturbed. Well. <i>Usually </i>no one disturbed me, but tonight was different. As I was sitting there watching the light of the setting sun reflected in the water of the pond, I heard footsteps approaching hesitantly. </p><p>No limp tonight. So my father wasn’t feeling too nervous at least. He knew I’d noticed him as soon as he was in the Garden, of course. Even if I was still far from at my peak fitness, my mind was now as sharp as it had ever been and I had clocked his entry even before the gate had opened - I’d heard his boots on the path by the entrance. “Catching your breath?”</p><p>I tipped my head up enough to see him. He was in his usual presidential attire - slacks and a shirt, because if I was going to be forced to have a birthday party, I did not want anything formal. It was a soft green shirt that would have been closer in colour to Seifer’s eyes than my father’s. Yet another reminder of a boyfriend so far away. “Yeah… something like that.”</p><p>My friends knew me well enough to know I’d come back when I’d had a breather. They trusted me to do that. It just… all got a little overwhelming when I was faced with so much attention and I needed to escape if only for a moment. </p><p>“I wanted to remind you,” he said, sitting down on the bench beside me, “that you <i>could </i>stay here. Go to school. Do anything you want, really.”</p><p>It was a pleasant evening. A gentle breeze stirred the lilies, sharing their delicate scent and keeping the heat from feeling too oppressive. Not that it bothered me all that much anymore with my Shiva junction back to being active. Shiva seemed to like it here too, the garden was peaceful and beautiful and she shared my happiness in having a place we could escape to. “I could,” I repeated carefully.</p><p>“But you won’t,” Laguna said, sadly. </p><p>“No, I won’t,” I shook my head. “Not without Seifer.”</p><p>That was the real sticking point and Laguna knew it. I didn’t blame him for asking, I was his only blood family, after all. Not that he didn’t adore my sister, on the contrary he loved her just as enthusiastically as he apparently did myself. I think I’d scared him. I knew I reminded him of Raine a lot, and I think I’d hit some unfortunate points of worry over the past few months before my Shiva based miraculous recovery. “Unfortunately, it’s going to take a while before Congress gets over not being able to call their mistresses from their yachts for a week.”</p><p>The side effect of Seifer destroying the extended communications network had been to cut off not only Garden, as per his aims, but to basically cut off communications between outlying towns, villages and other inhabited places. It had been slowly restored over the course of a week, and thankfully no one had been harmed in the process from what my father had told me. It had caused one or two issues within the government itself, apparently, and possibly at least one relationship to break down. Ward didn’t lower himself to gossip, but he did complain to me about asshats sometimes. </p><p>“Let me know when they get over it and we might come back,” I shrugged at him. Seifer wouldn’t be satisfied staying out in Centra forever, of course. I probably could, but there wouldn’t be nearly enough attention and drama out there to keep Seifer going forever. “Probably be about ready to settle down by then.”</p><p>“You will keep in touch? So I can?” He looked pleased by that. He must have thought I’d walk out of the door and disappear just like I had months before - but I was different now. Things were different now. I didn’t have nearly the same amount of anger I’d had then. </p><p>“Yeah,” I nodded. “Might not be easy though, not everywhere is quite so advanced technologically as Esthar.”</p><p>“Well. You can always go through Garden.”</p><p>I paused for a moment, still hesitant about telling Laguna all of my secrets. It was stupid, really, and I knew it. Who knew when I might need help again, or Seifer. Or worse, when Laguna might need to talk to us. “We’re going to be heading for Centra, eventually. It’s quite a ways from Balamb Garden.”</p><p>“Why Centra?” Laguna tipped his head to look at me. He’d been more careful about that too, recently. He knew I didn’t like people staring so when we were talking he’d bring cards or find something else to do. I appreciated his efforts. </p><p>“It’s kind of home. That’s where the orphanage is.”</p><p>“Oh, right. I remember. I was thinking it was as far away as you could get from everything.”</p><p>My reputation preceded me again. “I’m not <i>quite</i> that bad.”</p><p>“Honeymooners,” Laguna grinned. </p><p>“Ahh, I see….” I shook my head, even if he’d clearly witnessed how much Seifer cared for me, how we shared a bed and how close the two of us were, it didn’t seem right talking to my father about that kind of thing. “Anyway, it’s where we came from, and no one else is using the orphanage.”</p><p>“Is it habitable?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” I nodded. In close quarters with him I was distracted, but I swore I heard someone outside the gate. “Needs a little work, but we can handle it.”</p><p>“Contact us if you need help.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Or get bored.”</p><p>“That one is a little less likely at least for now,” I smiled. I touched Seifer’s collar around my neck. I’d been wearing it since Selphie had visited me immediately after I’d woken up. She’d helped me put it on since I didn’t even have the strength to do that straight away. It was a solid, comfortable weight and it made me feel like Seifer wasn’t quite so far away, somehow. It also reminded me that he was pretty damn fond of my father and he’d be disappointed in me if I didn’t at least make an offer. “If you need help or whatever, we’ll be near the lighthouse in the south west of Centra. It’s easier to spot.”</p><p>“I can get Selphie to drop ship you coffee beans,” he grinned at me. Smiling suited my father far more than any serious expression. He looked younger when he smiled. More… comfortable in his own skin. </p><p>I actually laughed. Perhaps he had gotten to know me a little in our time together. “Thanks.”</p><p>“You going to wait until midnight, or sneak out early?”</p><p>“I’m going to wait until light, actually,” I admitted. In part because of the party and Selphie’s insistence that I had to enjoy all the things that were good about turning eighteen. Whatever they were. Besides, while I was <i>well</i> physically, I knew I was still far from peak fitness. I was still working on my stamina and strength and I didn’t want to risk riding out to meet Seifer overnight. That bridge to Fisherman’s Horizon was not the safest road in the darkness, even with the bike’s lights to guide me. “Irvine’s going to find Seifer later, so he knows where to meet me in the morning.”</p><p>Laguna threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his side in a one armed hug. I permitted it, because it was my birthday and I’d tried to be better about that kind of thing too. “Then, since you’re legal now, allow me to share some fine old Galbadian whiskey.”</p><p>“I think I’d like that, dad,” I smiled for him. </p><p>I’d never called him that before. I think we both knew I wouldn’t call him that every time either, but for the moment he was grinning from ear to ear. I think that would do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>Sentinel</b><br/>By Darksquall and Race Ulfson<br/></p>
</div><b>Warnings:</b> Medical issues, illness, angst, hurt comfort. Mildly AU, just like WL, some time and tech tweaks.<br/><b>Rating: </b> Mature.<p> </p>
<p><b>Epilogue</b>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Less than a mile left on the road<br/>I will be crawling through your door<br/>I need something human, human<br/>Muse - Something Human</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Irvine turned up again at my camp kinda late on a Chocobo with another one beside him to let me know that it was the big day at last, and I’d soon have Squall back in my arms. The cat, which had followed me out to camp that night, had designs on the ‘bos that were far beyond its means to achieve, but Irvine thought it was hilarious. </p>
<p>Given my short term future looked like it involved a lot of travelling across places too hot and dry for being anything but a litterbox, I told him to take the cat. I didn’t want to abandon it out in the wild and I didn’t want it to attack the bird in the night. </p>
<p>He did, picking it up and putting the cat in his pocket. It seemed right at home, and I was sure it’d be spoilt rotten as soon as it got anywhere near Messenger Girl. Funnily enough, he hadn’t heard of the Tin Toys movie - I had to explain why I’d named the cat Tin -  and was horrified enough when I told him about it that he promised to show it to Selphie, Quistis and Zell as soon as he tracked down a copy. </p>
<p>The director had a sniper in his future and I was sure Squall would be pleased with my efforts. </p>
<p>I tied off the ‘bo, got the crappiest night’s sleep I’d ever had, and was up too early to head back to the bridge. </p>
<p>It only occurred to me that Esthar was a couple hours behind the Galbadian continent<i> after</i> I’d dismissed the bird. I fully admit in my excitement, I may have been somewhat <i>too</i> eager to see my boyfriend again.</p>
<p>No matter, I knew Squall’d turn up at some point so I planted myself somewhere comfortable with a good view of the bridge to watch and wait. I was hardly a patient man, but this kind of thing wasn’t what I’d usually be waiting for. This one was definitely worth it, and I at least had enough water and snacks with me that I didn’t mind passing some time out there, listening to the waves crash against the cliffs and watching the world - such as it was - go by. </p>
<p>The bridge was more commonly used than I’d thought, making an easy shortcut to Fisherman’s Horizon. A couple dozen people came and went past on foot or by bike while I watched and waited. Every time I saw someone in the distance, my heart would be in my throat, waiting to see. Time and time again I was disappointed. </p>
<p>The latest figure went past on a huge sea-blue touring bike. It had colour, so I instantly dismissed it as a possibility. Even when it stopped behind me, I didn’t pay any attention - wouldn’t be the first asshole to ask me for directions once they left the bridge that day and I had more important things to think about, like my lover. </p>
<p>Then an oh so familiar voice called to me. “You waiting for anyone in particular?”</p>
<p>I turned to see him. Squall, climbing off the motorbike, pulling off the helmet and shaking out his hair. My lover. My lion. My heart. “Best looking guy on at least three continents.”</p>
<p>He smiled at me, and I was home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that’s where we’re leaving it. For now. After all this time, Wanderlust and Sentinel are complete. Race and I wanted to thank you for sticking with us on this ride - it was a little longer than we first expected, but hey. It’s done. And it’s a better fic overall for the wait.</p>
<p>Don’t ever let Race tell you I did all the work either. </p>
<p>So while this is the emotional “end” of Sentinel, obviously it’s not the end of their story. There will be more. They have all that happy ever after to find and enjoy. We make no promises on when, or how more will be posted for these guys, but neither of us are ready to leave them behind just yet. So I encourage you - if you haven’t already - to bookmark the series and enjoy the little things that are to follow for them. </p>
<p>It’s also not going to be the last thing we write together - again, no promises on when that might turn up but there will be more from us.</p>
<p>Thank you for reading, and commenting and everything else. You’re awesome.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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